my big fat chinese wedding

Chinese wedding packages

2007-07-02T20:17:00.000-04:00

I just went to a very lovely wedding this weekend. The weather was perfect (not too hot, nor too cool), the bride was beautiful, and it was a fun time all around. However, I am blogging because of the terrible experience she had with the wedding package, which confirms my feeling of the general sleaziness of Chinese wedding centers and to warn all prospective brides of the place across from the Queens Botanical Garden (think it's called NY Wedding Plaza). One caveat to this "review" though, is that another friend (a year prior) used the same place and loved it.

The friend who got married this weekend ended up not wearing a cheongsam/qipao because when she originally went to the wedding center, they wheedled her in by promising a free red dress (she was already renting a limo and father's tux from them). When she showed up with her bridesmaids for their fitting, they said the dress is free to rent but she would have to pay for alterations. Then finally, on the third visit, they told her she had to pay for everything because the red dress she picked out was "special." Sound familiar, anyone? The florist we both used has also heard of similar scams about Chinese wedding one-stop shops because this must be a common occurence.

My friend was also very worried about transportation on the day of because they wouldn't give her the contact info of the limo until a day before. At first they told her it would be two days before but then when her fiance called, they told her the day before. She was especially worried because of what happened with the BMs' dresses....

The BM dresses were purchased elsewhere but this place said that they would take care of the alterations for a good price. The BMs did not have a good feeling about it, even at their first fitting because the seamstress (and that's a very generous term to describe her, given her shoddy work) didn't seem to be paying much attention and things just didn't quite feel right. Lo and behold, when they went to pick up their dresses, they were way too short and/or too loose/tight in the bodice. Mind you, some of the BMs wore heels to the fitting and when they tried on the altered dresses in flats, the hem was still too short. Despite their arguments, the seamstress ignored their concerns and tried to convince them that everything was OK. The BMs, seeing that they couldn't win in this situation (she wouldn't even compromise, refusing to believe she had done any wrong) walked out without paying. Luckily, they were able to find a tailor/miracle-worker who could fix the dresses in time by elongating the bodice with extra fabric from their shawls (and luckily the dresses had a sash to cover all this). But the story doesn't end there. Afterwards, my friend's mother received a call from the wedding place, saying that she was owed the money. Not only that, when my friend went with another BM to argue with them about the dresses, the proprietor was very demeaning, talking to them as if they were children (she said she would call and tell their 'mommy'). In the end, my friend (or her mother, since she was called by the store) paid the money because she was afraid that they would screw with the limo reservation and tux rental. But the agony to have to suffer because of incompetence and greed is unfathomable and totally unconscionable. I can't believe people would take advantage of others like this, especially for something that's supposed to be a happy occasion. Ugh, I am disgusted.

Happy new year!

2007-02-20T09:20:00.000-05:00

I was going to title this post "The Chinese Marriage Penalty" but after this weekend, I guess it's not all bad. The penalty that I am referring to is the packing of red envelopes with money for unmarried people you know (only those who are younger than you and your spouse, apparently) and the visitation of all your relatives with a bunch of goods. My thought is why be 'punished' because you happened to get married, but now I see it as also a big responsibility -- everyone views you as a true adult now. So many customs that I didn't know about reared their collective ugly heads, but I hope no one got insulted.

At first, I thought that we only had to visit our parents but then my mother mentioned that it would be nice, and her hope, that we would be able to make time to visit all our aunts and uncles. Since my father is the second oldest, all his siblings would go visit him and I thought that would apply to us as well. But it turns out that it goes by rank and we're the lowest on the totem pole (younger generation) so we had to visit Costco many times (the one in Brooklyn was clean out of oranges, tangerines, nicely packaged cookies and chocolates) to get the necessary packages for everyone. There was also an orange shortage this year so we ended up getting tangerines and clementines for people. I've lost count of how much we bought, but thank goodness for bulk goods at Costco!

Going on my memory of my parents receiving a lot of goods and not knowing what to do with all of it, I thought we'd be able to re-gift some of the stuff that people gave us. :P However, our first few visits yielded nothing (again, I didn't know it was a perk of being elder, which we aren't) and we were dangerously low (hence the return trips to Costco). At times, we re-shuffled tangerines from 9 in each bag to 8, to some with just 6 and some clementines. But on Sunday night, after we had made most of our rounds, everyone kept shoving stuff on us and now we have so much chocolate and lots of citrus fruits! We also learned from the out-laws that things should be put in red bags, even if they are advertising some other supermarket, so we had to add to our collection of plastic bags by getting some from them.

The red envelopes were also a learning experience. We got a stack of crisp, new bills through my FIL, who visited a bank in Ctown (I think they only do that for you in Ctown). The money smelled so good (I have a paper addiction) and for some reason Dear found it hilarious to smack me with the wad of new bills. I guess it's the closest we'll get to swimming in piles of money like Uncle Scrooge would do in that Disney cartoon (the stacks of bills we used for the wedding were old bills and dirty). Anyway, we had many discussions on how much to give people. I had heard it is best to give pairs of envelopes so if you're giving someone $10, you give two $5 bills instead. But I had also heard that odd numbers are bad, so I was not sure about putting $5 by its lonesome self in one envelope. My parents believe that ultimately it's OK b/c the end product is even. My FIL prefers to step it up a notch by putting in an extra $1 so that there isn't a lone bill by itself (so it's really $6 in 2 envelopes). Dear, for some reason wanted to have 8s in everything so he wanted to do envelopes of $8, $18, etc. But with an $8 envelope, that would be two $4, 4 being a very bad number.... Aiya! With the exception of 3 people who got odd numbers (they were our first recipients and not very superstitious, I hope), I think we managed OK. The weird thing is that even though we are married, we're not supposed to get any more red envelopes but some people still gave us b/c they are of an older generation, such as our parents, Dear's grandmother, and 2 of our aunts.

So with all this to keep in our head (must go to Costco earlier next year!), I dreaded the visitations but it turned out OK. It was good to catch up with my relatives, most of whom I hadn't seen since the wedding. The aunts that I usually find annoying were more amusing than anything this time. I think with Dear there (he actually LIKES socializing), it made things much easier and somewhat enjoyable. Two highlights that I'll end with: my aunt showed us pictures of her travels to China -- I really want to go to Beijing, Shanghai, and my parents' homeland Hainan now (perhaps for the honeymoon that never was?). My uncle steamed us some buns stuffed with sticky rice -- very interesting and quite good. He also fried up some nian gao (the sticky glutinous cake that gets all sticky and mushy in the middle but crispy on the edges). Yummy! I miss good traditional Chinese food. I haven't had much this year and I crave those yellow cupcake-like thingies.

Happy new year! May you have much golden bacon from this year 4075's pig.

And with the start of a new year (since I am behind based on the Gregorian calendar), what better time to start a new blog. For all the good and bad, this wedding thing is over! Visit me on mokinations.blogspot.com for the next chapters in my life (sorry for the cliche). I may still update this blog occasionally when I come across something really cool, but hello-good-bye for now!

Wigging out

2007-01-30T10:32:00.000-05:00

I was not thrilled with my hair during the early part of the day when the most pictures were taken (and especially during the ceremony -- the most important part of the day!) but this video makes me feel just a little better....

If the video is real (and it could very well be), I feel terrible for the person but it also epitomizes the one thing I HATED about wedding planning -- you get so crazed (or at least I did) about getting everything perfect and right and nice that you go to extreme lengths to ensure that. Me being the constant worrywart, I would always jump to weird conclusions and worst-case scenarios and stress myself out. Looking back, there were definitely instances where I really wasn't thinking or using common sense (much like the bride in the video). I'm sure I was also a b* more than once (haha, what an understatement!) to more than a few people throughout the process (though I have to say I was pretty good the day of). And that's one of my biggest regrets -- I wish that I wasn't so controlled by the Monster. It's like wedding planning turns you into this zombie (it's all that's on your mind for about a year)-cum-psycho (you go crazy, as I mentioned above). Anyway, I am nearing the end of my wedding blogging (lest I become more crazy) but I will not be silent! I will reveal what new things I've been obsessing over soon.

Did you know? redux

2007-01-12T19:20:00.000-05:00

Some other things I forgot to mention the first time around:

When making the tags for the favors out of the shrink film, we began by printing it out on Dear's father's inkjet printer. Because the printer was one of those huge sale items from a previous year's Black Friday, the ink died on us after only a few were printed. It was an interesting effect with streaks of orange and yellow and after baking it, the color didn't darken to the same shade of red like I hoped. Thankfully, BM printed out all the rest on her printer without a problem. Woo hoo!
I spent hours creating an integrated JR monogram but it was used just once, on the website announcement enclosure cards. Even though it was a great idea (in my most humble opinion), I had trouble deciding how to use it with the double happiness symbol. I thought to overlap the JR over the double happiness and to make the JR a bit transparent so that you could tell it's a double happiness underneath but it didn't come out very clear, especially when I shrunk it to a size that wasn't gigantic. I even had a custom stamp made of the JR but couldn't find a good use for it anywhere. :(
We bought an easel, posterboard, and some map pins thinking that we'd stick the leaf placecards on the boards so that they wouldn't be laying flat on the table (I thought that would take up too much room and there would not be enough space for everything). It turns out that there was plenty of room and that our easel was a little too small for the large pieces of posterboard. Our wonderful ushers probably also had trouble sticking the thin pins into the board. In the end, they laid most of the leaves on the posterboard and they made a good backdrop for the colorful leaves. The easel was completely assembled and the original packaging is nowhere to be found -- now I don't know what to do with that easel!!
We planned on assembling bathroom baskets for guests (filled with things like mints, lotion, band-aids, tissues, etc.) but we ran out of time and the thought of putting anything down in those bathrooms disgusted me so much that I would have wanted to throw out everything afterwards so I'm glad we didn't waste time and money on this. We did, however, buy some handsoap that never left the house and we are able to use otherwise.
We also created goody bags for the children (some of Dear's younger relatives seek much attention) to keep them entertained (they can be easily bored). We got some colorful plastic lunchbags from Target, put in some stickers, an activity book, and snacks like Goldfish and Mini M&Ms so that they would not go hungry if the banquet started late. Problem? Dear forgot these at home.
Dear's second cousin helped us gather thousands of acorns for us to use as decoration in some way. We thought it'd be a centerpiece on the welcome table and even got a tall, footed jar from Target's clearance section to hold all of them but Dear forgot to bring the entire thing. We had also wanted to put a pillar candle on top but never got around to buying one that was big enough. More wasted effort: the first gathering was put in Ziploc bags, which trapped all the moisture and made the acorns moldy. I thought we could still use them by just washing them in water with some bleach. After much intensive labor bent over these acorns, scrubbing each individual one and then laying out each one to dry on newspaper, I sorted whole ones vs. separated tops and bottoms, then packed everything up into the non-airtight Chinese takeout containers. Come September, half of the containers molded again and I just threw those out. The good thing was that we still had enough to fill up the huge jar and we can perhaps use that to decorate our apartment in some way. But lesson learned -- if you want to use acorns as a decorative element (good for fall theme, plus it's free!), just store them loosely in something breathable, like a cardboard shoebox or an open plastic bag.

And while I'm on the subject of editing myself, my previous comments about changing my name and being addressed by my husband's name may have been misunderstood. Some of my friends have addressed me with Dear's last name and I don't really mind (so don't feel bad if you've committed this sin -- hahaha) but in my proofreading/point-out-the-flaws nature, something just eats at me b/c I have to have things as correct as possible. I've always been a stickler about my name (I can't tolerate any shortened versions of it nor any nicknames) but I guess I just need to let go sometimes. Maybe it would be easier if I just had one name, like Madonna or Prince -- I am just R____. [was this enough of an apology for possibly insulting ppl who've addressed me by my Dear's last name?]

On registering

2007-01-10T21:45:00.000-05:00

We're finally starting to settle into our apartment and only now have I begun to realize the usefulness of registering (not that everyone followed what was on our registry) and the uselessness of Crate and Barrel. About this time last year we were suckered into the great marketing that C&B has -- you can set up your registry at these special hours when the store is closed to everyone but you and other engaged couples looking to register. They also promise food, free champagne flutes (kinda ugly, in my opinion), and they have these clever postcard ads that stick up in your bridal magazines to remind you of this great offer. And when you return from the event and look through the booklet they created with pretty photos and a list of the supposed essential things that you must register for, you crave all the other great things they feature. Fast forward to a year later and you realize how you don't need five different types of platters in all shapes and sizes, that cute placemats and table linens are nice but not necessary, and that you can even get by without a pitcher or cakestand. What you do need is not really carried by C&B -- iron and ironing board (especially crucial for me this week where instead, I pathetically ended up buying a new shirt instead of ironing the ones that I already have), can opener (I have no idea how to use the can opener on Dear's multi-tool), vacuum cleaner. What C&B does have, is overpriced (albeit somewhat nice) stuff. Even if we combined all the gift cards we got and returned some of the stuff people gave us, we still wouldn't be able to get the bed that we like, nor the dresser, nor the couch. Of the stuff that C&B does have that we want/need within a reasonable price range, I've come to realize that their selection isn't the best out there. For instance, we didn't add the rice cooker from C&B's registry b/c I really don't think Krups makes a better rice cooker than the ones you see in Asian stores. After all, who eats more rice, Germans or Asians? The same probably goes for the blender/food processor and ice cream maker we got. In fact, the people who gave us the ice cream maker told us to take it off our registry because they bought it for us elsewhere (undoubtedly for cheaper). Similarly, the All Clad set that we ended up getting ourselves was deeply discounted through a combination of coupons and savings through Macy's.

The caveat to registering is that there's so much stuff out there that amidst all the wedding planning, would you really have time to research which is the best iron/vacuum/rice cooker, etc. that you want? A part of me, when at C&B, thought 'Well I don't have the time to do the research, C&B probably took the time to only stock what they truly felt is quality' (sounds totally naive and ridiculous in retrospect).

Is there a perfect registry out there? I really wanted a sewing machine and some power tools but no one registry (except maybe Amazon) had both those types of things and I didn't really want to have a list of registries the size of the guest list. If I had to do it over again, I would probably register at Bed, Bath & Beyond (heard they have a great return policy, like letting you keep the cash when you return something), a department store (like Macy's, for linens and such), maybe Target for their variety of stuff (like appliances and other household stuff), and I would have fought against putting so much kitchen-related stuff on the registry. And I really would have refrained from registering at C&B!

Did you know?

2006-12-30T10:25:00.000-05:00

Here's some behind-the-scenes stuff that I didn't think warranted a full entry on its own, so I gathered them all here.

Starting about a year before the wedding, I would obsessively ask my dermatologist about some aspect of my skin so that it would be perfect on the day of. Early on, he prescribed a benzoyl peroxide wash for my back which rid it completely of every blemish possible. But that wasn't true for the face. I took prescribed antibiotic pills a month before the wedding to "ensure" that I wouldn't break out (I put "ensure" in quotes b/c my dermatologist thinks I'm crazy since every time I'm there, my face is clear as day but the rest of the month I have all sorts of pimples and breakouts). The pills didn't really help (except maybe psychologically) as I still had stress breakouts (those are the worst for me b/c I can't do anything about it and nothing works). It is only by some miracle that I had clear skin the week leading up to the wedding and on the day of. In fact, my makeup artist saw me two weeks before and was worried about my skin but on the day of, she was so surprised in the improvement that she asked whether or not I went to get a facial -- must've be that "wedding glow." :P
Sidenote: if you get a huge zit very close to the wedding day, ask your dermatologist for a cortisone shot -- it kills the swelling and the redness instantly!
Speaking of skin, my mother had nagged me about getting monthly facials. Even though I brushed her off, I did get more facials this past year than ever. I tried out Euphoria Spa during Spa Week and bought a facial package at a place in Ctown based on a friend's recommendation and still have some sessions left (if I only had the time to go now!). The Ctown facials were definitely a lot better than other packages I've tried in the past but of course, are no match to Bliss Spa (shoulda, coulda, woulda!).
I got the best brow-shaping (by threading) ever at V Salon on Elizabeth Street for just $7! The bad part? I was worried that it wouldn't turn out well so I went 3 weeks in advance so that my brows could grow back if it didn't come out right. Well they came out nice but I was too lazy/busy to go back and I had to rely on my cheesy plucking skills to maintain them (not the best results).
Dear got a Mont Blanc just for signing the marriage license. We didn't include this as part of the ceremony on the day of (nor did we make a big deal out of it, like the HKers do with a big feather pen) and it took all of 30 seconds, so I don't know why all the pomp and circumstance was necessary, but that's what Dear wanted. The pen is currently sitting on Dear's desk, used only one other time since that day (for signing the mortgage documents). I do admit, though, there is something about using a nice pen to write on nice paper (which the marriage license wasn't).
I bought three pairs of Insolia but never had the time to stick them in my shoes because I couldn't decide on which shoes to wear. I was concerned that the silver shoes that I originally bought would clash with the red and gold qipao that I wore during the banquet so I was constantly on the lookout for comfortable gold shoes which would sorta match all my dresses. I thought I would get a pair of ballroom dance shoes (must be comfy if those dancers are on their feet for hours, doing crazy dance moves) but I didn't think it was a practical option to spend over $100 for shoes that I would only wear once and that could only be worn indoors (not outside, on the pavement, and certainly not on the pebbly beach where we took some pictures). I ended up wearing the silver shoes for most of the day and then switched to a pair of gold sandals that I got from Target for $4.
I was on the prowl for good makeup artists throughout the year and visited numerous makeup counters in various places, starting out at Shu Uemura in SoHo, then the MAC counter at Macy's (terrible service), then Bloomingdale's in SoHo (disliked the look they gave me), then the Sephora that opened up by work, then with the much blogged-about Hawa at the Bloomingdale's by 59th and I finally settled on another artist that I met at Sephora (Alaine). I've never tried on so much makeup in my life!!
I got my very dirty dress (it was a sample, remember) cleaned at Little J Cleaners on Park Avenue on the recommendation of a person who was once in the business. From what I could tell, they did a decent job and are a tad cheaper than most cleaners in NYC. After playing the horrible waiting game with fixing the dress, it took me completely aback to learn that I would be able to get my dress back in my hands within just a few days (and only b/c it was Labor Day, otherwise it would have been fewer days). They were fast, easy to work with and my dress came back very nicely packaged (the train hung very neatly), even with a cardboard form to keep the shape of the bust.

I feel like I'm forgetting some other tidbits... guess those will have to wait for a separate post.

A rose by any other name...

2006-12-28T22:11:00.000-05:00

For those who haven't figured out yet, I haven't changed my last name. And why should I be the only one to fill out numerous extra documents (and I mean numerous -- entire books have been written about this subject and many name-change kits have been marketed), get used to signing a new name, correct everyone who knows that I recently got married whether or not I've changed my name (I made a cursory reference to this in an earlier post)? And why do I even have to make this decision in the first place?! The husband just has to plop down on the proverbial couch after the wedding and not even consider how to be identified after this life-changing event.

And for me, while I've never exactly been thrilled about my last name (rhymes with too many unflattering words), I'm not psyched about people mispronouncing Dear's last name because I would just be too tempted to correct them and eventually get too frustrated because it is not exactly easy for non-Chinese people to pronounce. It would be one thing if there weren't many other Asian names that sounded very similar but instead everyone thinks it's really "Choy" or "Choo" (completely different surnames) when it's not!

Side rant: why do people assume that I've changed my name already? People have already addressed us as Mr. and Mrs. C___. Now, I'm not exactly a feminist (just extremely lazy to do more paperwork than I have to) and I probably will change my name eventually (if not legally, at least use Dear's name in social settings) but I also don't appreciate people making assumptions. Let me enjoy my birthname at least for a little while more -- I'll use my "new name" when I'm ready.

On the flip side, it is just a little bit thrilling to be able to have double identities. And if you think about it, it's so easy to pass yourself off as someone else.

What else is in a name? Ever since the wedding I have no idea what to call the out-laws. It got so uncomfortable that at one point I just straight out asked what they wanted to be called. My passive-aggressive MIL couldn't commit to a name but did express her disdain for the one thing I would not have a problem calling her -- the Chinese MIL title of "nai-nai" (or whatever it is, I don't really know Cantonese). I refuse to call anyone but the woman who bore me for 9 months and then raised me for 20+ years "mom" or "mother" (which is what I think my MIL wants me to do). (Oddly enough my mother, in her traditional mindset urged me to call my MIL something closer to "mother" -- I hope my one and only mother understands that my impetuousness in bucking tradition, especially throughout the wedding, was not just to be difficult but because I believe that the traditional is not always better.) And I'm sure my MIL would be super-insulted if I called her by her first name as many non-Asians have suggested to me. So she gave up her chance and now I just refer to her without ever really calling her anything (just turn to face her when I'm speaking to her). But at least there is some comedic relief:

MIL (when calling me on the phone): Hello? This is [she begins to give her first name before she realizes that I shouldn't call her by her first name]... uh wife of [then she realizes I shouldn't call my FIL by his first name]... uh, I mean, J__'s mother....

Marriage license

2006-12-26T09:21:00.000-05:00

Now that I have some time, I can add in my bits of random info that I thought worth sharing.... I took the week off before the wedding to take care of last minute stuff, such as getting the marriage license. In New York, there is some rule about not getting the license more than 60 days before you get married but it also has to be at least 24 hours before (to prevent hasty marriages, I guess). We tried to get there as early as possible so that we wouldn't be stuck waiting on line when we had zillions of other things to do (such as printing programs). I think we got there around 9 on Tuesday morning, and there were already people on line. Who knew so many people wanted to get married in NYC?!

For such a big event in one's life, it was such a cold, bureaucratic process that I barely remember in my crazed state. First, we passed through metal detectors and the bag inspection area (of course Dear was stopped for one of his many gadgets), then we were rushed out of the lobby area because they didn't want loitering. Upstairs, people were waiting on all manner of lines it looked like a dingy doctor's office in disarray. We then waited on a line just to get the correct form to fill out, then got back on line to hand it in before we would be called up to verify everything.

When filling out the form, it was quite interesting to see the different people getting married -- an older couple from out-of-state, people who live in NYC but getting married in Westchester, young couples, various ethnicities -- but no celebrities nor people wearing full bridal gear (or even carrying some flowers, as I've seen in passing through City Hall before). I also found it interesting that the form had an area for choosing surnames (both people can change their name, or either the husband-to-be or wife-to-be could individually change theirs to match the other one) but Dear did not like my idea of creating a new surname for us both (I always found it unfair that only one person has to do all that extra work!). :( Good thing I put his down because I'm told you don't have to use it but if you ever do decide to change your name, it's much easier if it's on your marriage license/certificate.

After we filled out our form, we were herded to the next room and told to line up on the side. While there, we saw this window, much like all the other windows there, with thick bullet-proof glass up to the ceiling (is it that dangerous to get married?!). But unlike the others, this one was labelled "Chapel" -- can it get any sadder than that? I thought you'd at least be in a private room or something if you wanted to get married there.

Anyway, it was finally our turn and we sat down in these cruddy chairs while a woman on the other of the glass typed in the info we wrote on our form. The woman did not seem thrilled that she would play an integral part in this life-changing event for us. I was afraid she'd snap at us at any minute. Only when Dear showered her with politeness did her cold, disinterested attitude begin to melt away. I think she, like most City workers needed to hear "thank you" more often. If you ask me, it'd be much more efficient if we were allowed to type in the information ourselves and could skip this barely-above-minimum-wage-so-I-can-be-mean-to-you-because-
you-need-something-from-me step.

When she was done with each part, she would turn the screen so that we could check to make sure she entered it in correctly. I was surprisingly nervous because I felt like I really wouldn't be able to pick out any errors if there were any because I just wasn't myself. At that point, we also handed over our IDs and the $35 money order I picked up that morning (gotta love the Post Office's hours -- so much better than the bank!). Then, when everything checked out, she printed something out for us and we walked over to another window where we were given the certificate and an envelope to mail it out in. And that was that -- no fanfare, no huge production, no big time commitment.

For more info on getting the license in NYC, see the Marriage Bureau online. The resident worrywart, overly-talkative secretary at the church we got married in also advised that we deal with the office in Manhattan since the last time a couple went to the Queens office things were blundered and they didn't get their certificate or something until a long while later. I'm sure that's just anecdotal, but you never know.

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T22:40:00.000-05:00

This is our first Christmas together as Mr. and Mrs. and it is totally not what I expected last year. I thought we'd have trouble deciding what to do, which family to spend it with, but we just did lunch with one side and dinner with the other on Saturday. We had dinner with some friends today (which makes me think that other people didn't make this holiday so family-centric either) and as we were driving around, I noticed quite a few places still open.

Actually, unlike last year, I felt like we didn't really do much celebration this time around. In combination with the warm weather, it hardly felt like Christmas. I barely did any shopping or card-writing. Maybe because we are still in shock/trauma from the wedding, or maybe because we've been so very occupied with our housing situation, I didn't even get Dear a gift. Oh well, when I don't get the inspiration to get the "perfect" gift, I'm really not into it. Also, because Christmas fell on a Monday this year, it was just weird to have Christmas Eve service on a Sunday after regular Sunday service.

Hopefully next year when things are more settled I'd like to at least get a little tree and decorate it together. Anyway, enough of my babbling. Merry Christmas everyone!!

Regrets

2006-12-14T18:12:00.000-05:00

This is a hard post for me to write b/c I tend to harp on the negative, yet I have issues admitting that I am (gasp!) wrong. However, in order to get it off my chest and/or in the hopes of helping others by learning through my mistakes, here goes (in no particular order).

Practiced smiling/posing and remembered which was my better side. Half of the pictures I look weird in and I've come to realize how I really shouldn't smile. Too bad I realized this after the fact. Perhaps engagement shots would have helped with this?

Packed water (or designated a water carrier). I was parched for most of the day but there was no water to be found. When someone was kind enough to bring some to me, I had a few sips and then the bottle disappeared.

Planned for alone time. I wish that I had spent some alone time with my Dear, even if it was just five minutes. We were always surrounded by people or there were things to take care of so we didn't get to enjoy each other's company until well after everything was done.

Got Dear cuff links. I meant to get Dear a little something as a surprise on the day of but it completely slipped my mind. In one picture, Dear's arm is extended, and he also remarked how he should have worn cuff links. If not for Photoshop, that would be a big DOH!

Researched more DJs/used an iPod. Ugh, I've already ranted about this before and I don't want to go into more.

Got more readers (or spread the reading around). We had one guy do all the English readings, which got repetitive. I totally didn't think of the simple solution of asking the Mandarin-speaking reader to also read one of the English passages (see below about the addled brain).

Packed bobby pins. If I just had one or two with me, I would have felt more comfortable during the ceremony. At the salon, the hairdresser gave BM a bunch of bobby pins to hold for me but it was not until the banquet when I got a moment to rest a little was I able to finally pin up the strands of hair that were bothering me.

BM dresses. Hrmm... where do I begin with this? We got the dresses from a Vera Wang sample sale for dirt cheap. Perhaps that's what clouded my vision because the styles in the colors that I liked were very limited. I actually LOVED the color (a deep red that was shimmery but not too bright to outshine the bride) but not everyone was crazy about the style I chose for them. Alterations were also a huge headache and things happened that I'd rather not repeat. Those close to me (or nosy enough to ask) know, and if you're really curious, I'll tell you in person too. The right way to do this would have been to get input from your BMs, like asking what style of dress they like/are comfortable in general, have them send you pictures of stuff they like, and then make a decision that satisfies everyone based on that, keeping everyone's body type in mind.

Taken medication. I think I needed Prozac, Xanax, Paxil or some other happy pills for that entire week leading up to the wedding. Or maybe the entire month. I couldn't think straight. But I never thought to even go see my doctor any time before the wedding, who later told me that she could have helped me time my monthly cycle, which could have helped with my mood swings (is this TMI?!).

Provided a better day-of timeline. I really wish that we had had time to go to the Staten Island Ferry, but we didn't. I also left a very small window for getting to the church on time, not planning for traffic or getting lost on the way. I hated making everyone wait for me and was embarrassed for doing so. A lot of headache would have been saved had I just gotten ready in the church, which brings me to the next item.

Got ready in the church. True, the church doesn't have the best facilities (not sure they even have a full-length mirror) but it would have made things a lot easier. If I just got ready at the church, I would at least have some pictures of me getting ready -- I was so rushed at the hotel that I just changed on my own and I think I could have used help (certainly extra sets of eyes) with attaching my veil. We also wouldn't have had to travel back and forth between Ctown and the hotel (saving precious time and taking out the wild card of having to travel to the church). This probably doesn't hold true for everyone, but to generalize, think more about convenience than pretty surroundings if it makes planning 10 times easier.

Communicated better. I should have told my parents not to squeeze alongside me when walking me down the aisle. They had no experience with church ceremonies at all so they were probably very lost. I should have communicated everything that everyone needed to know. Also, I'm not sure people had a timeline in their mind (I didn't really either). And let's not go into how badly we communicated with some of our vendors (i.e. DJ).

Translated faster/better or skipped the Chinese part of the programs. This was very aggravating and I've already complained about it before, so I won't again.

Remembered/knew about displaying my train while standing in the front for the ceremony. I didn't realize until I saw pictures that there are no pictures of my train, displayed for all to see. It was just bunched up all in the back (which kinda made it look like it had a fishtail back). I totally forgot about all this until afterwards, when I remembered that in other weddings I had seen the BM adjust the bride's train for best photo ops. In the same vein...

