The ridiculousness continues.... A few months ago I was told that fiance and I need to buy my brother a suit. Why, you ask? Because I happen to be the younger sibling and I'm getting married before he is. Other people told me that it's actually a pair of pants and that the younger sibling is supposed to walk underneath them so as not to jinx the older, unmarried sibling (yes, another silly way that luck plays into this). Some said that this only applies to male siblings (which makes sense, because as the old saying goes, it's easier to marry off daughters than sons). I have yet to confirm which of these is correct. Pants would not be so bad but an entire suit! I was incensed (still am, I think) that I was being punished for being more attractive (hahaha, had to throw that one in there) and getting married first. Besides, shouldn't the older sibling always take care of the younger one?
Then a few days ago, my mother tells me that she needs to buy fiance a pair of pants, a belt, and a wallet. This odd assortment of stuff all have a reason behind them but she could only remember that the wallet signifies for him to be prosperous (not sure if that entails saving money but I think that's what she said). So as it stands, this request needs to be fulfilled with just the reason of "because that's what other ppl are doing." (Don't adults teach kids that peer pressure is bad?) Like the other odd request, she heard about this from someone else who heard about it from someone else (yes, if she was a recluse and didn't hear any of these stupid old wives' tales, aka a form of twisted gossip, I wouldn't be suffering this much!).
EDIT: see Some questions answered for some updated info
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Monday, December 26, 2005
Christmas
So Christmas has come and gone without much fanfare. I did get to thinking though, what's going to happen next year? We'll be our own family and it will be difficult to decide which side of the family to spend it with. As with Thanksgiving, where I hardly saw fiance because I wanted to be with my family, it was difficult to balance. It is a bit lopsided because my family never does anything (and when they do, it's last minute and plans have already been made) and I guess it's partially my fault because I don't take the initiative to do anything. But because Christmas was on a Sunday this year, we didn't go over to the FILs' until Sunday afternoon, after service so it was about 50/50.
The other thing I thought about was something a co-worker once suggested: getting Christmas ornaments that represent us by telling a story, like each ornament having a special meaning. For instance, she says that she picks up an ornament everywhere she travels to and that would've been a good tradition to start with in Japan (though I'm not sure anyplace would be selling Christmas paraphernalia in March). Oh well, we'll start with our honeymoon. :)
Oh, and as an addendum to the previous post, it's great to know there are so many supportive ppl out there. Aside from the ppl offering help in unexpected ways, ppl have also lent/given me books and magazines. So helpful -- I am so grateful!!
The other thing I thought about was something a co-worker once suggested: getting Christmas ornaments that represent us by telling a story, like each ornament having a special meaning. For instance, she says that she picks up an ornament everywhere she travels to and that would've been a good tradition to start with in Japan (though I'm not sure anyplace would be selling Christmas paraphernalia in March). Oh well, we'll start with our honeymoon. :)
Oh, and as an addendum to the previous post, it's great to know there are so many supportive ppl out there. Aside from the ppl offering help in unexpected ways, ppl have also lent/given me books and magazines. So helpful -- I am so grateful!!
Saturday, December 24, 2005
How it all began
It occurred to me that I should add the proposal story and I'm sure it'd be good to hear something positive, before the headaches began.
It was the day before my birthday, a Friday evening. He had made sure to plan events for the day before so as not to dwarf the idea of one over the other (though I quickly soon forgot about my birthday). As my usual routine on summer Fridays is to complete some of my work at his place, we rushed to get to a computer. I noticed that there were 2 olive green boxes with a band around them on his desk and he said that it was my birthday present. He presented the long flat one to me and I opened it. I was less than satisfied with the thing (something that I really don't need and I wouldn't use at work because it would project a snooty look). I asked him what the other box was and he said he got something for himself too. I rolled my eyes and proceeded to concentrate on my work while he went to watch the evening news. When I was done with my work, I joined him. I was in a bit of a sour mood because it was difficult for me to do my work with the TV blaring in the background and his computer is a bit slow. Anwyay, I think the news was over by then and we were watching FoodTV. I wondered if we had to get going to make it to the restaurant in time for the reservation he had made (not that the place really needed it). He then said he got me something else. When he came back with the other box, I sorta knew what was coming. EDIT: I forgot he said he got me something else b/c he loves me. So I could not resist but to ask, "So you got me the other thing b/c you don't love me?" Hehehe. He said, no, that was for my birthday. I opened the box and inside the olive box was a red, leather, heart-shaped box with the word "Love" on it. I opened that and inside it was the opened box with the ring. I was speechless. By then the sun was setting so it was hard to see everything. I could tell that it was at least not the yellow gold (which I hate). He then asked me to be "Mrs. Dear" and I said "Of course." When I put it on, I felt my finger throb because I never wear jewelry and I think because it is a tad bit tight (which I think is good because I'd be so afraid that it would slip off unnoticed). Or maybe it was my heart beating with glee! :) So he told me we should go tell his parents. When we did, I didn't say anything (not like he did either) I just showed them my finger. We weren't sure which hand to put it on and his mother was no help. At first she said left, then she said right, then she said to look at other recently engaged people (she says that she wears it on both hands, alternating when she wants). I think I ended up leaving it on my right hand for a while until Sunday. We then went to dinner (it was pretty late by then since it was far and we had to look for a long while for parking). Throughout the past week he had asked me where I'd like to go to celebrate my birthday and I had read a delicious review about a Moroccan (I think it was Moroccan) place in Astoria with the best squid in the City and delectable grilled fish and various tagines. Because of our unfamiliarity with the area (and his incorrect belief that that neighborhood is not safe), he had to plan the proposal to be before the restaurant lest we get mugged or something.
After the dinner, on the way to my house, we had to figure out how to tell my parents. He insisted on asking them for permission even though it was already too late because I had said yes and I rarely listen to them anyway. :P But in any case, we had to wait for my father to come home around midnight and that week my mother was home on vacation (otherwise she'd be at work already). So we waited in his car by the bridge where he proceeded to call his cousins (he had gotten advice from them on diamonds and such; one of them had showed him a cubic zirconia because I had said I wanted a fake one since it's a lot of money to waste on a stupid piece of jewelry that you wear for a short time -- I still sort of believe in this). Lastly, he called his brother and left a message saying that he had a new sister. :D His brother then called him back and congratulated him. By then it was late enough and we went to my house. My mother was about to sleep but I went upstairs and told her that she should go downstairs because he was downstairs. She was reluctant because she had taken her dentures out but I convinced her to put them back in. Throughout this time, I didn't want her to see the ring on my finger and kinda avoided her. So after a brief small talk session, he asked her for permission to marry me. It completely took her by surprise and she didn't know what to say except, "I don't know" (like mother, like daughter). He was then like, "OKaaaayyyy...." After a very awkward silence, I think he asked her again in a different form and she said "Dunno, if she wants to.... Up to her...." And I said yeah, I already said yes and showed her the ring. She said it was very nice. (At one point throughout this I am told that she began to tear up but I didn't notice.) Then my father came home and broke all the awkwardness (thank God!). This time he asked my father for permission and my father said of course. They also briefly discussed my birthday dinner the next night (which was set up maybe 2 days before) where the 2 sets of parents met for the first night. So ended all the awkwardness for that night.
