Sunday, May 21, 2006

Secret engagements

And just like that, I got invited to another wedding. Normally this wouldn't be worth noting except that we found out about this potential wedding/engagement just a few weeks ago and the wedding is in July. Talk about a short engagement! And the couple has only been dating for less than a year. I don't see what the rush is about and I don't know why it has to be before my wedding when we got engaged way before they did. Unless she is preg-o?? And b/c they are related (or future ILs for me), I don't appreciate the secrecy of their engagement either (we found out about it through the grapevine. If their union is to be a joyous occasion, why the clandestineness?

On a related note of idiocy, the invite is addressed to just me b/c fiance is still considered a child by Chinese standards b/c he's unmarried so he's (implicitly) included on his parents' invite. While that saves on the invites being sent out (the Western way is to send a separate invite to anyone over the age of 18), I think it really shows how constricting Chinese families, or their views on relationships, can be.

But going back to how ppl like to keep their engagements secret, there was big drama a few weeks ago related to my cousin who's getting married a month after me (again, ppl raining in on MY parade! :D Haha, I say that only with half-truth b/c there will always be ppl to remind me which anniversary we're on.). The first hullabaloo was related to how his wedding is so close to mine -- there is some Chinese belief about not attending another wedding within a month of yours b/c it's bad luck or something. I have yet to understand this outlandish thought (any insight into this would be appreciated) but thank God the misunderstanding was cleared up and his wedding is a few days more than a month after mine. The second drama is why keep it a secret? For once, my mother said I did something right by consulting elders for choosing the right date (even though I really didn't want to, but fiance thought we should be 'obedient' in that way). My entire family knows about my wedding b/c my parents did eventually call to announce the good news to everyone whereas we found out about this cousin's wedding when an aunt dragged it out of his mother when she noticed that they were making weird plans at a restaurant. But I really wonder if not spreading the news is a common Chinese thing b/c I think my parents kept quiet about it for a few weeks at first whereas I told my close friends almost immediately. And when word got back to my mother through one of my friends' parent, she was surprised (maybe even a little upset) about my friend and her parent knowing. What's the logic behind that?

1 comment:

Daisia's Garden said...

I totally agree with your all your thoughts esp this last one here, why is it a big secret? I wanted to scream it at the top of the mountain and tell all my friends about the engagement but something held me back, the fear that my parents would get upset about it if they heard that others heard about it even through they already know about it....any of that makes sense to you? Do all Chinese parents think alike even when they come from different parts of a country, different age and up bringing? because my parents are like how you describe yours but far worse. I really thought this was suppose to be a happy occasion for is until I involved the parents....I understand why people elope.