Year of the Dog

I recently read an article in the New York Times about this solar year being a lucky one for weddings. Unlike last year (the Year of the Rooster, which was supposedly really bad for weddings, or big life changes, as I had heard elsewhere also), this Year of the Dog is good. It is especially good b/c this year happens to have two 'lichun,' or beginning of spring. Supposedly this double-spring phenomenon happens every five years and ppl plan nuptials around then (did fiance plan it that way? -- yeah right). I don't really believe this stuff but it is good to know that we're doing something right and that not everything I'm planning has to be an ordeal or has to have ten things wrong with it (or shall I say 450 things wrong w/ it?).

Some other stuff that I have to get done:
- invites
- decide what to do about hair & makeup (I want to check out some dept. store makeup counters)
- get other 2 dresses
- get/make veil (I'm now in the phase of wanting a floor-length one, though I don't know how to sit w/ that on)
1-2 months before (from the Knot Guide)
- try out veil w/ hairstyle
- shape eyebrows
- makeup trial run
- test out at-home masks or pro facial
2 weeks before
- final haircut/trim
- drink lots of water & exercise
- full hair trial
- eat right (eat fruits & veggies; cut out salt & fat -- hope I won't be PMS-ing)
1 week before
- get massage (if can afford it)
- bikini wax and final eyebrow shaping
- final facial (but not day before!)
- final trim for fiance
- avoid salty snacks and alcohol
1 day before
- drink lots of water
- deep-condition hair
- pro manicure & pedicure
- take long, relaxing bath (I'll skip this)

Here's the full article that I mentioned above b/c I know NY Times will archive it and then make you pay to get access (but I put it in tiny print so you can scroll through it if you're not interested and it doesn't make it seem like this post is that long):
Entering the Year of the Wedding

By JENNIFER TUNG
Published: January 29, 2006

WOMEN wishing to marry might try to hurry the process along, slyly dropping hints about rings or blatantly pressuring boyfriends to pop the question. But not Jennifer Chung.

Ms. Chung, who is Chinese-American, held off her wedding plans until just the right moment so she could get married in the Year of the Dog, which begins today, the first day of Chinese New Year.

Her reasoning was based on luck, not logistics. Ms. Chung, 29, an account supervisor at Gigante Vaz Partners, an advertising agency in New York, considers the Year of the Dog to be an auspicious one for weddings. Last year, the Year of the Rooster, was thought to be particularly unlucky for marriages.

The reason many Chinese (and half-Chinese) couples are choosing Dog wedding dates over Rooster ones traces back to the solar calendar. The Year of the Rooster, which began on Feb. 9, 2005, and ended yesterday, did not contain a lichun, or beginning of spring. (Lichun usually falls on Feb. 4, the halfway point between the winter and summer solstices.) A year without a lichun is called a "widow year" or "blind year," explained Theodora Lau, the author of "The Handbook of Chinese Horoscopes" (HarperCollins, 2005). "The thinking is that if you get married in a blind year, you didn't look at what you were doing, and you could get divorced next year."

Many couples, both tradition-minded and modern, took notice, postponing wedding plans last year. (According to articles in the Asian press, would-be brides and bridegrooms in China shunned the Rooster in large numbers, often leaving wedding-related businesses there with empty reception halls.)

The Year of the Dog, which will end Feb. 17, 2007, will span two lichun, Ms. Lau said. "It's very lucky to see spring in the beginning of the year and in the end. A lot of people would love to get married in a double-spring year."

In late 2004 Ms. Chung's mother first mentioned the significance of the calendar to her daughter. "It stuck in my mind," Ms. Chung recalled. She then relayed the concern to her boyfriend, Jay Wilkins, who had already asked Ms. Chung's parents for her hand in marriage. Fortunately he was on board for a Year of the Dog wedding. They'll walk the aisle in March.

Ms. Lau said this phenomenon, which occurs every five years, has long drawn couples to the altar. "Ancient matchmakers would tell parents who were paying for the weddings, 'This is a lucky, prosperous year.' " she said. "It was a way to draw in business."

It still is. Albert Chu, manager of the Golden Bridge Restaurant in Chinatown in New York, says "the two springtimes" ought to create a surge in wedding banquets. "We've had a lot of calls asking to reserve the party room," he said.

Johnson Lau, owner of Highlight Studio Wedding Center, a Chinatown wedding planner, said his business has recovered from the 20 percent dip in bookings he experienced last year. "We've already booked 50 for this coming year," he said.

For other Chinese-American fiancées, marrying in the Year of the Dog is not as clear a choice as it might seem. Peggy Pei-Yi Hwan, 32, a research analyst at Standard & Poor's in New York, is also planning a Year of the Dog wedding. Upon reflection, a Rooster date would have been cause for some concern. "My family is superstitious, and I've inherited that to an extent," she said. "Part of me is relieved that I'm not getting married in a year that is considered bad luck."

She and her fiancé, Geordie Hebard, settled on a March wedding, but once a date was determined, the couple was unexpectedly whipsawed by another cultural and religious issue: Lent.

"We had a hard time finding someone who would marry us," said Ms. Hwan, who was raised as a Protestant. "It's considered a sacred time, so a lot of conservative Episcopalian ministers won't perform the service." The couple has secured a willing officiant for their March 4 ceremony, luckily.

The Budget

I've been reading "The Knot Complete Guide to Weddings in the Real World" and it's been very helpful. [I also finally finished reading through a whole stack of (very heavy) magazines that a friend lent me.] I like that, since The Knot is based in Manhattan, they include New York-centric stuff like the idea that the average price of a wedding in metro areas cost twice as much as the national average. Very helpful so far has been the guidelines on how much to spend for each of the many aspects of a wedding so this weekend we discussed the budget (were we supposed to discuss this earlier?). Here is their breakdown (with my modifications):

• Banquet (50%): cake, Pig Day stuff, cake cards, drinks
  
• Photography & Videography (12%): photo, video, albums (though we could probably postpone the cost of the album until later b/c it takes that long to create)
  
• Attire (10%): wedding dress & alterations, shoes, Chinese dress, evening gown, veil, accessories, groom's attire, hair and makeup
  
• Ceremony (3%): officiant, location fee, programs
  
• Stationery (3%): invites, postage, thank yous
  
• Music (8%): ceremony music (organist/quartet?) and reception music (band/DJ?)
  
• Flowers (8%): bride's bouquet, bridesmaids' bouquets, boutonnieres, ceremony decorations
  
• Gifts (3%): favors, gifts for BMs (aside from their dresses) and GMs
  
• Rings (3%)
• Transportation (2%): rides to ceremony and banquet, parking
  
• + 5% extra for miscellaneous stuff: marriage license, unforeseen costs, etc.
  