On Sunday, we told a select few ppl at church (one of his friends he just showed my hand to -- I think he recognized how effective it was to use this method). At first we didn't say anything but I think a few ppl saw the new shiny thing on my finger. One person noticed it and didn't say anything to me but whispered to the person next to him. They talked amongst themselves then walked out the room with a bunch of other ppl following them. That's when we told a girl who gave a big reaction, letting the whole room know. At first she didn't get the mouthing of the words and it was kinda comical so we eventually did the hand show. Surprisingly, everyone came over and started asking questions, congratulating us. It's just interesting how word gets around b/c later that afternoon, someone who wasn't there sent us an e-card congratulating us. I was also surprised to get two cards in the mail in the upcoming weeks.
After telling friends throughout the weekend, I wanted to tell my boss first on Monday. Of course he didn't come in and a co-worker in the next cube who often asked about potential wedding plans was on vacation that week. Another co-worker was also out that week. So I didn't say anything (it's not natural for me to share personal things at work), waiting for someone to see it and to break the ice. That didn't happen until Wednesday, I think, when a bunch of us were sitting in a meeting waiting for a new vendor to set up their stuff. My boss had just come back to the office and I didn't want to disturb him since he was catching up with a lot of stuff that morning. Then a person in another department said to me (quite loudly) "Dude, did you get engaged?!" I said yes and after all the gushing (even from the vendors, which was very odd), everyone started to know. After the meeting, my boss came over and asked for specifics and by then that side of the office heard and walked over to hear the story ("it was all very romantic, it happened while watching TV..."). Then later that week, my neighboring co-worker called her friend in the office to make sure things were OK at work and found out about it so she prompted me to go over to her desk and talk to her. She couldn't believe that she missed it. :) Weeks after, my boss still brought it up. Because another co-worker also recently got engaged (back in April), my boss even told this to strangers that we were on conference calls with. One instance, to pass some time while more ppl signed on, he said, Well some good news -- K & R are engaged! And we both had to instantly jump in and say "Not to each other!!" :D
A few ppl emailed me about how it happened and that was pretty much the conversation piece that ppl would bring up with me as small talk for the next few weeks so I got pretty tired of telling the story. I should've put this up sooner! Now that question is replaced with wedding-related questions like "Have you set a date?" (like the ex-co-worker who is also engaged said, Do people really expect you to have picked a date a few days after the engagement, as if the question the guy really asked was 'Will you marry me on April xxx?' instead of the usual 'Will you marry me?') or "Did you find a dress yet?" A few ppl asked how long we've been dating (6 years) and the reaction would either be "Finally!" (for those who've known us for that long) or "Wow, that's a long time!" (as in that's great that you've known each other for so long). Also interesting that when we were at a friend's wedding everyone asked "Taking notes?" It's good to know that so many ppl care to ask. :)
It was the day before my birthday, a Friday evening. He had made sure to plan events for the day before so as not to dwarf the idea of one over the other (though I quickly soon forgot about my birthday). As my usual routine on summer Fridays is to complete some of my work at his place, we rushed to get to a computer. I noticed that there were 2 olive green boxes with a band around them on his desk and he said that it was my birthday present. He presented the long flat one to me and I opened it. I was less than satisfied with the thing (something that I really don't need and I wouldn't use at work because it would project a snooty look). I asked him what the other box was and he said he got something for himself too. I rolled my eyes and proceeded to concentrate on my work while he went to watch the evening news. When I was done with my work, I joined him. I was in a bit of a sour mood because it was difficult for me to do my work with the TV blaring in the background and his computer is a bit slow. Anwyay, I think the news was over by then and we were watching FoodTV. I wondered if we had to get going to make it to the restaurant in time for the reservation he had made (not that the place really needed it). He then said he got me something else. When he came back with the other box, I sorta knew what was coming. EDIT: I forgot he said he got me something else b/c he loves me. So I could not resist but to ask, "So you got me the other thing b/c you don't love me?" Hehehe. He said, no, that was for my birthday. I opened the box and inside the olive box was a red, leather, heart-shaped box with the word "Love" on it. I opened that and inside it was the opened box with the ring. I was speechless. By then the sun was setting so it was hard to see everything. I could tell that it was at least not the yellow gold (which I hate). He then asked me to be "Mrs. Dear" and I said "Of course." When I put it on, I felt my finger throb because I never wear jewelry and I think because it is a tad bit tight (which I think is good because I'd be so afraid that it would slip off unnoticed). Or maybe it was my heart beating with glee! :) So he told me we should go tell his parents. When we did, I didn't say anything (not like he did either) I just showed them my finger. We weren't sure which hand to put it on and his mother was no help. At first she said left, then she said right, then she said to look at other recently engaged people (she says that she wears it on both hands, alternating when she wants). I think I ended up leaving it on my right hand for a while until Sunday. We then went to dinner (it was pretty late by then since it was far and we had to look for a long while for parking). Throughout the past week he had asked me where I'd like to go to celebrate my birthday and I had read a delicious review about a Moroccan (I think it was Moroccan) place in Astoria with the best squid in the City and delectable grilled fish and various tagines. Because of our unfamiliarity with the area (and his incorrect belief that that neighborhood is not safe), he had to plan the proposal to be before the restaurant lest we get mugged or something.
After the dinner, on the way to my house, we had to figure out how to tell my parents. He insisted on asking them for permission even though it was already too late because I had said yes and I rarely listen to them anyway. :P But in any case, we had to wait for my father to come home around midnight and that week my mother was home on vacation (otherwise she'd be at work already). So we waited in his car by the bridge where he proceeded to call his cousins (he had gotten advice from them on diamonds and such; one of them had showed him a cubic zirconia because I had said I wanted a fake one since it's a lot of money to waste on a stupid piece of jewelry that you wear for a short time -- I still sort of believe in this). Lastly, he called his brother and left a message saying that he had a new sister. :D His brother then called him back and congratulated him. By then it was late enough and we went to my house. My mother was about to sleep but I went upstairs and told her that she should go downstairs because he was downstairs. She was reluctant because she had taken her dentures out but I convinced her to put them back in. Throughout this time, I didn't want her to see the ring on my finger and kinda avoided her. So after a brief small talk session, he asked her for permission to marry me. It completely took her by surprise and she didn't know what to say except, "I don't know" (like mother, like daughter). He was then like, "OKaaaayyyy...." After a very awkward silence, I think he asked her again in a different form and she said "Dunno, if she wants to.... Up to her...." And I said yeah, I already said yes and showed her the ring. She said it was very nice. (At one point throughout this I am told that she began to tear up but I didn't notice.) Then my father came home and broke all the awkwardness (thank God!). This time he asked my father for permission and my father said of course. They also briefly discussed my birthday dinner the next night (which was set up maybe 2 days before) where the 2 sets of parents met for the first night. So ended all the awkwardness for that night.
