We finally got our proofs from the photographer! After looking through the 2 huge albums (collectively, they weigh as much as 4 phonebooks, if those things still exist in this day and age), I didn't feel so bad forking over the rest of his money (all cash again, though this time all those bills no longer fazed me), plus the rest of his tip. All that is to say that I was impressed by his work! I especially liked the really interesting poses that he set up for us with the bridal party and the candid shots of the table toasts (no staid table portraits). On the day of, we were a bit grumpy about all the poses that we had to do and I feel a bit guilty for being such a grouch (I wonder if the pics would have come out even better if we really got into it?). I also thought that he forgot about my directive for no posed portraits, but he didn't, except for the part with the families, which I now realize are a necessary evil -- the parentals are most interested in that part. In the days after the wedding, I kept second-guessing our choice of photographer, wondering if we should have gone with the non-Chinese person who had more photojournalistic stuff in her repertoire. But I now see that if we only had candid group shots of the families, there would have been much screaming and hollering (there still may be, since my parents haven't seen anything yet).
Not that we escaped completely unscathed. The out-laws have gone berserk with the flagging!!! We gave them one set of those plastic Post-It flags/tabs to mark the pictures that they want. I'm not sure whether they want all those in their album or if they want copies of those particular pictures, but in any case, they must have tabbed over 100+ pictures. It seems like every other picture is marked. They even had to come back and ask for more tabs!!! I think MIL stayed home the next day, skipping out on her class, just to go through the pictures in more detail. And I'll spare everyone the rant of their issues trying to view the DVD of pics that Dear's cousin so kindly created.
Anyway, in the end, I am quite satisfied with our photographer. We haven't decided whether or not to go through him for our album (I was thinking of making the parents' albums through ImageStation or something), but if his proof albums are any indication, I think it would be beautiful. The only downside is that we won't get the digital 'negatives' until a year later so we almost have to order extra prints and stuff through him.
A last thought: Looking through the photos also gave me a different perspective on the wedding. It was interesting to see Dear and his GM getting ready and especially to see all the hard work that people put into it, helping us. I am so so so grateful for our supporting cast!
PHOTOGRAPHY by HENRY LEUNG: A
Our photographer also has a LOT of experience with weddings. He was recommended and used by two other couples that we know and I hope the friend that I told about him will be happy with him too. But aside from people that we know that have used him, I think he's been in the business for over 15 years. What I really like about him is that he's honest (a quality you don't find in Chinese photographers). Oh also, his assistant was very helpful with retouching makeup. She didn't bring a kit so she just worked with what my BM brought along (no brushes, even) but it came out great (maybe even better than what my makeup artist did?). I have no idea what her name is (I suppose I could ask) and I'm not sure if he uses the same person all the time, but she barely speaks English (mostly Mandarin, I think) and is supposedly a professional makeup artist. If I had known about her skills, I would have just used her all day long.
Showing posts with label agita. Show all posts
Showing posts with label agita. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
Friday, November 10, 2006
No thank you!
I thought the arguments about the wedding would be over... but the consequences of the guests live on! So for those unaware of the Chinese tradition of old folk giving gifts to the parents, that's what happens. It is just a side benefit that their kids happen to have gotten married -- they get all these gifts as if they had a great big, old birthday party for themselves. While I am extremely grateful for being raised by such great parents, and the out-laws have been quite generous, I am/was a little miffed that I put in all this effort so that my parents could reap loads of cash. But I've gotten over that. Yesterday, a HUGE argument ensued with the out-laws b/c they are too DAMN lazy to write their own thank you cards.
I was beginning to sort out the cards that I had begun to write when they walk over and ask if they can some cards. After some vague comments, I counted out 30 of them so that they could get started writing theirs. Imagine their shock when she looked inside the card and it was BLANK! It wasn't enough that there was a simple "Thank you" printed in fancy lettering on the front, she wanted words on the inside as if she expected us to write notes to people we don't know thanking them for gifts we didn't receive. I can see writing a note to someone thanking them for coming, but there is no way I will write a note thanking someone for someone else's gift. Can I write this: "Thank you for coming. It was great seeing unfamiliar faces on our very special day. We're glad you were able to bring your uninvited child to the wedding and we're just ecstatic that you gave our parents a generous gift. It will be come in very handy for their upcoming retirement party or when they go crazy buying tchotkes at the garden center."