It is going to be a crazy amount of money! I'm not sure if we're saving enough money. :( On the brighter side, we met with 2 more photographers this weekend and I think we're close to making a decision. I also re-met with one during the week that we met last weekend to see some proofs. The guy that I like was very friendly (seemed very honest) and has been doing this for 16 years. He started out at one of those Chinese "Mc-Wedding" places and the stories he told back the feeling that I got when we visited Eternal Wedding out in Flushing. He said that ppl would ask for specific photographers so when he went out to shoot a wedding, they'd tell him "Today your name is 'Robert'" or some photographers would call last minute and say that they're sick and can't make it so they're sending their backup and then they'd go shoot another wedding. Similarly, when we went to Eternal Wedding, I asked about a photographer (Tony) that someone recommended. I thought it was a long shot to ask b/c the person who recommended him said that he only does the studio portraits yet this woman trying to sell us stuff said of course we could have Tony. And she hesitated, ever so slightly in the affirmative, when I asked her if all these pictures that she was showing me was by Tony. Anyway, this photographer that I do like was also used by two other ppl that I know and his price is not bad. He also showed us a sample of a very nice album (the Queensberry) which we saw at a previous photographer. The other photographer that we met with seemed a little green and I'm not crazy about her album choices (they seemed like the ones that you can get through Ofoto). But she did seem very eager and nice.

It's Chinese New Year!

Photographer's Progress

This past weekend we met with two photographers. Some may wonder, why, weren't you pretty much set on that front? Yes, two months ago we were. Even a week ago, we were. But we procrastinated and the pair that we had in mind booked another wedding for that day (they weren't exactly kind about it either, so if you want a photojournalistic style, do NOT go to Leikness-Dougherty, unless you want to be in the middle of negotiations, even setting up another meeting, only to find out in an email that they booked the spot already). I didn't exactly push for fiance to get the ball rolling with them b/c I wasn't enthralled with their portfolio and in the back of my mind I always thought that I'd be satisfied with one of those Chinese packages if things didn't work out. But in any case, losing them threw us in a frenzy to find a new photographer at this late stage. This also worried us about the co-op that we've been looking at/dragging out the process on (but that's another story for another entry). So I spent an entire day combing through the list of WPJA photographers in NYC, emailing the ones that had an OK price range and glancing through their websites to make sure that I am OK with their style and work. A lot of them had very plain or hard to navigate sites which made it a little difficult, or they didn't post much helpful info (like pricing) so I just sent a flurry of emails. A bunch of photographers responded back with pricing structures (it's such a chore to compare such different packages) and one even sent a couple of links. Surprisingly, a few could not point me to additional work online that they've done but asked us to meet with them. A few had already booked for our date but referred me to other ppl (all those referrals were dead ends b/c they were also booked). After a day of emailing, I set up appointments for 2 photographers for last Saturday and hopefully 2-3 additional ones for this coming week.

So this past Saturday was crazy hectic. After taking BM out for a birthday brunch in the Theater District, we went down to 14th St. on the East Side (the subway ride was really fast but fiance was unimpressed and we took buses for the rest of our trip -- he dislikes the subway for some reason) and then went back to the West Side, up to 28th St. We got to the first photographer a little early so we went to a nearby McDonald's to use their bathroom and work out some budget issues. By the time we got the bathroom open, it was nearly time to go so budget issues still hover over us. Anyway, this photographer lives in a pretty nice condo (or maybe co-op) and it really makes me wonder how much money these ppl make. It seems like a tough way to make a living (working these long days on the weekend and then developing prints, albums, etc.) but like the previous photographers, her apartment was pretty spacious (and you can't beat the location -- prime Manhattan real estate). And I can't believe how much trust they have -- letting strangers into their house. So this woman seemed very friendly but she only showed us a few albums with a couple images in each, which really didn't stand out to me. It surprised me b/c she said she's been published in a lot of magazines and major newspapers like the NY Times. But I guess her style is more documentary-esque and the images seemed kinda static. She gave us a copy of the contract, including prices. She seemed pretty reasonable but I'd like to see more of her work. Hopefully I can meet her to see some proofs sometime soon (she didn't have any at the time, which also surprised me).

Then off to see the other one in Chelsea. We passed through the Meatpacking District, which I've never really walked through b/c it used to be so sketchy but it is now like SoHo of yesteryear. This other photographer's studio was in a more shady section though. We were kinda early but had nowhere to hang out but inside his studio so he set us up with some albums to look through as he finished up taking some headshots for an actress. He told us that this is a busy time for him b/c it's the pilot season and many actors want new headshots. While we waited, the makeup artist that he usually works with greeted me (she claimed that she didn't want to freak me out in case I heard some noises in the back but I think she also wanted to hype up the photographer and possibly drum up some business for herself but she only does last minute stuff). Anyway, the albums he showed us were not bad but I thought the stuff he showed me online was a LOT better. You could tell his specialty is headshots b/c the stuff he had of the brides up close was fantastic. The rest of his work is pretty good too. I think his prices are a bit high but he was helpful in suggesting places downtown to take nice pictures, like by the bridges, the courthouses (the steps or with the columns), the greenery in Battery Park, or on the Staten Island ferry! I really like that idea b/c as he says, it's completely open and you get a full view of the City. I think you can also get some interesting breezy shots. He also suggested walking from the ceremony location to the reception site (if we keep both in Ctown), which I had always envisioned b/c you can get interesting pictures and you're sort of on parade. :) Looking through his albums, I also got the idea of wearing red slippers during the reception, probably with my Chinese dress. The couple in the book also took a cab instead of a limo, which I've been trying to convince fiance about too b/c I think it shows New York flavor and you don't have to rent out a limo (which I find kinda tacky). You could tell the photographer's quite artistic and so, maybe a little bit cocky (unlike the other photographer, he said he probably wouldn't do a location scout b/c he's probably familiar w/ the area already). It also didn't seem to register with him that one of the places may have a lot of big windows so lighting may be an issue.

The first photographer also gave us ideas on where to take nice pictures. She suggested the Maritime Museum at the Seaport where there is a balcony that overlooks the Brooklyn Bridge. Hopefully we'll be able to come to a decision about photographers within the next week or so. Because of all this, I'm finding that I have no time to do stuff that I really want to do, like the Winter Festival at Central Park (I always miss that every year) and Fortunoff's Wedding Survival Party (kinda like a contest with various games where you can win stuff and like the Target thing, to get you to start a registry with them).

Other decisions that need to be made soon:
- honeymoon
- ceremony location (so I can get the darned invites printed out!! This also affects who will officiate, which is another thing that I have to gripe about some other time!!)
- shoes so that I can get the dress properly fitted to length
- registry
- BMs' dresses
- music
- flowers