On Sunday, we told a select few ppl at church (one of his friends he just showed my hand to -- I think he recognized how effective it was to use this method). At first we didn't say anything but I think a few ppl saw the new shiny thing on my finger. One person noticed it and didn't say anything to me but whispered to the person next to him. They talked amongst themselves then walked out the room with a bunch of other ppl following them. That's when we told a girl who gave a big reaction, letting the whole room know. At first she didn't get the mouthing of the words and it was kinda comical so we eventually did the hand show. Surprisingly, everyone came over and started asking questions, congratulating us. It's just interesting how word gets around b/c later that afternoon, someone who wasn't there sent us an e-card congratulating us. I was also surprised to get two cards in the mail in the upcoming weeks.
After telling friends throughout the weekend, I wanted to tell my boss first on Monday. Of course he didn't come in and a co-worker in the next cube who often asked about potential wedding plans was on vacation that week. Another co-worker was also out that week. So I didn't say anything (it's not natural for me to share personal things at work), waiting for someone to see it and to break the ice. That didn't happen until Wednesday, I think, when a bunch of us were sitting in a meeting waiting for a new vendor to set up their stuff. My boss had just come back to the office and I didn't want to disturb him since he was catching up with a lot of stuff that morning. Then a person in another department said to me (quite loudly) "Dude, did you get engaged?!" I said yes and after all the gushing (even from the vendors, which was very odd), everyone started to know. After the meeting, my boss came over and asked for specifics and by then that side of the office heard and walked over to hear the story ("it was all very romantic, it happened while watching TV..."). Then later that week, my neighboring co-worker called her friend in the office to make sure things were OK at work and found out about it so she prompted me to go over to her desk and talk to her. She couldn't believe that she missed it. :) Weeks after, my boss still brought it up. Because another co-worker also recently got engaged (back in April), my boss even told this to strangers that we were on conference calls with. One instance, to pass some time while more ppl signed on, he said, Well some good news -- K & R are engaged! And we both had to instantly jump in and say "Not to each other!!" :D
A few ppl emailed me about how it happened and that was pretty much the conversation piece that ppl would bring up with me as small talk for the next few weeks so I got pretty tired of telling the story. I should've put this up sooner! Now that question is replaced with wedding-related questions like "Have you set a date?" (like the ex-co-worker who is also engaged said, Do people really expect you to have picked a date a few days after the engagement, as if the question the guy really asked was 'Will you marry me on April xxx?' instead of the usual 'Will you marry me?') or "Did you find a dress yet?" A few ppl asked how long we've been dating (6 years) and the reaction would either be "Finally!" (for those who've known us for that long) or "Wow, that's a long time!" (as in that's great that you've known each other for so long). Also interesting that when we were at a friend's wedding everyone asked "Taking notes?" It's good to know that so many ppl care to ask. :)
Another weird dream
It started with me hearing a male voice outside my room answering two girls who asked "Where did she get the dress?" And the male answered "Vera Wang." Then the two girls come in and ask me if I need alterations done. I think this was asked in Chinese and I had to think for a minute how 'alterations' is said in Chinese. I played dumb and asked "For what?" But somehow I ended up modeling the dress for them, showing the problems. After I was done describing how I envisioned fixing the first one, one of the girls said it will be expensive. Then I showed the other problems and I asked them how much everything would be. They seemed eager for me to commit to letting them fix it but I wanted to see their other work. In the end I put my regular clothes back on and told them I'd consider it (though they still hadn't given me a price quote). For some reason I was all sweaty at the end of all this (is that TMI?! not that any of this is real). I hung the dress up and thought, oh what a perfect time to take more pictures for the blog. But that never happened, so I don't have anything to post. :)
Sunday, December 18, 2005
450!
I know, enough about the dress already! So, next topic. The other day, after a 3-month hiatus, we hammered out the guest list with FFIL. We had started back in the summer and back then I was so pissed! I knew that he would want to invite this insufferable woman from church, who is all talk and fake show. And if she's not invited, there would be terrible consequences for that side of the family b/c the church has nothing better to do than to backstab, choose favorites, and gossip. The worst part about inviting this attention-whore is that I've heard that she won't give a gift. Not only is that rude (how could you even think to show up empty-handed to a party?!), but I think that's just class-less. So we would basically be buying her a fancy 10-course dinner, because a young couple can afford to throw thousands of dollars around. Anyway, this time around I was more mellow (I'm sticking ppl like her on the last table, in the corner and I'd give them a different menu if I could) though it drove me bonkers to sit there while FFIL rattled off a Chinese name of some distant 'relative' and then fiance would try to phonetically type it into his spreadsheet. It didn't help that some of these names were already in the spreadsheet so we had to decipher things like 'Koo' which FFIL didn't understand b/c it was said with the wrong tone. To make it extra difficult, fiance doesn't know these ppl b/c they are 'related' in such ways as "we have the same name," "we're from the same village," (not to be confused with "we're from the same province"), and my personal favorite, "she is the daughter of the son-in-law of your grandmother's cousin." In the end, it was decided to purge these mysteriously related folks and have FFIL input them on his own using Chinese Word, since we really don't need to know who these ppl are. (They'll show up with 3 extra uninvited family members, give a $20 gift, and wear white tube socks.) Aside from this hodgepodge of 'relatives' FFIL also wants to invite all his workers, all the members of every committee in church (regardless of whether or not he likes or respects them), and even someone known as Dragonlady b/c she invited them for her daughters' wedding, yet he may not invite someone who is on a current committee if they are not invited for his daughter's wedding in May. At least there was someone whose name sounded like a Chinese curse (the '8th grandma' one), which kept me amused and giggling on the sly. All told, with fiance's huge amount of relatives (both true and who knows what), plus my family (crazies and all), and our friends, the number stands at 450. I think there will be more ppl there that I don't know than ppl that I do know, and I think friends and ppl that I actually want there will be a minority. Hmmm... sounds like it's a party for FFIL, doesn't it? My hope is that for our 10 year anniversary we'll actually do something that we want (and maybe that will mean an extended vacation far far away, the destination wedding that I've always wanted). I'm also hoping that all 450 ppl won't show up, though the idea of sending out all those invites is still daunting. But I'm pretty sure that there will be 2 versions of invites, one strictly in Chinese (probably of the cheap, mass-produced, Raid-smelling kind), and the handcrafted one.