I think my veil looked weird the way I placed it in my hair. I think I should have put the floor length one at the back of my head, under the mass of curls. At minimum, I should have brought the veil to the salon for the hairdresser to put on me but I didn't want the hassle of schlepping all that tulle through the mean streets of Ctown and I couldn't (still can't) think of a good, logistical way to bring it the salon and then to wear it back to the hotel. Again, perhaps this would not have been as big of a problem if I just changed at the church.

Not skimped out on last minute beauty preparations. One example was the nails. I had it all set in my mind to go to the salon and we even had time for it but instead I decided to let a friend do it (see above with the not thinking straight). I really appreciate that she was doing me a favor and it came out quite nice, but for some reason or another my cuticles were extremely dry (sign of poor health?) and kept peeling, which stressed me out a lot. In my endeavors to fix my cuticles, I chipped a few nails. Then when BM re-did my fingers for me at night (preventing an early night), we were so tired and it was late that I rushed to go to bed and smudged a finger in the process. Good thing it wasn't really visible in pictures but unlike me, you'll want to make sure you have picture-perfect nails in case your photographer wants close-ups of the ring or you holding your flowers.

Socialized more with guests. There were times I just felt hermit-like (or was it tiredness?)throughout the day but I should have sucked down a deep breath and gone to greet guests. Thankfully, Dear was pretty good about that but I feel bad for ignoring my guests.

Made a speech with Dear. Dear's the more eloquent and personable one, so it would have been more like me standing next to him as he thanked everyone, but we barely discussed this prior to and of course, on the actual day, we forgot.

Practiced dancing. Our first dance was quite awkward and the song lasted forever. I felt very self-conscious of everyone staring at us as we fumbled around. Dancing with my father was very very weird as well. I think he was lost in it all too (see my communication problems above).

Decided on thank you stationary way ahead of time. We couldn't decide on what to do for thank yous and we had no idea that our parents would want to give out pictures of us along with the thank yous, otherwise I would have just done a photomontage of us on a card from winkflash or something. Instead we did more traditional thank you notes that do not appeal to Chinese folk. Hence, we are big bums in the thank you department -- I feel so bad!

Prepared for my shower. I ignored/forgot all the advice about dressing up kinda nice for the few weekends leading up to the wedding. Instead I was a total slob that day -- it was so embarrassing!

Hung out with family. We didn't go directly on our honeymoon (and the mini-moon itself was quite short) so I had no excuse to not hang out with my cousin and uncle from Indonesia. For all my talk of sightseeing and loving NY, I didn't really do much to show them around. (See above about the poor communication skills.)

Overall, throughout the year or so of being engaged, I think I, unfortunately, became a different person. Being a bride and having all that pressure to do so many things (and to do it well) really changes you and in some ways I was really unreasonable. I think I was quite loopy, and maybe even mean, with a friend of a friend who was helping me out. I regret not being able to control my emotions better.

I wish that I had someone to guide me along, remind me of things. True, I had read a lot of info on what should and should not be done, what to keep in mind, but it all became a jumbled mess in my addled brain. Since I'm one of the first in my circle of friends to get married (what are you guys waiting for?!) and this was a first experience being a BM for all my BMs, I didn't have anyone who had experienced all this to keep me on focused. So I'm passing this on to whoever will read this. Hopefully you'll remember!

Endnote: even though there are a lot of things that I would do differently, I realize that it was just one day of the rest of our lives together and those other days are the more important focus.

The favors

2006-12-12T23:01:00.000-05:00

The story of our favors began last November/December. Based on an idea from Martha, I was toying with the idea of giving rosemary-infused salt since we both like to cook/eat and it's a practical gift that guests would be able to use over and over. Plus the herb rosemary has some love symbolism attached to it and I thought making all that and assembling it would be relatively simple. I just had to come up cute, food-safe containers that weren't too big, but would be relatively airtight, and a way to decorate it all. While save-on-crafts had a good deal on jars, I found out they weren't made for holding food. So instead I was pretty settled on buying glass jars or metal tins from SKS (great resource, btw!). But then I got this email from IKEA about a huge sale they were having (I think it may have been an end of Christmas sale) for champagne glasses. Since it was a limited time sale, we quickly made the decision to buy 400 of these (we hadn't even hammered out the guest list yet), without any idea of what we'd do with them. At first we thought it'd come in handy for a champagne toast since we know there aren't any flutes in Chinese restaurants (and flutes hold a lot less liquid than the regular wine glasses or water goblets that they usually have, which would save on the bottles we'd have to purchase). But then there were the 49 interjections that everyone had to have, complaining about guests not wanting to bring home a wet/dirty glass that they just drank out of, that guests wouldn't know that the glass was the favor, that some ppl wouldn't drink the champagne and then what would they do with a filled glass?, blah blah blah, ad infinitum, ad nauseum. All I knew was that I wanted to personalize the glasses in some way so that ppl would remember years down the line why they have this dusty thing in their cupboard and that they may be able to use on occasion.

After months of thinking and others' return from trips to HK, we started to engrave these 400 glasses with a double happiness symbol. We tried stamping various things on various parts of the glass (difficult to get a good image on the rounded, slick surface) in red permanent ink but we had to give that up b/c it would always smudge. So I had to settle for just the double happiness, no date, no initials/name -- we'd have to incorporate those elements some other way. I didn't think of that way until just a month before the big day (more on that later). In the meantime, we bought contact paper and engraving cream (you wouldn't believe how difficult it is to locate this -- we were later told that they don't carry this in NYC stores and had to go out to LI to get an extra bottle from the AC Moore there) and proceeded to do all the zillion steps required to engrave, inviting 2 BMs and other friends over numerous times to get this Sisyphean feat accomplished.

First, we cut the contact paper into squares or rectangles that were big enough to fit the double happiness character on it. Then we used the double happiness craft punch imported from HK (through BM's sister) and punched out the shape into the contact paper. With the intricate & somewhat delicate parts of the character being punched into the 2-layer paper, we (or more like I) had some difficulty getting the piece out without ripping it or destroying it in some way. When Dear took this over, it was a lot easier since he was able to fully punch through all the layers without a problem using his Popeye-like muscles. He was even able to punch several squares at once, finishing up in no time (more or less). However, after punching out 400+ of these suckers, the punch completely fell apart -- so sad since I'd like to be able to use it for cards or something.

Then we had to adhere these self-made stickers onto the glass, where the cut-out areas would be engraved for that frosted glass look. When we first stuck on a few of them and tried engraving the glasses, I was really dissatisfied at how it came out -- there were jagged edges everywhere and the engraving wasn't done evenly so there were splotchy patches throughout. Then someone suggested we clean up the image a little by cutting off the 'sticks' that attach the double happiness to the outer circle at the top, bottom, and sides. Admittedly, it did make the final image a lot better, but that significantly increased our workload. One summer day, 5 of us worked until 1am or so and we still didn't finish adhering all the stickers and cutting off the extra pieces!

But one weekend, we finally finished that step and started to engrave. After a while, I realized brushing the cream onto the glass didn't give the best results. What did work was pouring a glob of the cream onto the part we wanted engraved (making sure it didn't go beyond the contact paper) and then scraping it off after a few seconds with those fake plastic credit cards you get in the mail. Since you could reuse the cream a few times, we got into a sort of rhythm of scraping off one glass and spreading it onto the next glass while the other person would dunk the finished glasses in soapy water, wipe off all remnants of the cream, rip off the sticker, and rinse everything clean. As you can imagine, this part took a very long time and many busy weekends. Lots of ppl wanted to help but it was difficult to coordinate, especially when the glasses were being stored at Dear's place.

But eventually we finished engraving. The glass on the left is the final product and the one on the right is one of our first prototypes, with the sticks still attached.

For part 2 of the favors, we decided to put some candy into the glasses, more specifically, red Jelly Bellys. One Saturday, we trekked to Economy Candy, which seemed to be comparably priced to the other online sites, if not cheaper b/c we wouldn't have to pay for shipping (though there is tax, I think) and there was a slight discount (I forgot how much) for bulk orders. Plus, being an Economy Candy virgin, I'd always wanted to visit the famed store and I was thrilled to finally see all that candy (some I haven't seen since I was kid) packed into one place. At the store, we learned how expensive getting all those gourmet jelly beans would be and we added ivory Jordan almonds to the mix. I forget how many pounds we did get, maybe something like 5 or 10 lbs each of the strawberry jam and the raspberry (both so yummy!!) and perhaps 10 lbs of the almonds. Then we assembled the little tulle packages (MIL cut the rectangles of tulle from my 1000' spool, and boy was she fussy!). One person would scoop some beans and almonds and then the other would tie it all up with the orange 3/16" wide single-faced satin ribbon that I got from Artistic Ribbon. We tied the other end of the ribbon to the personalized tags we made (see part 3). Oh, we also mixed up the 2 types of beans in one bowl so that each package would have both types -- I wonder if anyone noticed that there were 2 flavors? Working with the beans was so intoxicating (you can stand 2 feet away and still smell them through the plastic) I got a bit sick of smelling them for 12 hours straight. I really liked how deep red the beans were though, but it was a bit hard to see when we finally put it in the glass, I think.

And for part 3, I reverted back to my idea of using shrink film (aka Shrinky Dinks, if you want the brand name) in some way. Instead of my original idea of making wine charms to put onto the stems of the glasses, I thought we could make thick, plastic, personalized tags out of the shrink film. So I purchased 106 sheets of white printable shrink film from Dick Blick's, came up with a simple design with our names, wedding date, and a double happiness symbol on it, printed it out (4 to a sheet) on an inkjet printer, cut the 4 pieces apart (used the guillotine cutter at work to cut several sheets at once since things didn't need to be so exact, so that moved pretty quickly), punched a hole in the top of each, and then baked them according to the instructions on the package. Since it shrinks to about 1/3 of the original size, using a regular 3/8" hole punch gave it just the right sized hole for the thin ribbon. For best results, when I took the shrunken stuff out of the oven, I flattened it with a book or something flat. Sometimes the tags didn't quite come out the way I wanted (curling under itself or not shrinking completely, or not being completely flattened), but what makes shrink film so cool is that you can always put it back in the oven until it softens again and shape it the way you like. You just have to be careful you don't burn it (yes, this can actually happen) and I think after a while, it gets harder and harder to reshape it. Some of the tags we made came out more toasted than others, which was kinda nice too b/c it looked ivoryish, to match our invitations. :) The colors also deepened so that the red of the double happiness came out burgundyish, just like our color scheme! Major props to BM who took a whole bunch of these home and shrunk them in one afternoon with her mother.

With the shrink film, you can make anything you want, in any shape, with any design. I think that makes it a great alternative to the personalized paper tags and/or stickers/labels that you can buy from places like Bliss Weddings Market, Wedding Things and My Own Labels. And because it's plastic, it lasts much longer than just cardstock. If only I thought of it sooner so that I could have designed something nicer. Though sometimes simple is best, no?

Photographer

2006-12-05T10:08:00.000-05:00

We finally got our proofs from the photographer! After looking through the 2 huge albums (collectively, they weigh as much as 4 phonebooks, if those things still exist in this day and age), I didn't feel so bad forking over the rest of his money (all cash again, though this time all those bills no longer fazed me), plus the rest of his tip. All that is to say that I was impressed by his work! I especially liked the really interesting poses that he set up for us with the bridal party and the candid shots of the table toasts (no staid table portraits). On the day of, we were a bit grumpy about all the poses that we had to do and I feel a bit guilty for being such a grouch (I wonder if the pics would have come out even better if we really got into it?). I also thought that he forgot about my directive for no posed portraits, but he didn't, except for the part with the families, which I now realize are a necessary evil -- the parentals are most interested in that part. In the days after the wedding, I kept second-guessing our choice of photographer, wondering if we should have gone with the non-Chinese person who had more photojournalistic stuff in her repertoire. But I now see that if we only had candid group shots of the families, there would have been much screaming and hollering (there still may be, since my parents haven't seen anything yet).

Not that we escaped completely unscathed. The out-laws have gone berserk with the flagging!!! We gave them one set of those plastic Post-It flags/tabs to mark the pictures that they want. I'm not sure whether they want all those in their album or if they want copies of those particular pictures, but in any case, they must have tabbed over 100+ pictures. It seems like every other picture is marked. They even had to come back and ask for more tabs!!! I think MIL stayed home the next day, skipping out on her class, just to go through the pictures in more detail. And I'll spare everyone the rant of their issues trying to view the DVD of pics that Dear's cousin so kindly created.

Anyway, in the end, I am quite satisfied with our photographer. We haven't decided whether or not to go through him for our album (I was thinking of making the parents' albums through ImageStation or something), but if his proof albums are any indication, I think it would be beautiful. The only downside is that we won't get the digital 'negatives' until a year later so we almost have to order extra prints and stuff through him.

A last thought: Looking through the photos also gave me a different perspective on the wedding. It was interesting to see Dear and his GM getting ready and especially to see all the hard work that people put into it, helping us. I am so so so grateful for our supporting cast!

PHOTOGRAPHY by HENRY LEUNG: A
Our photographer also has a LOT of experience with weddings. He was recommended and used by two other couples that we know and I hope the friend that I told about him will be happy with him too. But aside from people that we know that have used him, I think he's been in the business for over 15 years. What I really like about him is that he's honest (a quality you don't find in Chinese photographers). Oh also, his assistant was very helpful with retouching makeup. She didn't bring a kit so she just worked with what my BM brought along (no brushes, even) but it came out great (maybe even better than what my makeup artist did?). I have no idea what her name is (I suppose I could ask) and I'm not sure if he uses the same person all the time, but she barely speaks English (mostly Mandarin, I think) and is supposedly a professional makeup artist. If I had known about her skills, I would have just used her all day long.

Banquet details

2006-12-01T17:01:00.000-05:00

The detail that everyone seemed to love was the escort cards that we made out of leaves. Other than the gathering, pressing, shellacking, and storing of the leaves, I have very little knowledge of how the leaves became escort cards. At one point Dear bought a bunch of clear labels (since he refused to handwrite each one) and printed out names and table numbers on them. He also gave a bunch to my mother who could not provide us with a clear guest list so she had to handwrite hers. Lots of people commented on how creative we were, though one party pooper had to add that they were brittle (eh, screw him!). Some people seemed to like the idea so much that they pinned a leaf to themselves, as if it were a boutonniere. If I had fresh autumn leaves, I would have petitioned for adding one to Dear's boutonniere.

My MIL is a stained glass nut -- she goes every week to her class and her house is filled with all sorts of stained glass pieces. So it was only natural that I ask her to make us something featuring a double happiness character. At first I thought it'd be nice to have her make a caketopper but then she shot that idea down saying it'd be too heavy (I think a cake should be able to hold it up without collapsing) and saying that she was concerned about lead poisoning since the soldering is done with lead (though I said we could easly put a piece of cardboard underneath it to prevent that). So I said we'd just place the double happiness somewhere on the cake table then, akin to the large "I Do" letters that many brides use. After asking me a million questions and asking me to print her several sizes on paper, she set to work and bought the glass. Her choice of glass was not ideal, it turns out, since it was really a mirror (or something she explained that I don't understand) and she was not able to cut it into a circle. Instead, she'd have to keep it as a rectangle and she wouldn't be able to solder the edges so she also bought a frame to put it in. I wasn't crazy about the gold, but that's what happens when you give someone free reign. I think it turned out OK.
Behind the scenes, after-the-fact, "Pop-Up Video"-esque tidbit: I later learned MIL told the photographer that she made it and she urged him to take pictures of it.

In the last days, I just couldn't do anymore and Dear stepped up to do the table/menu cards, from design to printing. Of course, what I wanted was a lot more complicated so the simple idea Dear came up with was a lifesaver (not that I helped with that). On one side he included the guest names and on the other, the menu, along with explanations for each course.
I don't have the final wording of the menu, but it was something like this (this is our first draft):

There are 9 main courses to a Chinese banquet menu as the number connotes "everlasting." Everything is served whole to symbolize completeness. There is a delicate balance not just in the flavors, but also in the cooking method, where boiling balances frying, braising/steaming, cold/hot, savory/sweet.

Cold appetizer platter: Roast pig, ham, beef, jellyfish and pickled vegetables
Pig symbolizes purity -- J__ delivered a whole roast pig to R___'s parents to make the engagement official in the Chinese tradition.

Jumbo battered shrimp with candied walnuts

Shark fin soup with chicken
A very expensive delicacy, shark fin symbolizes prosperity.

Braised abalone with mushrooms and Chinese vegetables

Sirloin Steak with broccoli

Crispy whole fried chicken
The chicken symbolizes the phoenix (mythological bird), the representation of the wife.

Lobster, stir-fried with ginger and scallions
The lobster symbolizes the dragon, which represents the husband.

Steamed whole fish
Fish is a must at every important meal, as it sounds like the word "abundance" in Chinese.

Fried rice and E-fu noodles with mushrooms
Noodles, especially the e-fu noodles, are served to symbolize longevity.

Red bean soup with lotus seeds
Red is a lucky color and lotus seeds symbolize fertility.

Gifts

2006-11-20T18:51:00.000-05:00

A few days ago (if not weeks ago), I looked through our cards again b/c someone mentioned that her check hadn't been cashed yet. And lo and behold, I DID have a brain fart the first time around and I saw that I had left 3 gifts with their cards. I have no idea why but it was good to retrieve these gifts! (And maybe one of these days we'll sit down and actually write thank you notes. :P) It was also nice to look through the cards again b/c when we were opening it, there were so many to go through and I was so busy tracking who gave what that I barely remembered any of the cards nor the sentiments expressed in them. But this time around I noticed some really nice ones with 3-D stuff like ribbons and pearls or cut-outs and pop-ups (I think a lot of them were from Target) and it almost makes me want to make wedding cards for ppl. I also noticed one person removed the seal from our invite and used that to close his envelope, like so:

I'm not sure how I feel about that (desecration! but it's recycling too....)

Anyway, this also made me think about gifts in general. For one thing, some gifts were really surprising (in both good and bad ways). Some ppl were really really generous (thanks!!) and I'll save my rant about the ppl who gave $25 or nothing at all, but WHY do ppl leave price tags on their gifts?! One gift was especially precious: a set of jewelry with the price tag on the bottom (an inflated price I'm sure b/c it reeks of a sale item) and written on the TOP of the box in thick purple marker (so that I can't possibly re-gift it!) is a note to just ME, like Dear doesn't deserve a gift at all, yet the card was addressed to the both of us, not that he could really use a pearl necklace or bracelet.

Well to be somewhat productive instead of ranting all the time, we are trying to figure out who gave us this (no card inside the unmarked bag):
Please let me know so that we can mercilessly mock you, ahem, I mean write a proper thank-you note. No, really, we appreciate this. It has grown on me and I think it's kinda kitschy cute. We could always use olive oil and balsamic vinegar, plus it is pretty good! So lemme know if this is you -- I really want to be able to write a real thank you!

The B list, and an A

2006-11-19T15:54:00.000-05:00

To say I was disappointed with the restaurant is an understatement. But before I begin my complaint-fest, let me clarify the reasons why we chose the restaurant (if you haven't been reading from day one): A) we wanted a Chinese banquet, B) we wanted it in Manhattan since my family mostly resides in Brooklyn while Dear's family mostly resides in Queens and to pick a restaurant in either Queens or Brooklyn would be unfair to the other side, C) we didn't really want guests to trek all through NYC to get from the ceremony to the banquet, and D) FIL has a good friend that works there in upper management (not that that helped us much, as you'll read later).

Though I was glad that the restaurant's interior was (almost) completely overhauled, it was all show, no substance. Two weeks before the wedding, we went to talk to the restaurant/banquet manager and he gave us a little tour. He was so proud of everything (pointing out several times how they brought back the gold?/brass? phoenix & dragon wall hanging from China and that it cost a great amount of money) but he neglected to show us the bathrooms downstairs. When I snuck away to check them out at the end, I saw that they were the same dark, dank, slippery cesspools that they were before, a major concern of mine. Alas, there was nothing I could do about it but sulk (which I didn't do!).

And because the renovations were not completed until less than a month before the wedding, we couldn't set anything up ahead of time, like the menu, nor the accompanying menu cards. Thankfully we didn't need additional decorations b/c I really wouldn't be able to handle thinking about that. It was a great touch, though, how the manager casually mentioned on our walk-through that the little room in the back with 2 tables would be "left open" for "special guests." He said it was a possibility that some "special guests" may want to eat at the restaurant that night so if anyone happened to come that night, they couldn't turn them away. That turned out to be a bunch of hogwash b/c there was a planned birthday party going on in there but he was too chicken to tell us that they wanted to maximize their profit for that day and booked the little room for a party too. I wouldn't have minded so much if 1) he was honest about it and 2) the freaks from that party didn't ogle as if they were in a zoo, but seemingly crashed our wedding instead of just quietly making their way to the back.

I was also pissed that the restaurant gave us the wrong info! They said that they'd change their name after the renovation to "Crystal Palace" so that's what was printed on the invitations. But a month before our wedding I walked by and they put up the old name of the restaurant (Grand Harmony) in big red letters outside. When we asked, they said technically the name of the restaurant is "Crystal Palace" b/c that's what they printed on their menus. But I don't give a flying hoot about the menus b/c no one would be looking at it that day but ppl will certainly be looking at the outside of the restaurant to know where to go! To alleviate our fears, they said that they'd put out a big sign outside saying this is Crystal Palace restaurant but they never did.

We were also promised that certain things would be refrigerated (like the wine for the tables) which weren't. After the fact I was also told that all the juice that Dear purchased for the bar went missing and mysteriously reappeared after the manager made one of his workers go get some. Dear also said he saw one of the workers swipe a nearly full bottle of liquor as he casually traversed the length of the room. There were also reports of the restaurant help partaking of the dim sum/appetizers we had for the cocktail hour (which we had to pay for by the piece, btw, so they were essentially stealing from us and our guests b/c the food was gone in a matter of minutes), instead of doing their jobs. One of our guests also said that he wished they didn't clang all the plates so loudly (though I suppose that is one of the "charms" of a Chinese restaurant, kinda like MJ tiles). I'm sure all the leftover stuff (like the favors we labored over!) were swiped too b/c a few of our friends said that when they came back to their seat, it was gone. And I've already complained about the lack of tea for the tea ceremony (we were told a few times that it was going to be brought to us but it never came).

BANQUET at GRAND HARMONY aka CRYSTAL PALACE: B-
I'd give a lower grade but I really don't expect much from Chinese banquet halls. It's long known that you either sacrifice service/decor for good food or sacrifice good food for the service/decor. Instead of going to one of the restaurants in Midtown, we chose Ctown and got 2 of the 3 aforementioned qualities at GH/CP -- I was pretty satisfied with the food and the decor was alright (sans the bathroom). Every banquet I've ever been to, the fish is overcooked, except at Grand Harmony (or is it Crystal Palace?!). All the other food was good too, with just the right flavors (not too salty, etc.) and there were no complaints (that I heard). Writing this review reminds me of how those Chinese wedding salons were so sneaky (as well as my hairstylist) and it just goes to show how you really can't trust Chinese vendors, but in this instance, we really had no choice since we wanted a Chinese banquet. Let me also add that FIL's friend at the restaurant didn't really do anything for us, though I wonder if we would have been treated worse if we didn't know anyone on the inside. We did however, score an extra lobster for each table when Dear brought over the customary bribe of liquor the Wednesday before, along with the money for half the cost of the banquet. (You read that right, you're supposed to bribe the restaurant staff with stuff the week before so that they'll remember you and treat you well; this is in addition to the tip.)

Another vendor that I was less than satisfied with was the DJ/MC. It's confusing what to call him and his company since he never gave us a straight answer. He supposedly used to work at OUO but struck out on his own and started some weirdly-named company but when he introduced himself to everyone at the wedding, he used some other permutation of that name. In any case, I am very reluctant to actually publish his name/company since he's known Dear for a really long time and I'd like to think that part of the reason why I was quite unsatisfied is b/c we were really bad customers (hardly followed up with him, didn't always get him what he asked for) and I think in some ways he treated us less professionally b/c he was so familiar with us. For example, he said we could get him the song lists 2 weeks before the event (he tells everyone else he needs the lists 1 month ahead). I guess he trusted us to actually get back to him on time (or made a huge exception for us) so he didn't really hound us. What happened instead was just chaos (see what happens when I don't micromanage?! :D). I have to admit, though, I didn't really care about this part (I really just wanted to use an iPod -- and maybe we should have) so I didn't put much effort into it (we didn't do much research, and I kept pushing for the iPod but we also felt a bit guilty for not giving business to the friend). Aside from our dropping the ball, at times, I felt the DJ/MC wasn't really listening to us, like insisting/pleading with us to "pump it up" when we told him we were more mellow people and didn't really want rap and hip-hop. I also wanted a different DJ b/c I had heard less than stellar reviews about him, but the MC convinced us to stick w/ him and I just didn't want to fight it anymore.

On the day of, there were quite a few complaints about the decibel level of the music and each time we told them to bring it down, the MC placated us by saying he would (but didn't really) while the DJ would ignore the request (saying he couldn't turn it down but that if it bothered people so much, he'd turn the speaker to face him only, which is just nonsensical). I think in some ways, the loud music caused everyone to leave early, which was both good and bad (didn't mind the old folk leaving but wouldn't have minded our friends staying behind).

And my biggest complaint, as I've mentioned before, was the MC not relaying the info about the cake. As my MIL put it, he was just too busy dancing and having fun himself that he didn't do his job. I heard that he did make for some good eye candy for some friends though (the flirting went both ways, I think, which is somewhat unprofessional).

DJ/MC: B-
A final thought: my cousin told me weeks later that she went to a wedding a week after ours and they used the same MC. She said he had the same exact schtick, including the incredibly loud music. I don't know what their deal is with loudness (they started off at a tolerable level) but I think they think you need loud music to have fun -- get a clue!! I know this particular review was probably not very helpful to anyone, but if you really want to know who the MC is, I can relay it to those interested if you email me at rm47of450 at yahoo. I guess you can also learn from our mistake -- just use an iPod!! :P

But to end on a sweet note, I was happy with the bartender we hired. The restaurant doesn't have a liquor license so if you want a bar, you have to provide it yourself (Dear bought massive quantities of alcohol the week of). They could, however, hire their own bartenders for some exorbitant amount and they suggested having 2. So instead of shelling out that money to someone who would probably be stealing half the liquor as they served it, I turned to my alma mater for their bartending service. They are a bargain at $20/hr (minimum of 3 hours), plus tip and cab fare back uptown. Since they are students, it wasn't always easy to contact them (email seemed best), but I did get info on how much liquor to purchase and they were quite amenable to my demands. They are quite professional too.

Since we had heard that the bar could get quite busy during cocktail hour, we supplemented the bartender with some of Dear's relatives who helped with simpler drink requests like juice and such. After that first hour or so, the lone bartender was fine on her own. We also felt good being able to help out so-called starving students (remember your days scraping by in college?) -- she was sooooo grateful that I asked her whether or not she'd like dinner since the restaurant was providing all vendor meals. And I guess she didn't expect much b/c she seemed thrilled at all the tips she was getting, plus we tipped her 20%. And in the end, we still paid much less than what the restaurant wanted (I think in total, we spent under $150 for about 5 hours).

PARTY HELP with BARNARD BARTENDING AGENCY: A
To hire them, you just have to give at least 2 weeks notice (they actually don't assign someone to you until 2 weeks before but I asked them to book someone for me a month ahead) and sign the one-page form the day of. Of course I was too busy to do so on that day, so our coordinator took care of this for us. I think they also have general party helpers if you need people to pass hors d'oeuvres or anything like that. For more info, check out their website.

How it all came down: the evening of, part deux

2006-11-16T14:21:00.000-05:00

Now back to recapping my wedding. I last left off with doing the tea ceremony before the banquet began so let us continue from there. I have no idea when we finally started the banquet (no watch) but it felt like forever and like a mass of confusion. Everyone was running around and I was trying to rest up and also get makeup retouches (plus snacking on the steaming-fresh-out-of-the-fryolator egg rolls that my BMs smuggled from the reception outside -- though should I have been mingling then?). I think Dear was finalizing details with the MC (yeah, we were so unprepared with that stuff), people were snapping pictures, getting me to pose with them, and there was a whole slew of family portraits AGAIN (so I really really really do NOT understand why someone really wanted the group shots after the ceremony when time could have been better utilized!). People kept disappearing but eventually the necessary people started to line up by the door so that we could be introduced in the proper order and get the whole thing started. I don't know if we didn't start on time because we couldn't line up or because there weren't many people there yet (I heard the MC say that at one point). But eventually, we walked onto the dance floor as Mr. and Mrs. and there was the awkward moment of where do we go b/c we had nixed the idea of forming an arch with the bridal party's extended arms and us walking underneath it. I think we stood by the front with the rest of the bridal party and then went to our first dance from there (Michael Buble's "You and I", which we picked maybe 2 days before) and it felt incredibly long and weird for everyone to be staring at us, fumbling/shuffling along like that. Somehow or other the MC made eye contact with me and he got the idea to end the song, which I was sorta thankful for, but what I really wanted was for him to invite other couples to the dance floor so that we didn't have so much attention on us. Instead, he cut to the parents dance, which was embarassing and I think I would NOT have regretted skipping this part. Though the lead-up to that was extremely hilarious when my mortified MIL learned that she had to dance in public so she forced FIL to take dancing lessons with her and they still haven't really mastered much of anything. :D [Though FIL danced somethin' fierce towards the end with one of Dear's friends (he looked like he was having so much fun!! -- see the pics below).] Anyway, it was extremely awkward for me to dance with my father (since we hardly talk and we're never even standing so physically close to each other, plus he didn't know when he had to go up [and neither did I]) and someone told me he looked really scared, like he was afraid he'd hurt me so he held me by the wrist (which I totally didn't notice). To add to the awkwardness, the parents dance was cut short to bring out the bridal party couples and we were dancing to the Michael Buble song again.