Information overload

This weekend has been quite eventful. It started out on Friday with the 'Big To Do' event sponsored by Target's Club Wedd at Cipriani, which is a close walk from work for me. They had decorated the place as if it were a fancy wedding, complete with a greeter in a top hat outside. Inside huge flower displays greeted us, along with the signature light blue banners advertising the event. A bunch of ppl gave us a program, a small spiral notepad and a pen to take notes. So we walked around and viewed their displays. There were table settings, kitchen stuff, bedding, patio furniture, vacuums and other stuff you'd want to add to your registry. They set up laptops and other stations where you could set up your registry right then and there. As we walked around admiring stuff there were ppl who'd stop us and encourage us to start a registry (which was somewhat annoying). There was also a section that showcased cakes and another for flowers. A person from The Knot started off the events with some general wedding tips. As the evening went on, experts in the field of interior design, vintage style, hairdressing (Umberto), design (Issac Mizrahi), outdoor design, flowers (David Stark, I think), makeup (Sonia Kashuk) shared their ideas. Most of these ppl also happen to be associated with Target and so, they pushed their products. I think the most helpful stations were the flower guy, the vintage dude, and the hairdresser. The flower guy showed us the right way to hold the bouquet: with two hands, down low, don't want to cover your waist or your chest, and slightly tipped forward to cover your hands (unless you have a cascade bouquet or one of those long ones -- you want to hold those at a slight angle to the side). He said that you want to showcase your waist (by bending your elbows slightly so that your arms sort of frame your waist) so you shouldn't get a huge thing, especially if you're petite. He said you would hold the flowers with two hands and your father's arm would loop through your arm. I think that I would want both my parents to walk me down the aisle so his suggestion was to have them each hold your elbow. He also gave other tips like incorporating your stories into your flowers, like a guy who always gave the girl a single white rose every Friday while he was courting her and on their wedding day she walked down the aisle with a single white rose and gave it to him. He also said for those ppl who think they're not really the flower-holding type, then you could go real simple with 3 flowers or something. In the end, his new book was part of the goody bag. Looking through the book, I saw a nifty idea of holding a Bible with your flowers (one way is tucked inside the Bible, like a bookmark). I think I will steal this idea, especially since the first 'non-gift' fiance gave me was a little (maybe not so little) blue Bible (also covers the 'something blue' element). I think this look only works with a couple of flowers so I've got some thinking to do. I'm also trying to remember the first flowers that fiance gave me (we were walking past one of those flower stands and he tricked me by asking 'What kind of flowers do you think my mother would like?' and after he bought them, he gave them to me and I was kinda mad b/c we weren't really on a date). Anyway, the vintage dude was helpful b/c he said you can get stuff sewn into dresses by good tailors so that you don't necessarily need a special bra or other special undergarments. This is especially important b/c a camera flash will expose stuff underneath the white. He also said to skip the tiara (I guess b/c it's not a 'cool' vintage look) and then the hair guy afterwards said to definitely have a tiara, and a big one, haha. The hair guy was helpful also in saying it's better to have a 'soft' look, not with all that hairspray and stuff. That way you can also let down your hair for the reception and you've got another great look. This was a pretty interesting event to be at. They also passed yummy h'odeuvres (sp?) like a lobster paste in a phyllo dough shell, smoked salmon on brioche, asparagus wrapped in proscuitto, and two cakes. One was okay but the other was to die for: chocolate cake with strawberry mouse in between and whipped cream frosting with bits of toffee on top and caramelized sugar so that there were hints of creme brulee. The goody bag was also pretty cool: a light blue canvas bag stuffed with the flower book, a shampoo set from Umberto (and sold at Target), a Target silicone pad, a set of blue Post-Its, and a lip gloss compact from Sonia Kashuk, which is cool b/c on one side there is a slot to hold your ID and credit card.

On Saturday I went to Pinpoint Tailoring on the Upper East Side (it was raining, of course) where the woman was extremely helpful and encouraging. She showed how the bustle would be like (it would actually cover the rip), how the ripped strap would be pulled up, how she would sew in cups so that I wouldn't have to buy a special bra. She also assured me that the rip on the side would be covered up with beading that she'd remove from the train. All this for $425 she said. She was very friendly too. Since I was in the area, I also went to Madame Paulette, which seems to be a chain. The seamstresses that came out didn't seem to be that assuring (they pondered a bit and brought out someone else) but they came to the conclusion of using this lace that she had. It was the same color as the dress and she cut out two flowers out of it to match. It looked decent and she said they'd add some extra beading to make it fit in. In the end, she assured me that it wouldn't be a problem but it'd cost $650. I said that I'd have to think about it and she said it's fine but bring it back about 3 months before I need it. So I am feeling better about this darned dress....

That evening, we finally got one item completely done! Tai Pan Bakery is having a sale on their 'bing' ('cake', or 'cookie') cards. These cards are tucked into the invitations of the bride's side -- not sure why. We got 150 cards in total. It was freaky to have to withdraw that kind of money from the ATM, count it, then walk over and buy it. The woman selling it to us was very serious and set up everything for us step by step. She handled FFIL's questions without much conversation but with automated answers (ignoring his humor). After she counted out all the cards, she put everything on the counter for us to count. She was like a well-oiled machine, plopping down things very calculatedly, including a f'ugly digital watch as a gift for purchasing so many.

Despite completing this task, I'm starting to feel the pressure now. We still have a LOT to do and our available weekends are slowly being eaten up. With all the tips and ideas I garnered from the tailors and other experts this weekend, I've also been looking through a huge stack of magazines that a friend who recently got married gave me. So much to absorb and think about (so many great ideas to sift through!) I'm feeling quite overwhelmed. Some of the stuff we've started on but reading this new stuff is making me wonder if I should've done things differently. And I'm still wondering if we have an overarching theme or something that can help us narrow things down. And I think we need to start delegating tasks to ppl to prepare them to help us, but still have to come up with that list of tasks! Can I get an 'aiya!'?

Some questions answered

Thanks to my friend, who sent me some quotes from Rosemary Gong's Good Luck Life: The Essential Guide to Chinese American Celebrations and Culture, I see some reason to the madness.

The future bride's mother and father could receive money in red envelopes for "shoes" and "pants" respectively, because in Cantonese the word "shoes" is similar sounding to "harmony", and "pants" sounds like "fortune." The groom could also give unmarried older brothers or sisters of the bride "pants" or "skirt" money in red envelopes for marrying over their birth order.

Not to be forgotten, the groom receives gifts too: a pair of pants, a pair of shoes, a belt and a new wallet containing ninety-nine dollars, and the family's wedding gift of Chinese jewelry. The future bride will often send her fiancé a watch as part of the jewelry collection.

This confirms that it is NOT a suit but just a pair of pants (though I wonder if there are regional ancestral differences and what are Gong's sources). These explanations are interesting and the other parts sound good enough (I've never knew all this stuff) that I ordered a copy for myself and I can't wait to find out more. Sidenote: I got fiance a watch already. :)

And the significance of the number 9 (I always thought that the groom had to bribe the female guards that protect the bride on the wedding day with an amount with the number 9 in it because it made the number look bigger, like when things are $9.99 and you think it's not quite $10...):

Nine - connotes long life because of its similarity to the word for enduring. The Temple of Heaven in Beijing incorporates many nines in its design: The upper terrace of the altar is ninety feet tall: the platform of the temple has nine concentric circles of marble slabs. Even the marble balusters are in multiples of nine.
Doubling the digits, such as 5-5, 7-7, and 9-9, is considered good luck. Pairing the items doubles the fortune.

Sweeeet!

I've only briefly thought about cakes (it's probably too early anyway) but I remember when I saw this episode of Gilmore Girls, that I loved this cake that Sookie made for her wedding. It's so beautiful with the edible sugar flowers (this was the first time that I saw such realistic edible flowers). Unfortunately, sugar flowers are very expensive since they are handmade and I probably won't want a yellow cake so this is probably going to be filed in the 'nice, but not for me' category.
However, Sookie has made other cakes on the show. The one on the right, she made this past season for an upcoming wedding at the Inn. Though I don't care so much for the design (too square and modern), what the cake is made of sounds delish. She calls it her "dark chocolate s'mores wedding cake."