The dress-fixing headache
A quick "sketch" of one of the needed fixins for the dress (very hard to photograph -- the pictures of the back, where the most damage is, didn't come out at all, but one day if I'm not feeling so lazy...). The difficult part is that it's the sheer organza overlay that's ripped so any sewing, I think, would be very obvious.My options for fixing the tears:
Wilfred's Tailor, 18 West 23rd Street, at Fifth Avenue, 4th floor
212-242-3030
Meurice Garment Care, 245 East 57th Street (between 2nd and 3rd Ave)
212-759-9057
Madame Paulette, 1255 Second Avenue (between 65th & 66th St)
212 838 - 6827
Remziye Perkin at Pinpoint Custom Tailoring, 229 East 84th Street (between 2nd and 3rd Ave)
212-535-7185
BM's sister-in-law's relative?/friend?
Gotta check these out someday soon. I think I have to take a day off from work to trek to each place, show them the problems, ask for a quote, and compare. Hopefully they can beat the $550 that I was quoted at the sample sale.
Here are my possible solutions for the dress problems:
- tear on side: take in a little of the fabric (probably on both sides so that it's even)
- tear below the zipper: probably the same fix as outlined above
- horizontal tear around the butt-area: add some extra beading while sewing through the tear to disguise it (I think this will be the toughest one)
- hemming: easiest fix of all? -- happens all the time for short ppl
- nagging of mother about having wasted my money (yeah, show me the 2 dresses that you could've gotten for $400 each -- even David's Bridal wasn't that cheap): IGNORE
Thursday, December 15, 2005
The dress-finding saga
I began (reluctantly) looking for dresses early on b/c I heard that it takes a while to order it (4-5 months), then you have to get several fittings after getting it altered. The idea of a dress that you only wear once, and for Chinese brides that follow the custom, only for a few hours on the day of before you switch to another dress, really doesn't appeal to me and seems like such a waste. So when those sites and magazines had headlines advertising the latest gown styles or 1000s of pictures of dresses that you could browse through, I found myself disgusted with them. But slowly, I started to look at some of the pictures and found a few that were OK.
The first place that I went to was RK Bridal, by the Port Authority. I had heard good things about them, especially their service and decent prices. Their site boldly says that they'll match prices and give a discount off that price if you find it cheaper elsewhere. I had an approximation of spending about $600 b/c that is what I know someone had spent for hers.
RK is huge and perhaps it wasn't wise for me to go there first b/c I really had no idea what I was looking for. The person that you're 'assigned' to doesn't really help you very much b/c she says that she's not supposed to, in case she unduly influences you. So the woman told me to go around, pick out dresses, bring them back, and then she can ascertain what kind of style that I prefer and she can help me better after that. This being my first time, it was hard for me to judge what would look good when off the hanger. It didn't help that I was extremely tired that day (I had gotten up way early to check out the flower district -- more on that in some other post) and I had to reach up high to get these heavy, heavy dresses down.
From what I had read, petite people should not get those big, multi-layered gowns, and I thought that bateau tops (the ones that have little sleeve-like thingies so that the collar mimics your collar bone) would work for me. I was wrong. All the ones that I tried on that had that looked bad on me. It could also be that those were cheaper ones and just wouldn't look right on anyone. Anyway, the sequence of dresses that I tried on is now a blur. I remember at the beginning the woman noticed that I was shy about undressing in front of her (and she was pretty funny about that -- she said, 'I don't know why, I'm a grandma and I have 6 grandkids') so she gave me that fluffy petticoat thing to cover my bottom. She said I didn't even have to take my pants off, so I didn't. But that got very uncomfortable very quickly. You'd never imagine all the heat that those layers could trap. So I eventually took the pants off. I didn't budge on the bra though -- she put on one of those tummy-tucking bras over what I had. Practically all covered up, she then helped me into the first dress (I couldn't tell top from down) and clipped the back with black binder clips. I think this one may have been the strapless Mori Lee one with a pink bow and a colored sash on the hem. Even though the changing room was big, it was difficult to see what the dress was like so she told me to go outside and check it out with the 3-sided mirrors. She even made me stand on that elevated circle thing and it was a weird feeling to have all these ppl (the other workers and customers) looking at me. The woman helping me flicked the train and it spread out completely so that I could see how it looked like. I didn't dig the big train though. The other dresses are truly a blur -- some I didn't like immediately, some were too plain (she said it'd be good for a second marriage), one was really nice but too expensive, a Dere Kiang looked nice on me but in retrospect is too poufy for me. After this exhausting few hours, the woman wrote down the model numbers of the ones that I liked so that I could think about it, and then urged me to come back some other time b/c I would feel differently later on. As we left, it started to drizzle, an inconvenience I didn't care for at that point.
The next episode was at David's Bridal, which I was told had good deals. This place was way out in Queens and difficult to get to. The service here was terrible too, compared with RK. When I walked in, there was a woman sitting at a desk but she didn't acknowledge me so I had to go ask at the customer service desk. They said that I could only look at the bridesmaid dresses b/c I would need one of their consultants to help me and of course I couldn't have a consultant until I was ready (I was waiting for my BM to come help me). So I looked at these f'ugly overpriced dresses and then snuck over to the side with the bridal gowns. I saw a really nice dress with a green bow on a mannequin and I thought that I'd take this one but it cost $900+ so I didn't even bother with it. The other dresses were OK and unlike RK, they had different sizes of almost everything. When they were finally ready to help me, they gave me a catalog and told me to pick out 3 dresses that I like by circling them and dog-earing the page. An hour or so later, a very young-looking woman came out to help us. She showed us to the changing area (but not to a dressing room) and said that she'd gather the dresses that I circled. So we played with the tiaras and veils (I can't believe how expensive they are, especially for something quite simple) in the back. When we finally got to a room (it was so narrow, almost like a public bathroom stall, and not the handicapped ones), she gave us one dress and told me to try it on while she got the others. Again, it was weird stripping. The dresses were nothing to write home about but what made the experience fun was trying to sneak in pictures (BM brought a camera, tee hee!). The first few times she didn't turn off the flash and then she tried to pretend to make phone calls while taking pics w/ a camera phone. What was disappointing was the consultant not being able to produce dresses for me b/c she would say we don't have that color in my size (a difference between a champagne sash vs. a white one while RK didn't care if the dress was 20 sizes too big and in a color that you totally don't want, like pink).