There was screaming and much offense. I kept hearing "But it's YOUR wedding!" when we'd say something like they were YOUR guests (never mind that we don't know their names or that they may not even be able to read English, the only language we can comfortably write). They thought we were selfish bastards for not wanting to thank people who didn't give us a gift (which may be true, I am a selfish bastard after all, but I find it odd to send someone 2 different thank you notes -- one from us thanking them for coming, and one from the gift-recipient thanking them for the gift and thanking them for coming. Why not just send one?!). They were very disheartened that they had to hear this. So they propositioned us to take a survey of everyone we know that has gotten married to see who writes the thank you note. So here's my survey. What's been your experience? (For the record, my co-workers all find this strange that the parents even get a gift, and hence, because the newlyweds got the gift in those cases, they wrote the thank yous.)
Oh and the sorta-solution will be for us to print a very generic "Thank you for celebrating our special day with us" on their cards and perhaps they will add a line or two and sign it. So if you receive a hand-written card from one of us, know you are special. But if you receive a pre-printed card with a generic message, know that the out-laws think you're (kinda) special.
I was beginning to sort out the cards that I had begun to write when they walk over and ask if they can some cards. After some vague comments, I counted out 30 of them so that they could get started writing theirs. Imagine their shock when she looked inside the card and it was BLANK! It wasn't enough that there was a simple "Thank you" printed in fancy lettering on the front, she wanted words on the inside as if she expected us to write notes to people we don't know thanking them for gifts we didn't receive. I can see writing a note to someone thanking them for coming, but there is no way I will write a note thanking someone for someone else's gift. Can I write this: "Thank you for coming. It was great seeing unfamiliar faces on our very special day. We're glad you were able to bring your uninvited child to the wedding and we're just ecstatic that you gave our parents a generous gift. It will be come in very handy for their upcoming retirement party or when they go crazy buying tchotkes at the garden center."
There was screaming and much offense. I kept hearing "But it's YOUR wedding!" when we'd say something like they were YOUR guests (never mind that we don't know their names or that they may not even be able to read English, the only language we can comfortably write). They thought we were selfish bastards for not wanting to thank people who didn't give us a gift (which may be true, I am a selfish bastard after all, but I find it odd to send someone 2 different thank you notes -- one from us thanking them for coming, and one from the gift-recipient thanking them for the gift and thanking them for coming. Why not just send one?!). They were very disheartened that they had to hear this. So they propositioned us to take a survey of everyone we know that has gotten married to see who writes the thank you note. So here's my survey. What's been your experience? (For the record, my co-workers all find this strange that the parents even get a gift, and hence, because the newlyweds got the gift in those cases, they wrote the thank yous.)
Oh and the sorta-solution will be for us to print a very generic "Thank you for celebrating our special day with us" on their cards and perhaps they will add a line or two and sign it. So if you receive a hand-written card from one of us, know you are special. But if you receive a pre-printed card with a generic message, know that the out-laws think you're (kinda) special.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Cash cow and other farm animals
I've always been aware of the tension/conflict between the Old World thinking/traditions of recent immigrants and their first-generation American children. But I've never felt it more acutely than now, when seemingly ridiculous cultural traditions are being shoved down my throat and I'm demanded to follow them.