We then finally had the chance to sit down and the first course was served. I was a bit dismayed to have to sit on the head table with the out-laws and some seemingly distant relative of Dear's. But it was OK, I was able to eat (though the jellyfish was so chewy that I almost choked, or was it my nerves?), unlike Dear who went around like the town mayor to make sure the vegetarian ppl were OK and that they had stuff to eat (totally different menu for them).

Just when I started my shark fin soup I was whisked away to do the cake-cutting. Unfortunately we chose a really short song for this (Sarah McLachlan's "Ice Cream") and our photographer wanted to set us up with a million and one different poses. When we finally got to the cake, we had no idea how to cut it (at first we were cutting the cardboard in between the layers) and for some reason I made a very thin slice before Dear said we should cut something bigger, which was a bit of a struggle. We also had issues sliding the piece out onto the plate, but with the help of my fingers, it made it to the plate. :P Somehow or other we finally got a DELICIOUS bite of the cake. I totally wanted to stuff the rest of the slice into my mouth but only made away with a lick of my fingers. [VH1 "Pop Up Video"-like sidenote: I got the cake knife and server 2 days before the wedding because we weren't sure whether the restaurant provided it. We looked high and low (OK, not very high, nor low) for a plain one. There were a lot with frilly patterns or porcelain handles, which I totally didn't want, nor did I want to spend a buttload of money on it. I finally found a plain one at Macy's for about $20 -- woo hoo!]

BEFORE: struggling to take a pic whilst my mouth waters for a bite of the cake

AFTER: the lovely cake mutilated and yummified in my tummy

We sat down for a brief instant and I was called to do the bouquet toss thing. Dear got to finish his shark fin soup while I did this ritual that I was really torn about. On the one hand, I've always hated being singled out (why should you be 'punished' b/c you're single?!) but I also didn't want to exclude anyone in case they really wanted to participate. I once went to a wedding where all the single women were called up (I went reluctantly) but I was pleasantly surprised to see that instead of the embarassing garter toss, etc. the bride gave everyone who went up a mini bouquet. I was thinking of doing the same thing but it was hard to gauge the number of people who would go up, plus I kinda forgot. Anyway, a few women went up and the MC (completely against my wishes -- I explicitly told him I didn't want to make it a big deal and that I didn't care if only a few ppl went up) tried to get me to coax more ppl up, even asking me if I saw anyone sitting who should have been (I barely looked across the room and said I think that's it). When the MC was finally satisfied with the group on the floor, I did my toss and I guess everyone moved away from it (the dance floor was huge so they had a lot of places to run) so I tossed it again... and again. The MC then made all the girls form a circle with their backs turned so that I could choose someone. Great... such pressure!! I looked for my friend who's getting married next year but she wisely chose to remain seated (or hidden) and I thought long and hard about who would enjoy the flowers the most without being embarassed to the heavens. I finally settled on the person who was closest to the bouquet last (it landed by her feet but she refused to pick it up). In pictures, her expression at getting picked was total shock/mortification (classic!) but when she found out there was no garter toss she was all OK (afterwards she said that if she knew there was no garter thing she would have gladly accepted the flowers the first time around).

Watch the crowds scatter

And then watch the chosen's reaction! :)

By this time, my soup was cold and starting to congeal but I had to go change to my red qi pao. I grabbed BM (I normally have no problems changing on my own but I needed someone to add the flowers to my hair) and all the other BMs followed me to my little chamber. It was nice to be waited on (one person fixing my hair, the other two adding on some of the gold jewelry that I received at the tea ceremony). :D I was also very grateful when I had to pee earlier on and one held my dress up and another watched the door. :)) And to continue this TMI stream (no pun intended -- haha!), I forgot to put on my SPANX (to flatten my gargantuan tummy and slim my tree-trunk thighs so that I could sit in the tight-fitting dress) and I had to put it on after the fact. It was no easy task, so word of advice, remember your SPANX ahead of time!!

If my red dress fit better, I'd be more ecstatic about it. But for less than $100, I was satisfied. My mother helped me pick it out and she really liked it (yes, I finally did something she approved of). I also really liked the different look of the keyhole opening in the front and the delicate gold embroidery all over it. Anyway, when I came out, we danced to "The Lady in Red."If I had my druthers, I would have put more effort into choosing a song for this part b/c it just seems so cliche but I've always liked that song, so it wasn't that terrible. After the quick dance (and requisite snapshots), we went around to toast the tables. The restaurant manager had already mixed Coke with Sprite in goblets for us, though I would have enjoyed seeing some ppl do silly drinking games with liquor. :)
One of the things that I appreciated about the MC was his introduction of this toasting by saying that the table who makes the most noise when we come around would get a special treat (don't know if he followed through on this) b/c it got us some really good reactions. Unfortunately we had a schedule to keep and we couldn't chat longer with some ppl and the restaurant manager kept moving us along. He also tried to keep us in the right order -- groom's parents, followed by bride and groom together, then bride's parents, and the rest of the bridal party -- but we wanted to stray at times like when Dear was catching up with his friends but no one else knew the ppl on that table and they wanted to move along.

After the toasting, the banquet was pretty much over. The photographer took off soon after (so it must have been around 9:30), the fried rice and noodles came out, and the cake was put out, along with the ice cream. I'm not sure how many ppl knew about the ice cream but there should not have been an excuse for the cake, except that the MC was remiss and did not mention it at all. I changed into my final dress of the evening (perhaps my favorite) and rested/hid a while as ppl did the conga line outside. Call me a party-pooper but I don't dance and I don't like being forced to, so I may not have partied as much as I should have but it looked like other ppl didn't mind and had fun anyway. The MC did pull us out at the end when everyone formed a circle and cheered us on. We came out and stood in the center of the circle but had no idea what to do (were we supposed to dance? laugh? sing?) and eventually the MC made everyone give us a group hug.

FIL gettin' down

The luscious cake served to the masses

Oh, did I forget the toasts? I don't remember at all when they took place (after the cake cutting? after the bouquet toss?) but all three were really nice and full of sweet sentiments. It was good that none of them were really embarassing (my poor BM seemed extremely nervous!!) but had humor nevertheless. The only bad thing was that ppl are crazy RUDE and continued to talk as the toasts were given so some ppl said they could barely hear anything. I also somewhat regret not giving a toast of our own, thanking everyone for coming. We were so busy (and such slackers w/ the MC) that it completely slipped our mind. :T

And before we knew it, ppl started leaving and we were saying good bye to them by the door as they left. At one point, the aunt and uncle that came too late for the tea ceremony rushed over and put the necklace they bought on me. It was a bit weird but I remember their gift most clearly. :) As the restaurant cleared of people, our wonderful helpers cleaned everything up and packed stuff away. I sat like the little diva that I am, resting my aching feet until almost everyone was gone. At the end, some of my friends stayed behind to keep me company and it was good to chat with them. When my parents were leaving, my brother gave a little speech to Dear welcoming him to the family and said some mushy stuff to me too. He then gave me a bear hug (even lifting me off the floor), causing me to leave a smear of runny makeup on his rented tux.

Eventually Dear and I drove to the church where we dropped off a whole bunch of stuff at FIL's office and we went to Pathmark to get some drinks (completely parched and someone had packed away all the leftover drinks by then) so that we could properly chow down on the leftovers from our table. :)

Zubbles

2006-11-14T11:11:00.000-05:00

Here's a cool alternative to the petal toss that I came across: colored bubbles! Not just regular bubbles but colored ones, called Zubbles. Imagine the red ones floating and falling against the backdrop of a white dress (don't worry, they don't stain). Or other bright colors like orange or blue being blown around to match a color scheme -- the possibilities are endless! They won't be available until in Spring 2007 so even if I knew about these earlier I wouldn't have been able to use it. :T

Flamboyancy makes the world go 'round

2006-11-13T16:50:00.000-05:00

As this is a wedding blog, I feel it is my duty to share all things wedding, including the one that I attended this weekend. Wow is all I can say about it. The couple has uh... very flamboyant tastes and I'll try to just describe the wedding rather than to impart any kind of judgment since it was definitely very different from anything I would do. There were also a bunch of things that I've never seen/experienced before so it was definitely an interesting experience.

The bride wore a large ballgown dress at the ceremony, with many layers in the skirt. Within these layers someone stuck silk flower petals to give the dress some color I guess, or to give it a "just ran through a meadow" kind of look. She also had flowers (purple dendrobiums) draped around her hair to continue the theme. She also wore fingerless gloves (reminded me of what ninjas would wear to protect their knuckles) and a veil with a lace-like trim. Her bouquet had darkish flowers that I didn't recognize and was accented with grayish feathers (she may have had a different one during the day). There must be Chinese symbolism with ivy because she had that flowing from the bouquet (as I've seen in the pics from a HK wedding). Because the ceremony was in a small church with very narrow aisles, the bride's dress almost took up the entire aisle.

The groom wore a white tux with a silver-sequinned vest and long tie, and even permed his hair for the occasion. Even though I barely understood any of the ceremony (all in Cantonese), my favorite part of the wedding was when both the bride and groom took a few moments at the end to thank their parents. It was already an emotional experience (the groom cried as he read his personalized vows) and when they were speaking, you could tell they really were thankful. They also presented their mothers with flowers, which was nice.

For their programs, they had a blue plaid card printed with the order of events (all in English, even though most of the people there probably couldn't read it), topped with a vellum overlay and tied with a baby blue ribbon and a silverish charm. I still don't get why the charm was a pair of shoes.

The processional was a bit odd because only one bridesmaid (presumably the maid of honor) walked down the aisle (unlike at the banquet entrance, where at least 4 couples were introduced and walked onto the dance floor). The other BM had a similar beige-colored dress, but was lacy instead of sequinned. I think it had a bow around the waist too.

the ringbearer (but where's the ring/pillow?)

the flower girls (it took a while for me to see this, but I think the color scheme included baby blue)

Notice also the MOH didn't carry a bouquet but had a corsage

One thing that I really didn't care for was the use of silly string (in case anyone ever thinks they want to have this component in their wedding). While it may be fun for guests to spray around, I think it's not a good idea for pictures. At the end, the couple was covered in a web-like mass, all over their head (quite unflattering) and then to try to remove it without messing up your hair is just not worth the risk.

At the banquet, the family went all out on the menu. I think they chose the highest (and most expensive) tier of goods for the tables -- each setting had a charger (blue with gold rim) and there were chair covers all around. The menu had stuff like large chunks of shark fin in the soup (presented in a very wide & shallow bowl to show this off), a whole piece of abalone for each person (very hard to finish), sushi (not sure how the old folk received this), and half a small stuffed lobster per guest. There was also a reception at the beginning with various dim sum like shumai, shrimp balls coated in almond slivers, and Peking Duck. Unfortunately there was no bar (hence it was not called a "cocktail hour" on the invitation). :( In fact, I don't think there was any alcohol except for the bottles of merlot and chardonnay at each table. This was supplemented by a waiter occasionally walking around, brandishing a bottle of Hennessey, asking if anyone wanted any. Everyone declined on our table, so maybe that was a good way to save and not waste (we still have more alcohol than we'll ever need for the next 20 years!).
For favors, everyone got a picture holder (not a frame, but one of those things with an alligator clip) in the shape of what I think is a lucky Chinese animal/person (like a cutesy anthropomorphic cat wearing a hat or something) holding a red sign/balloon with some Chinese characters I don't recognize (see middle of the above pic; it's next to the tea cup). There was also a wrapped square of Ghiradelli chocolate with caramel on the chargers.

It was interesting that the two head tables were not up on the stage but mixed in on the main level (they were distinguished by their red tablecloths & napkins), flanking the sides of the dance floor. Instead, they had this white corrugated cardboard structure in front of the stage with tall columns holding the cardboard gates in between, and this third castle-like column on the left with blue cellophane flowing out of a hole cut into the side. I think there was some faux water underneath the castle thing too. However, on the other side was an ice sculpture of a pair of kissing swans that created a puddle that was definitely not faux. Next to the block of ice was the cake (a typical Chinese type with the tiers spread across like steps, with a few rose petals sprinkled on top of each). For some reason the couple didn't cut the cake but the MC lobbed off a piece for them and they fed it to each other. At one point there was also a huge firecracker-like thing that was triggered and released a bunch of confetti (also not a good idea to do this over the cake, since a few pieces were stuck to the frosting on my slice).

Another thing that I've never experienced is the MC going around to each table with his mike and asking if anyone on the table would like to share a few words with the couple while the videographer followed him around to capture the sentiments. It was nice to see that some people actually were courageous enough to stand up and say something on the spot like that (too bad I couldn't understand what anyone was saying).

The bride's hair was pretty nice at the banquet (I think at one point she wore a hair piece with curls that flowed down her back) and each time she changed her dress, she had something to match in her hair, along with a slightly different hairstyle. Her first change was a very full pink ball gown (my favorite of the night) with delicate fluffs in the skirt and she had some pink feathery things in her hair. Then she changed into a teal ball gown with a teal headpiece (this one had a hoop skirt) and finally a red-sequinned evening gown with fettucine (not spaghetti) straps.

Is this the same as the ceremony gown or is it banquet dress #1?

banquet dress #1 (or is it #2?)

banquet dress #2/3

So concludes all the weddings that I have for this year. Also this was the first time I didn't get singled out for the bouquet toss -- I was "saved by the ring!" :)

No thank you!

2006-11-10T09:54:00.000-05:00

I thought the arguments about the wedding would be over... but the consequences of the guests live on! So for those unaware of the Chinese tradition of old folk giving gifts to the parents, that's what happens. It is just a side benefit that their kids happen to have gotten married -- they get all these gifts as if they had a great big, old birthday party for themselves. While I am extremely grateful for being raised by such great parents, and the out-laws have been quite generous, I am/was a little miffed that I put in all this effort so that my parents could reap loads of cash. But I've gotten over that. Yesterday, a HUGE argument ensued with the out-laws b/c they are too DAMN lazy to write their own thank you cards.

I was beginning to sort out the cards that I had begun to write when they walk over and ask if they can some cards. After some vague comments, I counted out 30 of them so that they could get started writing theirs. Imagine their shock when she looked inside the card and it was BLANK! It wasn't enough that there was a simple "Thank you" printed in fancy lettering on the front, she wanted words on the inside as if she expected us to write notes to people we don't know thanking them for gifts we didn't receive. I can see writing a note to someone thanking them for coming, but there is no way I will write a note thanking someone for someone else's gift. Can I write this: "Thank you for coming. It was great seeing unfamiliar faces on our very special day. We're glad you were able to bring your uninvited child to the wedding and we're just ecstatic that you gave our parents a generous gift. It will be come in very handy for their upcoming retirement party or when they go crazy buying tchotkes at the garden center."

There was screaming and much offense. I kept hearing "But it's YOUR wedding!" when we'd say something like they were YOUR guests (never mind that we don't know their names or that they may not even be able to read English, the only language we can comfortably write). They thought we were selfish bastards for not wanting to thank people who didn't give us a gift (which may be true, I am a selfish bastard after all, but I find it odd to send someone 2 different thank you notes -- one from us thanking them for coming, and one from the gift-recipient thanking them for the gift and thanking them for coming. Why not just send one?!). They were very disheartened that they had to hear this. So they propositioned us to take a survey of everyone we know that has gotten married to see who writes the thank you note. So here's my survey. What's been your experience? (For the record, my co-workers all find this strange that the parents even get a gift, and hence, because the newlyweds got the gift in those cases, they wrote the thank yous.)

Oh and the sorta-solution will be for us to print a very generic "Thank you for celebrating our special day with us" on their cards and perhaps they will add a line or two and sign it. So if you receive a hand-written card from one of us, know you are special. But if you receive a pre-printed card with a generic message, know that the out-laws think you're (kinda) special.

How it all came down: the evening of

2006-11-08T17:00:00.000-05:00

Before the banquet began in the evening, we cut the picture-taking short (cutting out the SI Ferry option) and headed back to Ctown so that we could get the tea ceremony started. There was a bit of traffic, especially on the street leading to the restaurant. Our photographer got out of the car so that he could capture shots of us arriving and I think he must've waited at least 15 minutes for those few paces. The bridal party, behind us, decided to just walk and they got there way before we did.

When we got to the restaurant, Judy, our fantabulous baker, had just finished setting up the cake. It was so nice, exactly the way I wanted and yet way beyond my expectations. I think we were still communicating about flowers a few days before the wedding and I just gave her free reign because indecisive me couldn't decide on a lot of things. She ended up creating a bunch of yellowish-orange sugarpaste orchids for the cake-topper and at first I thought they were real! Everything that I could decide on and asked for was created exactly the way I wanted, down to the same shade of red that I love from the invitations. From the flowers to the double happiness monogram in royal icing, to the cherry blossom texture on the middle tier, to the red bands stamped with an image of a Chinese knot I found on an envelope, I really loved how the cake turned out and to try to describe how beautiful it was would just ruin it.

So here are some pics.

Do you see how she even piped the cherry blossom design onto the board that the cake is sitting on?

close-up of the flowers on top of the cake

close-up of the double happiness

Someone captured this moment while Judy was setting up -- look at the deep concentration!

CAKE from SILK CAKES: A+
I love Judy's work and I think she was the best vendor we dealt with, coming up with exactly what I wanted. She has a lot of good ideas and her work is exquisite! And her pricing is a lot more affordable than other bakers that we checked with for the type of cake we wanted. She is also very accessible -- we met with her several times to discuss the design and flavors, plus we communicated regularly through email. At the tasting, we couldn't decide which flavor we liked more so we chose both the mocha cake with raspberry filling and the lemon cake with strawberry filling as different tiers. I think the mocha turned out a LOT better than the lemon (though the lemon wasn't bad either) and I even had guests ask for more of it when only the lemon was left. Someone also said that he doesn't usually like that type of cake (chocolate with fruity flavors) but he still really enjoyed it. Unfortunately, a lot of guests also said that they didn't partake of any of the scrumptiousness b/c the MC neglected to mention that there was cake to the side (more on THAT some other time -- hrmph!!). But can I really complain, since we got all the leftovers?! :D We cut a section to freeze for our one-month anniversary (yesterday, btw, but we totally forgot!) and we also had slices here and there for the first two weeks when I allowed myself to eat with reckless abandon again. But I digress, I HIGHLY recommend Silk Cakes!

I don't know who exactly set stuff up at the restaurant, but the favors and bottles of wine (or at least most of them) eventually made it to the tables, as did the table/menu cards. The cake table was also made gorgeous by BM's sister, who set up the buckets of flowers from the ceremony in a line across the back of the table. Such a simple presentation that did just the trick! She also propped up the floral monograms so that they flanked either side of the cake, and spread leftover petals on the table. I was so pleasantly surprised at how romantically lush it came out!

BEFORE: the cake table

AFTER: the cake table (with us in the background doing the tea ceremony)

While everything was set up, we did the tea ceremony thing on the stage at the front of the restaurant. It took forever to get things ready (to round everyone up and to get the tea) so it totally threw our schedule out the window, even though we showed up early (and sacrificed going to all the places we wanted to for pics). Finally, Dear went and got the tea and we got started. It was weird to address all these people as if we were related (like addressing Dear's aunts as if they were my aunts, since I am now considered part of that family). At times I found it comical when we didn't know how to address certain relatives (I am somewhat disrespectful and I don't always correctly address my relatives by their proper rank and title, plus I thought my parents called some ppl various terms of endearment). And when I forgot what Dear just called his relatives, thankfully BM was paying attention and mouthed it to me. That garnered me at least one brownie point with Dear's aunt, who called me smart since I normally don't talk to her under the guise of not understanding her Cantonese dialect. ;)

At the beginning I really didn't want to do the tea ceremony thing b/c I thought it would take up too much time and in some instances I don't really want to pay respect to ppl that I don't really know (like some 'aunt' who I still don't quite understand the relation of). But it was kinda cool to have that time with each set of relatives, sorta talk to them, and to serve them tea, kinda like a receiving line on steroids (only they were sitting and we standing). Originally we were supposed to kneel to the elders but Dear adamantly refused. I thought he was being picky but then I learned this was some sort of pagan ritual so I fought for it too. I felt a bit guilty about this since my mother had already purchased the pillows and the specially embroidered pillowcases but in the end she understood (or got so tired of fighting me on every little thing that she gave up). However, either my parents didn't communicate with each other (highly likely) or my father forgot, but when it came their turn to be served tea, my father kept saying "Aren't they supposed to kneel?" I found that kinda funny too. Besides a bunch of gold bracelets and stuff, my mother also gave me a pair of gold screwpost earrings with diamonds -- the posts were so thick it hurt to stick it in my ears, but everyone said I had to wear everything to show respect. After a while, I started to look like the female (and Chinese) version of Mr. T. And Dear's tux pocket was stuffed with envelope after envelope that we each received from each set of elders. I wish we kept better track of these. :( Also, I still think that my older brother should have been included in this lineup but my family insisted that he shouldn't be because he's not yet married. What irked me more is that later on, when our families were introduced, he was excluded yet again, as if I don't have a brother. Even Dear's younger brother was introduced then! Friggin' distant aunts were mentioned but not my brother -- how much closer of a relation can you get than siblings?!

Anyway, on to other criticisms.... Just a few more posts about the banquet and I'll be done recapping! (Maybe we'll then have time/patience to do all the million other things that need to be done, like going through pro pics [if we ever get them], writing thank you notes, etc.)

Ceremony detail: music

2006-11-08T10:04:00.000-05:00

I barely noticed the presence of the string trio since I was so out of it, but for those interested, we asked a friend who books classical musicians do this for us. He said that he works only with top-notch players (both pros and non-pros) and that he could work with any budget b/c it is a buyer's market. At first he suggested a quartet headed by a guy who regularly plays at the Met, all for $1000 for a few hours. But we gave him a budget of only $300 and he eventually came up with 3 ppl that would play for 1.5 hours. He then found the appropriate sheet music for what we wanted (arrangements for strings) and we were set! If only I were a guest at the wedding, so that I could hear all the beautiful music (ranging from Bach's "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring" to Vivaldi's "Four Seasons" [the 3rd movement, "Autumn," which fit in with our seasonal theme :P]). From the people that I asked, they said the trio did a good job (or at least they didn't notice any mistakes -- anyone want to add their opinion?).

MUSIC booked by JOHN GINGRICH MANAGEMENT: A
I have no idea how much he charges since he is a friend, but he has mentioned his work with weddings. I just discovered his website online: http://www.gingarts.com/ and I see that he represents vocalists, as well as jazz musicians. If we had a bigger budget, I'd have asked him about music at the banquet and/or cocktail hour as well. *sigh*

And just for fun, here's one of my floral monograms in action:

Missing

2006-11-02T17:06:00.000-05:00

As a newlywed, I never thought that I'd really be starting a 'new life.' But that's totally what happens. And with that 'new life' there are some things (OK ppl) that I miss.

The other day (just a few days after the wedding) the BM that used to be my neighbor told me how she was taking the subway home and she thought to herself how she may run into me at the bus stop. Then she realized that that wouldn't happen b/c I no longer live there. As she told me her thought process, I got a little verklempt. We now live miles apart and there won't be any more of those chance encounters -- we'll actually have to make appointments (ack! plan?!) to see each other. :(

I actually miss my parents. As crazy as they drove me during the wedding planning, I miss their presence. I'm getting a little teary-eyed as I write this. I regret not having better communication with them before because now it is awkward for me to express emotion in front of them. :P I wonder what it is like for them to come home and see my empty room, knowing I won't sleep there that night.

I also miss my weird, amusingly irreverent brother (I also want to be able to keep an eye on him). :) There were times I found his blasting music annoying, but as the years went by, his taste mellowed out and some stuff were actually quite decent. It was a great compliment to have him say that the music I chose for the wedding banquet was pretty good (though I have gripes about that -- my review yet to come, I know). But does the fool (an affectionate term between us) know that I was able to narrow down a lot of choices by sifting through his massive collection of mp3s (a suitcase full of burned CDs and DVDs)? I've always looked up to him for his opinion on computers and other gadgets. I'll miss how we can say just one word or phrase that only means something ridiculously funny to the both of us and that'll keep us amused for at least 5 minutes (like "walnut meats"). There's more to say about the nugget but so hard to sum up (with less than a year difference between us, we've grown up together practically as twins). I wonder if we'll ever really see each other now, especially with his busyness on the weekends. I just hope he'll be able to find someone who can bring out his good qualities (believe it or not, there are some :P And no, I'm not trying to pimp him out).

Despite all that is missing, there's a lot of good stuff happening too. With the move to Queens, I live closer to a lot of friends too. It's easier to see these groups of people and be able to hang out with them without having to worry about getting home hours later. Now if only we could (afford to) live in Manhattan and be able to bridge the two worlds (or would that just alienate us from both groups?).

NOTE: It's taken me a while to complete this entry (I started it last week) because I have had to pause every so often to prevent the puffy eyes (how sappy am I?!).

The ceremony details: programs

2006-10-31T10:31:00.001-05:00

Our ceremony program was a last-minute rush job with SO MANY issues. The first problem was the complicated layout that I thought of -- I wanted it to be longer than it is wide, similar to our invitations, and I somehow figured out how to fit everything on 11x17 paper (with the intention of later cutting it). The layout had sections of upside down text, sideways text, etc. and it was difficult to format it all. To add to it, it was really not ideal to print on 11x17 paper b/c not many printers can print this large size. Someone also planted the idea of a tabbed program in my head 2 weeks prior, even though I told myself it'd be too complicated. I ended up convincing myself that it would only take an extra 2 cuts to make it a tabbed program, which I thought would significantly up the 'wow' factor, but which increased the agita 8-fold.

I also wanted a bi-lingual (another complication I should have done without) program where it's English on one side and Chinese when you flip it to the other side (complete with Chinese tabs). It took forever to get the Chinese translation of everything -- I asked at least 3 different ppl for their help and they each had different ideas about stuff (and one person even made mistakes that someone else had to catch). I couldn't ask my parents about this b/c they've never been to a church service, much less a wedding ceremony, other than the tea variety (not that it stopped them from giving input about the wrong word being used on someone else's program). And I didn't want to ask the resident church secretary b/c he's quite annoying and I was under the impression that we'd have to pay him, which I was set against b/c I knew that even though he was invited to the wedding, he wouldn't give a gift (and I was right). I think I got all the wording just 1 week before the wedding -- talk about last minute!

Yet another mistake was desiring ivory-colored paper to not only match the invites but also b/c white isn't a good Chinese wedding color. I ordered the paper from OfficeDepot (only place that seems to carry 11x17 ivory paper -- other places have canary or blue, but no ivory!) and it took forever to get to me (from the incompetent out-sourced ppl who took the order to the slow delivery, it was a nailbiting experience whether I'd get the paper in time).

Aside from the planning, there was also a PRINTING SOAP OPERA! Like with the invites, I had issues printing the Chinese, so I had to lay everything out in Illustrator. However, b/c I am just a novice, I couldn't set the margins to print correctly and my friend offered to set up the layout using tables in Word. So I had to re-input everything into Word (and different Word versions give different results) and eventually print it out at work after-hours. The printer though, did not completely cooperate and I couldn't print all the double-sided pages. So I printed out the 2 separate pages and double-sided it at Dear's workplace, only to discover that we hadn't printed it correctly (some stuff didn't line up so when we went to cut it, things were cut off). So we printed the stuff all over again the next night and brought it to Kinko's to cut the next morning (they charge about $2/cut, though we got differing prices when we called different locations, which we were fine with, rather than cutting each one with a paper cutter at home as we did with the invites) . However, the MORON didn't listen to my instructions and ended up making the cut in the wrong place, cutting all the tabs off! So she re-made the copies using my last original but it not only came out ugly (it had all the lines that I had drawn on it to signify where to cut), but was missing Chinese text (which I didn't know until MIL started folding the programs). Totally frustrated, I decided to make the margins really wide on all the pages so that there wouldn't be a chance of cutting things off. This kinda made things a bit ugly but we finished printing it all out that night and rushed to Kinko's before it closed to explain how the person totally screwed everything up. This time, the guy actually very carefully cut everything up (he even stacked pieces of cardboard on top of the paper so that the blade wouldn't rip the top layers of paper) and things came out OK (nothing cut off, though some things came really close to the edge). He apologized for his dumb and barely educated cohorts who don't have any hopes of advancing in life and wished us well for the wedding. Then I went home and my mother and cousin volunteered to fold all the programs that night. :)

And of course, we ran into more problems when tying the programs together with ribbon. I bought 3 rolls of ivory satin ribbon from AC Moore a while ago, thinking that would be enough. And I have leftovers from the invitations (not satin, but would match) for "just in case." But when assembling everything, I didn't bring the extra ribbon and we ended up cutting up strips of leftover tulle and using that to tie everything together. The tulle gave the programs a different look (kinda airy and fluffy) but it did the job. When in a bind (no pun intended), remember that tulle can be versatile and cheap!

But alas, everything was done by Thursday (albeit less than perfectly) and I could focus on other things for Friday. If I had to do it over again, I would have allotted a full month to the program and I would have either cut out the Chinese part or asked for translations a lot sooner.