Next (a few days later), I decided to check out Bridal Garden, the place with donated samples and used dresses. This place had the promise of potential designer gowns for a fraction of the price. The selection was small and after combing the two rows of dresses, I only found 3 dresses for a decent price. The dresses were OK and the prices not bad but they were just ordinary strapless ones. One had a gorgeous, full train that looked even nicer pinned up but the front didn't do it for me. This place was steaming hot and it was fun to sneak taking pics again but I left empty-handed. No wait, she gave us a stupid wedding magazine full of bad advertisements and poorly written articles. The worst part was that it was pouring when we left. I was totally soaked when I got to the train station. Is there a pattern of rain and dress shopping?
Jersey Garden mall was my next stop that weekend, on the suggestion of BM whose friend bought a dress there for $100. I was not so lucky. We made plans to go there very early in the day so that we could also visit IKEA and possibly swing by David's Bridal in NJ where there was a $250 off sale going on. This place in the mall was like a smaller version of David's Bridal, with just a few dresses in the back of a store that sold other stuff like casual clothes and prom dresses. The pregnant salesperson was very friendly but I couldn't find anything that stood out. Everything was way too big (it was like an off-the-rack store, like David's, so you either buy what's in the store or order it from their other stores) and ordinary-looking. The most memorable thing was walking back and forth in my socks, dragging the huge dresses along the carpet and getting a lot of static cling and shocking each other in the process. And standing on their uneven, ghetto platform (it was comprised of several blocks put together), I almost lost my balance and fell. The nicest dress that I tried on was also their most expensive ($600, I think) and on display in the window. I wasn't enamored by it though, and I didn't like the color (champagne-ish). The rest of the trip that day was more interesting and we didn't go to the other David's, so it was fruitless in the dress department that day.
After being discouraged, I took a little break. I toyed with the idea of just buying a white evening gown (I saw a couple that looked nice online) and even went to Bloomingdales, Bergdorf Goodman and Saks to try stuff on. One place I saw a mermaid style dress that I kinda liked (if it didn't show off my tummy roll) and another place had a gold-colored strapless Vera Wang that made me look a little wide but felt so comfy. It was not until I heard of a sample sale at Saeyoung Vu in SoHo that I was reawakened to my quest. Even though the description sounded like you didn't need an appointment, when I showed up, they said that I did. So I made one for the next available timeslot and went shopping for the next hour. What I liked about this place was the simplicity of the dresses and how you could pair up really interesting colored sashes to dress it up. The person helping me was quite helpful, showing me the various ways that you could tie the sashes (a bow in the back or on the side, or trailing down the back flowing with the train, or an obi sash in the fashion of a Japanese kimono). Because the dresses are so plain, she said that I could make it fancier by getting a long veil (she let me try on a floor-length one). She also pointed out that Asians don't look the best in ivory because it sort of blends in with their skin so she suggested white or off-white for me (off-white looked slightly better on me). I also learned about the various fabrics out there. Duchess satin is what is the most commonly used material out there (though I think cheaper places like David's use a polyester satin) but I think most of the dresses at Saeyoung were made out of silk so they were very light and comfortable. I learned that dupioni silk is the nubby, slightly shiny material that I thought would make good bridesmaid dresses. My favorite dress (over $1000) had a puddle train (so cool -- it just hits the floor and doesn't extend out so you have the dressiness without the cumbersome qualities and you could still pin it up in the back) and a dropped waist (it's a lower waist and she thought that I looked best in this, probably b/c it hides my tummy and mimics my long waist). The natural waist, though a good coverup for the tummy, didn't give me enough definition there. I also tried on a weird-looking mermaid dress with bows in odd places, which I didn't like at all, but was glad that she made me try it on. After this short time (it was probably just .5 hour), my feet were killing me in the 3 inch heels that she provided for me to try on (I kept imagining how I'd trip somehow, break an ankle, and tear the bottom of the dress). Thankfully there weren't more dresses left to try on and she sent me on my way with a card that contained the facts about the one dress that I liked, along with 2 fabric swatches stapled to the card to demonstrate the difference between white and off-white. Even though I didn't buy anything, and I was pretty sure that I wouldn't buy a dress from them, I left feeling accomplished, since I learned what works for me and doesn't work for me. I may end up buying a sash from them though, since the concept is so cool and it looks pretty neat too.
My hope was renewed and I was comforted that if worse comes to worse, I could buy a plain white evening gown and call it a day. So I zealously checked bluefly.com for the white dresses that I had found. They kept getting sold out or they didn't have my size. Then one day, the white tulle Vera Wang one appeared. I spent hours at work trying to order it with co-workers constantly interupting me. Finally, I got the dress and I tried it on at home, taking pictures for BMs to see. My mother hated it, like all the other pictures that I had shown her before (she kept saying I looked wide in it and she would always say there used to be ads on TV for nice looking gowns for $99; she was probably thinking of David's Bridal, who no longer do the $99 sale). I thought it would suffice if I didn't find anything (they have a 90 day return policy) and I could dress it up with beads or something. When I uploaded my pics, I noticed that the bottom portion was see-through. :)
Next, and almost, last stop was the Vera Wang Bridal sample sale. Held twice a year for crazed ppl willing to line up for hours at a godforsaken time (we got there at 6ish in the morning and there were already 100 or so ppl ahead of us) in order to save up to 75% off. We got there all groggy and half asleep, but still able to befriend some ppl and meet (unintentionally but pleasantly) old friends there. So after waiting these hours, we were finally let in. Despite their guidelines of taking only 3 dresses at a time per group and congregating in the dressing area in the back for no more than 45 minutes, I spent a good portion of time there while my BMs went and brought dresses back for me. It was a very tiring adventure, dress after dress, baring my flabby belly and barely covered breasts (my strapless bra was not behaving!) to a roomful of crazy women carefully guarding their finds. Meanwhile we were not by a rack so we just piled the dresses we found on the floor. In the end, BM's friend spotted a dress that someone no longer wanted and retrieved it. I ended up getting this, despite the tears in the organza overlay because not only did I like the way that I look in it, but it was a great deal. It was originally $3000+ at Neiman Marcus but we couldn't find the sample sale price (all the other dresses had a price written on the inside tag) so we had to ask for it from someone outside. When BM came back with a price of $875, it seemed too good to be true. (We later saw that 1100 was written in an obscure place on the inside in ballpoint pen.) They all told me to get it, even though it was beyond what I originally wanted to spend (and still more w/ the fixes). I think what ultimately convinced me is that all these people kept coming up to me to ask if I was going to keep the dress. The tailors at the sale estimated the fixes (including the shortening of the hem) to be $550! I hoped (still do) that a Chinese tailor can do it for a fraction.
After this, we checked out the bridesmaid dresses, which were $25 each or $100/5! At first, they tried on these pastel green ones which just looked weird and too light for a fall wedding. They did not expect to have to try on stuff that day so it was amusing to have the tables turned and have them change while I remained dressed. In the end, I got 2 floor-length deep red dresses for the BMs and a purple one for my evening gown portion of the evening. The BMs each have a different style but the color is the same for that unity yet uniqueness. Originally I had envisioned them in an orange silk, knee-length dress but the red ones are fine and they are OK with it, so that part is done! My purple dress is strapless and has a little flippy skirt thingy in the back. All of these need major alterations (my dress is a 14) but they are still a good deal, in my opinion.