The most recent round of arguments have involved this pig delivery (dowry) thing. At first I thought this was a cute and fun idea and a good way to honor the Chinese history but it has gotten completely out of hand. Besides the pig, fiance is expected to bring over wedding pastries (not to be confused with the bakery cards that we bought to give out to the bride's side), two pairs of chickens, shark fin, dried mushrooms, dried scallops, plus various other dried delicacies, and one pair of coconuts. And of course, don't forget the packet of money that must include a lucky number (either 8 or 9), meaning about $1000 or more. To make matters worse, I'm told that neither me nor fiance can be present -- it will just be some ppl that he chooses to represent him (there must be at least a married couple with their children), including his parents, who show up at my parents' house (who, as of now, are complete strangers to the deliverers). These ppl only stay long enough to drop off all the stuff, receive half of it back (except for the coconuts for some bizarre reason), and then leave. Unlike other ppl who've gone through this, my parents want this ultra-traditional and are not going to invite the deliverers to stay and eat with them (heck I won't even be there to see the spectacle). To make things easier, fiance was given the option of giving the cold, hard cash equivalent of the miscellaneous goods. The trouble with all this, as FFIL pointed out, is which brand do they want? Because as you know, there's the top-notch fungus and there's the low-grade variety, which can be as expensive as $100/lb or as cheap as $1/lb. As it stands, I last heard that FILs found all this stupid and refuse to go to this delivery thing b/c it's not part of their custom.
Fiance was quite peeved about all this b/c it seems like he's buying me off (I agree), like a piece of property. My mother gave the explanation that all this needs to be done b/c I'm leaving home; note that no notice or care is given about the male leaving the home. As fiance said, if we were to do this the completely traditional way and to follow through on the idea of me leaving home completely, I would never ever see them again. So if you put that idea up against my parents wanting all this rigamarole, which is the better way to go? It's not fair that they get the best of both worlds and use the excuse of following tradition for only the parts that they like. I didn't bring that up but that didn't stop my mother from giving me the full-on guilt trip of how she raised me, all the hard work that went into that, and how I'm so ungrateful. Maybe I am, but like I told her, I have no problem giving her money or giving my parents a gift as a show of my appreciation for raising me, I just don't see the point of having to do all this stuff, and me being treated like property that is exchanged from family to husband. This is America -- we made the decision to get married and we don't really need permission or extra obstacles in our way.
With all these arguments, my mother has been reluctant to discuss these issues further with me. She gave me another guilt trip about how this is a happy occasion and she just wants it to be easy and without conflict but that every time we begin to discuss I get all mad. Well I think anyone would be mad if they had to go through all this. Maybe I'd be less confrontational about it all if we were told in advance. But no, we're finding out about all these excess demands now (our friends have never had to go through so much). We never thought we needed a married couple with kids to deliver stuff -- I believe all his cousins (who are married and have kids) are busy on the agreed upon w/e. His groomsmen (who we originally asked to help out) married non-Asian women so they will definitely not bring their wives. And I'd feel terrible to have to impose on ppl to do these tasks (which are most likely meaningless to them) for ppl who are strangers to them.
After our latest fight and my protestations of being treated like chattel, I think my mother started to see my side of things. So she started telling me about all the things she's supposed to give me, like sheets and comforters (more on that later). And she tried to make plans with me to go to the safe deposit box to pick out some bracelet and she said she'd give me her diamond earrings (which, though probably nice, I don't really need -- I'm just a simple girl so I don't need all this stuff!). She also brought up how she could give me this f'ugly wedding cake knife (more like a bread knife with a cheap blue bow glued to it) that she once bought from a store going out of business.
Regarding the bed linens, I told her it's pretty difficult to pick those out when you don't exactly have a bed yet (we don't know if we should get queen size or king), nor a bedroom. So she said it's of utmost importance to get a new bed b/c as a couple starting a new life together you must have all new things. I told her the impossibility of buying a new bed to put in a place we don't have yet and she got pretty fed up with me b/c I said I have no problem sleeping on an old bed and I'd prefer to wait to buy a new one (how to buy furniture for a nonexistent apartment? how to buy only a new bed w/o taking into consideration the rest of the pieces in the room?).
8/24 UPDATE: Yesterday we went to TJ Maxx and bought a comforter, two sets of queen-size 300+ thread count sheets, and two pillows for $162.50.