An imperfect picture of an imperfect program

When flipped over, the Chinese side

My favorite part of all was the centerfold, which I thought of just 2 days before we were to go to print. At first we were going to put the words of the musical interlude in the middle ("The Water Is Wide," sung by many artists through the years, including Sarah McLachlan, Jewel, & the Indigo Girls at the Lilith Fair in the late 90s) but then we weren't sure whether or not we'd be able to get the sheet music for the trio to play it and upon closer inspection the words had a negative slant to it. Then I read on someone's blog about including a timeline of your relationship and I kept thinking in my head how there were times where our lives intersected but we either didn't see or notice it until much later. I imagined this as 2 ropes intertwining back and forth and to make it more romantic, I decided to draw it as a ribbon. And the cherry on top of it all was when I thought of using the old saying "tie the knot" and illustrating that with the 2 ribbons being tied together and forming one wider ribbon. If I had more time, I would have made the ribbon illustration a lot neater and nicer (like drawing it better in Illustrator and making the heart wider so that the ribbon used to bind all the sheets together would fit within the heart, instead of seemingly cutting it off).

(click on image to enlarge)

programs in basket (after everything was over but before we cleaned up the dining area from all the DIY)

You can see the wicker basket when full of all the programs (including the tulle-topped ones) in this picture (never mind the somewhat f'ugly tablecloth that we got at the last minute from the 99-cent store -- it's still 10 times better than the naked table by itself):

Another part that I liked about the ceremony/program was one of the readings that I chose, "Passionate Shepherd to His Love" by Christopher Marlowe. I like the theme of love and Christian imagery that it incorporates and I thought it'd be cool to actually use something that I learned in college (English major geek speaking). It was surprisingly a lot easier to find the Chinese translation of this than to translate the other stuff. Besides the help of BM in locating translations on the Web, I factchecked the translation by going to the Donnell Library on 53rd Street, which carries a lot of foreign language books (the biggest collection in the NYPL system). Then I had a reader do this in Mandarin (since I think that dialect sounds nicer, is more formal, and that's what a lot of my side of the family speaks) while the other Chinese readings were in Cantonese (for Dear's side of the family).

How it all came down: the afternoon

2006-10-30T21:49:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned in a previous post, we got a 1960s checker cab instead of the usual limo option. Despite my mother and aunt's protestations about not having an "appropriate" method of transportation and the extra finagling for rides, I loved this part of the wedding and didn't regret it at all. It was a great conversation piece (some of our friends still talk about it to this day) and it made a wonderful prop for photos (even for other ppl getting married that day who stopped by to snap a photo, the driver told us). I think the cab, quintessentially New York, was also cool enough to stand alone and not need any of the excess decorations that ppl sometimes put on limos, just a simple "Just Married" written on the back window by the driver after the ceremony. The cab is also roomy (though not roomy enough for all the bridal party + photographer & his assistant so FIL ended up getting some van to drive them b/c BIL didn't want to drive) and a head-turner. Along the way, ppl honked or waved, with a huge smile on their face (I'd like to think they were honking for me, but I think it was really for the cab). And for a few moments on one day in my life, I savored the attention (but once I was out of the cab, it was a different story).
Because the cab was a few minutes late (which he apologized profusely for and also offered to stay a little later at the end to make up for it), waiting for it to bring us to the church was tense, since the alloted time to get to the church was already tight on the schedule. It did, however, give me a chance to call Dear (who arrived at the church hours earlier), which was nice, without ruining the seeing the bride beforehand thing. The cab's driver (totally forgot his name already), was really nice, though a bit inexperienced about driving downtown, in my opinion. There was crazy traffic that afternoon and it took us more than half an hour to get where we needed to go (it should take only 10 minutes) and he took a wrong turn on Centre Street and ended up making a U-turn. Of course he apologized profusely for this and I don't hold this against him in any way but I am just relaying events as they happened. And so that you don't think I'm just hypercritical, I'll add he was nice enough to go out of the car and get me a drink from the trunk during a red light. Other than the lateness, everything with the cab was wonderful. All this for $400 for 4 hours (includes tip already) -- not bad, if I do say so myself. (The one limo company we contacted b/c of my mother's concerns quoted $450 for the same amount of time and he was already very busy for our day, and could only *try* to squeeze us in.) Anyway, if you want to make a unique statement (there are other cars available besides checker cabs), the owner of Film Cars is super nice (but was unfortunately busy on that Saturday for some movie shoot -- who would put Denzel Washington ahead of me?!) and I highly recommend them.

TRANSPORTATION through FILM CARS: A

Running late into the church

Throughout the day, everything felt very surreal, like I wasn't there and I was watching this person do everything. It didn't sink in until much later, like towards the end of the banquet. So I barely remember anything about the ceremony and things just magically happened thanks to our hard-working helpers -- my bouquet was brought to me, everyone got the right flowers, the guests were seated without any major problems. I just remember thinking to myself that I didn't want to be late and to keep everyone waiting (but I was -- sorry!), then everyone walked down the aisle like they should have (still waiting on pics of that) and when it was my turn it felt very weird to have all eyes on me. It was nice to catch glimpses of ppl I recognized (the sight of some ppl actually made me smile) and see them beaming at me, almost like I was a queen for a day.

I remember chastising my father for stepping on my dress (he kept doing it, which made it difficult for me to walk, with all the stop and go) and then the three of us (I wanted both my parents to walk me down the aisle) stood at the front until the reverend gave them the sign to kiss me and sit down. People tell me that my parents had trouble reaching me (since they are shorter and I was wearing 3" heels) and that it seemed like they didn't want to let me go (there was a long pause when they were supposed to sit down but they didn't, even though the minister motioned for them to -- I think they forgot what they were supposed to do, or never really understood).
Then before I knew it, the readers did their thing (and more, much to my dismay -- one of them decided to add his own little speech); we listened to the trio playing "Ode to Joy" (I have no idea who came up with that song, b/c I don't think I requested it, but I didn't mind it); rings were exchanged (repeating the vows were weird too, like taking on a huge responsibility); and we walked back down the aisle as husband and wife. There was then the receiving line (bizarre, but nice to see so many ppl, even ppl I haven't seen in 20 years or so) and I was so parched I don't know how I was able to smile and chat with so many ppl.

Part of the bridal party on the other side of the receiving line (best pic I have of them -- too bad it's fuzzy in some places)

The petal toss felt really short and then we returned inside and were tortured with a portrait session that someone set up without my permission (I didn't really want to do this, especially not at the church, with daylight burning). What pissed me off the most was that the order was totally biased towards Dear's family (all his extended family, and I think even church groups, took pictures before my family got the chance to). I think they even called up our co-workers (none of whom went up b/c it's not really appropriate) and ended the session (someone said, "OK, that's it!") before Dear reminded them that my family hadn't gone up yet. But my inner bridezilla didn't rear her ugly head and it ended soon enough and we were whisked away to Brooklyn Bridge Park in DUMBO to take some pics with just the bridal party.

the paparazzi

Peeking out to say hello to the fans

It was a gorgeous day to take pictures outside and it was kinda fun to do so (I spotted 4 other groups taking pictures at the park too). After a while though, it did get tiring. At least Dear and I were able to amuse ourselves with the photographer's constant demands for kisses (some poses were really silly) and that forced at least one of us to smile. :) One thing I noticed though is that my eyes are always closed! Good thing the photographer was able to see this on his digital camera and could make us re-take the shot. Because of the photo session at church, we didn't have time to go on the Staten Island Ferry (especially sad for Dear since he loves the water) and we just stayed in DUMBO, which wasn't too shabby either.

How it all came down: the morning of

2006-10-26T20:42:00.000-04:00

We woke up relatively early (definitely not as early as the day before) to get our hair done in Ctown. Of course, before that we gorged ourselves on the breakfast downstairs in the hotel then we were on our way. I think we were pretty close to the schedule that BM wrote out the night before and we got to Ctown before the salons were even open. It was eerie to see a place that's usually bustling be so quiet. But even though it was quiet, my cousin still had some trouble finding parking. Anyway, my 3 BMs and I went to Amy's Salon on Pell Street while my mother went to her usual hair dresser (she got a perm weeks earlier but got her hair blown out for the day). Amy was late but 2 other hairdressers were already there when we arrived a little after 9. They started working immediately while I waited for Amy. The BMs had decided to all do their hair with curls, half up, half down. I'm not sure how they exactly felt about the end result (I think they turned out really preeety though), but I don't think they were exactly fond of the hairdressers.

As for me, I was OK with my hair and not so crazy about the ethics of the hairdresser (more on that later). From the back, I really liked how my hair turned out. Unfortunately, she also left out these stray tendrils, like vines in a pumpkin patch on the side of my head that I didn't care for. When she curled them, it didn't look so bad, but I kept thinking to myself that I'd pin those up once I got the chance. But I never did until way after, at the banquet. In the meantime, the hair kept getting flatter and flatter so that in some pics I look like a Chinese gangsta b* from the 80s gone wild, with 2 tails (OK, more like I had these weird stray hairs that looked quite messy, which is a shame b/c otherwise the pic would be perfect). I also liked how she did the front of my hair (she created a bump in the front to help elongate my wide face) but with the addition of the headpiece, it got flattened out a bit. The veil did not help either (which I put on in the hotel, in a rush, without supervision). Anyway, the headpiece was positioned in such a way so as to be easily removable for the dress change, plus she showed me (more like BM) how to put the flowers in that we brought over for the second dress, which I appreciated. Overall, I thought going to the salon was a good deal when compared to the many other non-Chinese hairdressers that I spoke with (which ranged from $100 for just hair to $400 for both hair & makeup). However, if you were to compare to other places in Ctown, the prices at Amy's are just average (they'd be considered cheaper if she didn't play her tricks on me).

Wow, I have natural highlights!

how to add the flowers later (sans headpiece)

I won't go into the crazy details about pricing but just know that I think the usual price for a bride's hair is $35 while the price for the BMs should be $25. She ended up charging me $35 for my hair and $30 for the BMs' hair. Though it is somewhat par for the course with a Chinese business -- I feel like they are always scamming -- it's still not cool. And she tried to scam me even more by giving me back $10 less in change, which became her tip (but would have been much less if I had my druthers). Prior to this, I loved the haircut that she gave me but b/c of her disgusting behavior, once again, I'll have to find a new person to cut my hair (and I do need one now that I don't have to grow out my hair!!). :(

AMY'S SALON: B for hair, F for ethics

looks OK in the hotel, I guess

After this, one BM, my mother, and I hailed a cab and headed back to the hotel. We were only slightly late to meet my makeup artist, Alaine, who had already set everything up in the hotel room. The other 2 BMs stayed behind to finish up their hair and then went to a friend's place to get ready.

I met Alaine one day when the new Sephora opened up by where I work. That day I was sorta thinking about buying stuff to do my own makeup for the wedding, but also keeping an eye out for potential makeup artists. I think a part of me wanted to get an Asian artist b/c our features and skin are different, so I befriended Alaine (I liked the makeup that she had put on herself) immediately after she was done helping someone else. Lo and behold, I found out she was indeed a makeup artist (not just a salesperson) and I asked her to send me a portfolio. I could tell she was just starting out with weddings (her entire portfolio was just models and actors) so her prices were affordable, at just $50 for the bride and $40 for all others (that includes travel to wherever you are). Those unused to the world of wedding markup might not think this is such a great deal, but I've been quoted anywhere from $75 to $200 (also the $400 quote for hair & makeup that I mentioned above), and that's not including travel expenses. Unfortunately, I believe her prices have gone up, so if you're interested, you'll have to contact her directly at alaine83 at gmail.com. Anyway, after I found Alaine, I did some other research (I am so indecisive that even after I make a decision, I reconsider it again and again) and I thought her work comparable to even the $200 makeup artist from Bobbi Brown that lots of ppl have raved about on their blogs.

Alaine's makeup kit

MAKEUP by ALAINE: A
I enjoyed working with Alaine -- she is friendly and easy to get along with. Even after the wedding, we have kept in touch (we sorta bonded after I learned that she spent some time in Indonesia and that I went to college with her cousin). Most importantly, I like the work that she does, especially with the eyes (I think she made mine look bigger!). She gives a very natural, not overly done look (but just enough of a little something so that you know this is makeup for a special day) which is exactly what I wanted since I never wear makeup. It was pretty comfortable too -- I barely remembered I had on makeup. I just wish that I had asked her to stay for touch-ups b/c it did wear away a little as the day went on. I also wish that I had my makeup done before the BM b/c she sorta had to rush for mine (and there wasn't enough time to add false lashes). :(

You can sorta see the makeup in these pics:
And because I got tired of smiling (I don't do it often, so give me credit!), I look like I'm grimacing here, so I shrunk this photo and then edited out my mouth below so that you can still sorta see Alaine's work.

How it all came down: the evening before

2006-10-24T21:40:00.000-04:00

By the time of the rehearsal at the church, I was quite tired and getting moodier by the minute. Everyone was pissing me off and I didn't know why -- I think I felt like a lot of things were still not done and I was too disorganized to know where to begin to finish these tasks and we had to make it to the rehearsal dinner in time, plus my hormones were raging at the most inopportune time. Also, my nails were chipping already and the cuticles were so dry that I was developing hangnails -- I was so worried that my hands would horrible in pictures, especially since there'd be pics of the new ring. But the church was decorated, we signed our marriage license (the minister would then sign it the following day to make it official and mail it off) with our brothers as witnesses, and we rehearsed the processional twice.

Afterwards, we rushed to pack up the cars to go up to John's on 12th Street for the rehearsal dinner. In choosing a place for the dinner, we had 2 issues to contend with: we figured that the guests wouldn't want to have Chinese food two days in a row, but we also didn't want to travel far from the rehearsal location in Ctown. This severely limited our options and early on we thought of Italian (since Little Italy is within walking distance) as the perfect foil & complement to Chinese (both cuisines embrace 'family-style' meals). We tried one place that received decent reviews in Zagat's but it was only alright and way overpriced. Weeks later, we finally settled on John's in the Village (not walking distance but somewhat close -- just 10 minutes drive) b/c Dear had been there for a birthday party and he liked it. We also did a test drive two weeks before and I was satisfied with both the service and the food.
But on the day of the actual dinner, I was less than satisfied. The room in the back was really dark and they set up two long tables along the wall for us. This wouldn't bother me as much if we had the space to ourselves but there were lots of other ppl there and the space was tight. The other ppl were also very loud so we could barely have a conversation (not that this would be easy if you sat on one end of the table and wanted to mingle with the other end, which is why I'm never a fan of long tables, as opposed to round). I also felt obligated to sit with the old folk since they seemed lost (this is what happens when you only eat Chinese food all the time). I was already in a sour mood so I didn't appreciate the massive agita that my parents and ILs were giving me ("Is there a set menu?" "Do we have a choice -- I hope it's not a choice b/c I don't understand this food" "What's on the menu?"), especially since I didn't have the answers (everything about the dinner was last minute and I barely remembered any of the details). And, as the set menu choices were read out, I realized that my uncle from Indonesia can't really have meat (good thing we didn't do a barbecue dinner, which I thought would be a neat idea) nor does he speak English, much less Italian (the old folk had such a look of puzzlement for things that I take for granted, like "bruschetta," "lasagne," "chicken parmesan"). You can imagine the chaos as we tried to explain what everything was while the waiter was taking down the orders. To make matters worse, the first waiter became deeply confused when he was taking the order and everyone kept changing their mind from one thing to the next. He tried to clarify things by repeating the order back to us but an annoying individual who is now related to me and shall remain nameless tried to "help" by summarizing the order in his own varied permutations. For instance (if you're not already confused by now), the waiter went down his list and around the table saying "OK, you're having stuffed mushroom, you're having the bruschetta, mushroom, mushroom, bruschetta..." but unnamed individual had to say "Everyone but blah, blah, and blah is having the stuffed mushroom, or you can think of it like 3 ppl are having the bruschetta, everyone else is having the mushrooms." The guy came back with extras of everything and we had to give it to the other table.

The agita combined with the nervousness and stress prevented me from finishing my main course (chicken parm), which was alright but not as good as the appetizer (bruschetta with avocado and tomato). A lot of ppl couldn't finish theirs either b/c the portions were gigantic (the leftovers could have been a second meal) and I couldn't take the leftovers home b/c we were going to the hotel, so I felt terrible about the vast wasting. I couldn't stomach the dessert either (the horror!!), a tartuffo. :(

note the long, narrow table and the space we're in compared to the rest of the room

note the dim lighting, mostly from candles

another source of light: a wax "sculpture" that took up a whole table, created by years of dripping candles, I'm sure

REHEARSAL DINNER at JOHN'S: B-
Though the service was pretty darn good (the confused waiter did well to hide his frazzled-ness and annoyance) and the food was alright, I hated being in that crowded, dark room. I think it's a good place to have a casual dinner, maybe other types of parties, but for a rehearsal dinner when ppl are apt to make speeches or special presentations (I felt uncomfortable giving the BMs their gifts though Dear had no problem giving out gifts to the GMs nor the helpers), it's not conducive to getting to know ppl. There's also no parking in that area so some of the drivers arrived as the first course was wrapping up.

Many hours later, I found myself finally at the Embassy Suites on North End Avenue in lower Manhattan. It was a gigantic headache-inducing night to coordinate everyone's ride home or to the hotel and to bring to the hotel all the necessary accoutrements. It was so agita-filled that I just gave up at this point (and from that point on I just didn't give a damn about much of anything until everything was over on Saturday night). I have no idea how ppl got to where they needed to go and how things ended up where they ended up.

If I had to do everything all over again, I'm not sure I would stay in a hotel the night before. Even though it was a convenient excuse to not have to play the Chinese door games (the groom picks up the bride from her home only after he fulfills tasks that the BMs come up with to test his worthiness and to torture him in the process), it was so difficult to coordinate all the stuff that needed to be at the hotel and then to consequently move from the hotel to the church and/or banquet hall. It also didn't help that it was freezing that weekend and many of us weren't prepared for it. If we were at my house, we'd just put on an extra sweater or something. Everyone also has the added task of packing stuff for an overnight stay (clothes, pjs, beauty products, etc.). And initially I thought I struck gold when I got a room at the Embassy b/c the suites are spacious and there is room enough to sleep 6 ppl, but I forgot that there is only one bathroom (there is a sink at the wet bar but no extra toilet and shower) so there was some inefficiency as some waited their turn for the bathroom.

It was nice to have all the women together in one place though. One BM re-did my manicure using her stash of stuff (even though I told her I wanted us to sleep early and we probably wouldn't have time to use any of it), and my cousin also packed a bunch of useful stuff (she wasn't part of the bridal party but my mother asked her to join us and I was very glad for it). I just wish that I kept my cool for the final moments, stayed organized and that we had some time to bond (or play Cranium!) instead of stressing about stuff.

note how my mother is working on the seating arrangements at literally the 12th hour as she waits her turn

As I slowly drifted to sleep at 3 or 4 in the morning, I was glad that I got all the bridezilla moments out of my system and I prayed that none of it would surface the next day.

EMBASSY SUITES HOTEL: A
As I previously blogged, I really like the Embassy and the suites do come in handy when you have a wedding to get ready for. However, it is a bit out of the way of everything (the closest subway is still quite a trek) but it is downtown and should only take 10 minutes to drive to Ctown (barring traffic). It is also spacious and could offer gorgeous views of the Hudson. Unfortunately I gave up that view for a lower floor so that we could get 2 double beds to fit everyone. There is also scarce parking and their lot is exorbitantly expensive (in my eyes) but it is very clean and is everything you'd expect from a Hilton property. There's also free made-to-order breakfast, as well as a regular hot buffet. If we had time, we'd also have had an opportunity to use the NYSC in the building.

How it all came down: the morning before

2006-10-23T19:40:00.000-04:00

I started this day bright and early (7:30!) in the Flower District, making decisions about flowers with BM's friend, who helped with the flowers and shall be called floral friend (or FF) from this point on. Yes, I had planned on doing all the flowers by myself but when everyone told me that I was crazy, my BM enlisted the help of her friend who's done flowers for friends' weddings before. So I still had a pretty active, hands-on role with the flowers but I didn't have to do the extra complicated stuff and there was someone there to guide me on what to do -- a good compromise in the thick of wedding craze. Anyway, FF and I had met up two weeks prior at the market to see what's in season and to take note of prices. I told her that my budget was $300 (I purposely undershot this figure, knowing that I'd go over), that I wanted a fall color palette (specifically orange, red, yellow) and that I'd like callas in my bouquet. I also told her about the arrangements that I wanted for the church, which would be moved to the banquet hall later on, the corsages for the mothers, and all the boutonnieres.

So the Friday before the wedding, we rushed around the various crowded shops to get choice picks (7:30 is right in the middle of the primetime -- towards the end of our stay we were sorta scrambling to get nice stuff). FF had already set aside some flowers she saw (she got there a little earlier) and I approved this bunch of roses from store 1 vs. roses from store 2, etc. In the end, we got 1 bunch of deep red roses & 2 different types of red callas for my bouquet; 2 bunches of yellowish-orange roses and 2 bunches of yellowish-orange callas for the BMs' bouquets; 2 bunches of red roses for relative boutonnieres; several bunches of orange, orange/yellow, yellow/red carnations for the pews; 1 stalk of lavenderish-red orchids for the corsages; 1 bunch tinted euculyptus, 2 bunches wax flowers, 1 bunch lavender, and 1 bunch Japanese hydrangea for the church steps arrangements. All this went over my meager budget but still came in under $500.

At the flower market, once you pick out the flowers, you get a bill from one of the workers who prices everything for you off the top of his head (I think there's some scamming going on there). Then you bring the bill to the counter to pay while some other guys wrap everything up (somewhat neatly) for you. Some places take credit card but some don't and at one of the places we had to pool all our money together to get what we wanted. After buying all these flowers (heavy and bulky, but fit in the car), we headed down to the church where we could start arranging things. We got buckets of warm water to let the roses drink and bloom, and we prepped them by removing thorns, outer petals and leaves. We also started to arrange the carnations for the pew buckets while FF started working on the bouquets. FF also showed us how to make the relative boutonnieres (just a simple red rose) by snipping, taping, and sticking a pin through. With the help of 2 BMs and a friend (Dear also helped prep the roses and cut the floral foam to fit the buckets), we were done by lunchtime. At that point, FF continued working on the bouquets (she had done 2 BM ones already; I think and they were so lovely!) while I went with a BM to the friend's place to do our nails.

pictures of our work area (I think the flowers are so pretty even before they're arranged)

close-up of BM bouquet before the ribbon was tied on and before the roses opened up more

Sometime between this and the rehearsal, BM's sister went and got a bunch of cheap roses for the petal toss at the end of the ceremony and an ad hoc tablecloth for the sign-in table at the church.

The outer petals we pulled off the roses, plus some of the carnation petals for good measure.

A word of caution/tips for DIYers who would also go to the Flower District to buy flowers -- I think the prices are more flexible than you would think so I think there's room for bargaining, especially since a lot of the places only accept cash when you do not have a business account with them. I, however, was too chicken and bewildered to do so myself. I also sensed some shady business dealings and overall I thought it a shady business that there are no displayed prices, just some guy who quotes prices from his head (as I mentioned above). And FF said 2 different ppl at one store quoted her 2 different prices. Also, you should buy a little more than you think you need b/c some of the flowers were already damaged when we opened them up (we also did some damage as we worked too).

BOUQUETS

The pretty bouquets sitting in plastic takeout containers, ready for safekeeping for the next day (note the notches cut in the covers to keep the bouquets standing straight in the water).

My bouquet, decorated with ivory double-faced ribbon and round pearl-head pins.

With the flash, you notice the different callas: the darker one had a yellow center and the redder one had a dark center

Posing with the bouquets

BOUTONNIERES/CORSAGES

Spraying everything with water to keep it fresh

See how the relative boutonnieres opened up so much -- I think more of the outer petals should have been removed.

The groom's boutonniere (dark red calla with wax flowers)

I wanted Dear to have double callas but the market didn't have any mini callas so 2 of the regular-sized ones would have been too big.

Close-up of my brother's boutonniere (red rose with wax flower) and the GM's bout. (yellow rose with wax flower)

Close-up of mothers' corsages (they are composed of 3 orchids wired together; I think they are phalenopsis)

Originally FF wanted to order cattleya orchids (just one big one) but the price we were quoted was way expensive and I'm kinda glad b/c these turned out well and there were also leftovers to use for my hair in the evening. The one stalk of orchids we used was either $10 or $15 (don't remember).

Fathers' boutonniere (yellow calla with wax flower)

In retrospect, I think the GMs should have had the callas to match the groom and the fathers should have had the roses.

CHURCH STEP CENTERPIECES

FF putting the finishing touches on the Japanese hydrangea arrangements for the church steps (we could have used more flowers for the large vases -- I didn't know how they'd sit in the vase -- but I think FF did a good job of filling them up with what we had).

The ingredients for the tall arrangements from left to right: Japanese hydrangea (I wish we got the longer stemmed ones b/c the vases were a lot bigger than we thought but so pretty on their own too!), wax flowers, lavender, tinted eucalyptus.

We got the hourglass-shaped vases from the clearance section in Target for $20 each, which are totally reusable (just have to figure out where). They are huge, about 17" tall I think, with a wide mouth, which made it difficult to fill in with a limited budget. The flowers for this part were less than $100.

PEW FLOWERS

Our rendition of the pew buckets a la Martha but way cheaper, using about 12 stems of carnations for each bucket.

view down the aisle towards the doors (ignore how the floral monogram is crooked on the doors -- we eventually fixed that)

view up the aisle towards the steps (the lights are on only at night b/c during the day the huge windows let in a lot of light)

With a bunch of 25 carnations for $7.50, this was a lot more economical than using hydrangeas. I think they were just as lush-looking and maybe even nicer than Martha's, since they were such bright colors and fit in with my color scheme. The buckets were purchased from Wal-Mart for about $1.50 each (we bought 12), 2 packs of floral foam were about $6 (I think), and we hung each with tulle (part of a 1000' roll that we used for the favors as well -- purchased from AC Moore using a 50% off coupon for a total of $5, I think).

Before FF got her hands on the pew arrangements, our creations looked a bit ragged and sparse:

Then she worked her magic and they came out much neater and so happy-looking:

Once the buckets were hung on the pews, we added some water into the buckets. The cube of floral foam stuffed into the bottom to hold the flowers in place also helped to keep the flowers hydrated.

FLOWERS GRADE: A
OK, so I worked on the flowers a little too, so it's like grading myself here but I have to say FF did a phenomenal job. She doesn't do flowers professionally but I did pay her a little something and I have to give credit where it's due -- she went above and beyond what I expected (she said she'd work on the bouquets only and just show us how to do the other stuff but she ended up also putting the finishing touches on the stuff we worked on, plus the church step arrangements which turned out to be quite a challenge). She was very organized and did a good job with the limited budget I gave her (I changed relative boutonnieres to roses instead of carnations at the last minute so I'm sure we would have stuck to the budget even closer if I hadn't made that change). She also thought of solutions I wouldn't have, including coming up with a variety of flowers for my hair for my second dress (the flower we saw at our first meeting weren't available on the actual day we needed them). I also thought the bouquets came out beautiful (though I'm surprised they didn't come out as nice in pictures), the groom's, fathers, and GM boutonnieres were nice too, as well as the mothers' corsages. When I saw all the completed flowers, my stress level definitely declined a few notches at their gorgeousness. I'm not sure if FF would be interested in future work but if anyone is interested, I could definitely forward her your info.

Final thoughts: One thing I didn't think of until I saw pictures is that I should have used a different flower for Dear's bout. b/c the dark red calla was barely visible against the black tux in pictures. Perhaps there should have been some small lighter-colored accent flowers or foliage behind the calla....

My apologies

2006-10-18T20:47:00.000-04:00

I apologize for the lack of posts -- things have been crazy. Right now I'm trying to organize the hundreds of non-professional photos that ppl have snapped (haven't heard from the pro we hired yet). It's even more difficult to blog when I don't have my own computer (still at my parents' place) and the computers that are here have issues, the least of which is the lack of Photoshop. On top of all that, there is much to do at work so I can't do things during the day. And it takes me forever to get to the boondocks of Queens (yesterday it took me two hours just b/c it was raining -- ppl do stupid things on the road when it rains -- that never happens on the subway!!). And another thing to worry about after you get married (besides the name change thing, which I haven't decided on) that no one ever talks about is the combining/relinquishing of benefits, like health insurance (whose plan is better?) and flexible spending accounts (do I need to increase or decrease the amount I set aside based on my spouse's needs) b/c you only have 30 days to decide.

So if you're expecting a thank you note soon, don't.

Mini-moon: Cape Cod

2006-10-14T13:38:00.000-04:00

We are barely recovered from the wedding and back from our mini vacation to Cape Cod. We hope to plan a bigger trip around January or so when things calm down at work (I dread to think of what awaits me when I return) and at home (more to come on that). Coming soon will also be a wedding recap plus vendor reviews, but for now, a quick synopsis of our travels.

It being off-season, things were quiet on Cape Cod (quite a few places were closed), relaxing and quite peaceful. For those unfamiliar with the area, the Cape consists of an elbow-shaped piece of land (think Popeye flexing his muscle) that wraps around a body of water, Cape Cod Bay, and there are towns (each with distinct sights and feels) spread throughout the elbow. We mostly stayed in Chatham (at the crook of Popeye's elbow) and on one of the days we traveled to Provincetown, all the way at the top, like at Popeye's fingers.