This cake at the left, was made for Lorelai and Max. Unfortunately, that didn't work out and Sookie had to scrap the whole cake (I don't remember if it showed her destroying it). This also may not be a good omen for our cake. But I noticed that this cake is very similar to the first pic (maybe they used the same form and just painted it?), even down to the tiger lilies.

Here's a cake (not made by Sookie) at the Gilmore vow renewal (see in the background; click picture for enlargement). I like this cake's simple design but what I really like is the cake topper -- an elegant silver monogram. I like how the big "G" is in the center, flanked by a smaller "E" (for Emily) and "R" (for Richard).
I am pretty sure that there were other cakes on the show but I have to find the pics.

So to share a little story about the cake hunt so far (not that we've really been looking). After a dinner one night in the Village, we strolled towards Veniero's for dessert. On our way there, the cakes in the corner shop down the street, Something Sweet, caught our eye. I had always wondered about this little bakery, especially since they are so close to Veniero's, how the competition must be difficult. In the window, we saw pretty little cakes (fake ones of course) and a sheet of paper advertising the prices for wedding cakes. We decided to go in. Fiance asked some questions about the cakes and the proprietor came out to discuss it with us. She was very nice and friendly, asking us about our wedding, when it is, how many people, etc. With so many people (this was back when the number was 300) she recommended that that we get a small tiered cake for show and then have sheet cakes made for the rest of the people (besides, she doesn't have the capacity to make a tiered cake big enough for that many people -- everything is made in that tiny little shop). She also told us about Chinese couples that she has dealt with, how you can have three layers or five layers, but not four (sounds like "death" in Cantonese). Since we're having a fall wedding, she said that she could make something with cranberry (her eyes lit up as she said this). Recently, she made a cranberry cake for someone. All of a sudden, she took out a tart and pushed it across the counter for us. She told us to take it. We couldn't and she said she knows how hard it is for young couples, so we should take it. We said that we wanted to buy something and even said that we don't really like tarts so that she wouldn't force it on us. So she offered something else. We tried to refuse so we said we'd buy something else. Somehow we got to talking again (she recommended French restaurants to try, some similar bakeries to check out). She also told us how she can make any filling, except cannoli because it's Italian and that's what Veniero's does. So drawing the conversation to a close, fiance said we'd buy some other stuff and get something for my mother. She seemed to agree -- we got a mango mousse, tiramisu mousse, and a chocolate cranberry tart. At one point she had also shoved a brownie bite across the counter, sticking it into a white paper bag for us and insisted we take it. We were about to pay as she was wrapping things up. Then a guy came in and was very dismayed to learn that we got the last mango mousse. When he walked out, she refused to take our money. The guy walked back in after consulting with his wife and ordered something else. The woman said "We don't take tips" so as to not give the other guy any ideas that she was giving stuff out for free. After more insisting (and after the guy paid and left) we resigned to taking this boxful of stuff. We felt so bad and left with a business card (but no price sheet b/c I think her prices are flexible). Good thing is also that she can make the cake with two weeks' notice (though we would probably tell her earlier to work out the details). Afterwards, since it was fairly early, we stopped by the Verrazano Bridge and enjoyed these pastries. We didn't have spoons for the mousse so at first we were licking it bit by bit. Then we decided to break the chocolate tart and use that to scoop up the mango goodness and that made it so much better! The cranberry really complements the chocolate well and mixed with the mango, it really made all the flavors that much more pronounced. So yummy!!!

Pants, suits, belt and other gifts

The ridiculousness continues.... A few months ago I was told that fiance and I need to buy my brother a suit. Why, you ask? Because I happen to be the younger sibling and I'm getting married before he is. Other people told me that it's actually a pair of pants and that the younger sibling is supposed to walk underneath them so as not to jinx the older, unmarried sibling (yes, another silly way that luck plays into this). Some said that this only applies to male siblings (which makes sense, because as the old saying goes, it's easier to marry off daughters than sons). I have yet to confirm which of these is correct. Pants would not be so bad but an entire suit! I was incensed (still am, I think) that I was being punished for being more attractive (hahaha, had to throw that one in there) and getting married first. Besides, shouldn't the older sibling always take care of the younger one?

Then a few days ago, my mother tells me that she needs to buy fiance a pair of pants, a belt, and a wallet. This odd assortment of stuff all have a reason behind them but she could only remember that the wallet signifies for him to be prosperous (not sure if that entails saving money but I think that's what she said). So as it stands, this request needs to be fulfilled with just the reason of "because that's what other ppl are doing." (Don't adults teach kids that peer pressure is bad?) Like the other odd request, she heard about this from someone else who heard about it from someone else (yes, if she was a recluse and didn't hear any of these stupid old wives' tales, aka a form of twisted gossip, I wouldn't be suffering this much!).

EDIT: see Some questions answered for some updated info

Christmas

So Christmas has come and gone without much fanfare. I did get to thinking though, what's going to happen next year? We'll be our own family and it will be difficult to decide which side of the family to spend it with. As with Thanksgiving, where I hardly saw fiance because I wanted to be with my family, it was difficult to balance. It is a bit lopsided because my family never does anything (and when they do, it's last minute and plans have already been made) and I guess it's partially my fault because I don't take the initiative to do anything. But because Christmas was on a Sunday this year, we didn't go over to the FILs' until Sunday afternoon, after service so it was about 50/50.

The other thing I thought about was something a co-worker once suggested: getting Christmas ornaments that represent us by telling a story, like each ornament having a special meaning. For instance, she says that she picks up an ornament everywhere she travels to and that would've been a good tradition to start with in Japan (though I'm not sure anyplace would be selling Christmas paraphernalia in March). Oh well, we'll start with our honeymoon. :)

Oh, and as an addendum to the previous post, it's great to know there are so many supportive ppl out there. Aside from the ppl offering help in unexpected ways, ppl have also lent/given me books and magazines. So helpful -- I am so grateful!!

How it all began

It occurred to me that I should add the proposal story and I'm sure it'd be good to hear something positive, before the headaches began.
It was the day before my birthday, a Friday evening. He had made sure to plan events for the day before so as not to dwarf the idea of one over the other (though I quickly soon forgot about my birthday). As my usual routine on summer Fridays is to complete some of my work at his place, we rushed to get to a computer. I noticed that there were 2 olive green boxes with a band around them on his desk and he said that it was my birthday present. He presented the long flat one to me and I opened it. I was less than satisfied with the thing (something that I really don't need and I wouldn't use at work because it would project a snooty look). I asked him what the other box was and he said he got something for himself too. I rolled my eyes and proceeded to concentrate on my work while he went to watch the evening news. When I was done with my work, I joined him. I was in a bit of a sour mood because it was difficult for me to do my work with the TV blaring in the background and his computer is a bit slow. Anwyay, I think the news was over by then and we were watching FoodTV. I wondered if we had to get going to make it to the restaurant in time for the reservation he had made (not that the place really needed it). He then said he got me something else. When he came back with the other box, I sorta knew what was coming. EDIT: I forgot he said he got me something else b/c he loves me. So I could not resist but to ask, "So you got me the other thing b/c you don't love me?" Hehehe. He said, no, that was for my birthday. I opened the box and inside the olive box was a red, leather, heart-shaped box with the word "Love" on it. I opened that and inside it was the opened box with the ring. I was speechless. By then the sun was setting so it was hard to see everything. I could tell that it was at least not the yellow gold (which I hate). He then asked me to be "Mrs. Dear" and I said "Of course." When I put it on, I felt my finger throb because I never wear jewelry and I think because it is a tad bit tight (which I think is good because I'd be so afraid that it would slip off unnoticed). Or maybe it was my heart beating with glee! :) So he told me we should go tell his parents. When we did, I didn't say anything (not like he did either) I just showed them my finger. We weren't sure which hand to put it on and his mother was no help. At first she said left, then she said right, then she said to look at other recently engaged people (she says that she wears it on both hands, alternating when she wants). I think I ended up leaving it on my right hand for a while until Sunday. We then went to dinner (it was pretty late by then since it was far and we had to look for a long while for parking). Throughout the past week he had asked me where I'd like to go to celebrate my birthday and I had read a delicious review about a Moroccan (I think it was Moroccan) place in Astoria with the best squid in the City and delectable grilled fish and various tagines. Because of our unfamiliarity with the area (and his incorrect belief that that neighborhood is not safe), he had to plan the proposal to be before the restaurant lest we get mugged or something.