The most recent round of arguments have involved this pig delivery (dowry) thing. At first I thought this was a cute and fun idea and a good way to honor the Chinese history but it has gotten completely out of hand. Besides the pig, fiance is expected to bring over wedding pastries (not to be confused with the bakery cards that we bought to give out to the bride's side), two pairs of chickens, shark fin, dried mushrooms, dried scallops, plus various other dried delicacies, and one pair of coconuts. And of course, don't forget the packet of money that must include a lucky number (either 8 or 9), meaning about $1000 or more. To make matters worse, I'm told that neither me nor fiance can be present -- it will just be some ppl that he chooses to represent him (there must be at least a married couple with their children), including his parents, who show up at my parents' house (who, as of now, are complete strangers to the deliverers). These ppl only stay long enough to drop off all the stuff, receive half of it back (except for the coconuts for some bizarre reason), and then leave. Unlike other ppl who've gone through this, my parents want this ultra-traditional and are not going to invite the deliverers to stay and eat with them (heck I won't even be there to see the spectacle). To make things easier, fiance was given the option of giving the cold, hard cash equivalent of the miscellaneous goods. The trouble with all this, as FFIL pointed out, is which brand do they want? Because as you know, there's the top-notch fungus and there's the low-grade variety, which can be as expensive as $100/lb or as cheap as $1/lb. As it stands, I last heard that FILs found all this stupid and refuse to go to this delivery thing b/c it's not part of their custom.
Fiance was quite peeved about all this b/c it seems like he's buying me off (I agree), like a piece of property. My mother gave the explanation that all this needs to be done b/c I'm leaving home; note that no notice or care is given about the male leaving the home. As fiance said, if we were to do this the completely traditional way and to follow through on the idea of me leaving home completely, I would never ever see them again. So if you put that idea up against my parents wanting all this rigamarole, which is the better way to go? It's not fair that they get the best of both worlds and use the excuse of following tradition for only the parts that they like. I didn't bring that up but that didn't stop my mother from giving me the full-on guilt trip of how she raised me, all the hard work that went into that, and how I'm so ungrateful. Maybe I am, but like I told her, I have no problem giving her money or giving my parents a gift as a show of my appreciation for raising me, I just don't see the point of having to do all this stuff, and me being treated like property that is exchanged from family to husband. This is America -- we made the decision to get married and we don't really need permission or extra obstacles in our way.
With all these arguments, my mother has been reluctant to discuss these issues further with me. She gave me another guilt trip about how this is a happy occasion and she just wants it to be easy and without conflict but that every time we begin to discuss I get all mad. Well I think anyone would be mad if they had to go through all this. Maybe I'd be less confrontational about it all if we were told in advance. But no, we're finding out about all these excess demands now (our friends have never had to go through so much). We never thought we needed a married couple with kids to deliver stuff -- I believe all his cousins (who are married and have kids) are busy on the agreed upon w/e. His groomsmen (who we originally asked to help out) married non-Asian women so they will definitely not bring their wives. And I'd feel terrible to have to impose on ppl to do these tasks (which are most likely meaningless to them) for ppl who are strangers to them.
After our latest fight and my protestations of being treated like chattel, I think my mother started to see my side of things. So she started telling me about all the things she's supposed to give me, like sheets and comforters (more on that later). And she tried to make plans with me to go to the safe deposit box to pick out some bracelet and she said she'd give me her diamond earrings (which, though probably nice, I don't really need -- I'm just a simple girl so I don't need all this stuff!). She also brought up how she could give me this f'ugly wedding cake knife (more like a bread knife with a cheap blue bow glued to it) that she once bought from a store going out of business.
Regarding the bed linens, I told her it's pretty difficult to pick those out when you don't exactly have a bed yet (we don't know if we should get queen size or king), nor a bedroom. So she said it's of utmost importance to get a new bed b/c as a couple starting a new life together you must have all new things. I told her the impossibility of buying a new bed to put in a place we don't have yet and she got pretty fed up with me b/c I said I have no problem sleeping on an old bed and I'd prefer to wait to buy a new one (how to buy furniture for a nonexistent apartment? how to buy only a new bed w/o taking into consideration the rest of the pieces in the room?).