Based on the recommendation of a friend, we stayed at a nice little inn that served really good breakfasts. And since that's my favorite meal of the day, I gorged myself every morning! Unfortunately, I forgot to bring my camera downstairs, so I don't have pictures of the eggs Florentine with panchetta, French toast with fresh strawberries on top, and eggs with sausages. They also had a buffet everyday of freshly baked muffins (ranging from apple cinnamon to pineapple), three kinds of juices, yogurt and granola with dried berries, fruit salad with fresh strawberries and melon, fruit, and cereal. I loved the muffins since they were moist and had a nice sugary (but not very sweet) top. And during the afternoons, they also set out a small spread of cookies and brownies with tea and juice for an afternoon tea. So yummy!! Besides the delicious food, I liked the inn because it was very clean and quiet. It was decorated in an old-fashioned style, complete with exposed beams, antique furniture, and a large vase of giant, long-stemmed roses in the reception area. Our room had a vaulted ceiling and fireplace as well.

DAY 1
On our first full day in the Cape, we drove up to Provincetown (aka Ptown), where it is kinda bohemian, kinda artsy-feeling. It reminded me of a Greenwich Village transplanted to a beach setting with its somewhat busy streets, colorful little art shops & galleries, and the abundance of same-sex couples. Ptown is definitely the younger and hipper part of the Cape.

Our first stop (by accident) was the Pilgrim Monument and Provincetown Museum. We didn't really have much of an itinerary but we saw a big sign for the monument and its towering presence beckoned us in (plus the need to really use the bathroom).

the phallic Pilgrim Monument -- most appropriate for Ptown

We walked up the 252-foot tower (not as difficult as I imagined) and got some pretty nice views of the area. I think these pics are a good representation of Cape Cod -- you can see how beach resortish it is, but at the same time there is a small New England town feel. If you look really carefully, you can see some of the trees in the distance changing color.

We stopped for lunch at Clem & Ursie's and had a mediocre crab cake sandwich and lobster roll.

We were really waiting for their happy hour, which promised $1 oysters and clams from the raw bar and giant shrimp but we had to come back after 3pm. So we drove around a bit and explored some beaches. One of them, (called Herring Cove Beach, I think) at the end of Commercial Street, had this pile of rocks that led out to the water. The day was gray and a bit windy so walking on it was kinda scary, especially when the water splashed onto the rocks and made it slippery. Some guy was out there was brave enough to be fishing though. (Notice the calm waters on one side and rough surf on the other -- freaky!) Back at Clem & Ursie's, we had a bunch of the oysters (so fresh and good!), clams, shrimp, and a seafood casserole for an early dinner. Everyone around us was oohing and aahing when the casserole (a variety of seafood, from lobster to cod, to scallops, in a Gruyere cheese sauce and covered with mashed potatoes) was brought out. It was quite good, but since we had just eaten our lunch a few hours before, I wasn't able to fully enjoy it on a stuffed stomach.

DAY 2
The following day, we strolled (more like drove) around Chatham, buying some souvenirs, and happened upon a few thrift shops. We bought a bunch of junk and ended up at Brax Landing in Harwich (the next town over) for lunch. We had lunch on their patio overlooking the water and it was quite pleasant under the bright sun. I had fish and chips (the fish was really light, crisp, and juicy) while Dear had some fried oysters.

We went back to the inn after lunch for some brownies and cookies, then napped before dinner. Lunch and tea were so filling, it was difficult to think about food even at 8:30, but we had to, since every place closes before 10pm in the off-season. For dinner, we returned to the Chatham Squire (we had take-out from there the first night so that I could stay in and watch Gilmore Girls) and had just enough time to eat a lobster salad (lots of lobster meat!) on a croissant and mussels with linguisa sausage.

DAY 3
On our last day, we went to an estate sale in Hyannis (home of the "Kennedy compound") that Dear found while surfing online. I've never been to one and it was kinda creepy and sad -- think of a bunch of strangers looking through a dead person's stuff, like a garage sale. What was even sadder was that a lot of the stuff wasn't that nice and it grossed me out to see cobwebs over everything and weeds in the backyard. We saw a kinda nice little black bench that we contemplated getting but it wasn't antique (could've been Target for all we know) and in the end we thought it wasn't worth it. On our drive back, it got noticeably cooler and it was nice to see all the fall colors (I truly love this season!).

Overall, it was a nice little relaxing vacation. I think I slept close to 12 hours one night, finally catching up on all my lost sleep! Unfortunately, Dear got a little sick since he wasn't prepared for the change in weather. :(

BM goodies

2006-10-13T23:24:00.000-04:00

It took me a while to decide what to give my BMs and I ended up assembling a bunch of orange items (some handmade, some not) and other stuff together that I hope they enjoyed receiving. I intended on giving out the packages at the rehearsal dinner but it was so noisy and crowded there (plus I was so tired and in such a pissy mood) that I ended up giving it to them at the hotel the night before. We were all busy working on last minute stuff (one BM was re-doing my nails and also helping my mother do hers while another one was doing last minute ironing) that I didn't get to see their reactions but at least they used some of the stuff on the day of....

LAVENDER EYE PILLOWS (made in orange to fit in with the color scheme): I started by making the middle one and realized it was a tad too short (but still functional) so I made the other ones longer. After all was said and done, I realized I also overstuffed these babies... oh well.

taken with flash

taken w/o flash

all wrapped up with some tissue paper, tied with leftover sheer red ribbon and a tag with use instructions, including putting in the freezer or microwave for cool/warm experience

FLORAL FACE CLOTH: knit up a long, long time ago (before I came up with a color theme, otherwise I'd have made all of them orange)

taken w/o flash

the washcloths after blocking (you'll notice these look more finished & flatter)

washcloths all wrapped up with a tag to explain use and care (excuse the weird background -- I had to hide the mess of my desk)

Aside from these items, I also included a pair of giant pearl earrings with a sterling silver setting, an orange scarf/shawl, a pair of Old Navy flip flops in maroon, and a bottle of papaya body lotion from Missha (in orange bottle).

I put all the things in an orange bag I found at H&M. It has lots of pockets which came in handy for holding all the various items. I then put the filled bags in a red paper gift bag and put the scarf on top since it was fairly hard to wrap everything.

Thanks for all your help (and patience in dealing with my Bridezilla moments) ladies!

See you on the married side!

2006-10-06T00:25:00.000-04:00

This is probably going to be my last post as a singleton. Much madness in the past few days & hours. Wish I had time to write about it all. This is what I'd like to cover when I get the chance:
- getting marriage license
- program printing (totally asinine experienceS with Kinko's -- yes, that's plural b/c we had to visit that place on more than one occasion), assembly, etc. (not my best work, so prepare to be disappointed at the end result)
- housing situation
- placecards & table stuff
- rehearsal & rehearsal dinner
- vendor review (and downgrade!)
- flowers

I heart Hilton hotels!

2006-10-02T19:20:00.000-04:00

I love Hilton hotels (despite the relation to that obscene Paris woman)! Ever since I stayed at the Embassy Suites, I've been hooked and I joined their rewards program. Having a suite the night before will be great to house all the BMs, plus my parents, if they so choose. My only regret is not booking a second night as well. So I was worried about having to check out at noon as the website indicates, but after calling them I learned that as a Hilton Honors member, I can check out at 2pm, more than enough time to get ready in the room since the ceremony is at 2. And the downtown location should make it a relatively quick trip between Ctown, so it's very convenient. They also serve made-to-order breakfast, my favorite meal of the day! Bacon and eggs, here I come!!

Something old, something borrowed

2006-10-01T21:14:00.000-04:00

The other day (probably weeks ago), my FCIL let me borrow the vintage Gucci clutch that she found at a rummage sale. It's perfect for the wedding day and is so classy.

I think it needs to be cleaned though, and I'm not sure how. Any suggestions?

Looks like I have a lot of old & borrowed stuff. Not sure if I will have something blue....

It's raining in the office

2006-10-01T19:58:00.000-04:00

I have so much to update, so much to do, so little time. I'll begin with my last day at work before the BIG day. My group of co-workers threw me (and Dear too, but he couldn't make it) a shower. It wasn't a surprise at all, since they asked me when I was free (this is a very busy time for us) and what theme I would like. Not knowing much about showers and feeling very odd about planning my own party, I told them I really like board games like Cranium for the competition (and trashtalking) aspect and I left it at that. Well, the work they did for the party blew me away.

They printed out large Scrabble letters saying "Congratulations R____ and J____", complete with the correct point values for each letter. (Unfortunately I didn't bring my camera, but my co-worker took pics.) They also decorated the conference room with all sorts of board games, from Boggle, to a game called Compatibility, to Scrabble, Candyland, Checkers, Cootie, and of course, Cranium! They also got two crazy delicious cakes: chocolate marble cheesecake (so creamy, so good, and I think someone trekked all the way to Brooklyn to get it), and a German chocolate cake from Mangia. It was the best German chocolate cake I've ever had, and I can't believe I hardly ever order it (not that it's usually on the menu) since I love chocolate and I love coconut! There were a dozen long-stemmed red roses (gigantic sized heads -- so pretty!) and other snack foods, including a single serving of juice, which I had requested, under the guise of being healthy. :D

the beloved Cranium!

the cheesecake -- YUM!

the German chocolate cake -- double YUM!

There was also a rumor circulating that we may not go on a honeymoon just yet so they collected suggestions from the office about things to do in NYC, to "rediscover" it. There are some neat ideas that I got and the creative, somewhat-newly-married girl put them all into a nice little album for me. She designed the pages with little images and interesting layouts and printed them in color -- I wish she had time to do more!

album cover

sample of pages

The primary party planner introduced the event with the description of "bloodthirsty competition" and presented me with a set of fake rubber knives (we once bonded over our "violent" extracurricular activities, me with kung fu class, he with stage combat class) -- the type that he used in his class.

After all the non-fun-loving jerks got their slice(s) of cake and left, a few ppl stayed behind and played Cranium with me. It was so fun to win three times(!) but also fun to see different sides of people that you work with everyday. (My boss went so far as to snap one of the rosebuds off the bouquet, and then to stick it in my hair in order to win a round.) What I love about Cranium is how you need to work as a team and use different talents in order to win, so it was good to play both with ppl I don't usually work with, and also with my group. Other ppl also stayed behind to play Candyland or Scrabble on their own. :)

Someone said it was the "best office party" she's been to (I completely agree!) and I can't believe I had doubts about inviting them to the wedding (I hope I don't regret that later :P). (Unfortunately the two slices of cake I had are wreaking havoc on my waistline!)

Lower boroughs traverse

2006-09-28T22:04:00.000-04:00

This past weekend, we scouted out some photo locations, beginning with the SI Ferry. We had just missed one, so we waited in the new terminal for half an hour before the next one arrived. The day was very windy and it started to drizzle/rain as we boarded the boat so we stayed inside for the ride to SI. I think we stayed on the right side of the boat (I've forgotten all my boating terminology -- is it starboard?) to get a view of the Statue of Liberty. Once we arrived in SI (about 20 minutes later), we had to get off, walk around, and wait to go back on the ferry for the return trip. This time around it was no longer raining and we went up to the top deck, where I think it'd be easier/nicer to take pictures uninhibited by the roof on the deck below.

On our way back, we passed by the other ferry (the older one, which doesn't have a deck along the sides of the boat, just in the front and back, hence not optimal for many photo ops).

close-up (sorta) of the Statue of Liberty; I think the ride to SI gives you a closer view

returning back to Manhattan

closer view through the glass of the Brooklyn Bridge

As we approached Manhattan, I also noticed that the view on the other side of the boat is of Governor's Island, which provides a quaint background, something unexpected for New York.

Then we drove to DUMBO, in search of a nice cobblestone street to take pics with the cab (didn't really find any). We also located Brooklyn Bridge Park after much turning and driving through bumpy one-way roads. The park has awesome views of both the Brooklyn Bridge and the Manhattan Bridge (too bad my camera decided to malfunction at this point). Next to the BBP is Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park, which has the remains of an old tobacco factory (and now used for parties) and other interesting old structures. However, if you were to take wedding pictures in that park, it costs over $100. After many phone calls to the NYC Parks Department, the consensus seems to be that taking pictures in a city-owned park is free, if you're in a group of 25 ppl or less, and so long as there is no special setup required.

So it's decided -- we will take pics with the bridal party in DUMBO, with the cab, and at Brooklyn Bridge Park after the ceremony (I think we can get some fun, interesting, playful pics there). Then just the two of us will go on the SI Ferry (the wind and all will mess up our hair and such, so best to save for last) and by then we'll have spent maximum time with the cab (rather than letting it sit, waiting while we ride the ferry for an hour).

After the arduous day, we went to Red Hook for a late lunch at Schnack. The burgers & fries are comparable to the Shake Shack (definitely less greasy) but unfortunately I don't think I'd ever go back. It took a while to get my food due to a mistake (for which they apologized and gave it to me for free) but the worst part of the experience was the dead roach floating in Dear's lemonade. They claimed a true neighborhood experience or something like that, in which case, that's a pretty gross neighborhood. My "Best Deal" burger was not bad (very filling -- I couldn't fit dinner that night) and I thought the height and composition of it made a good pic:

Extra cake?

2006-09-22T22:08:00.000-04:00

If you are the groom, stop reading! (though the chances that he is actually reading this are very slim.) I had always thought that the idea of a groom's cake (which are supposedly making a comeback) was just another wedding industry excuse for brides to spend more money so I thought I'd never even consider having one. The idea behind a groom's cake is that it is a gift to the groom from the bride (I once read that the traditional wedding cake is sometimes called the bridal cake or something) and it is often made to reflect the interests and tastes of the groom. Traditionally, the groom's cake would be sliced up and packaged for guests to take home. There are some superstitions about single women sleeping with it under their pillow and some variations on how a future husband would be in store for them.

Unlike the tiered white cakes that are often seen in weddings, the groom's cake is more casual and fun. So, for instance, if I were to get a groom's cake for Dear, it'd be the face of his latest watch (also the wedding gift I got for him a while back). The thing is, I think the idea and first glance at the cake would garner oohs and aahs but then afterwards, it's just a tiny detail that most won't appreciate. And Dear, being the practical person that he is, would probably rather save that extra money for some gadget that he can play with for longer than five minutes, rather than the extra calories the cake would be. However, I am also concerned that there isn't enough cake for everyone (we were going to supplement the existing tiered wedding cake with a dessert bar). So should I bother with this (somewhat expensive) detail? Any brides out there doing a groom's cake?

Here are some groom's cakes I thought were interesting:

And if I were to have a groom's cake, it'd be like this. But instead of a poker chip design, it'd be like this watch face.

Great lengths

2006-09-21T20:28:00.000-04:00

It's funny what a wedding will do to you. For me, I've gone DIY-wild. For the mothers, they've both permed their hair (old Chinese women with wavy/curly hair -- phenomenon not often found in nature but oh so prevalent). FMIL dyed her hair... twice. The first time it came out purple (I really don't understand how this happens -- is the chemical composition of your hair more skewed to be the color purple as you age?) then supposedly she dyed it to a more natural shade. I'll know for sure tomorrow when I see her. My mother bought a whole bunch of makeup b/c she thinks she will apply her own makeup, even though she's never done so in her entire life. (I tell her my makeup artist can do her too but she wants to save me money.) And for my uncle, he will travel from Indonesia all the way here!

In other news, I am plagued with mosquito bites both old and new. The old ones have left unsightly bruise-like marks that everyone says looks like Dear beats me (when the opposite is more true). The new ones are itching like mad and I'm hoping won't leave a scar.

I'm also half way done with my veil! It's a bit tedious to do all the sewing but it's really not that difficult and I love watching it come together. Woo hoo! There's no way these things should cost upwards of $100.

The guestbook

2006-09-20T20:47:00.000-04:00

Guestbooks have always baffled me. I never know what to sign besides my name, and that always reminds me of how I feel when I am visiting someone's office and the security guard stops me at the front desk to sign in. At the banquet, there is the red cloth (which I've always liked the idea of b/c you can actually hang it afterwards, as opposed to putting away like a regular guestbook b/c I really can't imagine anyone having the desire to pull it out to read through). For the ceremony, I thought I'd do something like Martha's idea of using iron-on transfer paper to customize a plain sketchbook.
I even got a red sketchbook from Borders, but I couldn't figure out what I should put on the cover. Plus Dear forbade me to do any more DIY projects.

Then I read about using photography books on Weddingbee, akin to how ppl create photo albums with lots of white space for guests to sign on. I loved the idea of not doing something traditional. So since we're having a fall wedding and there is a fall theme going on, Dear suggested we do a book of fall photos. We ordered this from Amazon, and it finally arrived today (after I got a notice of delay that it wouldn't arrive until a month after the wedding).

Since there wasn't a "Look Inside" feature with this book and no bookstores carry it w/o being special ordered, we took the gamble that there would be enough pictures and white space to sign on. And I think there is, plus the pictures are really nice. The colors are so vibrant and it reminds me of why I love autumn. The pictures also remind me of the times we've hiked Bear Mountain in the fall and also of the leaves we gathered last year. I can see actually putting this book on my shelf and occasionally taking it out once in a while to look at the pretty pictures and to read guest comments along the way. And under $15, this is a very inexpensive guestbook alternative!

Much to do + transportation

2006-09-14T20:45:00.000-04:00

Remember that feeling of having a huge project due when you were in school but being totally unprepared for everything b/c you've been procrastinating? I wish I could say I had that feeling when I was doing my thesis but I was actually quite ready for that. This wedding thing, I'm not. Come to think of it, this is more like a project at work b/c I can handle the written word, the research, the hours of reading and writing for a school project. But I can't make decisions and I dislike dealing with ppl (which is why I'll forever be a peon on the corporate ladder). Oh, and you know those nightmares ppl have? I don't have those b/c I can't sleep!

Anyway, things I have to do somewhat soon:
- finalize program (then print it, cut it & assemble)
- contact bartender
- get liquor
- find out what's up w/ the ceremony musicians
- guestbook
- compile must-take photos
- finalize flower selections
- lose a few pounds
- shape eyebrows
- pick our first dance song
- decide which cab to rent for the day

That's right, I have to decide between cabs. Today we went out to the Dyker Heights area of Brooklyn to meet this guy who showed us two models of checker cabs to choose from. The guy is super friendly, gave us brief histories of the cars, gave a little run through of the two, and even gave us a neat suggestion of decorating the car with a garland of flowers across the front of the car (by the windshield), which I think would be really nice.

I think the cabs are the coolest thing (so classy and different), especially the two jump seats in the back (which I didn't know about), which allow us to seat up to 4 ppl in the back (or more, I imagine). I think we can even fit 6 altogether, plus the driver.

the jump seat, folded out

view of the two jump seats, the one in the foreground is folded up into the back of the front seat

view of the full-replication dash, complete with original air conditioning, meter, and a bensi box tape deck (for easy removal when authenticity is important)

Anyway, these are the 2 choices. Which one do you like?

1965 two-color checker cab, which appeared in "Breakfast at Tiffany's", "The Producers" and other films

1968/69 checker cab which appeared in "When Harry Met Sally", "Ghostbusters II", "Catch Me If You Can", among others

Both are really roomy with the jump seats in the back. I'm leaning toward the one-color b/c it has the taxi meter of old (you flip something to start it and it spins around, he said) but I kinda like the uniqueness of the two-color one, though it isn't as memorable as the other one. Someone decide for me!

Construction

2006-09-13T20:34:00.000-04:00

This was the site last month. Will it be ready in time?

Overseas relatives

2006-09-12T00:11:00.000-04:00

Yesterday my uncle called all the way from Indonesia. He is planning on coming to the wedding (if he can get the visa)! I haven't seen him in 20 or so years and I have no recollection of having ever met him when I was last in Indonesia (back in the first grade). I'm excited and I'd love to show him and his family around my favorite city (New York, of course!). I'd be so honored too, that he'd make this long trip just for my wedding.

On the other hand, all my HK relatives won't be able to make it. However, I received a gift in the mail today from my aunt. Supposedly it's what all the "young people" are wearing nowadays. But I wonder on what occasion I can wear it (it's a bit too casual for my wedding). Maybe the rehearsal dinner? Anyway, I took pics b/c I really like the packaging.

front of the bag

back of the bag (the top of the bag folds down and an attached ribbon feeds through a slot to the front, where it is tied into a bow)

Inside the bag, the jewelry box is a very interesting pod-like case that closes with a button (it's not so fuschia-like in real life, I just went a little overboard when adjusting the contrast).

The box opens from the middle to reveal the necklace inside.

The penguin suits

2006-09-06T22:59:00.000-04:00

Who knew that picking out tuxes would take over two tiring visits, with one lasting over 3 hours? I fully trust Dear's opinion on menswear (he, after all, has had more experience in that department than me). And with something like a tux (minimal color selection, 3 basic shapes revolving around the number of buttons), I figured how hard can it be, especially since he had done some research and even gone to the store to get the process going?

Well the salesperson strongly suggested that I come back with fiance since in her experience the bride may veto all decisions that the groom ever came up with. So I went to the Men's Wearhouse in Queens Sunday evening with fiance. It was crowded and we had to wait.

What drives me mad about the concept of the store is that there isn't anything for you to try on. I had trouble picturing what would look nice on Dear (I have reservations about ivory on Asian skin, even though my dress has a bit of an ivory tinge but I want him to stand out from the GMs, who will "match" the BMs) but there was nothing there for him to try on. The best I could do was hold the swatch of the vest next to his face and even then I couldn't really tell. I also couldn't tell which style of tux looks best on Dear since he couldn't try anything on, so we just relied on the opinions of others, who said 2-button.

I know customer service is their thing at Men's Wearhouse and they pride themselves on it but I thought it was a very assembly-line kind of service (as if they had been trained on certain points and they had set answers and scenarios to spit back at you) but what can you expect for something with limited choices and is quite simple? For example, they have a set of vest patterns for various colors. On top of that, few patterns are nice. The pattern I liked best (and what we ended up choosing) unfortunately has a lot of black stitching throughout, so it actually makes that vest look like a much darker red, which is much darker than the red of the BM's dresses (unless I switch dresses for them, which is likely). When I brought this up to the salesperson, he tried to fake it by saying it's OK b/c the underlying red is still the same (or pretty close) as the red of the dresses, even though I didn't bring a swatch at that time. The next day, when he saw the swatch, he realized I was right but he still insisted that it's very close, when it's clearly not. I didn't give much of a fight b/c I realize there's nothing he can do (and I really don't care enough to try to find exact matches elsewhere) and I'm OK with the different colors (plus I may have to change the dresses anyway). The ties are also very limited -- all are clip-ons, with no choice for anything else. The process is at least, somewhat streamlined. Once we picked out the type of tux for everyone who needs one, the salesperson punches in all the info that he had written down on our group's folder, gives us this looooooong receipt with all the info, and then measures whoever needs measuring. Then when the others go get measured, all they have to do is give our group number, get measured, and be on their way. Only we have the ability to change any of the specifications so even if someone hates our choices, they can't change it (when he said that, I thought how great that'd be for BM dresses but alas women wouldn't want to rent that, would they?).

So the GMs will be wearing what I recall is the "Rio" vest and long Euro tie in burgundy (the pattern consists of textured vertical stripes created by stitching in different directions -- does that make any sense?!). Dear will wear the same thing but in ivory. In fact, everyone will wear ivory shirts so as not to look weird (or dirty) if it were next to white. The fathers will wear the same pattern vest with bowtie in gray. My brother will wear the burgundy ensemble but a bowtie to bridge the difference between the fathers & GM (but I never asked if he'd be OK w/ that b/c I have a feeling he wouldn't want to wear a bowtie). As for tuxes, the only interesting thing is Dear's tux, which will have an edged lapel (instead of a full satin lapel) which I think looks very smart. And supposedly this was the "hot look" during the Emmys.

Another thing I wasn't crazy about MW is the seemingly sleazy salesppl (most of them, anyway). The guy who eventually set up everything for us was pretty nice, and I think he worked as well as he could to satisfy us with what he has, but his manager, who first sat with us reminded me of a car salesman. I think he didn't really want to work with us either b/c as soon as his peon was free, he pushed us off on him so that he could go off and twiddle his thumbs. We were also accosted by this guy who wore awful cologne when we first walked in and he was so eager to sell Dear a suit. When the tux salesperson walked us over to show us the shoes (Dear has issues wearing rented shoes, and I don't blame him), the awful cologne guy immediately rushed over, eager to sell his suits. I think that happened at least twice.

So the male attire was pretty simple (yet exhausting for me) -- it only makes me feel worse for what I put others through when I was trying to find a dress. :(

RIP pc275

2006-09-06T22:07:00.000-04:00

I know it's a Chinese taboo to have any association of morbidity with a wedding (and that's why I couldn't go last Saturday), but I cannot, should not deny what's happened. It's the least I can do for my dear friend pc275. I know you would have wanted to be there for my wedding and I would really have wanted to see you there, to share with you my special moment and then to share with you yours (I know you would've been next!), so wherever you are I'll know you'll be there too.

I keep telling myself this is not how it was supposed to be, you were supposed to graduate, become a doctor, get married, have your 3.5 kids by the age of 30.... I see/read/do things and my instinct is to tell you about it but I pause and then realize that you're not here any longer to share with. I'm sorry for all that's happened in the past, thankful for the good times we shared, glad for all you've taught me. I hope you know that my life has never been the same since you befriended me 9 years ago and asked me to be your roommate. I may have been a total b* to you at times, and I'm sorry -- I hope you've forgiven me. You asked me many years ago, as college freshmen, if I'd have you as a bridesmaid (way before marriage was even in the picture). I should have asked you when I had the chance (I'm sorry for that too!). Is it too late to ask you "Will you be my honorary BM?"

Such a young life with so much potential, with so much left to do, I'm sorry you're not here. I think daily of you and I will do the same on my wedding day. Rest in peace....

My cookie day

2006-09-05T19:47:00.000-04:00

This past Saturday, Dear and two of his GM drove out to the far reaches of Brooklyn to deliver a pig and some pastries in exchange for my hand in marriage. I feel really bad that one of the GM drove for 2 hours from CT to get to NYC to do this. Thankfully my mother didn't insist on rescheduling this two days before, when she realized that she had mis-read her Chinese calendar. I also am relieved that Dear was allowed (at the last minute) to come inside, otherwise the GMs would have been completely lost in a sea of outdated traditions, amongst ppl they've never met.

While we waited for them to arrive, two of my aunts (the ones who kept feeding my mother all the traditions that need to be followed) gave me marriage advice. Most of it I barely understood (or ignored, since they can be quite annoying) and I just nodded my head. The only thing I remember is my aunt telling me my duties as a wife would be to cook and clean (I wanted to wring her neck for that) and that I would have to say good morning to my ILs (as if I lost all common sense or politeness). It's just so different to hear this subservience junk, as compared to the advice I got at my shower.

Anyway, when the entourage arrived around 11:15 (I think), I scurried upstairs since I wasn't allowed to be seen. I hovered at the top of the steps to catch glimpses of what was happening (mostly saw ppl's legs and feet) and I also tried to listen so that I could picture the events happening below me -- have to watch the tape that GM was shooting. In the meantime, pictures that the other GM shot help fill in a lot of the blanks.

roasted pig and six boxes of pastries, later to be divvied up

I actually watched as the car was unloaded -- I was surprised that everything fit b/c I had heard stories of how ppl had to fold down their seats to fit the pig but there was room to spare in the trunk. Sounds gross, I know, but the pig was covered in paper and taped to the box. I love the wooden red tray that the pig came in.

Dear presented two coconuts to my mother (forgive the odd shot -- he doesn't want his picture publicized so I cropped him out). The coconuts symbolize fertility or something so they're not divided up and given out to the rest of the family. (That's my aunt in the background.)

After the coconuts, two envelopes of money were presented, one for the numerous dried goods that were requested and one as dowry money. Two pairs of chickens and a pair of pants for my brother were also in the lineup. The chickens were completely intact (with neck and innards) and raw (not what I expected, but better than what some old lady told FFIL while he was ordering the cakes in the bakery -- she said the chickens had to be alive and sqawking).

The pig is ushered into the dining room/kitchen to be chopped up.

My other aunt examining the pig for the best angle to chop its head off.

This aunt eventually did all the chopping b/c everyone else was too scared or didn't know how. From upstairs I just heard each person pass the buck and tell the other person to cut it. This is also the aunt that kept calling one of the GMs "pretty boy" in Chinese, which I couldn't stop laughing about from upstairs.

The pig, slowly being divided up.

Did I say how much I really like the box? It comes with handles too! I'm thinking of turning it into a planter or a magazine rack or something. Let's hope all this rain hasn't completely destroyed it as FMIL left it outside in her backyard.

The pig's head, returned to the groom, along with its tail.

The groom also got a wallet (with some money in it), a belt, some of the pastries, some of the pork, all the bed linens we had bought, and two of the chickens back. My mother also returned half of the dried goods money and a significant portion of the dowry money for Dear to buy a suit. She also put red envelopes with a small amount of money in each of the things that the groom took away and everyone there got red envelopes for helping out (the GMs, my aunts).

My mother and aunt dividing up all the pastries into the more decorative red boxes to give out to the rest of my family.