After the dinner, on the way to my house, we had to figure out how to tell my parents. He insisted on asking them for permission even though it was already too late because I had said yes and I rarely listen to them anyway. :P But in any case, we had to wait for my father to come home around midnight and that week my mother was home on vacation (otherwise she'd be at work already). So we waited in his car by the bridge where he proceeded to call his cousins (he had gotten advice from them on diamonds and such; one of them had showed him a cubic zirconia because I had said I wanted a fake one since it's a lot of money to waste on a stupid piece of jewelry that you wear for a short time -- I still sort of believe in this). Lastly, he called his brother and left a message saying that he had a new sister. :D His brother then called him back and congratulated him. By then it was late enough and we went to my house. My mother was about to sleep but I went upstairs and told her that she should go downstairs because he was downstairs. She was reluctant because she had taken her dentures out but I convinced her to put them back in. Throughout this time, I didn't want her to see the ring on my finger and kinda avoided her. So after a brief small talk session, he asked her for permission to marry me. It completely took her by surprise and she didn't know what to say except, "I don't know" (like mother, like daughter). He was then like, "OKaaaayyyy...." After a very awkward silence, I think he asked her again in a different form and she said "Dunno, if she wants to.... Up to her...." And I said yeah, I already said yes and showed her the ring. She said it was very nice. (At one point throughout this I am told that she began to tear up but I didn't notice.) Then my father came home and broke all the awkwardness (thank God!). This time he asked my father for permission and my father said of course. They also briefly discussed my birthday dinner the next night (which was set up maybe 2 days before) where the 2 sets of parents met for the first night. So ended all the awkwardness for that night.

On Sunday, we told a select few ppl at church (one of his friends he just showed my hand to -- I think he recognized how effective it was to use this method). At first we didn't say anything but I think a few ppl saw the new shiny thing on my finger. One person noticed it and didn't say anything to me but whispered to the person next to him. They talked amongst themselves then walked out the room with a bunch of other ppl following them. That's when we told a girl who gave a big reaction, letting the whole room know. At first she didn't get the mouthing of the words and it was kinda comical so we eventually did the hand show. Surprisingly, everyone came over and started asking questions, congratulating us. It's just interesting how word gets around b/c later that afternoon, someone who wasn't there sent us an e-card congratulating us. I was also surprised to get two cards in the mail in the upcoming weeks.

After telling friends throughout the weekend, I wanted to tell my boss first on Monday. Of course he didn't come in and a co-worker in the next cube who often asked about potential wedding plans was on vacation that week. Another co-worker was also out that week. So I didn't say anything (it's not natural for me to share personal things at work), waiting for someone to see it and to break the ice. That didn't happen until Wednesday, I think, when a bunch of us were sitting in a meeting waiting for a new vendor to set up their stuff. My boss had just come back to the office and I didn't want to disturb him since he was catching up with a lot of stuff that morning. Then a person in another department said to me (quite loudly) "Dude, did you get engaged?!" I said yes and after all the gushing (even from the vendors, which was very odd), everyone started to know. After the meeting, my boss came over and asked for specifics and by then that side of the office heard and walked over to hear the story ("it was all very romantic, it happened while watching TV..."). Then later that week, my neighboring co-worker called her friend in the office to make sure things were OK at work and found out about it so she prompted me to go over to her desk and talk to her. She couldn't believe that she missed it. :) Weeks after, my boss still brought it up. Because another co-worker also recently got engaged (back in April), my boss even told this to strangers that we were on conference calls with. One instance, to pass some time while more ppl signed on, he said, Well some good news -- K & R are engaged! And we both had to instantly jump in and say "Not to each other!!" :D

A few ppl emailed me about how it happened and that was pretty much the conversation piece that ppl would bring up with me as small talk for the next few weeks so I got pretty tired of telling the story. I should've put this up sooner! Now that question is replaced with wedding-related questions like "Have you set a date?" (like the ex-co-worker who is also engaged said, Do people really expect you to have picked a date a few days after the engagement, as if the question the guy really asked was 'Will you marry me on April xxx?' instead of the usual 'Will you marry me?') or "Did you find a dress yet?" A few ppl asked how long we've been dating (6 years) and the reaction would either be "Finally!" (for those who've known us for that long) or "Wow, that's a long time!" (as in that's great that you've known each other for so long). Also interesting that when we were at a friend's wedding everyone asked "Taking notes?" It's good to know that so many ppl care to ask. :)

Another weird dream

It started with me hearing a male voice outside my room answering two girls who asked "Where did she get the dress?" And the male answered "Vera Wang." Then the two girls come in and ask me if I need alterations done. I think this was asked in Chinese and I had to think for a minute how 'alterations' is said in Chinese. I played dumb and asked "For what?" But somehow I ended up modeling the dress for them, showing the problems. After I was done describing how I envisioned fixing the first one, one of the girls said it will be expensive. Then I showed the other problems and I asked them how much everything would be. They seemed eager for me to commit to letting them fix it but I wanted to see their other work. In the end I put my regular clothes back on and told them I'd consider it (though they still hadn't given me a price quote). For some reason I was all sweaty at the end of all this (is that TMI?! not that any of this is real). I hung the dress up and thought, oh what a perfect time to take more pictures for the blog. But that never happened, so I don't have anything to post. :)

450!