8/24 UPDATE: Yesterday we went to TJ Maxx and bought a comforter, two sets of queen-size 300+ thread count sheets, and two pillows for $162.50.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Guest list woes
We're feverishly addressing and giving out invites in batches (b/c we're delivering some by hand and some ppl we're not sure when and where we'll run into them), while arguing at about every tenth guest who should and should not be invited. We've mostly accounted for all the ppl we really want there (friends and family) but FFIL is going crazy with his list and driving Dear, and consequently me, mad. At the last check, our anticipated guest list was 390 (from what I recall the restaurant holds 350). If all our overseas relatives were to come, the number would be around 450 so we're probably going to end up giving out close to 250 invites.
Actually I'm not so much mad now as amused. You have to be able to find humor in the guests that FFIL wants to invite. Aside from the nameless ppl from the village who also, apparently, do not have addresses, he wanted to invite:
- their contractor
- their optometrist
- his staff (I find less humor about this than a little bit of tackiness b/c I think it really imposes on your staff if the boss invites you to something b/c you almost have to go)
I won't go into how he feels like he has to invite everyone who's ever invited him to a wedding and how he just has to invite every person in church who holds any sort of position (political, imaginary, or otherwise) regardless of the differences they may have (i.e. they dislike each other). And of course, in a church that goes through pastors like they're disposable, they all need to be invited as well. And of course, from that entire list of ppl I would rather he not invite, he is only cutting the first two. So we've whittled down some; somehow 40 ppl will have to disappear (I'm ignoring the 10-15%[?] discount rule that ppl say you should apply for the declines b/c these ppl a] have no lives, b] will probably bring more guests than those allotted, and c] we've accounted for all the declines from the overseas folk). *sigh*
My mother, on the other hand, if she had made her list of guests months ago like I had asked, would not be giving me agita with her pleas of not having enough invites. And I am still peeved about how we have to give her back all the gifts that her guests give us, despite the fact that she doesn't have to chip in one dime. Her justification is that it's 'payback' for raising me (which I can understand and am OK with) but also b/c "that's what everyone else does." Well, if you talk to Americans what "they all do" is not only pay for the wedding but allow the couple to keep the gifts b/c starting a new life together is not easy w/ the huge expense of a wedding and all that other stuff (getting a place to live, furnishing the place, etc.). hrmph!
On the lighter side, I am thrilled that the ppl who've received our invitation find it "too pretty to mess up," unique, and a whole slew of adjectives that I can't recall at the moment. If you haven't gotten yours yet, be patient -- our hands are falling off from all the addressing!! (It only took me 45 minutes to hand-calligraph four invites so Dear is doing most of it.)
Actually I'm not so much mad now as amused. You have to be able to find humor in the guests that FFIL wants to invite. Aside from the nameless ppl from the village who also, apparently, do not have addresses, he wanted to invite:
- their contractor
- their optometrist
- his staff (I find less humor about this than a little bit of tackiness b/c I think it really imposes on your staff if the boss invites you to something b/c you almost have to go)
I won't go into how he feels like he has to invite everyone who's ever invited him to a wedding and how he just has to invite every person in church who holds any sort of position (political, imaginary, or otherwise) regardless of the differences they may have (i.e. they dislike each other). And of course, in a church that goes through pastors like they're disposable, they all need to be invited as well. And of course, from that entire list of ppl I would rather he not invite, he is only cutting the first two. So we've whittled down some; somehow 40 ppl will have to disappear (I'm ignoring the 10-15%[?] discount rule that ppl say you should apply for the declines b/c these ppl a] have no lives, b] will probably bring more guests than those allotted, and c] we've accounted for all the declines from the overseas folk). *sigh*
My mother, on the other hand, if she had made her list of guests months ago like I had asked, would not be giving me agita with her pleas of not having enough invites. And I am still peeved about how we have to give her back all the gifts that her guests give us, despite the fact that she doesn't have to chip in one dime. Her justification is that it's 'payback' for raising me (which I can understand and am OK with) but also b/c "that's what everyone else does." Well, if you talk to Americans what "they all do" is not only pay for the wedding but allow the couple to keep the gifts b/c starting a new life together is not easy w/ the huge expense of a wedding and all that other stuff (getting a place to live, furnishing the place, etc.). hrmph!