So while part of the dress saga is done, how to make it perfect still remains. I'll outline that next time, along with the nightmare that I had about it recently.
The first place that I went to was RK Bridal, by the Port Authority. I had heard good things about them, especially their service and decent prices. Their site boldly says that they'll match prices and give a discount off that price if you find it cheaper elsewhere. I had an approximation of spending about $600 b/c that is what I know someone had spent for hers.
RK is huge and perhaps it wasn't wise for me to go there first b/c I really had no idea what I was looking for. The person that you're 'assigned' to doesn't really help you very much b/c she says that she's not supposed to, in case she unduly influences you. So the woman told me to go around, pick out dresses, bring them back, and then she can ascertain what kind of style that I prefer and she can help me better after that. This being my first time, it was hard for me to judge what would look good when off the hanger. It didn't help that I was extremely tired that day (I had gotten up way early to check out the flower district -- more on that in some other post) and I had to reach up high to get these heavy, heavy dresses down.
From what I had read, petite people should not get those big, multi-layered gowns, and I thought that bateau tops (the ones that have little sleeve-like thingies so that the collar mimics your collar bone) would work for me. I was wrong. All the ones that I tried on that had that looked bad on me. It could also be that those were cheaper ones and just wouldn't look right on anyone. Anyway, the sequence of dresses that I tried on is now a blur. I remember at the beginning the woman noticed that I was shy about undressing in front of her (and she was pretty funny about that -- she said, 'I don't know why, I'm a grandma and I have 6 grandkids') so she gave me that fluffy petticoat thing to cover my bottom. She said I didn't even have to take my pants off, so I didn't. But that got very uncomfortable very quickly. You'd never imagine all the heat that those layers could trap. So I eventually took the pants off. I didn't budge on the bra though -- she put on one of those tummy-tucking bras over what I had. Practically all covered up, she then helped me into the first dress (I couldn't tell top from down) and clipped the back with black binder clips. I think this one may have been the strapless Mori Lee one with a pink bow and a colored sash on the hem. Even though the changing room was big, it was difficult to see what the dress was like so she told me to go outside and check it out with the 3-sided mirrors. She even made me stand on that elevated circle thing and it was a weird feeling to have all these ppl (the other workers and customers) looking at me. The woman helping me flicked the train and it spread out completely so that I could see how it looked like. I didn't dig the big train though. The other dresses are truly a blur -- some I didn't like immediately, some were too plain (she said it'd be good for a second marriage), one was really nice but too expensive, a Dere Kiang looked nice on me but in retrospect is too poufy for me. After this exhausting few hours, the woman wrote down the model numbers of the ones that I liked so that I could think about it, and then urged me to come back some other time b/c I would feel differently later on. As we left, it started to drizzle, an inconvenience I didn't care for at that point.
The next episode was at David's Bridal, which I was told had good deals. This place was way out in Queens and difficult to get to. The service here was terrible too, compared with RK. When I walked in, there was a woman sitting at a desk but she didn't acknowledge me so I had to go ask at the customer service desk. They said that I could only look at the bridesmaid dresses b/c I would need one of their consultants to help me and of course I couldn't have a consultant until I was ready (I was waiting for my BM to come help me). So I looked at these f'ugly overpriced dresses and then snuck over to the side with the bridal gowns. I saw a really nice dress with a green bow on a mannequin and I thought that I'd take this one but it cost $900+ so I didn't even bother with it. The other dresses were OK and unlike RK, they had different sizes of almost everything. When they were finally ready to help me, they gave me a catalog and told me to pick out 3 dresses that I like by circling them and dog-earing the page. An hour or so later, a very young-looking woman came out to help us. She showed us to the changing area (but not to a dressing room) and said that she'd gather the dresses that I circled. So we played with the tiaras and veils (I can't believe how expensive they are, especially for something quite simple) in the back. When we finally got to a room (it was so narrow, almost like a public bathroom stall, and not the handicapped ones), she gave us one dress and told me to try it on while she got the others. Again, it was weird stripping. The dresses were nothing to write home about but what made the experience fun was trying to sneak in pictures (BM brought a camera, tee hee!). The first few times she didn't turn off the flash and then she tried to pretend to make phone calls while taking pics w/ a camera phone. What was disappointing was the consultant not being able to produce dresses for me b/c she would say we don't have that color in my size (a difference between a champagne sash vs. a white one while RK didn't care if the dress was 20 sizes too big and in a color that you totally don't want, like pink).
Next (a few days later), I decided to check out Bridal Garden, the place with donated samples and used dresses. This place had the promise of potential designer gowns for a fraction of the price. The selection was small and after combing the two rows of dresses, I only found 3 dresses for a decent price. The dresses were OK and the prices not bad but they were just ordinary strapless ones. One had a gorgeous, full train that looked even nicer pinned up but the front didn't do it for me. This place was steaming hot and it was fun to sneak taking pics again but I left empty-handed. No wait, she gave us a stupid wedding magazine full of bad advertisements and poorly written articles. The worst part was that it was pouring when we left. I was totally soaked when I got to the train station. Is there a pattern of rain and dress shopping?
Jersey Garden mall was my next stop that weekend, on the suggestion of BM whose friend bought a dress there for $100. I was not so lucky. We made plans to go there very early in the day so that we could also visit IKEA and possibly swing by David's Bridal in NJ where there was a $250 off sale going on. This place in the mall was like a smaller version of David's Bridal, with just a few dresses in the back of a store that sold other stuff like casual clothes and prom dresses. The pregnant salesperson was very friendly but I couldn't find anything that stood out. Everything was way too big (it was like an off-the-rack store, like David's, so you either buy what's in the store or order it from their other stores) and ordinary-looking. The most memorable thing was walking back and forth in my socks, dragging the huge dresses along the carpet and getting a lot of static cling and shocking each other in the process. And standing on their uneven, ghetto platform (it was comprised of several blocks put together), I almost lost my balance and fell. The nicest dress that I tried on was also their most expensive ($600, I think) and on display in the window. I wasn't enamored by it though, and I didn't like the color (champagne-ish). The rest of the trip that day was more interesting and we didn't go to the other David's, so it was fruitless in the dress department that day.