I know, enough about the dress already! So, next topic. The other day, after a 3-month hiatus, we hammered out the guest list with FFIL. We had started back in the summer and back then I was so pissed! I knew that he would want to invite this insufferable woman from church, who is all talk and fake show. And if she's not invited, there would be terrible consequences for that side of the family b/c the church has nothing better to do than to backstab, choose favorites, and gossip. The worst part about inviting this attention-whore is that I've heard that she won't give a gift. Not only is that rude (how could you even think to show up empty-handed to a party?!), but I think that's just class-less. So we would basically be buying her a fancy 10-course dinner, because a young couple can afford to throw thousands of dollars around. Anyway, this time around I was more mellow (I'm sticking ppl like her on the last table, in the corner and I'd give them a different menu if I could) though it drove me bonkers to sit there while FFIL rattled off a Chinese name of some distant 'relative' and then fiance would try to phonetically type it into his spreadsheet. It didn't help that some of these names were already in the spreadsheet so we had to decipher things like 'Koo' which FFIL didn't understand b/c it was said with the wrong tone. To make it extra difficult, fiance doesn't know these ppl b/c they are 'related' in such ways as "we have the same name," "we're from the same village," (not to be confused with "we're from the same province"), and my personal favorite, "she is the daughter of the son-in-law of your grandmother's cousin." In the end, it was decided to purge these mysteriously related folks and have FFIL input them on his own using Chinese Word, since we really don't need to know who these ppl are. (They'll show up with 3 extra uninvited family members, give a $20 gift, and wear white tube socks.) Aside from this hodgepodge of 'relatives' FFIL also wants to invite all his workers, all the members of every committee in church (regardless of whether or not he likes or respects them), and even someone known as Dragonlady b/c she invited them for her daughters' wedding, yet he may not invite someone who is on a current committee if they are not invited for his daughter's wedding in May. At least there was someone whose name sounded like a Chinese curse (the '8th grandma' one), which kept me amused and giggling on the sly. All told, with fiance's huge amount of relatives (both true and who knows what), plus my family (crazies and all), and our friends, the number stands at 450. I think there will be more ppl there that I don't know than ppl that I do know, and I think friends and ppl that I actually want there will be a minority. Hmmm... sounds like it's a party for FFIL, doesn't it? My hope is that for our 10 year anniversary we'll actually do something that we want (and maybe that will mean an extended vacation far far away, the destination wedding that I've always wanted). I'm also hoping that all 450 ppl won't show up, though the idea of sending out all those invites is still daunting. But I'm pretty sure that there will be 2 versions of invites, one strictly in Chinese (probably of the cheap, mass-produced, Raid-smelling kind), and the handcrafted one.

The dress-fixing headache

A quick "sketch" of one of the needed fixins for the dress (very hard to photograph -- the pictures of the back, where the most damage is, didn't come out at all, but one day if I'm not feeling so lazy...). The difficult part is that it's the sheer organza overlay that's ripped so any sewing, I think, would be very obvious.

My options for fixing the tears:

Wilfred's Tailor, 18 West 23rd Street, at Fifth Avenue, 4th floor
212-242-3030

Meurice Garment Care, 245 East 57th Street (between 2nd and 3rd Ave)
212-759-9057

Madame Paulette, 1255 Second Avenue (between 65th & 66th St)
212 838 - 6827

Remziye Perkin at Pinpoint Custom Tailoring, 229 East 84th Street (between 2nd and 3rd Ave)
212-535-7185

BM's sister-in-law's relative?/friend?

Gotta check these out someday soon. I think I have to take a day off from work to trek to each place, show them the problems, ask for a quote, and compare. Hopefully they can beat the $550 that I was quoted at the sample sale.

Here are my possible solutions for the dress problems:

• tear on side: take in a little of the fabric (probably on both sides so that it's even)
• tear below the zipper: probably the same fix as outlined above
• horizontal tear around the butt-area: add some extra beading while sewing through the tear to disguise it (I think this will be the toughest one)
  
• hemming: easiest fix of all? -- happens all the time for short ppl
• nagging of mother about having wasted my money (yeah, show me the 2 dresses that you could've gotten for $400 each -- even David's Bridal wasn't that cheap): IGNORE

On a related note, as I was taking pictures of the dress, I had this strange thought that the dress might be fake. I did notice that there wasn't a Vera Wang label, just a tag that said "JNT LTD" with a bunch of other info, like size, color, etc. on it. The other weird thing was that I wanted to find the dress online so that I could see how it was intended to be but I couldn't find it using the numbers on the label and I thought maybe b/c the model number was just made up by the ppl who knocked it off. I googled "JNT LTD" and it turned out to be a a manufacturer of women's evening gowns in Hong Kong. But I was not convinced (after all a Chinese person could've bought the dress from Neiman Marcus, got it copied on a trip to Hong Kong and then returned it to Neiman so that they could have a Vera knock-off for a fraction of the price -- yes I have a vivid imagination, yet I believe there is more than an element of truth in this thinking). But the only thing I could do would be to call the Vera Wang store the next day to ask if they could verify the authenticity of it. So that whole night I tossed and turned, dreaming of instances where Vera would recognize that it's a knock-off and in order for them to protect their name and reputation, they'd give me back my money or would provide a new dress for me (again, my vivid imagination). The next day, after calling the flagship store on Madison Ave., being transferred once, then told to call the corporate office, being transferred twice, then just getting the person's voicemail, I left a message. The person didn't call me back and I had to try calling 2 more times. Finally, I got the person at 4:50 (she must've loved me for calling so late), explained everything to her and she said it has to be real if it was purchased from the sample sale b/c they check everything so she would mail me a label since I don't have one (she offered a letter at first). She also said that they do do business with JNT Limited, so I am just a paranoid worrywart with a vivid imagination it seems. Things just are never easy for me....

The dress-finding saga

I began (reluctantly) looking for dresses early on b/c I heard that it takes a while to order it (4-5 months), then you have to get several fittings after getting it altered. The idea of a dress that you only wear once, and for Chinese brides that follow the custom, only for a few hours on the day of before you switch to another dress, really doesn't appeal to me and seems like such a waste. So when those sites and magazines had headlines advertising the latest gown styles or 1000s of pictures of dresses that you could browse through, I found myself disgusted with them. But slowly, I started to look at some of the pictures and found a few that were OK.

The first place that I went to was RK Bridal, by the Port Authority. I had heard good things about them, especially their service and decent prices. Their site boldly says that they'll match prices and give a discount off that price if you find it cheaper elsewhere. I had an approximation of spending about $600 b/c that is what I know someone had spent for hers.
RK is huge and perhaps it wasn't wise for me to go there first b/c I really had no idea what I was looking for. The person that you're 'assigned' to doesn't really help you very much b/c she says that she's not supposed to, in case she unduly influences you. So the woman told me to go around, pick out dresses, bring them back, and then she can ascertain what kind of style that I prefer and she can help me better after that. This being my first time, it was hard for me to judge what would look good when off the hanger. It didn't help that I was extremely tired that day (I had gotten up way early to check out the flower district -- more on that in some other post) and I had to reach up high to get these heavy, heavy dresses down.