On the lighter side, I am thrilled that the ppl who've received our invitation find it "too pretty to mess up," unique, and a whole slew of adjectives that I can't recall at the moment. If you haven't gotten yours yet, be patient -- our hands are falling off from all the addressing!! (It only took me 45 minutes to hand-calligraph four invites so Dear is doing most of it.)
Monday, July 31, 2006
Trading punches
This was a somewhat interesting weekend where we got quite a bit done. Starting Friday night, we assembled invitations. The solution for the minor mistake in the Chinese wording was taken care of by punching out a heart shape right over the character that shouldn't be there. And to make that look less obvious, a bunch of hearts (in two different sizes) were also punched out in random places to even it out. After getting the approval from both sets of parents (this fix will only occur on their invites b/c our guests won't even notice it) we set to work. Note that approval from my mother included the rejection of having only two hearts b/c they were "too far apart" which makes it look like we're distant from each other (also too plain and random), three hearts b/c "having three hearts in the relationship is bad," four is obviously bad (sounds like "death" in Chinese), five is bad b/c it's an odd number (don't get that one at all), so it had to be at least six hearts. Also note that she really liked the double heart (two hearts punched really close together so that it's like joined) and insisted that be there. Anyway, punching took forever and one of the punches didn't work as smoothly as the other so that was a real pain. But then we got into a rhythm and even involved the out-laws. Both of them insisted on helping but it was difficult for me to communicate how to do things (FMIL needed specific guidance on holding the punch the right way -- she was so afraid she'd make a mistake) with the language barrier. Both of them had issues with the tape roller and consequently wasted some and also dug grooves into the paper but I can't complain b/c together we got a lot done. After this, we were able to assemble a whole bunch of invites (gluing the ribbon & seal, putting in some of the enclosures, rubbing cornstarch on the glue dot to prevent it from seeping through the sheer ribbon and sticking to the inside of the pocket fold), count them, and put them neatly into several shoeboxes. However, we are still not done b/c this doofus left some ingredients at home.
The next night we started to experiment with the favors. My intention is to engrave the 300+ champagne glasses with a double happiness sign and stamp on our date and somehow include our names or monogram. I want ppl to be able to use this glass in the future and think of us when they do (but will you remember who it's from if it's not personalized?). So we started by punching out a double happiness sign (imported from HK, by way of BM's sister) into Contact paper. I punched a total of three pieces and got very tired so fiance took over by stepping on it, which seemed to work a lot better b/c I wasn't strong enough to actually punch through the paper after the third time. After getting the "stencil," my first experiment with the engraving didn't work out very well b/c some of the engraving chemical ran off the little square I cut and it started to engrave a big smudge next to it. FMIL didn't understand what happened and thought that she could clean the smudge away by using glass cleaner wipes, paint thinner, and/or soap and water. She just couldn't grasp that this wasn't paint or anything that coated the glass but something that removed bits of the glass (basically scratching the surface away) and is totally permanent.
Seeing as how tedious this particular project is (stamping will be even worse b/c as you try to stamp onto the rounded glass, the ink will make the stamp slip) I am ready to call DIY quits. However, programs still need to be made, menu cards, possible petal cones, my veil, and other sundry items. I may need to bribe the BMs over to help w/ the glasses!
The next night we started to experiment with the favors. My intention is to engrave the 300+ champagne glasses with a double happiness sign and stamp on our date and somehow include our names or monogram. I want ppl to be able to use this glass in the future and think of us when they do (but will you remember who it's from if it's not personalized?). So we started by punching out a double happiness sign (imported from HK, by way of BM's sister) into Contact paper. I punched a total of three pieces and got very tired so fiance took over by stepping on it, which seemed to work a lot better b/c I wasn't strong enough to actually punch through the paper after the third time. After getting the "stencil," my first experiment with the engraving didn't work out very well b/c some of the engraving chemical ran off the little square I cut and it started to engrave a big smudge next to it. FMIL didn't understand what happened and thought that she could clean the smudge away by using glass cleaner wipes, paint thinner, and/or soap and water. She just couldn't grasp that this wasn't paint or anything that coated the glass but something that removed bits of the glass (basically scratching the surface away) and is totally permanent.