After being discouraged, I took a little break. I toyed with the idea of just buying a white evening gown (I saw a couple that looked nice online) and even went to Bloomingdales, Bergdorf Goodman and Saks to try stuff on. One place I saw a mermaid style dress that I kinda liked (if it didn't show off my tummy roll) and another place had a gold-colored strapless Vera Wang that made me look a little wide but felt so comfy. It was not until I heard of a sample sale at Saeyoung Vu in SoHo that I was reawakened to my quest. Even though the description sounded like you didn't need an appointment, when I showed up, they said that I did. So I made one for the next available timeslot and went shopping for the next hour. What I liked about this place was the simplicity of the dresses and how you could pair up really interesting colored sashes to dress it up. The person helping me was quite helpful, showing me the various ways that you could tie the sashes (a bow in the back or on the side, or trailing down the back flowing with the train, or an obi sash in the fashion of a Japanese kimono). Because the dresses are so plain, she said that I could make it fancier by getting a long veil (she let me try on a floor-length one). She also pointed out that Asians don't look the best in ivory because it sort of blends in with their skin so she suggested white or off-white for me (off-white looked slightly better on me). I also learned about the various fabrics out there. Duchess satin is what is the most commonly used material out there (though I think cheaper places like David's use a polyester satin) but I think most of the dresses at Saeyoung were made out of silk so they were very light and comfortable. I learned that dupioni silk is the nubby, slightly shiny material that I thought would make good bridesmaid dresses. My favorite dress (over $1000) had a puddle train (so cool -- it just hits the floor and doesn't extend out so you have the dressiness without the cumbersome qualities and you could still pin it up in the back) and a dropped waist (it's a lower waist and she thought that I looked best in this, probably b/c it hides my tummy and mimics my long waist). The natural waist, though a good coverup for the tummy, didn't give me enough definition there. I also tried on a weird-looking mermaid dress with bows in odd places, which I didn't like at all, but was glad that she made me try it on. After this short time (it was probably just .5 hour), my feet were killing me in the 3 inch heels that she provided for me to try on (I kept imagining how I'd trip somehow, break an ankle, and tear the bottom of the dress). Thankfully there weren't more dresses left to try on and she sent me on my way with a card that contained the facts about the one dress that I liked, along with 2 fabric swatches stapled to the card to demonstrate the difference between white and off-white. Even though I didn't buy anything, and I was pretty sure that I wouldn't buy a dress from them, I left feeling accomplished, since I learned what works for me and doesn't work for me. I may end up buying a sash from them though, since the concept is so cool and it looks pretty neat too.
My hope was renewed and I was comforted that if worse comes to worse, I could buy a plain white evening gown and call it a day. So I zealously checked bluefly.com for the white dresses that I had found. They kept getting sold out or they didn't have my size. Then one day, the white tulle Vera Wang one appeared. I spent hours at work trying to order it with co-workers constantly interupting me. Finally, I got the dress and I tried it on at home, taking pictures for BMs to see. My mother hated it, like all the other pictures that I had shown her before (she kept saying I looked wide in it and she would always say there used to be ads on TV for nice looking gowns for $99; she was probably thinking of David's Bridal, who no longer do the $99 sale). I thought it would suffice if I didn't find anything (they have a 90 day return policy) and I could dress it up with beads or something. When I uploaded my pics, I noticed that the bottom portion was see-through. :)
Next, and almost, last stop was the Vera Wang Bridal sample sale. Held twice a year for crazed ppl willing to line up for hours at a godforsaken time (we got there at 6ish in the morning and there were already 100 or so ppl ahead of us) in order to save up to 75% off. We got there all groggy and half asleep, but still able to befriend some ppl and meet (unintentionally but pleasantly) old friends there. So after waiting these hours, we were finally let in. Despite their guidelines of taking only 3 dresses at a time per group and congregating in the dressing area in the back for no more than 45 minutes, I spent a good portion of time there while my BMs went and brought dresses back for me. It was a very tiring adventure, dress after dress, baring my flabby belly and barely covered breasts (my strapless bra was not behaving!) to a roomful of crazy women carefully guarding their finds. Meanwhile we were not by a rack so we just piled the dresses we found on the floor. In the end, BM's friend spotted a dress that someone no longer wanted and retrieved it. I ended up getting this, despite the tears in the organza overlay because not only did I like the way that I look in it, but it was a great deal. It was originally $3000+ at Neiman Marcus but we couldn't find the sample sale price (all the other dresses had a price written on the inside tag) so we had to ask for it from someone outside. When BM came back with a price of $875, it seemed too good to be true. (We later saw that 1100 was written in an obscure place on the inside in ballpoint pen.) They all told me to get it, even though it was beyond what I originally wanted to spend (and still more w/ the fixes). I think what ultimately convinced me is that all these people kept coming up to me to ask if I was going to keep the dress. The tailors at the sale estimated the fixes (including the shortening of the hem) to be $550! I hoped (still do) that a Chinese tailor can do it for a fraction.
After this, we checked out the bridesmaid dresses, which were $25 each or $100/5! At first, they tried on these pastel green ones which just looked weird and too light for a fall wedding. They did not expect to have to try on stuff that day so it was amusing to have the tables turned and have them change while I remained dressed. In the end, I got 2 floor-length deep red dresses for the BMs and a purple one for my evening gown portion of the evening. The BMs each have a different style but the color is the same for that unity yet uniqueness. Originally I had envisioned them in an orange silk, knee-length dress but the red ones are fine and they are OK with it, so that part is done! My purple dress is strapless and has a little flippy skirt thingy in the back. All of these need major alterations (my dress is a 14) but they are still a good deal, in my opinion.
So while part of the dress saga is done, how to make it perfect still remains. I'll outline that next time, along with the nightmare that I had about it recently.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Here goes....
This is my first foray into the public world of blogging, where I hope to spread any wisdom that I may gain from planning a crazy shindig; to record what is supposed to be a memorable (and hopefully fun) time in my life; to share with the world the seemingly odd customs, processes, trials and whatever else, that is known to many Chinese brides (and what I believe to be especially unique to Chinese American ones); and at the very least, to vent.
So, here's to catch you up to speed. We set our date a few months ago when it was still warm outside (maybe back in August or September) because we knew that we had to book the banquet hall early (some said more than a year in advance). And I believe that they were right because 2 weeks after we checked the place out, the place was pressing FFIL (who knows one of the higher ups there and suggested we pick that place) for a deposit because another couple was interested in the same date.
That leads me to the headache of actually picking the date. My mother insisted that we have an 'auspicious' date, something that can be ascertained from a Chinese almanac (which are printed only certain times of the year). The trick was to get this information early so that we could book the date because every other couple would be thinking the same thing and there are a limited number of Chinese restaurants in New York that can have such big events (even fewer with food/service that passes muster). What made it trickier was to get a weekend in the desired month (we wanted something in the fall, when it's not too hot and not too cold). I still think this whole thing is a scam because the gods (prophets, or whatever you want to call them) that supposedly determined this long ago could never have made so many 'good' weekends and I really don't know of many weddings that are NOT on weekends. Add to this the shadiness of unavailable almanacs and when my mother inquired of a fortune teller, he would need all our birthdays (ILs, my parents, and fiance) and of course, $60. I refused to go that route, especially since this fortune teller business runs contrary to my Christian beliefs, and alas, the almanacs came out soon thereafter (we were set to pick a date without consulting it). So after settling on a 'good' Saturday, I think one other person had conflicting data for me (I didn't tell my mother) and it was too late by then anyway.