Along with the pastries, they also delivered the invitations (way late) complete with the cake cards to get even more pastries, and a slab of the roast pork.

sample of the pastries

I think one of the pastries is missing, b/c I thought there were supposed to be six types. I tried two of the ones above and they both have a very flaky crust (must be a lot of lard) with the thick and sweet lotus seed filling often found in Chinese pastries. The one I had on Saturday reminded me of a plain mooncake without the yolk centers. This morning, the one I had threw me for a loop as it had thin slices of pickled ginger in the middle, along with half a pickled egg (the kind that you get when someone gives birth -- ick!). I really want to try the large almond cookie but I feel guilty b/c it's really huge!

After the guys left, my family had a small lunch (just pork and rice, no vegetable!!) b/c I think my parents forgot/did not know that they were supposed to cook a meal for all of us. The pork tasted pretty good (not very fatty), was about 100 pounds altogether I think, and came from the meat market on Catherine Street by the Golden Carriage bakery. Not having dealt with them, I give them an A for value (about $1/lb), taste, their thoughtfulness to provide the red tray (I later learned the box cost extra but a nice touch), convenience, and general doing exactly what was asked of them at the time they were asked to.

Here's looking at you kid, er... um... pig? And my mother wanted to get the pig cards (like gift certificates) instead of the actual pig.... I think aside from the huge headache of all this, things turned out alright and definitely created some memories (and only lasted about an hour).

The dress saga draws to an end

2006-09-02T11:48:00.000-04:00

I think I'm about due for an update on this cold, windy, rainy day (I hate how the wind is shrieking outside my window). And on this day that hurricane Ernesto is passing through, my Dear and his GM (sans brother) are delivering a pig and some pastries (plus chickens and coconuts) and a butt-load of money. This is the dowry thing that I vehemently opposed but gave up on in the end. And all I can do is sit upstairs b/c the debate over whether or not I can see all this has teetered in the direction of I'd better not be seen. I'll post how this all finally goes down. But for now, I owe an explanation on what happened with my dress, the bane of my existence. Brace yourself, it's a long story....

I was supposed to pick up my dress on Tuesday. Seeing as how it was never ready the eight other times I either called or visited them, I didn't expect much difference this time around except that I have just over a month left and their excuse of "you have time" would really not hold water with every passing day. However, I called the week before to make sure, even though she "promised" it'd be ready by the end of the month when I went to see her 3 weeks ago. So when I called, they scrambled around a bit to find out whether it was possible, I heard some mumblings and the answer was yes, it will be ready. Unlike the other times, I didn't get a runaround answer so I was fairly confident/excited/nervous that I may finally be in possession of my dress. I think I even had a spring in my step as I walked there. The seamstress was all smiles and cheery when she saw me (very different from our last face-to-face) which made me less mad when she couldn't find my dress hanging on her racks. No, it was on her sewing table b/c she was NOT DONE! She said it'd be definitely done the following day (to which I lied and said I was busy so I needed it today b/c I really don't want to be traveling back and forth) or she could try to finish it up tonight and I could try back an hour and a half later. I asked her what else she needed to do and she muttered something incomprehensible but I think she meant she needed to do everything I had asked her 5 months ago b/c she hadn't worked on it since I last saw it. Grr! I didn't want to wait that long (nothing around there to do except for a Starbucks when I had plenty of work to do at home) so I headed downtown dejectedly, with the "promise" that I could pick it up anytime tomorrow. (On a somewhat bright note, I found a $20 bill on the floor, which I debated with myself on whether or not I should take it.)

The following day, I headed uptown again after work and I waited 15 minutes or so for the seamstress to appear while some doofy guy (her son?) played around with his new digital camera. When she finally came out, FOR ONCE the woman recognized me, understood my plight, and simply brought my dress down from the rack and had me change into it. I slowly unzipped the bag and examined the dress. From the front it looked normal. Then I flipped it to the backside and... gasp! It was not a horror show! I didn't have to go berserk and sit in the corner rocking back and forth, lamenting the day I stepped into Pinpoint Bridal! I looked at the side -- oh, it was beautiful!! I looked at the other side, oh, it was nice too!! I crawled into the dress (instead of stepping into it b/c it's a tight squeeze past my hips) and attempted to zip it up (I still need to lose a pound or too, darnit!!). When I walked out and looked at myself in the mirror, I didn't hate my dress anymore (still don't loooove it, like most everyone else does theirs) but I was satisfied. I was shown the bustle (a very simple one with a single button) and she made other adjustments (lowering the position of the bustle b/c it was so high it fluffed up in the back) and pinned in bra cups so that they can be sewn in. I changed out of the dress and she went to make these changes by hand while I waited.

Meanwhile, a million ppl decided to come in and ask about this or that, including this very annoying woman with a high-pitched voice (who incidentally is getting married on the same day as me) who wanted to check whether her dress was ready a week early (ha! does she know who she's dealing with?). To stretch my patience further she didn't have the ticket number so that they couldn't easily find the dress amongst the hundreds they have hanging. When they eventually found it, she saw they had done absolutely nothing with it either but they "promised" it'd be ready next week (poor woman, I feel your pain!). After half an hour or so, the seamstress was finally free to go back to finishing my dress and I finally tried it on again and everything was as good as can be.

At the beginning of my dress search, even ordinary dresses garnered oohs and aahs from onlookers (maybe that was false, maybe it was the newly-engaged glow) but ever since then, no one has had the same reaction with this dress (other than the day I bought it and I think it's quite nice and I like that it is different). Oh well.... I packed my dress up in a large shopping bag (to the horror of the seamstress, until she realized that I still had to clean it) and went on my way. I dropped the huge thing off at BM's office (she actually has an office with a door that locks!) so that I didn't have to lug it back and forth. The following day, I brought the dress to Little J Cleaners around 20th and Park during my lunch break and left it to be cleaned. That was the easiest part by far. They were very attentive, looked at the dress, quoted me $170, and proceeded to note the details of my dress for their reference. The person who recommended Little J to me suggested that I don't have them press it (b/c my dress is so delicate), so I told them so, with the option of coming back a few days before the wedding if I couldn't get it pressed by a friend of a friend. They were very accomodating and I can pick it up next Thursday! Whew, such a relief (and extraordinarily easy)!!

We'll see how the cleaning turns out but for now, my review of Pinpoint Bridal is B-. I am satisfied with how things turned out (not perfect, but workable) but I think they have many things that need to be fixed. 1) They have serious commitment issues -- this charade was dragged out for many months and caused me much agita! If things aren't possible by a certain time, don't promise me that they will be, only to disappoint me and waste my time (the worse one being showing up at this inconvenient location only to be turned away). I think in general, seamstresses take a long time so no matter where you go, I advise you to say you need it at least two weeks before your actual date. 2) There are communications issues -- their command of the English language is limited and at times I couldn't understand what she was trying to tell me. 3) The worse offense of all -- the man (her husband?) who works there and sometimes answers the phone. At first I liked speaking to him b/c he speaks better English and I could actually get answers out of him but he's one of those sleazy ppl who tells lies to appease you or is extra nice when he needs your cooperation but whenever I would tell him that I need the dress NOW he'd give me stupid excuses like "you have time," "you don't need it now," etc. Excuses are one thing but I don't like how patronizing (in a mean way)/condescending he was. Aside from these issues, her work is decent (I think it's easier/less headache when you need simpler things done, not refurbishing) and her price is OK. Just remember you should pad your due date with them so they don't screw around with you.

The third dress

2006-08-28T20:19:00.000-04:00

Last Friday, BM and I headed out bright and early to 34th Street to find me an evening gown (for the final dress-changing portion of the evening), since the one that I had originally intended to wear is really plain and not exactly flattering. My co-worker had told me about the inexpensive evening gowns that you can buy in the Garment District. I had checked out some places before, but it was difficult to make a decision w/o a second set of eyes and w/o being able to try anything on. So I dragged BM with me to this particular store that actually has a fitting room (ghetto as it may be) and after trying on many a dress, I found something!

At first, I was really afraid that I would make the wrong decision (you can't return stuff, just exchange, and only within 24 hours) so I asked the woman to hold the dress for me (she only holds it for a few hours) while we went to look elsewhere. Since we were in the area, we went to Macy's. Interestingly, I saw at least two styles of dresses that were in the ghetto store, just in different colors. The big difference? About $50 (if not more -- numbers escape me for the moment)! Oh and at Macy's, they have fancier tags attached. After I realized that my budget prevented me from buying anything nice or undamaged from Macy's (I've bought enough evening gowns in the past year for quite a few formal events), I came to the conclusion that the dress from the ghetto store was the one for me.

It is a halter dress with an empire waist and A-line skirt. There is a weird fold of fabric in the front that looks a bit like ruffles, but not really. I'm thinking of cutting that part off. It comes with a thin shawl/scarf thingy and and it's green! Recently I've become enamored with the color green, especially bright greens like apple and lime. I've also noticed that this color is nice on Asian skin so I knew it'd be in my best interest to get something green. Even though many people would have preferred that I wear yet another red dress (besides the qi pao), I decided to go for the green and I think I have a winner! I will finally have a fabulous dress in my repertoire for the day!

And just to check that I'm not colorblind, here's a swatch of the color. The two mothers said it's not "bright" enough -- are they crazy? It's sooo bright (I was concerned it may be too bright). [I'd post a pic of the full dress but I'm too lazy and it's complicated to put it on, etc.]

Today, I tried on the dress with my silver 3" heels and the length is perfect! Now I just have to iron it and perhaps look for the right undergarment. Yay! Something went right for a change!!

Preliminary timeline

2006-08-25T23:38:00.000-04:00

We sorta hammered out our timeline for the actual wedding day. A major complication is how far out in Brooklyn I live, and how all the vendors and locations are in lower Manhattan. If I stayed in Brooklyn the night before, the schedule would be a lot tighter (it's pretty tight staying in Manhattan too). So, assuming we (meaning, me, BMs, and my parents) stay in a hotel downtown the night before, the timeline would be something like:

8:30 wake up
9:30 - 10:00 Bride & 1 BM leave to go to hair salon, while rest of BMs stay at hotel to get makeup done
10:00 - 11:00 Bride & 1 BM get hair done
11:00 - 11:30 Bride & BM return to hotel to get makeup done while other two BMs go to hair salon
11:30 - 12:30 Bride's makeup
12:30 - 1:30 everyone get dressed
1:00 photographer show up at hotel to take some getting ready pictures
1:30 cab picks up bride at hotel, w/ parents & photographer to church
1:30 trio/quartet begins playing prelude stuff
2:00 ceremony begins (we're thinking of Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring for the processional and Canon in D for bride's entrance)
2:30 ceremony ends
2:30 - 3:00 brief picture time at church for those who are interested
3:00 - 5:30 pictures throughout lower Manhattan and Brooklyn (still have to decide where to take pics)
5:30 - 6:00 travel to restaurant (may have to get additional car to bring us since cab's rate is for 4 hours)
6:00 - 7:00 tea ceremony during cocktail hour
7:00 banquet begins (and I mean 7pm on the dot, not any later!) -- bride and groom introduced
7:15 first dance
11:00 banquet ends

Still have to work out time of dress changes, cake cutting, speeches, table toasts....

Invitations

2006-08-24T21:22:00.000-04:00

Finally, all the invitations are in the mail and I can brag about them online. I'm really proud of them -- they've been the highlight of planning so far (from designing, to creating, to assembling, to getting feedback) but ever since then, everything has been downhill and nothing else has gone right. So don't expect much after this....

invite inside fully addressed vellum envelope (we chose vellum b/c it was on sale from myGatsby.com)

full invite (in poor light) with stamp (I was dissatisfied with the Post Office's selection of wedding stamps, but this was the best choice among their 63 cent selection)

pocket-fold invite wrapped with sheer Asiana ribbon (in ivory but looks silverish), closed with a seal of an embossed double happiness symbol on ivory cardstock, with vellum backing (again, poor lighting, but it really is ivory cardstock, not yellow!)

inside of invite; Chinese in red text above the English in black (there is a minor typo in Chinese, which we rectified by punchiing out various heart shapes but I'm too embarrassed to show a picture, plus we gave all those out before I had a chance to take a pic)

the various enclosures: map and directions card, RSVP, and card with web info (actually printed on the blank perforated business cards from Staples, which fit perfectly on the side pocket b/c it is 3.5"x2" & the enclosures are supposed to be 3.5" tall; best part is no cutting, just ripping apart)

close-up of the direction card; I really enjoyed creating the map (I used Google Earth to get a 3-D view of everything, traced the important parts, like landmarks, by hand, scanned the image, and traced it all over in Illustrator so as to have perfectly straight lines)

the RSVP card with a maple leaf punched out in the corner (to give just a hint of a fall wedding); all the English wording is screwed up (mix of formal and informal b/c of the huge problems FFIL had with it, even though I barely understand his English sometimes)

I ordered the postage stamps online and they come very neatly packaged in plastic with a cardboard to support it. It's very convenient -- no waiting on line, dealing with incompetent ppl, or tracking down about 300 of the exact same type of stamps. It just costs $1 extra for shipping, which I think is well worth it. And it was delivered fairly quickly.

WHAT IT TAKES:

Hammermill ivory 60lb. and 80 lb. cardstock from Staples: about $40 (we also bought extra to make other stuff too_
300 "firecracker red" (love the color!) pocket-fold invites from Paper Presentation: about $355
400 vellum outer envelopes: about $39 (on clearance, for 75% off)
Heavyweight tracing paper from high school drafting class: basically free
Glue & other adhesive: about $33 (we originally used the cheapass Avery glue pens from Staples for gluing the cardstock to the invite but they wouldn't really hold, then we went with the Scotch tape roller which is actually permanent; also used Glue Dots to stick ribbon and seal on)
Ribbon: about $7.50
250 4-Bar RSVP envelopes from Paper Presentation: $37.50
Custom-made stamps (double happiness and two other ones that we ended up not using) from Simon's Stamps: $21
Embossing powder: $3
Stamp pads: $8
Maple leaf punch: $3.51
Ivory blank business cards from Staples: $0.25

GRAND TOTAL: $547.76, or $1.83 per invite (really less, if you count all the stuff that can be reused)

I think I made out pretty well, considering nice invites cost upwards of $2 nowadays. I think for a similar style it would have cost at least $5/invite.

And postage stamps cost about $70 (but not part of "making the invitation" so I didn't include it above).

Lastly, there was a lot of blood, sweat, and tears when discussing the layout and wording, and hardly anyone has noticed that (insert befuddled, hardly amused, mostly aggravated face here).

Cash cow and other farm animals

2006-08-22T21:58:00.000-04:00

I've always been aware of the tension/conflict between the Old World thinking/traditions of recent immigrants and their first-generation American children. But I've never felt it more acutely than now, when seemingly ridiculous cultural traditions are being shoved down my throat and I'm demanded to follow them.

The most recent round of arguments have involved this pig delivery (dowry) thing. At first I thought this was a cute and fun idea and a good way to honor the Chinese history but it has gotten completely out of hand. Besides the pig, fiance is expected to bring over wedding pastries (not to be confused with the bakery cards that we bought to give out to the bride's side), two pairs of chickens, shark fin, dried mushrooms, dried scallops, plus various other dried delicacies, and one pair of coconuts. And of course, don't forget the packet of money that must include a lucky number (either 8 or 9), meaning about $1000 or more. To make matters worse, I'm told that neither me nor fiance can be present -- it will just be some ppl that he chooses to represent him (there must be at least a married couple with their children), including his parents, who show up at my parents' house (who, as of now, are complete strangers to the deliverers). These ppl only stay long enough to drop off all the stuff, receive half of it back (except for the coconuts for some bizarre reason), and then leave. Unlike other ppl who've gone through this, my parents want this ultra-traditional and are not going to invite the deliverers to stay and eat with them (heck I won't even be there to see the spectacle). To make things easier, fiance was given the option of giving the cold, hard cash equivalent of the miscellaneous goods. The trouble with all this, as FFIL pointed out, is which brand do they want? Because as you know, there's the top-notch fungus and there's the low-grade variety, which can be as expensive as $100/lb or as cheap as $1/lb. As it stands, I last heard that FILs found all this stupid and refuse to go to this delivery thing b/c it's not part of their custom.

Fiance was quite peeved about all this b/c it seems like he's buying me off (I agree), like a piece of property. My mother gave the explanation that all this needs to be done b/c I'm leaving home; note that no notice or care is given about the male leaving the home. As fiance said, if we were to do this the completely traditional way and to follow through on the idea of me leaving home completely, I would never ever see them again. So if you put that idea up against my parents wanting all this rigamarole, which is the better way to go? It's not fair that they get the best of both worlds and use the excuse of following tradition for only the parts that they like. I didn't bring that up but that didn't stop my mother from giving me the full-on guilt trip of how she raised me, all the hard work that went into that, and how I'm so ungrateful. Maybe I am, but like I told her, I have no problem giving her money or giving my parents a gift as a show of my appreciation for raising me, I just don't see the point of having to do all this stuff, and me being treated like property that is exchanged from family to husband. This is America -- we made the decision to get married and we don't really need permission or extra obstacles in our way.

With all these arguments, my mother has been reluctant to discuss these issues further with me. She gave me another guilt trip about how this is a happy occasion and she just wants it to be easy and without conflict but that every time we begin to discuss I get all mad. Well I think anyone would be mad if they had to go through all this. Maybe I'd be less confrontational about it all if we were told in advance. But no, we're finding out about all these excess demands now (our friends have never had to go through so much). We never thought we needed a married couple with kids to deliver stuff -- I believe all his cousins (who are married and have kids) are busy on the agreed upon w/e. His groomsmen (who we originally asked to help out) married non-Asian women so they will definitely not bring their wives. And I'd feel terrible to have to impose on ppl to do these tasks (which are most likely meaningless to them) for ppl who are strangers to them.

After our latest fight and my protestations of being treated like chattel, I think my mother started to see my side of things. So she started telling me about all the things she's supposed to give me, like sheets and comforters (more on that later). And she tried to make plans with me to go to the safe deposit box to pick out some bracelet and she said she'd give me her diamond earrings (which, though probably nice, I don't really need -- I'm just a simple girl so I don't need all this stuff!). She also brought up how she could give me this f'ugly wedding cake knife (more like a bread knife with a cheap blue bow glued to it) that she once bought from a store going out of business.

Regarding the bed linens, I told her it's pretty difficult to pick those out when you don't exactly have a bed yet (we don't know if we should get queen size or king), nor a bedroom. So she said it's of utmost importance to get a new bed b/c as a couple starting a new life together you must have all new things. I told her the impossibility of buying a new bed to put in a place we don't have yet and she got pretty fed up with me b/c I said I have no problem sleeping on an old bed and I'd prefer to wait to buy a new one (how to buy furniture for a nonexistent apartment? how to buy only a new bed w/o taking into consideration the rest of the pieces in the room?).

8/24 UPDATE: Yesterday we went to TJ Maxx and bought a comforter, two sets of queen-size 300+ thread count sheets, and two pillows for $162.50.

Counseling

2006-08-20T21:51:00.000-04:00

I've seen quite a few inquiries on websites about premarital counseling, so I'm going to describe my experience so far. But before I go into that, I want to add that we had always wanted a pastor that we've had a close relationship with to marry us. Unfortunately, the person that fiance is close with will be traveling overseas and won't even be able to attend our wedding (we also had some reservations about asking him b/c that would mean we'd have to fly him out to NYC from CA, plus pay for his hotel). And even more unfortunately, the pastor that I'm relatively close with is unable to do anything in the church we're getting married in b/c of political reasons (we would have chosen another location but they were all cost-prohibitive).

So we ended up asking the temporary pastor at the church b/c we really don't know anyone else, and she is very nice too. We had our first premarital counseling session with Rev. C a few weeks ago. She started off by expressing her views on love and marriage (how both are a gift from God) and then she described her own relationship and marriage b/c she says when we get married it will be a very intimate moment among the three of us, as we face each other, and she wanted us to get to know each other more.

She described her loving and supportive marriage even though they come from different faith backgrounds. It's funny/interesting how things do and don't change. She explained that it was a huge thing (25 years ago) for her, a Protestant, to marry a Catholic. I don't think she had to convert (as some ppl I know have) but as they served communion during the service, none of her family members were offered the elements. Oddly, they gave it to her though. I think it was also considered a mixed marriage b/c he is Italian and she is German (I think?). Now, thankfully I think there are fewer issues with race and religion nowadays. However, it seems there are more cultural issues to tend with. Back then (and now also, to some degree, from what I understand), Italians would have huge affairs similar to Chinese weddings with nth degree relatives. (She, however, had a pretty small wedding.) But like us, there were cultural traditions that families wanted but she or her husband didn't want. For Rev. C, she didn't want to abide by the tacky tradition of a bride going from table to table while holding out a white bag for guests to stuff gifts into (though that may not be a bad idea as a reminder for some ppl) and was adamant about not doing that.

Then she turned the tables on us and we had to each describe when we knew we wanted to marry the other person and why we chose the other person to marry. She said she would ask us this at the beginning so while she told us her story, I was trying to put into words what I feel (I hate speaking in public too). So I made Dear go first. I could tell it was an awkward situation for him to tell someone else how he felt about me and I was lovin' it! :D He didn't know where to begin so Rev. C asked how we met. It was good to hear his perspective on things b/c I don't think I ever heard it in such detail (he would just say "we met in church" to his friends). I also realize that I am quite dense b/c I really didn't think he was asking me out on a date when we first went to dinner. Finally he said when he realized that if he were to wake up and know that I wouldn't be a part of his life anymore, he knew/understood that I was the one. He also said it was like he had a hole in his life and I fit it. Awww... I had a huge grin on my face at that point, maybe even blushing. Then it was my turn. Throughout my pondering, I remembered this one time that he was driving me back to school (before we even started 'dating') and I felt so comfortable talking to him. I remember as I looked out the windows at all the lights going up Broadway, I knew I would marry him. Ick, cheesy, I know. I guess I fall into that cliche of knowing almost immediately.

After all this gushy mushy stuff, the reverend asked us how we're dealing with our families. We gave a brief explanation of the potential issues we may have with cultural traditions that our parents (more like my parents) may cause but (at that point) we didn't have anything to really report. Of course, later that day and throughout the week, both our parents have been driving us crazy with the guest list(!!!!!).

Then we went over the order of the ceremony; She wanted to go through the ceremony during this first meeting b/c she knows that ppl need time to print and put programs together. She lent us this very heavy book that the service is based on so that we can finalize things, type stuff up, etc. on our own time before our next meeting. I love that she has done so many weddings before that she knows what to expect and is able to help us along. She also said that she would take care of the rehearsal time and logistics and reminded us that the rehearsal dinner is a time for our close friends and family to get to know each other and for us to be with our inner circle of friends and family, who we may not get a chance to spend much time with on the actual day.

Throughout I think the reverend was also watching our interaction to see how we act towards each other (she was trained as a social worker previously so she can tell, I guess), whether we need to watch out for anything or if we need help. She emphasized again how studies show counseling before really doesn't make much difference; it's when you run into problems that you will get the help you need before it's too late. She said often ppl seek help too late -- when one person has already given up on the relationship so you have to do it while the desire to fix things is still there. So while all relationships are not easy and will come across problems, you need to recognize and fix the problem before it gets worse.

I've heard other ppl have much more detailed and drawn-out counseling experiences, ranging from multi-day meetings -- we're only going to have two -- to things like having dinner with an older, married couple from the church. Some ppl have also had to take compatibility tests but I wonder if all pastors tell couples that they are the 'most compatible I've ever met' as I've heard from two different ppl going to two different pastors.

We have one more meeting left -- let's see what else is covered then.

Nightmares, awake and not

2006-08-17T23:23:00.000-04:00

I have mild interest in hearing/reading about other ppl's dreams (they're usually too obtuse, boring, and meaningless to me) so indulge me for this entry as I have to report that this past week I had my first wedding-related nightmare. I think this is important b/c it seems to me that ppl start to have these nightmares as the day draws close, as it is for me.

So my dream was basically about not having a dress (though that seems to be more realistic than ever before). I showed up at the church and the dress was supposed to be delivered there but instead the morons decided to deliver it to the restaurant (even though I had never given them that address). It turns out to be too late to retrieve it from the restaurant and everyone decides that I'll just attend the ceremony in my regular clothes and change into the dress at the reception. So I get married in jeans, sneakers, and a blazer (odd b/c I don't own a blazer).

Thankfully I've forgotten all the other details to the dream. But onto real-life nightmares: I walked past the restaurant today and it was still boarded shut. This time the disco-style overhang was completely ripped off. And the guest list continues to grow, like a bad cancer.

Christmastime in August

2006-08-16T22:14:00.000-04:00

This past Saturday, instead of making favors as I had planned, I was surprised with a shower. I was caught completely off-guard so in all the pictures I am wearing this unphotogenic t-shirt and old shorts (and just when I was thinking about buying an outfit that's not so dressy so as to not seem as if I had been planning it all along b/c I never get dressed up unless I have to, but not so casual so as to be a slob, as I was that day). I won't share details about how I really was not prepared to be in the public eye that day, the least embarassing of which was how I didn't have face lotion (I stayed in Queens the night before at fiance's urging of getting as much work done as possible) so I used some free sample I got from Missha and it wasn't very good for me.

Time has really been sliding past me b/c I still thought that I had plenty of time before the time for the shower (I was also contemplating guest list changes b/c I should have invited some other ppl). I didn't get to cheat by checking the registry for fulfilled gifts though there were some clues that should have tipped me off:
-fiance insisting that I stay over even though I had done so two weeks before to take care of the invites and this time around, I don't think the favors are as urgent
-BM (whom I don't see very often) said to bring out her invitation b/c she said I may see her Friday or Saturday, even though we hadn't made any formal plans to do anything
-fiance said his cousin was coming out from NJ and could bring out the rest of the glasses for the favors that we had left at her place; when asked why he quickly said she was going to a friend's birthday party, which was also true
-MOH said she couldn't meet us earlier than 11am to do the favors b/c she had to help her sister buy groceries at BJ's (like she buys groceries!)
-we were supposed to swing by to pick MOH up and when I reminded her to bring out the tent that her sister borrowed, she said to come in and that she'd leave the door unlocked for me b/c she had to go to the bathroom (like anyone would just leave their door unlocked in NYC!!)

But all these things slipped my mind b/c I was really too stressed and busy to pay much attention. So before we got to where we needed to go, I told fiance that I was dressed like crap (I just threw the t-shirt and shorts in a bag b/c I was rushing to work the day before and I wanted to pack light) and I didn't want to leave the car but he used the same old excuse he always uses -- he has to stay in the car b/c I'm a sucky driver. I noticed the silhouette of a motorcycle (really a Vespa but I couldn't tell) in the driveway (behind the gate) and I made a mental note to ask MOH who in her family bought one. As I approached her door, I found it odd that it was not pulled shut and when I slowly pushed it open, I saw a familiar face (actually the person who owns the Vespa) and in my mind, I wondered why this person was sitting on the floor and why she was at my friend's house. Then all these ppl yelled "SURPRISE!" and it started to sink in... the terror... of interacting w/ ppl... especially when I'm totally unprepared and dressed like a bum.... I remember thinking no, it's too early! I'm not ready! I want to go home and change! I want a do-over!! But it was too late, all these ppl had their cameras and camera phones, snapping pictures as I stood there dumbfounded in all my bummish glory. I had to yell for them to stop taking pictures (which they didn't listen to anyway) but it soon became OK when I saw the all ppl who came just for me! One by one they came up to me, said congratulations or some mushy wish, and hugged me. I was really touched that all these ppl would suffer the agony of my grumpy company and the atmosphere of a shower (often horrible to all but the honored showeree).

I was really impressed -- there was a huge spread of brunch goodies that MOH's good friend prepared as a gift to me. She also contributed a bunch of stuff for prizes, including a Kate Spade bag (which I won in a raffle!), and various other kinds of Asian-inspired bags and pouches. And another good friend (who just recently got married), planned a bunch of games, as well as arranging some flowers for the buffet table. She also packed cute little favor boxes with Hershey's Kisses and closed each one w/ a very pretty ribbon-esque tie that she printed out in various colors.
from left to right: salad with mandarin oranges and roast pork (she couldn't find duck breast) in radicchio bowls, potato hash thingy (in middle), broiled eggplant and tomato topped with cheese and basil, banana nut mini muffins, shrimp salad on croissant, smoked salmon (hidden behind the croissants), spicy mango salsa, garlic bruschetta to go with a salmon spread. Not shown are the delicious mimosas mixed with a cheap (but very tasty) wine and sparkling cider.

Unfortunately, I was really stuffed from the huge breakfast that fiance made for me (fruit salad with double egg, ham and cheese sandwich) so I couldn't try everything (gotta lose the poundage!!) but what I did try was delicious!! Looking at the picture actually makes me want to try everything I couldn't before!

Before all the chowing down, there were a few games, the first one being to say your name (I think a lot of strangers to each other there), how you know me, any unknown facts, and marriage advice. It was good to reminisce about old times w/ ppl (I forgot how far back I know some of them) and I enjoyed hearing such pleasant things about myself. :) Some advice I got include:
-keep dating
-have low expectations so that you're not disappointed :P
-communicate

We also played Scattergories with the first three letters of my name (so hard!), Present Bingo, and the purse game (also embarrasing b/c my bag is so junky and full of crap). Besides the various bags, prizes also included Coach keychains in the shape of a dogbone (very cute!).

the favors

Maid of mischief

Is it vain to list the gifts that I got? OK, maybe, so I'll just say the FUNNIEST gift was a gag gift about writing prenuptial agreements. She had borrowed it from the library so she promptly took it back and gave the real present: a book called Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex? and another called Why Do Men Have Nipples? But all the presents are appreciated -- thank you all for your wonderful gifts and kind generosity! Thank you notes still need to be written and stuff, so don't hate me if it takes a bit. But I must ask, how come no one got the $1000 coffee table? hehe

I think I was still reeling from the surprise and unpreparedness of everything at night (I had trouble sleeping and I'd have random memories of the events of the day). But it could have been worse -- I could have had a zit, my worst fear (which came to fruition later that night). So on that note, I leave you with these zit-zapping remedies.