Seeing as how tedious this particular project is (stamping will be even worse b/c as you try to stamp onto the rounded glass, the ink will make the stamp slip) I am ready to call DIY quits. However, programs still need to be made, menu cards, possible petal cones, my veil, and other sundry items. I may need to bribe the BMs over to help w/ the glasses!
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Frivoloties
Find your wedding fragrance.
Learn how to choose a signature scent.
This, apparently is on my list of reminders from WeddingChannel.com. Since when did planning a wedding become this huge to-do when ppl can lose all reason and have an excuse to spend tons of money on the tiniest (and often useless) details? I understand some people rely more on their olfactory senses and may want to remember their special day through smells and fragrances but really, this is not something for everyone and I hate that the wedding industry is trying to convince us all otherwise. People/marketers hear 'wedding' and out comes the list of things that must be done (i.e. expenses that must happen). It starts with the diamond (before DeBeers made all women covet this particular type of carbon, sapphires and other gemstones were commonly given), then the dress (why does it have to be upwards of $1000 for a bunch of fabric that happens to be white or some close shade of it?), and then the plethora of things that magazines and websites encourage you to take part in (bathroom baskets, fancy flowers, second dress for the reception, etc.) so that your event stands out but it doesn't b/c everyone else is doing it and then you have to do it so that you can keep up with everyone else. But, after visiting a store that sells bridesmaid dresses, I'd have to say that this is the biggest ripoff. These are nothing but evening gowns or cocktail dresses (if you're going for the shorter length) yet there's this huge industry of being measured months in advance so that a dress can be specially made for you ("custom-ordered" is the phrase, I believe) in the chosen color and style. Yet, upon closer inspection, the one store I visited explained that dresses are not custom-made but the company's dress size that is closest to your actual measurements will be ordered for you and you will have to get the necessary alterations. Hmm... some lapses in logic:
- Why not just buy off the rack if things aren't specially made for your body?
- I believe the actual dress is not made until you put the order in. That seems a bit inefficient to me. I'd be happy with fewer style and color choices if that means there'd be stock pieces readily available that you can buy off the rack (with the probable exception of looking for sizes very far from the norm). What is up with that?
- Why can't the BM dress companies be like every other industry where you make a whole bunch of stuff, store it in a warehouse, keep some in stores for ppl to see in person, try on, or buy, and when you run out (or need a less popular size) have it shipped in from the warehouse? And if it's an out of the ordinary order, have it specially made then. You could even do this all online -- lots of ppl shop online, why not for BM dresses? Show all the styles and colors available and anyone can order from anywhere in the world. Saves the bridal party from the headache of getting together to be measured, picking out the dress, etc. (Sites like CoCo Myles are jumpstarting this trend but not fast enough.)
But what pisses me off supremely about this is why the need for all those measurements if things are not custom-made but just ordered to the closest size? Just provide the regular sizing chart that is made known for clothing catalogs and websites. Why the secrecy? Are we too dumb to match up measurements to a company's size specifications? Oh wait, how else can they justify charging you $200 per dress when a very similar dress can be bought off the rack for $80? And BM dresses are usually a pretty simple silhouette and design (minimal beading and other detail work) so it's not like it's even justified to charge so much (unlike wedding gowns).
All this to say I am hoping to buy something off the rack for my BMs (yes, that part should have been taken care of months ago but it's hanging in limbo b/c of intense drama that I really don't want to go into). We'll see how it all goes.
Learn how to choose a signature scent.