From what I had read, petite people should not get those big, multi-layered gowns, and I thought that bateau tops (the ones that have little sleeve-like thingies so that the collar mimics your collar bone) would work for me. I was wrong. All the ones that I tried on that had that looked bad on me. It could also be that those were cheaper ones and just wouldn't look right on anyone. Anyway, the sequence of dresses that I tried on is now a blur. I remember at the beginning the woman noticed that I was shy about undressing in front of her (and she was pretty funny about that -- she said, 'I don't know why, I'm a grandma and I have 6 grandkids') so she gave me that fluffy petticoat thing to cover my bottom. She said I didn't even have to take my pants off, so I didn't. But that got very uncomfortable very quickly. You'd never imagine all the heat that those layers could trap. So I eventually took the pants off. I didn't budge on the bra though -- she put on one of those tummy-tucking bras over what I had. Practically all covered up, she then helped me into the first dress (I couldn't tell top from down) and clipped the back with black binder clips. I think this one may have been the strapless Mori Lee one with a pink bow and a colored sash on the hem. Even though the changing room was big, it was difficult to see what the dress was like so she told me to go outside and check it out with the 3-sided mirrors. She even made me stand on that elevated circle thing and it was a weird feeling to have all these ppl (the other workers and customers) looking at me. The woman helping me flicked the train and it spread out completely so that I could see how it looked like. I didn't dig the big train though. The other dresses are truly a blur -- some I didn't like immediately, some were too plain (she said it'd be good for a second marriage), one was really nice but too expensive, a Dere Kiang looked nice on me but in retrospect is too poufy for me. After this exhausting few hours, the woman wrote down the model numbers of the ones that I liked so that I could think about it, and then urged me to come back some other time b/c I would feel differently later on. As we left, it started to drizzle, an inconvenience I didn't care for at that point.

The next episode was at David's Bridal, which I was told had good deals. This place was way out in Queens and difficult to get to. The service here was terrible too, compared with RK. When I walked in, there was a woman sitting at a desk but she didn't acknowledge me so I had to go ask at the customer service desk. They said that I could only look at the bridesmaid dresses b/c I would need one of their consultants to help me and of course I couldn't have a consultant until I was ready (I was waiting for my BM to come help me). So I looked at these f'ugly overpriced dresses and then snuck over to the side with the bridal gowns. I saw a really nice dress with a green bow on a mannequin and I thought that I'd take this one but it cost $900+ so I didn't even bother with it. The other dresses were OK and unlike RK, they had different sizes of almost everything. When they were finally ready to help me, they gave me a catalog and told me to pick out 3 dresses that I like by circling them and dog-earing the page. An hour or so later, a very young-looking woman came out to help us. She showed us to the changing area (but not to a dressing room) and said that she'd gather the dresses that I circled. So we played with the tiaras and veils (I can't believe how expensive they are, especially for something quite simple) in the back. When we finally got to a room (it was so narrow, almost like a public bathroom stall, and not the handicapped ones), she gave us one dress and told me to try it on while she got the others. Again, it was weird stripping. The dresses were nothing to write home about but what made the experience fun was trying to sneak in pictures (BM brought a camera, tee hee!). The first few times she didn't turn off the flash and then she tried to pretend to make phone calls while taking pics w/ a camera phone. What was disappointing was the consultant not being able to produce dresses for me b/c she would say we don't have that color in my size (a difference between a champagne sash vs. a white one while RK didn't care if the dress was 20 sizes too big and in a color that you totally don't want, like pink).

Next (a few days later), I decided to check out Bridal Garden, the place with donated samples and used dresses. This place had the promise of potential designer gowns for a fraction of the price. The selection was small and after combing the two rows of dresses, I only found 3 dresses for a decent price. The dresses were OK and the prices not bad but they were just ordinary strapless ones. One had a gorgeous, full train that looked even nicer pinned up but the front didn't do it for me. This place was steaming hot and it was fun to sneak taking pics again but I left empty-handed. No wait, she gave us a stupid wedding magazine full of bad advertisements and poorly written articles. The worst part was that it was pouring when we left. I was totally soaked when I got to the train station. Is there a pattern of rain and dress shopping?

Jersey Garden mall was my next stop that weekend, on the suggestion of BM whose friend bought a dress there for $100. I was not so lucky. We made plans to go there very early in the day so that we could also visit IKEA and possibly swing by David's Bridal in NJ where there was a $250 off sale going on. This place in the mall was like a smaller version of David's Bridal, with just a few dresses in the back of a store that sold other stuff like casual clothes and prom dresses. The pregnant salesperson was very friendly but I couldn't find anything that stood out. Everything was way too big (it was like an off-the-rack store, like David's, so you either buy what's in the store or order it from their other stores) and ordinary-looking. The most memorable thing was walking back and forth in my socks, dragging the huge dresses along the carpet and getting a lot of static cling and shocking each other in the process. And standing on their uneven, ghetto platform (it was comprised of several blocks put together), I almost lost my balance and fell. The nicest dress that I tried on was also their most expensive ($600, I think) and on display in the window. I wasn't enamored by it though, and I didn't like the color (champagne-ish). The rest of the trip that day was more interesting and we didn't go to the other David's, so it was fruitless in the dress department that day.

After being discouraged, I took a little break. I toyed with the idea of just buying a white evening gown (I saw a couple that looked nice online) and even went to Bloomingdales, Bergdorf Goodman and Saks to try stuff on. One place I saw a mermaid style dress that I kinda liked (if it didn't show off my tummy roll) and another place had a gold-colored strapless Vera Wang that made me look a little wide but felt so comfy. It was not until I heard of a sample sale at Saeyoung Vu in SoHo that I was reawakened to my quest. Even though the description sounded like you didn't need an appointment, when I showed up, they said that I did. So I made one for the next available timeslot and went shopping for the next hour. What I liked about this place was the simplicity of the dresses and how you could pair up really interesting colored sashes to dress it up. The person helping me was quite helpful, showing me the various ways that you could tie the sashes (a bow in the back or on the side, or trailing down the back flowing with the train, or an obi sash in the fashion of a Japanese kimono). Because the dresses are so plain, she said that I could make it fancier by getting a long veil (she let me try on a floor-length one). She also pointed out that Asians don't look the best in ivory because it sort of blends in with their skin so she suggested white or off-white for me (off-white looked slightly better on me). I also learned about the various fabrics out there. Duchess satin is what is the most commonly used material out there (though I think cheaper places like David's use a polyester satin) but I think most of the dresses at Saeyoung were made out of silk so they were very light and comfortable. I learned that dupioni silk is the nubby, slightly shiny material that I thought would make good bridesmaid dresses. My favorite dress (over $1000) had a puddle train (so cool -- it just hits the floor and doesn't extend out so you have the dressiness without the cumbersome qualities and you could still pin it up in the back) and a dropped waist (it's a lower waist and she thought that I looked best in this, probably b/c it hides my tummy and mimics my long waist). The natural waist, though a good coverup for the tummy, didn't give me enough definition there. I also tried on a weird-looking mermaid dress with bows in odd places, which I didn't like at all, but was glad that she made me try it on. After this short time (it was probably just .5 hour), my feet were killing me in the 3 inch heels that she provided for me to try on (I kept imagining how I'd trip somehow, break an ankle, and tear the bottom of the dress). Thankfully there weren't more dresses left to try on and she sent me on my way with a card that contained the facts about the one dress that I liked, along with 2 fabric swatches stapled to the card to demonstrate the difference between white and off-white. Even though I didn't buy anything, and I was pretty sure that I wouldn't buy a dress from them, I left feeling accomplished, since I learned what works for me and doesn't work for me. I may end up buying a sash from them though, since the concept is so cool and it looks pretty neat too.