A dab of toothpaste overnight usually shrinks zits for me. A glob of Mario Badescu drying cream works well too (it stinks of sulfur though).

And lastly, here's a recipe I got from Daily Candy (but haven't yet tried), which featured a make-at-home zit cream from Karen Axmaker, a facialist at Sally Hershberger Face Place.

Ingredients:
cotton swab
hydrogen peroxide
1/2 oz. powered oatmeal
1/2 T. fresh lemon juice
1/4 c. egg whites
3 drops honey

Directions:
1. Dab cotton swab in hydrogen peroxide and cleanse the infected area. (This will keep the infection from spreading.)

2. Mix everything else in a small bowl.

3. Cover blemish with mixture and leave on for twenty minutes.

4. Rinse with warm water.

5. Store leftovers in fridge for up to one week. (Do not eat.) Apply twice daily until pimple disappears.

Tip kit

2006-08-15T21:41:00.000-04:00

Yay! I participated in some contest and won Paper Bride's Wedding Tip Kit. It consists of 10 lavender envelopes with the word "thank you" printed on the front in a cute font and the intention is to use them to give tips to vendors. Though this will not be very useful for most of the vendors that we'll be dealing with b/c we'll most likely be using the Chinese red envelopes (besides there are only 10 in the pack), I found the little guide in the back very helpful.
According to the guide, the suggested/going rates are:

hair/make-up -- 15-20%
delivery ppl -- $5-10 each
officiant -- $100-200 (or donation)
parking/coat check -- $1 per car/guest
waitstaff -- $20-30 per staff member (nt sure how this works w/ Chinese restaurants w/ the massive tipping and alcohol delivery the day before; I think the Chinese way is to also tip the head chef)
manager/head waiter -- $100-200
bartender -- $20 per staff member
band musicians -- $25+ each (how does this apply to DJs?)
limo driver -- 15-20%
photographer/videographer -- $50+

Supposedly you don't have to tip the bridal salon (good, those blood suckers!!!), cake baker (but what if she delivers the cake for you too?), florist, stationery designer (myself?), or "those vendors who own their own companies" (I have no idea what that means b/c my photographer, for instance, runs his own business -- does that mean he shouldn't be tipped?).

Guest list woes

2006-08-14T20:05:00.000-04:00

We're feverishly addressing and giving out invites in batches (b/c we're delivering some by hand and some ppl we're not sure when and where we'll run into them), while arguing at about every tenth guest who should and should not be invited. We've mostly accounted for all the ppl we really want there (friends and family) but FFIL is going crazy with his list and driving Dear, and consequently me, mad. At the last check, our anticipated guest list was 390 (from what I recall the restaurant holds 350). If all our overseas relatives were to come, the number would be around 450 so we're probably going to end up giving out close to 250 invites.

Actually I'm not so much mad now as amused. You have to be able to find humor in the guests that FFIL wants to invite. Aside from the nameless ppl from the village who also, apparently, do not have addresses, he wanted to invite:
- their contractor
- their optometrist
- his staff (I find less humor about this than a little bit of tackiness b/c I think it really imposes on your staff if the boss invites you to something b/c you almost have to go)

I won't go into how he feels like he has to invite everyone who's ever invited him to a wedding and how he just has to invite every person in church who holds any sort of position (political, imaginary, or otherwise) regardless of the differences they may have (i.e. they dislike each other). And of course, in a church that goes through pastors like they're disposable, they all need to be invited as well. And of course, from that entire list of ppl I would rather he not invite, he is only cutting the first two. So we've whittled down some; somehow 40 ppl will have to disappear (I'm ignoring the 10-15%[?] discount rule that ppl say you should apply for the declines b/c these ppl a] have no lives, b] will probably bring more guests than those allotted, and c] we've accounted for all the declines from the overseas folk). *sigh*

My mother, on the other hand, if she had made her list of guests months ago like I had asked, would not be giving me agita with her pleas of not having enough invites. And I am still peeved about how we have to give her back all the gifts that her guests give us, despite the fact that she doesn't have to chip in one dime. Her justification is that it's 'payback' for raising me (which I can understand and am OK with) but also b/c "that's what everyone else does." Well, if you talk to Americans what "they all do" is not only pay for the wedding but allow the couple to keep the gifts b/c starting a new life together is not easy w/ the huge expense of a wedding and all that other stuff (getting a place to live, furnishing the place, etc.). hrmph!

On the lighter side, I am thrilled that the ppl who've received our invitation find it "too pretty to mess up," unique, and a whole slew of adjectives that I can't recall at the moment. If you haven't gotten yours yet, be patient -- our hands are falling off from all the addressing!! (It only took me 45 minutes to hand-calligraph four invites so Dear is doing most of it.)

Wardrobe malfunctions

2006-08-08T14:41:00.000-04:00

OK I think I've finally gotten over the events of this weekend to write about it (plus there's new stuff to add to my agita and distract me now). I was angry and in denial (at about the same time!), depressed, I've grieved and now I've accepted it (sort of). Months ago, I finally made the decision on which tailor I would entrust my cursed dress with. (Yes my dress is cursed and I almost hate it for what it is and what it represents.) I felt this one particular woman on the UES was confident in her work, she came recommended by a friend's co-worker who was thrilled with her work, and I liked the fact that she used to work at the company where my gown is from. When I dropped off the dress back in April, I felt this huge relief that I made a good decision. But this past Friday, when I finally went in for a fitting (note how it is a full month after when she first said I could come in b/c prior to my calling to confirm, I'm sure no work was done at all until I reminded them), I was dismayed (to say the least) with the results. This woman must have no sense of style or she must live a crooked life (no pun intended) b/c the way she tried to remedy my problem was just moronic.

Some may remember that the issues with my dress include a 1.5 inch rip in the organza overlay in the back and a smaller rip on the side of the dress. When I initially showed the woman what needed to be fixed she explained how she would add beading taken from the bottom of the dress and add it over the rips. It was too early to tell, but I should have specified exactly how the beading should go b/c she just stuck beading over the rip w/o paying attention to symmetry so that while there is this cashew nut-shaped swath of beading covering the rip on one side, there is nothing on the other side so that this 'cashew' is just hanging alone. Dammit it needs a partner! However this woman continued to insist that nothing on the dress is symmetrical, so why should this be? Um... NO!!! All the beading is symmetrical from the center. I wouldn't have bought an off-kilter dress! I was tired, had another appointment to get to, frustrated, and sweaty and I just didn't want to deal w/ this dumb woman. At first, I let her convince me that it would look OK with these strange beading patterns tacked on in random places but after I stewed over this on my walk to the train station, I walked back and told her that's not what I wanted. I asked her if she could get more beading (b/c she said there was no more), to which she said no, plus it wouldn't match up. Finally, she arranged it so that there is a somewhat matching 'cashew' and less stuff covering the side rip (good, I didn't want to draw that much attention to the side anyway!!!) but who knows if that's what she'll complete. I've been resigned to the fact that I don't give a damn anymore, this is just one stupid dress and I'll just be insanely happy once I don't have to deal w/ this crap and can eBay the sucker. Aside from this, I need to lose a few pounds b/c the dress is tight again. I've also come to the conclusion that I pretty much hate my dress. It's dirty and needs a cleaning very badly, I'm no longer awed by how the dress looks or how it looks on me, and it's just marred by all this headache. Did I mention how I just don't care anymore?

Similarly, I am unhappy with the third dress. I tried it on the other day and I think it looks quite ordinary. It's very plain and more like something I'd wear to someone else's (more formal) wedding. I also don't think the color is particularly flattering on me, nor the shape. In fact my mother thinks it makes me look flat (perhaps if I got a better strapless bra) but I'm just not thrilled. I haven't looked at the second dress lately and I'm almost afraid to, lest I find something wrong with it too. Considering how the white dress is tight, dress #2 may not fit at all!!

Our two-ring circus

2006-08-06T20:15:00.000-04:00

Today was a very busy day. We started by seeing nine (count them nine!) apartments. A few were promising but we have to really sit down, compare, and crunch some numbers. Oh yeah, and before that we dropped off a bunch of completed invitations with a friend who would give them out at church on our behalf (for some reason fiance thought that we shouldn't give them out ourselves b/c not everyone is invited, not that we had time to go today). So after driving and walking all throughout Forest Hills, we headed to Ctown to finally pick out our rings. Me being a plain gal, I just opted for a plain band slightly thicker than my e-ring with a tiny, round, single diamond in the middle. That way it's not very flashy nor very plain. Originally I was thinking of jazzing it up a little by having parts of the metal with the brushed look but I ended up not liking it. Instead, the band is just plain white gold (or at least I think it's white gold -- I totally forgot to discuss metals with her), very similar to fiance's, but his is slighter wider and w/o a diamond. I figure if I want something flashier later on, we can upgrade in ten years or so. Maybe (hopefully) by then we won't have all these crazy expenses all at once. So, with engraving (we have to decide what to engrave too) and the comfort fit, our rings total $380. (I felt a compulsion to share the price for ppl who need an idea of how much to set aside.) I'm not sure if this is a deal or not (I'm guessing it is b/c fiance is somewhat related to them and that's where he got my e-ring), but I'm greatly relieved b/c I thought the rings would be much more expensive. Oh and for those who don't know about comfort fit, I think it will make for a happy groom (or at least the ones I've talked to couldn't stop raving about it) b/c the extra roundedness on the inside of the band makes less contact with your skin so that it's more comfortable.

With the rings checked off our list, we walked around the corner to get something to eat. That's when we passed by the restaurant that we're having the banquet at and it was totally gutted inside and boarded up outside (this is the "circus" I refer to in the title, but not as fun, if you find circuses fun). It looked like what a restaurant in Beirut would look like, minus the one Chinese guy sitting inside guarding the place. The new carpet that they had just installed a few months ago was unrecognizable (probably not even there -- too dark to see) with all the debris everywhere. The only things left that I could see were the pillars (which I wouldn't mind if they were replaced/removed). Even the lights were gone so that the only light source was this one construction lamp and the daylight streaming in from outside. Supposedly they will be done by the middle of next month which throws a wrench into my plans (they had originally said the beginning of the month and you know how there are always delays with construction) b/c I want to set the menu (so that I can print the menu cards!!!) and I also want to see how the place will finally look like in case I need to get anything to decorate the place. Grrr!!! Everyone who reads this blog, say a daily prayer as you read that the restaurant will be back open in time!!

A Renaissance wedding on GG

2006-08-03T22:08:00.000-04:00

To make the hours between 9-5 less boring, I decided to recap another wedding from Gilmore Girls. This one took place two seasons before Lane's, was much less cooler, had an even more annoying groom, and a pretty darn annoying bride as well (though not a bridezilla).

The wedding is between Luke's sister, Liz, and TJ, who met on the Renaissance Fair circuit. So naturally their wedding is all Renaissance, medieval stuff.

PRE-WEDDING STUFF
Preparations include children practicing Maypole dancing for the wedding (no footage of them at the actual wedding though, I think). I have no idea whether or not Maypole dancing is period-appropriate but it is kinda nice.

Luke makes turkey legs in his diner b/c the caterer canceled. Btw, why is eating a huge piece of poultry often associated with medieval times? It sure looks tasty though. Too bad it's turkey.

Then there is a surprise bachelorette party in Luke's Diner. (ick! Aren't there health codes to abide by? Where's anal Doose
when you need him? And would you want the public to see all that -- the windows are not tinted glass?!)

CEREMONY
The musicians -- you can hear the flute/recorder most clearly, resonating from the town center.

Here are some guests in period dress

Bride gets some last minute dress-fixing.

Everyone awaits the start of the ceremony -- it does look quite festive.

Instead of a flower girl, two women dance down the aisle tossing roses. (I remember this scene was quite pretty but unfortunately I don't have an image.) Then a jester does somersaults down the aisle.

The goofy (and annoying) groom walks down the aisle talking about how great his tights are and thanks Luke for keeping his pits dry (he borrowed Luke's deodorant w/o asking).

The bride arrives in a cart pushed by two men.

Then she is escorted by her son Jess (I think she needs to hold her flowers better).

The groom waits for his bride w/ his brother, the best man (also very irritating).

After Jess gives his mother away, the minister begins by singing a weird/silly song about sharing board games as kids and now love is the greatest toy to share. The audience (more like L&L) try not to break out laughing.

There is a sword ceremony, where the couple plunges a sword into a tree stump. No explanation is given about the reason for this, but it reminds me of King Arthur's sword, like their love will last so long as the sword is not removed. Or is it like the saying, turning weapons into plowshares -- putting away the sword for love? Eh, whatever. After this, the couple exchanges sappy vows.

RECEPTION
There is a reception in the town center, complete with the turkey legs and other food (that ppl eat without utensils).

Check out the decor -- down to the tin cups ppl used to drink out of.

B&G greet guests

The town all pretty, lit up

Kirk, the DJ

My favorite scene in the episode (that, is until they actually get together and just become a boring couple) -- Luke & Lorelai dance closer and closer (see the decorations in the background -- is that a pair of knights?).
I liked how the Renaissance theme was carried throughout this (fake) wedding though it's probably too over the top (and totally not my style) for me. Now let me stop wasting time and do something productive....

The scarlet cloth

2006-08-02T21:31:00.000-04:00

At Chinese weddings (specifically the banquet portion), the tradition is to have a red cloth for guests to sign instead of a guestbook. This also serves as a keepsake for the couple, who can choose to frame it in the future. Before the days of Sharpies and ballpoint pens, ppl would use brush and ink to sign in (a tradition that I'm trying to bring back!). Now with all sorts of permanent markers out there, what I find most annoying about using the cloth is that it's difficult to sign while the cloth moves with the pen. The newer tradition that I've seen at some weddings is to use a large poster, created by the photo studio, with the couple's engagement photo on it. This is a lot easier to sign but since we didn't go with a studio and I like the look of the cloth (kinda like a scroll, in my mind), we're eschewing the airbrushed look for the embroidered look.

Our sign-in cloth, nothing at all like I had requested, was recently brought back by Dear's aunt who was vacationing in HK. I wanted something very different from the usual rectangle with the phoenix and dragon embroidered in gold and various colors on top and instead wanted a square piece of cloth with the double happiness character entwined within a fancy phoenix and dragon in the shape of a circle, embroidered in red thread in the center. Alas, this aunt did not abide by my wishes and just brought back the generic kind, customized with our names and date embroidered on the side.

needs to be ironed, of course

Though I may sound ungrateful, I really wish that she would have spent just a little more money on it (we should have given her money beforehand instead of waiting to pay her back, not that she would tell us how much it is *sigh*). It's not the best quality out there (very inexpensive edging -- they couldn't even fold over the ends to sew a smooth edge -- I may just finish it myself with a ribbon) but what worries me is that it's a bit small. It is a mere 34"x27" and would take up less than half a small table (there's even less empty space for signers b/c a significant chunk is taken up by our names/date and the stock embroidery on top). I've never seen one this small b/c even someone who had a 100-person wedding had a larger one than this (his was flopping off the table, whereas ours will sit comfortably with room to spare). With three times that many ppl expected, I don't know what ppl will do when they run out of room. We joked, will they start to sign on the back side (so that when we get it framed, it'd have to be in a see-through frame to view both sides)? I just hope ppl will have the sense not to sign over our names or something. My mother suggested sewing extra fabric around it to make it bigger but I'm sure that will look tacky and piecemeal.

The other dilemma is if we don't use the cloth, will the aunt be insulted (though FFMIL did a good job of telling her it was small right to her face instead of thanking her for her trouble -- gotta love Chinese bluntness!). So is it too small? Can I have two cloths side by side? How about taping off sections for VIPs to sign only? Or giving pens with ink that dry invisible to ppl I don't like?

Trading punches

2006-07-31T21:45:00.000-04:00

This was a somewhat interesting weekend where we got quite a bit done. Starting Friday night, we assembled invitations. The solution for the minor mistake in the Chinese wording was taken care of by punching out a heart shape right over the character that shouldn't be there. And to make that look less obvious, a bunch of hearts (in two different sizes) were also punched out in random places to even it out. After getting the approval from both sets of parents (this fix will only occur on their invites b/c our guests won't even notice it) we set to work. Note that approval from my mother included the rejection of having only two hearts b/c they were "too far apart" which makes it look like we're distant from each other (also too plain and random), three hearts b/c "having three hearts in the relationship is bad," four is obviously bad (sounds like "death" in Chinese), five is bad b/c it's an odd number (don't get that one at all), so it had to be at least six hearts. Also note that she really liked the double heart (two hearts punched really close together so that it's like joined) and insisted that be there. Anyway, punching took forever and one of the punches didn't work as smoothly as the other so that was a real pain. But then we got into a rhythm and even involved the out-laws. Both of them insisted on helping but it was difficult for me to communicate how to do things (FMIL needed specific guidance on holding the punch the right way -- she was so afraid she'd make a mistake) with the language barrier. Both of them had issues with the tape roller and consequently wasted some and also dug grooves into the paper but I can't complain b/c together we got a lot done. After this, we were able to assemble a whole bunch of invites (gluing the ribbon & seal, putting in some of the enclosures, rubbing cornstarch on the glue dot to prevent it from seeping through the sheer ribbon and sticking to the inside of the pocket fold), count them, and put them neatly into several shoeboxes. However, we are still not done b/c this doofus left some ingredients at home.

The next night we started to experiment with the favors. My intention is to engrave the 300+ champagne glasses with a double happiness sign and stamp on our date and somehow include our names or monogram. I want ppl to be able to use this glass in the future and think of us when they do (but will you remember who it's from if it's not personalized?). So we started by punching out a double happiness sign (imported from HK, by way of BM's sister) into Contact paper. I punched a total of three pieces and got very tired so fiance took over by stepping on it, which seemed to work a lot better b/c I wasn't strong enough to actually punch through the paper after the third time. After getting the "stencil," my first experiment with the engraving didn't work out very well b/c some of the engraving chemical ran off the little square I cut and it started to engrave a big smudge next to it. FMIL didn't understand what happened and thought that she could clean the smudge away by using glass cleaner wipes, paint thinner, and/or soap and water. She just couldn't grasp that this wasn't paint or anything that coated the glass but something that removed bits of the glass (basically scratching the surface away) and is totally permanent.

Seeing as how tedious this particular project is (stamping will be even worse b/c as you try to stamp onto the rounded glass, the ink will make the stamp slip) I am ready to call DIY quits. However, programs still need to be made, menu cards, possible petal cones, my veil, and other sundry items. I may need to bribe the BMs over to help w/ the glasses!

Mmmmm... cake...

2006-07-30T21:23:00.000-04:00

Today I had the best-est cake that I've had in a very long while! We met with the baker again today and she gave us two samples: mocha cake with raspberry filling and lemon cake with strawberry filling. I was a little worried b/c when we met with her previously, the mocha sample was a little dry and the fillings did not have much flavor. But I was astounded today -- the raspberry and strawberry flavors were very apparent, the cake was not dry, and altogether it was not very sweet (Chinese ppl do not like overly sweet things). Now the hard part -- which flavor to choose?!

The lemon cake with strawberry was very fruity-tasting and that's why I like the mocha one a smidgen more. I like the balance of the mocha (not very sweet, even notes of bitter) with the raspberry, where the contrast of each flavor heightens and complements the other. I also found the strawberry flavor a little artificial tasting but so far fiance, FFIL, and my brother both like the lemon/strawberry more.

I think FFIL's first reaction was shock that the mocha cake was dark (chocolate is practically black in color, which is a terrible thing to Chinese ppl, yet there is no problem with FMIL's dress being black -- I roll my eyes for yet another spin on logic vs. superstition where exceptions can always be made by the old folk for them to get their way). He also thought the cake was a little bitter, which I think is not such a bad thing (but I am one of the few ppl in America who prefer dark chocolate over milk chocolate; what can I say, I have a sophisticated palate, haha!). Besides the flavor though, I like the idea of a different-looking cake (can you imagine how dramatic the dark cake would look coupled with the white fondant on the outside when you cut into the cake for pictures?)

My mother and I can't decide (she likes both too) which one we like. We'll see what my father says (he is very picky and I think he has a very Chinese-y palate). In the meantime, I may just settle for different flavors for different tiers and give the lemon one to the old Chinese ppl and the mocha to everyone else.

But other things to keep in mind -- the baker was saying that you have to be very specific to the Chinese restaurant about the way that you want the cake cut b/c oftentimes they'll slice it however they want, even cutting tiers in half so that you just get this glob of messy cake (maybe even without any frosting) on your (paper) plate. She says that they're mostly used to cutting Chinese cake, which is not very tall (and is usually just one layer) so they might think something like our 5" tall tiers composed of at least 3 layers is meant to be cut in half. Aiya! So we may have to designate a cake-slicer from among our friends (or someone to supervise the cake-cutting). My boss, who used to be in catering, is always called upon to cut cake whenever something special is being celebrated in the office b/c he always cuts a concentric circle in the middle so that the middle part can be saved and the celebrant can bring it home (like a mini cake) so I was thinking that I'd ask him to cut it. HAHAHA -- that would continue the running joke but I don't think anyone would find it funny and it'd probably be weird.

Anyway, I'm pretty satisfied with our baker and we made it official by giving her a deposit. I'll hold off on giving a final review until after everything is said and done but so far I'm happy and she's been pretty accomodating and helpful with the designs and flavors. Check out Silk Cakes if you need a cake for any special occasion!

Frivoloties

2006-07-27T19:58:00.000-04:00

Find your wedding fragrance.
Learn how to choose a signature scent.

This, apparently is on my list of reminders from WeddingChannel.com. Since when did planning a wedding become this huge to-do when ppl can lose all reason and have an excuse to spend tons of money on the tiniest (and often useless) details? I understand some people rely more on their olfactory senses and may want to remember their special day through smells and fragrances but really, this is not something for everyone and I hate that the wedding industry is trying to convince us all otherwise. People/marketers hear 'wedding' and out comes the list of things that must be done (i.e. expenses that must happen). It starts with the diamond (before DeBeers made all women covet this particular type of carbon, sapphires and other gemstones were commonly given), then the dress (why does it have to be upwards of $1000 for a bunch of fabric that happens to be white or some close shade of it?), and then the plethora of things that magazines and websites encourage you to take part in (bathroom baskets, fancy flowers, second dress for the reception, etc.) so that your event stands out but it doesn't b/c everyone else is doing it and then you have to do it so that you can keep up with everyone else. But, after visiting a store that sells bridesmaid dresses, I'd have to say that this is the biggest ripoff. These are nothing but evening gowns or cocktail dresses (if you're going for the shorter length) yet there's this huge industry of being measured months in advance so that a dress can be specially made for you ("custom-ordered" is the phrase, I believe) in the chosen color and style. Yet, upon closer inspection, the one store I visited explained that dresses are not custom-made but the company's dress size that is closest to your actual measurements will be ordered for you and you will have to get the necessary alterations. Hmm... some lapses in logic:
- Why not just buy off the rack if things aren't specially made for your body?
- I believe the actual dress is not made until you put the order in. That seems a bit inefficient to me. I'd be happy with fewer style and color choices if that means there'd be stock pieces readily available that you can buy off the rack (with the probable exception of looking for sizes very far from the norm). What is up with that?
- Why can't the BM dress companies be like every other industry where you make a whole bunch of stuff, store it in a warehouse, keep some in stores for ppl to see in person, try on, or buy, and when you run out (or need a less popular size) have it shipped in from the warehouse? And if it's an out of the ordinary order, have it specially made then. You could even do this all online -- lots of ppl shop online, why not for BM dresses? Show all the styles and colors available and anyone can order from anywhere in the world. Saves the bridal party from the headache of getting together to be measured, picking out the dress, etc. (Sites like CoCo Myles are jumpstarting this trend but not fast enough.)

But what pisses me off supremely about this is why the need for all those measurements if things are not custom-made but just ordered to the closest size? Just provide the regular sizing chart that is made known for clothing catalogs and websites. Why the secrecy? Are we too dumb to match up measurements to a company's size specifications? Oh wait, how else can they justify charging you $200 per dress when a very similar dress can be bought off the rack for $80? And BM dresses are usually a pretty simple silhouette and design (minimal beading and other detail work) so it's not like it's even justified to charge so much (unlike wedding gowns).

All this to say I am hoping to buy something off the rack for my BMs (yes, that part should have been taken care of months ago but it's hanging in limbo b/c of intense drama that I really don't want to go into). We'll see how it all goes.

Tea ceremony

2006-07-25T08:08:00.000-04:00

Traditionally, according to my research, only the groom's family participates in the tea ceremony, which is performed more publicly. All elders are served, beginning with the parents, then oldest relatives to youngest, from aunts and uncles down to older siblings. I think the paternal side goes before the maternal side, so for us I guess it will be his maternal grandmother (since the paternal ones are no longer around), paternal aunt and uncle, maternal aunts and uncles. Since he is the oldest child, it will just end there.

The bride serves her parents and elders tea by herself (w/o the groom or help from a 'lucky' woman) before the groom picks her up. This serves as a thank you for raising her before she bids adieu to her family. It seems like the bride's family gets shafted in this aspect (what, no public respect is due for them?!) but if you really think about it, the bride's family is spared the expense of buying jewelry or giving out gifts (usually in the form of money) and instead, they get portions of the pig and pastries that the groom delivers in exchange for her.

It seems though, nowadays, once the groom gains admittance to the bride's home, everyone eats one meal (considered the bride's last meal at home) together and the bride and groom serve tea to all the elders again. And I think there is now the giving of gifts (so they're not spared that expense but at least they get extra food?).

I'm not sure how this will pan out for us since I don't plan on doing the door games to "win" the bride from the protection of the maidens. My excuse is to not break the tradition of viewing the bride before the ceremony. Otherwise, I've heard of ppl who first serve tea to the bride's parents (and all her relatives) in her home after the groom does the games thing. Then they go to the groom's house and serve tea to parents and elders. I guess that makes more sense for ppl who don't have a church ceremony b/c that takes up a lot of time. However, I do know of ppl who've done both (traveling between the 2 homes and then going to church) and that saves them from doing the ceremony during cocktail hour.

I was thinking of doing the entire tea ceremony thing the night before (it'd be way easier if we did this at a hotel since we live in 2 different boroughs, 25 miles apart, about an hour's drive, depending on traffic). The only question is when to fit that in since there will be rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, plus I think this makes it inconvenient for the relatives who have to specially schedule in this extra bit, as opposed to being at the cocktail hour/banquet anyway (though if they go to the rehearsal dinner, they'll be there anyway).

One other idea I had was to make the tea ceremony a part of the reception, out on the dance floor so that it serves as entertainment as well (instead of those silly games). I guess someone could narrate what's going on but I think it'd be pretty boring: "Here the couple is pouring tea to first aunt and uncle. Here they are pouring tea for second aunt and uncle...." Maybe to toss things up a little, the narrator can describe what the gift is (though that can also embarass the giver, but maybe that's a perk? :D). The only slightly interesting thing about this would be an explanation of the history and reason for things:

Bride and groom are bedecked in the traditional red bridal costumes (for me, not the exact traditional thing b/c I don't want to wear the pajama-like qua and instead opt for the body-hugging qipao and I doubt that fiance would want to wear anything but a tux). The narrator can point out the phoenix and dragon embroidered on my dress, Chinese marriage symbols the phoenix being a mythical bird-like creature that represents the wife and the dragon representing the husband. Somewhere along the continuum of my Chinese education, I kinda remember learning about the joining of the phoenix to the dragon as something great -- a "match made in heaven" so to speak. Of course, I could be making this up, but who will correct me? ;D Anyway, the narrator can also elaborate on how tea is like the national drink of Chinese ppl, how serving it is a sign of respect (hence youngest male should always serve it when dining out), and how the teacup must be held with two hands. There is a 'lucky woman,' supposedly designated by the fortune teller, who helps move the process along by pouring the tea, setting it on a tray and passing it to the couple. Also, the bride and groom kneel while the ppl being served are seated in chairs. I think they address each person by rank (like first aunt on father's side) as they serve. In return, the bride and groom receive gifts of gold and money in red envelopes. I've seen ppl put all sorts of jewelry (often necklaces and bracelets, not so much earrings) on the couple and also putting the red envelopes on the tray that the tea is served on so that the couple seemingly don't touch the gifts at all (not sure what the reason is for this). And after this, it'd be the boring roll call....

Something to consider

2006-07-24T14:06:00.000-04:00

This weekend we were in suburbia celebrating a cousin's birthday. The cousin who recently got married recommended against going immediately on the honeymoon b/c you are so tired that all you want to do is sleep, which is a waste if you're in some exotic place that you want to explore. Someone else chimed in that they were so tired they slept for the first 5 days or so. She suggested Turkey, where they honeymooned and it sounds really nice (good, fresh, cheap food). But is that a safe destination right now? The State Department has no warning against it, but it is awfully close to Iraq.... Spain has been our standby but I've heard many negative things about it (unfriendly ppl, not much to do). Aargh! Decisions!