While waiting for a date decision to come around, we looked for possible restaurants. We were pretty set on having it in Manhattan because my family primarily lives in Brooklyn and his family, in Queens and it would just be unfair to favor one borough over the other (even though there were some choices that were tempting). Ideally, we wanted a restaurant where we know someone who works there so that we could get a deal. We wanted to try a place on Mott Street, since FFIL knows someone there (he seems to have a lot of connections at several places) but the day that we were to go, there was a wedding banquet going on and there was no room for us. So we decided to try Golden Bridge, newly renovated, with a view of the Manhattan Bridge. We were pleasantly surprised by the decor (clean bathrooms!) and the food was not bad. There also happened to be a wedding there but the place was big enough to seat us (I believe the manager that spoke to us said there was room for 900 altogether, though there is a separation in the middle -- essentially 2 rooms connected by a short hallway and large screen TVs). They even had a little room to the side which would be useful for storing stuff, for me to change in, or for kids to be entertained in. So we were pretty happy with the place until we were ready to leave and there were protesters outside. The protests hark back to the previous owner, who had labor disputes with his workers. Supposedly these were settled when the restaurant was bought by someone else, but protests continue on similar allegations. I wouldn't've minded these (I discovered on a website that protests only occur on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays, I believe) but my mother was against this because in past years the protesters have used attention-getting techniques such as rolling a coffin to the front of the restaurant. Of course, this would be a terrible sight for any Chinese person to see, especially on their wedding day. So it is a good thing that we checked this restaurant out on a Sunday and not some other day of the week.
Getting the actual restaurant that we are having the banquet at is less interesting but not without a story either. As we were waiting for the waitress to fetch the reservation book (she walked back and forth several times, not producing anything), she mentioned casually that the restaurant would undergo renovations (it does need an update -- it reminds me of a Hong Kong movie set in the 80s) sometime next year, which would be terrible if they were not ready to open in time for us. It also didn't help that even though FFIL had spoken with his contact and told him the date, the contact still had not even noted us in the book. So during the week, FFIL walked over, talked to him, learned that 'renovations' meant changing the carpet and other small things, and paid him the deposit (in cash) the following week. The weird thing is that we also know ppl using that restaurant in June for a wedding and they didn't know anything about the 'renovations.' They just better be open for business that day!
So, after settling the biggest thing, we thought about ceremony locations. I won't elaborate on that for now because it's just complicated. My next big task, which hopefully I can describe in detail soon, is the wedding gown. Let's just say that things are never easy for me.
So, here's to catch you up to speed. We set our date a few months ago when it was still warm outside (maybe back in August or September) because we knew that we had to book the banquet hall early (some said more than a year in advance). And I believe that they were right because 2 weeks after we checked the place out, the place was pressing FFIL (who knows one of the higher ups there and suggested we pick that place) for a deposit because another couple was interested in the same date.
That leads me to the headache of actually picking the date. My mother insisted that we have an 'auspicious' date, something that can be ascertained from a Chinese almanac (which are printed only certain times of the year). The trick was to get this information early so that we could book the date because every other couple would be thinking the same thing and there are a limited number of Chinese restaurants in New York that can have such big events (even fewer with food/service that passes muster). What made it trickier was to get a weekend in the desired month (we wanted something in the fall, when it's not too hot and not too cold). I still think this whole thing is a scam because the gods (prophets, or whatever you want to call them) that supposedly determined this long ago could never have made so many 'good' weekends and I really don't know of many weddings that are NOT on weekends. Add to this the shadiness of unavailable almanacs and when my mother inquired of a fortune teller, he would need all our birthdays (ILs, my parents, and fiance) and of course, $60. I refused to go that route, especially since this fortune teller business runs contrary to my Christian beliefs, and alas, the almanacs came out soon thereafter (we were set to pick a date without consulting it). So after settling on a 'good' Saturday, I think one other person had conflicting data for me (I didn't tell my mother) and it was too late by then anyway.
While waiting for a date decision to come around, we looked for possible restaurants. We were pretty set on having it in Manhattan because my family primarily lives in Brooklyn and his family, in Queens and it would just be unfair to favor one borough over the other (even though there were some choices that were tempting). Ideally, we wanted a restaurant where we know someone who works there so that we could get a deal. We wanted to try a place on Mott Street, since FFIL knows someone there (he seems to have a lot of connections at several places) but the day that we were to go, there was a wedding banquet going on and there was no room for us. So we decided to try Golden Bridge, newly renovated, with a view of the Manhattan Bridge. We were pleasantly surprised by the decor (clean bathrooms!) and the food was not bad. There also happened to be a wedding there but the place was big enough to seat us (I believe the manager that spoke to us said there was room for 900 altogether, though there is a separation in the middle -- essentially 2 rooms connected by a short hallway and large screen TVs). They even had a little room to the side which would be useful for storing stuff, for me to change in, or for kids to be entertained in. So we were pretty happy with the place until we were ready to leave and there were protesters outside. The protests hark back to the previous owner, who had labor disputes with his workers. Supposedly these were settled when the restaurant was bought by someone else, but protests continue on similar allegations. I wouldn't've minded these (I discovered on a website that protests only occur on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays, I believe) but my mother was against this because in past years the protesters have used attention-getting techniques such as rolling a coffin to the front of the restaurant. Of course, this would be a terrible sight for any Chinese person to see, especially on their wedding day. So it is a good thing that we checked this restaurant out on a Sunday and not some other day of the week.
Getting the actual restaurant that we are having the banquet at is less interesting but not without a story either. As we were waiting for the waitress to fetch the reservation book (she walked back and forth several times, not producing anything), she mentioned casually that the restaurant would undergo renovations (it does need an update -- it reminds me of a Hong Kong movie set in the 80s) sometime next year, which would be terrible if they were not ready to open in time for us. It also didn't help that even though FFIL had spoken with his contact and told him the date, the contact still had not even noted us in the book. So during the week, FFIL walked over, talked to him, learned that 'renovations' meant changing the carpet and other small things, and paid him the deposit (in cash) the following week. The weird thing is that we also know ppl using that restaurant in June for a wedding and they didn't know anything about the 'renovations.' They just better be open for business that day!
So, after settling the biggest thing, we thought about ceremony locations. I won't elaborate on that for now because it's just complicated. My next big task, which hopefully I can describe in detail soon, is the wedding gown. Let's just say that things are never easy for me.
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