My hope was renewed and I was comforted that if worse comes to worse, I could buy a plain white evening gown and call it a day. So I zealously checked bluefly.com for the white dresses that I had found. They kept getting sold out or they didn't have my size. Then one day, the white tulle Vera Wang one appeared. I spent hours at work trying to order it with co-workers constantly interupting me. Finally, I got the dress and I tried it on at home, taking pictures for BMs to see. My mother hated it, like all the other pictures that I had shown her before (she kept saying I looked wide in it and she would always say there used to be ads on TV for nice looking gowns for $99; she was probably thinking of David's Bridal, who no longer do the $99 sale). I thought it would suffice if I didn't find anything (they have a 90 day return policy) and I could dress it up with beads or something. When I uploaded my pics, I noticed that the bottom portion was see-through. :)

Next, and almost, last stop was the Vera Wang Bridal sample sale. Held twice a year for crazed ppl willing to line up for hours at a godforsaken time (we got there at 6ish in the morning and there were already 100 or so ppl ahead of us) in order to save up to 75% off. We got there all groggy and half asleep, but still able to befriend some ppl and meet (unintentionally but pleasantly) old friends there. So after waiting these hours, we were finally let in. Despite their guidelines of taking only 3 dresses at a time per group and congregating in the dressing area in the back for no more than 45 minutes, I spent a good portion of time there while my BMs went and brought dresses back for me. It was a very tiring adventure, dress after dress, baring my flabby belly and barely covered breasts (my strapless bra was not behaving!) to a roomful of crazy women carefully guarding their finds. Meanwhile we were not by a rack so we just piled the dresses we found on the floor. In the end, BM's friend spotted a dress that someone no longer wanted and retrieved it. I ended up getting this, despite the tears in the organza overlay because not only did I like the way that I look in it, but it was a great deal. It was originally $3000+ at Neiman Marcus but we couldn't find the sample sale price (all the other dresses had a price written on the inside tag) so we had to ask for it from someone outside. When BM came back with a price of $875, it seemed too good to be true. (We later saw that 1100 was written in an obscure place on the inside in ballpoint pen.) They all told me to get it, even though it was beyond what I originally wanted to spend (and still more w/ the fixes). I think what ultimately convinced me is that all these people kept coming up to me to ask if I was going to keep the dress. The tailors at the sale estimated the fixes (including the shortening of the hem) to be $550! I hoped (still do) that a Chinese tailor can do it for a fraction.

After this, we checked out the bridesmaid dresses, which were $25 each or $100/5! At first, they tried on these pastel green ones which just looked weird and too light for a fall wedding. They did not expect to have to try on stuff that day so it was amusing to have the tables turned and have them change while I remained dressed. In the end, I got 2 floor-length deep red dresses for the BMs and a purple one for my evening gown portion of the evening. The BMs each have a different style but the color is the same for that unity yet uniqueness. Originally I had envisioned them in an orange silk, knee-length dress but the red ones are fine and they are OK with it, so that part is done! My purple dress is strapless and has a little flippy skirt thingy in the back. All of these need major alterations (my dress is a 14) but they are still a good deal, in my opinion.

So while part of the dress saga is done, how to make it perfect still remains. I'll outline that next time, along with the nightmare that I had about it recently.

Here goes....

This is my first foray into the public world of blogging, where I hope to spread any wisdom that I may gain from planning a crazy shindig; to record what is supposed to be a memorable (and hopefully fun) time in my life; to share with the world the seemingly odd customs, processes, trials and whatever else, that is known to many Chinese brides (and what I believe to be especially unique to Chinese American ones); and at the very least, to vent.

So, here's to catch you up to speed. We set our date a few months ago when it was still warm outside (maybe back in August or September) because we knew that we had to book the banquet hall early (some said more than a year in advance). And I believe that they were right because 2 weeks after we checked the place out, the place was pressing FFIL (who knows one of the higher ups there and suggested we pick that place) for a deposit because another couple was interested in the same date.

That leads me to the headache of actually picking the date. My mother insisted that we have an 'auspicious' date, something that can be ascertained from a Chinese almanac (which are printed only certain times of the year). The trick was to get this information early so that we could book the date because every other couple would be thinking the same thing and there are a limited number of Chinese restaurants in New York that can have such big events (even fewer with food/service that passes muster). What made it trickier was to get a weekend in the desired month (we wanted something in the fall, when it's not too hot and not too cold). I still think this whole thing is a scam because the gods (prophets, or whatever you want to call them) that supposedly determined this long ago could never have made so many 'good' weekends and I really don't know of many weddings that are NOT on weekends. Add to this the shadiness of unavailable almanacs and when my mother inquired of a fortune teller, he would need all our birthdays (ILs, my parents, and fiance) and of course, $60. I refused to go that route, especially since this fortune teller business runs contrary to my Christian beliefs, and alas, the almanacs came out soon thereafter (we were set to pick a date without consulting it). So after settling on a 'good' Saturday, I think one other person had conflicting data for me (I didn't tell my mother) and it was too late by then anyway.

While waiting for a date decision to come around, we looked for possible restaurants. We were pretty set on having it in Manhattan because my family primarily lives in Brooklyn and his family, in Queens and it would just be unfair to favor one borough over the other (even though there were some choices that were tempting). Ideally, we wanted a restaurant where we know someone who works there so that we could get a deal. We wanted to try a place on Mott Street, since FFIL knows someone there (he seems to have a lot of connections at several places) but the day that we were to go, there was a wedding banquet going on and there was no room for us. So we decided to try Golden Bridge, newly renovated, with a view of the Manhattan Bridge. We were pleasantly surprised by the decor (clean bathrooms!) and the food was not bad. There also happened to be a wedding there but the place was big enough to seat us (I believe the manager that spoke to us said there was room for 900 altogether, though there is a separation in the middle -- essentially 2 rooms connected by a short hallway and large screen TVs). They even had a little room to the side which would be useful for storing stuff, for me to change in, or for kids to be entertained in. So we were pretty happy with the place until we were ready to leave and there were protesters outside. The protests hark back to the previous owner, who had labor disputes with his workers. Supposedly these were settled when the restaurant was bought by someone else, but protests continue on similar allegations. I wouldn't've minded these (I discovered on a website that protests only occur on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays, I believe) but my mother was against this because in past years the protesters have used attention-getting techniques such as rolling a coffin to the front of the restaurant. Of course, this would be a terrible sight for any Chinese person to see, especially on their wedding day. So it is a good thing that we checked this restaurant out on a Sunday and not some other day of the week.

Getting the actual restaurant that we are having the banquet at is less interesting but not without a story either. As we were waiting for the waitress to fetch the reservation book (she walked back and forth several times, not producing anything), she mentioned casually that the restaurant would undergo renovations (it does need an update -- it reminds me of a Hong Kong movie set in the 80s) sometime next year, which would be terrible if they were not ready to open in time for us. It also didn't help that even though FFIL had spoken with his contact and told him the date, the contact still had not even noted us in the book. So during the week, FFIL walked over, talked to him, learned that 'renovations' meant changing the carpet and other small things, and paid him the deposit (in cash) the following week. The weird thing is that we also know ppl using that restaurant in June for a wedding and they didn't know anything about the 'renovations.' They just better be open for business that day!

So, after settling the biggest thing, we thought about ceremony locations. I won't elaborate on that for now because it's just complicated. My next big task, which hopefully I can describe in detail soon, is the wedding gown. Let's just say that things are never easy for me.