Meanwhile, we also bought a ton of stuff this weekend (what else is there to do in suburbia?!). We bought stuff for the children's bags: little bags/backpacks (really lunch sacks that can be reused later on), books of stickers, coloring books (which we later returned b/c they don't fit in the bags), crayons, and various Pez dispensers. We still have to get some snacks to put in too. We also bought some containers to hang pew flowers, two giant glass vases for the centerpieces at the front of the church ($20 each from Target's clearance section), and a hefty footed glass jar to use at the sign-in table ($13, also from Target's clearance). I'd post pics but they are all at fiance's place.

We also gave out some of the invitations since we don't see some of them very often and they loved them! It was great to see their reactions and know that some ppl appreciate the hard work that went into them (I was even asked for an extra RSVP card so that she can keep a full invitation for her collection; on that note we received 2 RSVPs back!). I was called OCD (yay!) just b/c I was unhappy w/ the Postal Service's stamp colors (and there's no way I would pay twice as much for a customized stamp). :P But we have about a hundred more to make before we can send them out to the general public. Oh did I mention that there's a minor typo in the Chinese that we have to fix also (otherwise I'd be done by now!). :( My goal is to be completely finished by this weekend!!

Co-workers

2006-07-18T21:43:00.000-04:00

I've refrained from talking about work b/c in some ways I'm afraid (paranoid, even) that someone will find out about this site. Not that I mind telling ppl what's going on with the wedding planning b/c they certainly do ask and I do tell (and in some ways this site would make it so much easier to share the details) but I don't want them to know how much I've abused my job. For one, everyone knows you're in this 'work limbo' b/c you basically have a second job once you start wedding planning and you're very often distracted -- I can't tell you the countless hours I've been surfing when I should not have been. Two, I've used various office resources to varying degrees, details which I won't divulge here. So I feel really bad that my boss has been really understanding and nice about everything. I felt especially guilty (yet kinda special) when my boss called a meeting to arrange our schedules for the upcoming year's projects (he normally doesn't but wanted to make sure things didn't conflict with my personal life). I have been (still am) concerned about the timing of everything b/c a huge project comes to fruition right around the time of the wedding. Things always pop up so I may feel especially guilty if I were to go on a long honeymoon (which I want to, but from the looks of not planning any part of it, aren't likely). I was also really touched when he was doling out assignments and a co-worker (newly married herself) said she'd take whichever one would help me out the most. Awww... I am so lucky that I work with such a great group.

So, that also brings the dilemma of whether or not to invite them to the wedding. I really feel like they're a big part of my life (how many hours do I spend at work? more time than with fiance, sadly) and I would really like to share it with them, especially my boss. I think at least one of them is really curious to see how everything turns out, from my reactions throughout the day (since I am usually reserved and quite stoic at work) to all the details I've been working on. And the truth is, I would like all but one of them there -- there is one co-worker who is very likely the black sheep of the group b/c she does different work from us and is, in short, of a different era (in terms of thinking, values, technology, etc.). I do talk to her but sometimes I think she can be... er... closeminded about a lot of things, especially cultural things (though she has surprised me before). I'm almost positive she will be repulsed by half the menu. And what she will manage to eat, she'll find not fitting to her taste (she thinks take-out Chinese is representative of Chinese cuisine and I really haven't been able to convince her that it's really Americanized food). But all this to say, I can't invite everyone but her. And to throw in another wrench, another co-worker is vegan. Also do I invite their significant others too? It's weird b/c I haven't met all of them and I think it may be weird for them, especially the gay ones. Yet I think they'd probably enjoy it more when paired up. Hard to say... to invite or not to invite?

DIY flowers redux

2006-07-12T21:25:00.000-04:00

Following up on my previous DIY flowers post, here's another from Better Homes and Gardens. From that site, I've been immersed in researching flower-decorating ideas. Following is my work-in-progress, draft vision.

BANQUET/RECEPTION
For the banquet at night, I was thinking of gathering a bunch of shiny buckets (probably of different sizes) and arranging them in various groupings -- some scattered by the sign-in table, some by the cake, some on the head table? -- instead of having just a few of the giant floral arrangements that many florists will make. I think the same groupings can be made for the front of the church in lieu of the main altar centerpieces. The only thing left to figure out is what flowers to use. I think I will need at least some flowers with some height, like the gladioli at right (though I'm not a fan of the gladiolus, so maybe some branchy orchids or willow?).

CEREMONY
Ideally, some of the buckets for the banquet decorations would come from these buckets hanging from the pews, via Martha. Using less arranged pieces would also make it easier to give out the flowers at the end (they'll likely last longer too b/c they'll probably be sitting in water, not stuffed into foam).

Here is also an interesting idea from Martha, but not sure if it'd be tacky/too casual. It looks like they used a Chinese tea container too -- can you imagine other Chinese tins, like cough drop tins?Other ceremony decoration ideas:

lush head of hydrangea from Knottie AllAbtDetails

same example in purple, from www.winecountryflowers.com

Or, instead of a ribbon hanging from the flower, flowers hanging from the ribbon, from www.wiggyflowers.com.

And maybe once the ceremony is over, all the pew decorations can be gathered into one big container for the reception welcome centerpiece, like this:

BOUTONNIERE IDEAS
Most likely it'd be a double flower for the groom, just one for GMs.
I do lke hydrangeas but not sure if it'd be easy to find an appropriate color (purple would clash with the red, I think).

Here's a good how-to on corsages (sans feather please), which I imagine is similar to making boutonnieres.

(SOME) BOUQUET IDEAS/HOW-TO
- simple orchid bouquet how-to

- calla lilies (I like the color but not sure if it will be available

- red bouquet ideas

Some bouquet color combinations that I like:

And I love the orange of this Mokara orchid. Maybe something like this can be used on our cake? (from mayesh.com)

SOURCES?
http://www.freshflowersandmore.com/flower-care.html
http://www.mayesh.com/wedding.htm
http://www.1888orchids.com/catalog.php?id=2

I've also heard that you can order flowers through Whole Foods (specifically the one at Columbus Circle, though I have a feeling any of them would) and Costco.

(All images, unless otherwise noted, from bhg.com)

Another wedding

2006-07-10T23:03:00.000-04:00

This past Saturday was fiance's cousin's wedding -- the wedding that we found out about just a few months ago, even though they are first cousins by blood relation. Prior to this whole getting married thing I really never paid attention to the traditional (aka FOB) Chinese wedding b/c I always found them lame, silly, cheesy, and a bit boring. This one was about the same but I got a totally different perspective b/c all the siblings, who should have sat at the head table with the bride and groom, refused. Their excuses were that their kids would disrupt the proceedings (more reason for me to prepare packages to keep them entertained and fed) so me and fiance, along with his parents and brother were moved to the head table. I thought this quite inappropriate since we are not considered as important as the siblings, yet we were treated a lot better. But I can't complain b/c this was my first time sitting at the head table and the service was 10x better than it is otherwise. There was one waiter who was dressed nicer than the other waitstaff who tended to just the top two tables on the stage. We all had gold-rimmed chargers where they placed each new plate of food on. Normally they would probably change your plate after a few courses but they changed it for us for each new course. Most of our courses arrived in some dramatic (i.e. tacky) fashion. For instance, the first course, lobster salad (with way too much mayo), arrived with smoke rising through a bowl of dry ice, disguised with flowers on the side. The fish course (overcooked of course) arrived on a silver (chrome?) stamped stand, the soup came in a giant gold tureen (instead of the usual ceramic ones). The rest of the tables just got regular stuff without all the fanfare. Of course all this fanciness didn't prevent them from serving the (dry) cake on paper plates with plastic forks at the very end.

Like most traditional Chinese weddings, they played various games like blindfolding the bride and having her guess which one is her husband by feeling the calves of various men, seeing how long bride and groom can kiss (cheesy b/c they just stood there with their lips touching for the duration of a sappy love song), weird cake cutting/eating, carrying the bride around the room and having the bridal party follow suit (groomsmen carry bridesmaids). Thank goodness they didn't play more risque games like moving an egg from one pant leg to the other. But all this was lost on me b/c I could barely see what was happening from the stage (the stage is behind the dance floor, where all the action takes place). So while we were treated very well with the food, we didn't have such great views of what was going on. For the most part, I didn't really care, especially when it came to the bouquet toss b/c no one tried to pull anyone from the stage (whew! my last chance at ever being forced to do that).

How they strayed from the traditional (which I think is a major faux pas) was the introduction of the family. Usually the MC goes down a list of both the bride and groom's relatives, going from the closest relation (parents, siblings) to as far as aunts and cousins. They only introduced the parents at the very beginning when they entered in before the bridal party. No one else was introduced and for all I know, ppl probably thought I was closely related to the groom since I sat at his table.

What I liked about the wedding were the flowers, the bride's makeup (though it didn't look so great in my pics), and the bride's second dress (unfortunately I didn't take any pics of that on my camera though). The BM bouquets were all made of opened lavender roses with a collar of broad folded palm leaves and tied with a maroon cloth for the handle. Three colored pins in a row held the fabric in place. The GMs wore the same rose while the groom had a calla lily in a purplish red. The bride's bouquet was composed of the same calla liliy that the groom wore and the same roses that the BMs carried. The parents' boutonnieres were a maroon orchid (about the same color as the groom's lily) and the siblings (boutonnieres are given out to close relatives at Chinese weddings to distinguish them from everyone else) had the same lavender rose as the BMs, but tied with a sheer lavender ribbon into a loopy bow. I liked the flowers b/c they were really fresh-looking and the colors were really vibrant. The bride's makeup was also very nice -- subtle (not overdone) with some glitter on her cheeks and decolletage.
Her evening gown was a strapless gold dress with a knot detail at the top and at the waist. It fit her perfectly (she said she didn't have to get any alterations) and she looked great in it (unlike her wedding gown, which didn't fit as well).

The head table decorations included napkins and chair covers embroidered with the usual phoenix and dragon. There was also a tall floral centerpiece (see below), while all the other tables just had the usual display of liquor and soda. I'm still trying to figure out whether the centerpiece had real flowers in it b/c it looks like the fake gel water in the vase. The roses at the top were definitely real though.
The favors were given out at the end as ppl left -- a short, stubby lavender candle in a crimped glass jar, covered with a tulle circle and tied with a ribbon. Another ribbon, with the couple's names and date on it was glued onto the side, as were a few tiny silk flowers. Then, as if it weren't enough, someone decided to glue on pearls to the top of the tulle circle. It was weird and totally useless b/c half the pearls fell off already. Oh well. After getting the favor, The MOH's husband also stopped everyone for a final picture. So ended the third wedding of the year for me.

Weekend update

2006-07-10T14:35:00.000-04:00

There are a million things that I want to blog about and in many cases I've started the entry but haven't yet finished it so, like everything wedding planning, I have a lot of things hanging in limbo. To the reader who inquired about tea ceremonies, I will do some research and give my take on it sometime this week (hopefully!). For now, I am due for a little update. My family and I have been toiling away since July 4 weekend on painting our door and fence. Things need to be pretty, nice and orderly for when the pig is delivered. We're not planning on doing the bridal door games on the day of, otherwise I'd have a cow that our door was painted very badly. So, in short, between the rain, my multiple tasks and events, I've been painting. Note that we're still not done -- we're finally finished with the primer though and we have do the whole thing again with the final coat.

When not painting, and while in Queens, I've been assembling invitations (all the stuff is at fiance's place and he has more room). Thankfully, my BM helped me out a little this past Saturday (she too got frustrated w/ my anal specifications for gluing) while the World Cup blared in the background (I can't believe I missed so many games this year due to wedding planning!!). With fiance's help, we finished the web site announcement cards (last minute addition), glued a few more invites and ribbons, cut the remaining RSVP cards (I hope I printed enough!) and decided on adding a vellum back to the little seal on the front. The vellum makes the invitation look more polished, the little extra that fulfills the missing thing that I couldn't quite put my finger on before. However the fact that the glue pens we purchased from Staples sucks was fully confirmed and I need to buy some better adhesive.

Earlier in the day, BM also took me to her hairdresser where I could test him out for the wedding and also be all done up for the wedding I was to attend in the evening. He works kinda slow (and smokes at every chance he can get) but in the past I've been happily surprised with his handiwork. What I've always liked about him is that he does what works with your face shape. For instance, I was set on having a wavy look in the front that would shield my large forehead and mask some of the angularness of my face and he tried that at the beginning but then said he'd try something else since my face is round and would change it back if I didn't like it. Turns out, I did like it. He gave me a little bump on the top (totally can't remember what that's called) to elongate my face and in the back, he did a very simple twist with the ends hanging in a slightly messy look. At first he curled all my hair and that made me wonder what I'd look like with a perm but as the day wore on, I think the curls in the back fell out. He spent a lot of time getting each of the pieces in the exact right place and finished off with some hairspray. I didn't end up looking like my head was totally stiff like the place I tried in Brooklyn so I was pretty happy. The only thing is I'm not sure how this would work on the day of, especially since I will be wearing a veil and possibly a headpiece (I would have brought those for him to see except I don't have them yet b/c I can't decide on anything!). I think he'll be able to work it in though.

pics in the car

hair after the long day of running around

After this we went to Sephora b/c I wanted to pick up a foundation. I met my potential makeup artist there and she tried on various foundations for me. I really couldn't tell the difference between all the ones that she tried on me (Nars Oil Free, Lorac Oil Free, Chanel, Bare Minerals kit, and another one that I don't remember) b/c I think I need to feel it on me for longer than 2 minutes. So she left the Bare Minerals one on me (the kit consists of a liquid primer and a powder that you brush on over it, and some darker powder that you can use as blush) and gave me a sample of the Nars to try during the week. (I am wearing the Nars right now and it makes my face look flawless yet is not very oily and gloopy but I haven't come to a final decision yet -- what else is new?) I also said that I wanted to try on a different lipstick so she put Sephora's #83 on me and I really like it. All previous trials ppl have put some sort of pink on me and it just never sat well with me. An added bonus to this little trip -- I only had to put on my eye makeup for the wedding in the evening!

The wedding that night was alright -- details on that to follow -- and the following day we skipped church to check out some open houses. Still nothing to report there though we did come across some very nice buildings that would be nice to live in.

No time for leisure!

2006-07-02T21:31:00.000-04:00

It seems like most New Yorkers are staying put this long holiday weekend -- the subway was as crowded as ever today and the highways and streets haven't been that much better. We didn't go anywhere this weekend either but at least started to complete more tasks. On Saturday we started off by seeing a sad apartment in Forest Hills. The apartment was nothing out of the ordinary -- quiet street, somewhat close to the train station, but it didn't jive at all with me. I didn't like that the kitchen was in the middle of the apartment, and like the bathroom, had no window. The size was alright but I was really put off by the ditzy owners (the woman even had the hair twirling, but she was not blond) -- they were clueless about whether it was cooking gas or electric, how much of the maintenance was deductible, and I didn't buy their story about moving to a rental in Astoria.

Afterwards, we set about making the next component of the invitations -- something to put on the outside so that it's not so plain. My intention was to put our monogram thingy that I spent many hours designing in Illustrator, which consists of a double happiness character with our joined initials, but no matter what combination, our initials just looked weird when stamped on (it looks fine on the computer and printed out though). So in the end, we stuck with just the double happiness character, stamped on with what appears to be dark red ink in some light but more magenta-like in other light. We also embossed the 240+ little things with a clear powder so that the stamped image is smooth and a little raised. This was quite a messy project (thank goodness it was not very hot nor humid as the powder sticks to anything that is moist, like sweat and even oil from your hands, and b/c it is powder, we couldn't turn on any fans). After stamping (this started to hurt my fingers b/c you have to press quite hard to ink it and to get a good impression), you sprinkle the powder on the wet ink before it dries, tap/brush off the excess powder, then you melt it all over a heat source, such as a toaster. I stamped and sprinkled while fiance melted. Then I cut each thing to about 1.5" square while fiance started to trim the directions sheet (which was a disaster to print, as it is double-sided). I assembled about 15 full invitations, complete with ribbon and stuffed RSVPs, for the relatives in Hong Kong since FAIL is going there in two days and will distribute them for us. I find that a little strange as none of them will be coming and they are getting it probably a full month before everyone else is. Plus my mother, last minute, decided not to do this for our side of the family and insists on mailing it herself. Whatever, I really don't care right now. I'm less enamored with how certain parts of the invites turned out also, though it looks nice sealed in the envelope. Whether I decide to change some things here and there till I'm more happily satisfied or not, I'll post pics of how the invites turned out once they are mailed out/distributed.

In the meantime, for those interested in getting customized stamps, I ordered mine from Simon's Stamps, which arrived very quickly and is decent quality. I had heard good things about Stampworx 2000 -- they are even recommended and used by Martha Stewart Magazine -- but they never responded to my email. I suppose if I really cared, I could have made a trip to their office somewhere in Gramercy Park I think, but I chose to go the easier way by putting the order through the Boston-based Simon's Stamps -- their website is so easy and convenient to use! You can upload your images, preview it, and receive your stamp within a week. I also thought that if Martha endorses Stampworx, they must jack up the price -- anyone who's ordered from them can confirm? My stamps are a bit small (all less than 2") so they cost about $8 each and shipping was about $2. The one bad thing is that I made the mistake of ordering a regular wooden handle stamp (as opposed to the wooden block art stamp) for one of them and it is a little harder to use b/c the surface for the art stamp is raised more so that even if you press it deeply into the stamp pad, ink doesn't go where it shouldn't. Sometimes the corner of the wooden handle stamp touches the ink and leaves an impression behind even though it's not part of the design. So, lesson learned, be sure to order the art stamp!

A tisket, a tasket

2006-06-25T16:19:00.000-04:00

I was thinking of using a birdcage to hold the gifts and cards that ppl bring to the reception so I urged fiance to find one while we were at a rummage sale in NJ back in May (I was busy pillaging the jewelry section in hopes of finding something for the wedding, to no avail). Not knowing what kind of birdcage to get, he radioed me that there were only huge ones, mostly ugly. I later learned that he was looking at real, functional birdcages, like the rectangular ones used in pet stores, not anywhere near decorative. Thank goodness he didn't get one of those. Instead, he bought this cute wicker basket for $3. Today I finally decided to cut a slot into the top and finish it off with a few sprigs of the leftover silk hydrangeas and a leaf or two.
All that remains is to secure it shut at the closures by either using plastic ties or some kind of wire.

Note, if you ever want to do this, I recommend using some sort of serrated blade to cut through the wicker. At first I used a box cutter, jig saw, and then some all-purpose serrated knife that my brother once bought on a whim. I thought that the weave of the basket would be compromised once I removed a few of the slats but it seems like they glued it at each intersection so it's still stable.

Paper progress

2006-06-24T20:18:00.000-04:00

I am babysitting the printer as our 250 RSVP envelopes go through. I have to refill the bypass tray every 25. It is surprisingly unboring (evidenced by the fact that I am blogging while fiance is unable to entertain me!). The hardest part is stuffing the envelopes back into the boxes that they came in (we need to sorta flatten them out b/c running through the printer curls them up a bit). I've already messed up one envelope by stuffing it incorrectly. Oh well, that one will go to someone I don't like. :P

Today has been a somewhat productive day. I finished cutting all the invites, started to glue them to the pocket folds and experimented with gluing the ribbon and creating the pendant for the front, which will (hopefully) be stamped and embossed. This mumble-jumble may not make sense to many ppl, but you'll soon see. I have to tout my achievements somehow. And now, all the RSVP envelopes are printed!

DOH!

2006-06-24T10:21:00.000-04:00

It is freakishly dark outside -- what a perfect environment to explain the recent goings-on. Unfortunately, at the last wedding that I attended, a whole bunch of ppl got really sick (not me, fiance, or my BM though). Supposedly the ppl were visiting the porcelain goddess for days, for things coming out both ends. At first, everyone thought it was food poisoning but that theory stopped making sense when family members of those who got sick (who were not at the wedding) got sick also. So I think it was something viral passed on by some unscrupulous individual (perhaps waitstaff?). Then, fiance's grandmother got sick too. We don't know if it's related or not (a few of his aunts and uncles were inflicted too and they visit her weekly) but her doctor said that something is going around b/c there have been a lot of cases recently. Then FMIL (more on her later) told us that there have been reports in the Chinese newspaper (but how reliable is that?!) of outbreaks throughout the Ctown area, supposedly b/c of a bad distributor of food. Whatever the reason, the Department of Health was contacted and started calling everyone who was at the wedding. I was completely caught off guard b/c they called me on a Sunday and I hadn't given anyone my contact information. I wonder if they've come to any significant conclusion yet b/c I'd really like to know what happened, especially since I ate everything on the menu (and it was good!). Other than this minor incident, the wedding was fabulous!

So, because our banquet is at the same place that this wedding took place at, ppl (mostly FMIL and a few random ppl who are lucky to even be invited b/c if I had my way, they wouldn't be) were trying to convince us to change the location. These insane ppl think that we can just drop everything and find a new place in three months?! Never mind that I printed all the friggin' invitations already!! And I really don't think this was something isolated to the restaurant so any other place that we choose could have the same consequences. Besides, the restaurant is supposed to undergo renovations in August (please fix the bathrooms, I beg!!) and if there is something wrong w/ the restaurant, hopefully the health department will have taken care of it by then. There's nothing we can do and this extra stress I can really do without. But one thing I will do is provide hand-sanitizer in the bathrooms (maybe at each table? maybe as the favor?). Maybe Lysol too. haha(?)

Congratulations J & S!

2006-06-24T08:50:00.000-04:00

As I blogged about before, I went to a friend's wedding 2 weeks ago. I was supposedly an usher but I really was useless most of the time b/c the other usher (my BM, I'm so thinking of elevating her to MOH which I had always intended but not sure how that would work w/ no best man) did EVERYTHING. She gave the limo driver exact directions from the church to the restaurant as we hit traffic or construction at every turn, she picked out almost everyone's escort card b/c none of us could read Chinese, she got there way early to prepare for the ceremony, she helped me fix my Slutsky McSlut dress, she guarded the gifts, she reminded everyone to sign in on both the cloth and to write a message on the little origami squares (and she did it in both English and Chinese). So I was just standing next to her like her b*tch :D, without much stress.

Anyway, the bride was gorgeous in a custom designed strapless gown with ruched details on the skirt and this very unique champagne-colored detail with beads going diagonally across the bodice. During the banquet, she changed into a maroon-colored velvety qipao during the table toasting and a gold halter dress during the cake cutting. Each time, her hair decorations were slightly changed to match the new dress.

The bride, a graphic/web designer by profession, designed really nice ceremony programs with cherry blossoms. She also totally outdid herself by tying ribbons and miniature silk roses onto each bubble container. And the last detail that I enjoyed were the fortune cookie favors. Each customized cookie was dipped in chocolate and decorated with a heart in the corner. The cookies were packaged in mini plastic takeout boxes, tied with a ribbon, and closed with a personalized sticker with their names and wedding date. I'm not usually a fan of fortune cookies, but these were surprisingly good (probably b/c of the chocolate!).

The banquet food was also surprisingly good -- the fish was not overcooked as it usually is, the chicken was cooked perfectly juicy and with very crispy skin, the shark fin soup had good chunky pieces, the vegetarian noodles that I usually find mushy and bland were not, and my favorite course, the cold cut appetizer had a very good and unique tiny octopus. There was also a bottle of Veuve Clicquot champagne on every table, which we didn't touch, but I'm sure was good.

Here's a pic of the happy couple framed by a BM's flowers and someone's shoulder (I'm just too short to get a good view!) with the best man standing by their side.
Congratulations again J & S! (I don't exactly have their permission to post their pic but I will gladly take it down if anyone wants me to.)

Wedding rings

2006-06-21T20:22:00.000-04:00

I came across a picture of a Niwaka ring and I had to investigate their site. I like how their rings are different from the ordinary plain bands out there (I still feel like diamonds would be too much bling) but I wonder how the curves would look next to the e-ring. I also wonder if a jeweler can replicate a similar look. These are some that I liked.

Gotta love the Japanese!

Very Vera

2006-06-19T21:52:00.000-04:00

This past Saturday I went to the Vera Wang sample sale again. No, I do not enjoy putting myself through this kind of torture, but for a myriad of complicated reasons, I had to go. This time it was not as bad as the one in December, probably b/c there was less hype about it (not mentioned anywhere -- I had to call them to find out) and probably b/c by this time, most weddings have already happened for the year or it's too late to find a dress unless you're getting married towards the very end of the year. For whatever reason, it was great b/c when we got there at 5:40 or so, there were only a few (maybe 20) ppl in front of us. Last time we showed up at 6:30 and the line had already snaked past half the room. This time, 7:00 rolled around and the line barely reached the same point we were waiting at last time at 9:30 (doors open at 8 and they incrementally let groups of 20-30 ppl in so you move along very slowly). We made the time go by faster by creating our version of Scattergories using the paper that they hand out listing the rules. We also brought breakfast to stave off the hunger. If not for the hard floor, it'd be quite enjoyable hanging out with friends and playing games.

We were the second group to be let in and with less ppl rushing around, it was a better shopping experience too. I think a lot of the gowns were in a lot better shape also. I was so tempted to try on more dresses (there were so many pretty ones). My friend, after trying on 3 dresses, decided to buy this gorgeous one with spaghetti straps and delicate flowers and silver embroidery. (She didn't want beads or anything complicated and tried on this one dress on a whim and this was her first gown shopping experience.) It was her size and in pristine condition -- a perfect find! My shopping experience was alright too. I found the last BM's dress and my mother also found a strapless brown dress (the cloth is a bit shimmery).

Despite the full page of rules that they give out (only 3 dresses per party, only 20 minutes in the dressing area, etc.), they are quite accomodating. They provide chairs by the door for "the men" who wait as the women look, they allow you to bring food and drinks in as long as you clean up and empty out the liquids by 9am, you can bring your folding chairs and towels to sit on, and you can have one person wait and the rest of the group join you in the same place on line. And best of all, my mother was 10 minutes late (she works nearby and gets off work at 8:30) and they let her come in and join me (I was already inside by then).

And we were done by 10:30am or so, when stores were just starting to open for the day. It was very surreal b/c it felt like it should be noon already -- I was so tired (still am)!!

Wedding websites

2006-06-14T23:01:00.000-04:00

There are definite pros and cons to the free wedding websites out there (if only they could combine to have the good of all of them). After countless hours of trying out a few of them, I think I'm ready to publicize the use of WeddingChannel.com's. The direct link is myNameandfirst3lettersofFiance'sName.weddings.com. What I liked about WeddingChannel's sites is their connection to charitable giving -- every gift bought through their site results in a donation to a charity, in our case, Habitat for Humanity International (they didn't have the American Lung Association available). This is similar to the I Do Foundation's site which we also have an account for but IDF is not very user-friendly (even more so than WC). So I put a little note on our WeddingChannel site about our IDF site b/c they do donate to the Lung Association. Unfortunately, WC must've realized that ppl are using that space to publicize another site so some of the information is cut off. grrr...

I had also tried out the Knot's free websites, which is probably most user-friendly of all but I didn't like the limitations for the registry information (there's no space to put information about the charitable stuff). And WC's sites also provide a friendly URL redirect so that it's easier to remember.

DIY flowers

2006-06-13T21:58:00.000-04:00

I think it's a sign -- in the past two days I've unintentionally come across 2 separate sources of information about DIY wedding flowers. On the HGTV website, there is a video on making boutonnieres, corsages, hand-tied bouquets, and a round bouquet (using a foam holder). The boutonnieres look very manageable and I will definitely try to DIY those. The hand-tied bouqet of callas also looks very elegant and manageable and the Pick a Petal site gives me even more hope. I should probably practice beforehand though.

According to HGTV, you can make the arrangements a day, to day and a half in advance. You just have to keep the flowers in a cool place (no need to refrigerate) so this is definitely do-able. I just wonder whether I should get the flowers from the Flower District or order them online....

Project-managing the wedding

2006-06-13T21:12:00.000-04:00

I attended a project management seminar today at work and instead of thinking about how it would apply to my job, I thought of ways to apply it for my wedding. :) I learned to set realistic daily/weekly goals so that you don't feel overwhelmed (if you don't accomplish a task it will stay in your subconscious, stressing you out; so it's best to set goals you can reach). In order to start anew without the lingering undone tasks is to do a 'data dump' where you make a gigantic master to-do list and then break that down. One practical way that the speaker gave to carry this out is to write out every task you can think of on Post-Its. Then you arrange them on a board or wall; the beauty of the Post-Its is that it can be rearranged multiple times so that you can really figure out what needs to be done first, whether things can be done simulataneously, which tasks rely on others to be done first, etc. Then when you accomplish something, you can put it on a separate board to tout your achievements (which should motivate you). I also learned about prioritizing goals ("A" being must be done, "B" should be done, "C" nice to be done). So, I used up a whole pad of Post-Its to put down all the stuff that needs to be done, highlighting them according to priority, and stuck them in some semblance of organization on my wall. Of course, after I snapped the picture, more tasks popped into my head so the wall is even more crowded now. (And this picture doesn't include the bottom part of the list, which was cut off b/c it just didn't fit.)

Another important point I learned is that perfection can actually be detrimental -- it causes you to hold up processes trying to fix minutiae or fear starting things b/c it's so daunting. The huge point that hit me was "It's better done than perfect" b/c perfection is impossible. It was discussed how you can achieve excellence but not perfection but it's a difficult thing to digest b/c we're brought up to try to be perfect (especially Asian children). So, in regards to wedding planning -- don't try to be perfect, especially with all those details, it's just gotta get done!

Unfortunately, I think one of the ways I waste time from the project at hand is blogging... but perhaps I will use it as a reward for when I accomplish tasks?