This, apparently is on my list of reminders from WeddingChannel.com. Since when did planning a wedding become this huge to-do when ppl can lose all reason and have an excuse to spend tons of money on the tiniest (and often useless) details? I understand some people rely more on their olfactory senses and may want to remember their special day through smells and fragrances but really, this is not something for everyone and I hate that the wedding industry is trying to convince us all otherwise. People/marketers hear 'wedding' and out comes the list of things that must be done (i.e. expenses that must happen). It starts with the diamond (before DeBeers made all women covet this particular type of carbon, sapphires and other gemstones were commonly given), then the dress (why does it have to be upwards of $1000 for a bunch of fabric that happens to be white or some close shade of it?), and then the plethora of things that magazines and websites encourage you to take part in (bathroom baskets, fancy flowers, second dress for the reception, etc.) so that your event stands out but it doesn't b/c everyone else is doing it and then you have to do it so that you can keep up with everyone else. But, after visiting a store that sells bridesmaid dresses, I'd have to say that this is the biggest ripoff. These are nothing but evening gowns or cocktail dresses (if you're going for the shorter length) yet there's this huge industry of being measured months in advance so that a dress can be specially made for you ("custom-ordered" is the phrase, I believe) in the chosen color and style. Yet, upon closer inspection, the one store I visited explained that dresses are not custom-made but the company's dress size that is closest to your actual measurements will be ordered for you and you will have to get the necessary alterations. Hmm... some lapses in logic:
- Why not just buy off the rack if things aren't specially made for your body?
- I believe the actual dress is not made until you put the order in. That seems a bit inefficient to me. I'd be happy with fewer style and color choices if that means there'd be stock pieces readily available that you can buy off the rack (with the probable exception of looking for sizes very far from the norm). What is up with that?
- Why can't the BM dress companies be like every other industry where you make a whole bunch of stuff, store it in a warehouse, keep some in stores for ppl to see in person, try on, or buy, and when you run out (or need a less popular size) have it shipped in from the warehouse? And if it's an out of the ordinary order, have it specially made then. You could even do this all online -- lots of ppl shop online, why not for BM dresses? Show all the styles and colors available and anyone can order from anywhere in the world. Saves the bridal party from the headache of getting together to be measured, picking out the dress, etc. (Sites like CoCo Myles are jumpstarting this trend but not fast enough.)
But what pisses me off supremely about this is why the need for all those measurements if things are not custom-made but just ordered to the closest size? Just provide the regular sizing chart that is made known for clothing catalogs and websites. Why the secrecy? Are we too dumb to match up measurements to a company's size specifications? Oh wait, how else can they justify charging you $200 per dress when a very similar dress can be bought off the rack for $80? And BM dresses are usually a pretty simple silhouette and design (minimal beading and other detail work) so it's not like it's even justified to charge so much (unlike wedding gowns).
All this to say I am hoping to buy something off the rack for my BMs (yes, that part should have been taken care of months ago but it's hanging in limbo b/c of intense drama that I really don't want to go into). We'll see how it all goes.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
Stress!
Oh man, have I been stressed. I have to do my taxes, plus all this wedding stuff, and trying to find a future abode is just plain crazy!! On top of all this, we're trying to plan the honeymoon, which is another cause of stress, even though it's supposed to be a fun thing. We've settled on Spain but with the strong Euro, it's hard to plan something reasonably within budget without staying in hostels. One really neat idea that I'm exploring (though quite expensive!) is a luxury train tour called Al Andalus Expreso. It sounds so cool: an old restored train (they describe it as a "luxurious moving hotel") that goes through Andalusia (from Seville to Cordoba to Granada and back to Seville), the mountainous region of Spain. Along the way they stop and give tours of stuff, including Alhambra Palace. I think it's cool to travel overnight on a train too, kinda like a land cruise. They do have a honeymoon discount but at around $2000 a person for just 5 days/6 nights, I'm not sure we can afford it. I believe it includes drinks and all meals (some of which are on board, which would be an interesting experience). It'd be nice to go all out for once and not do a budget vacation though. Of course, while we're on the other side of the lake, I'd want to visit Madrid and Barcelona, so that will be more tacked on to the price. Aside from all this, I've been getting stressed about stupid details like how flowers will work out (I saw a great paper flower idea but some say it's bad form to carry fake flowers), whether our monogram is OK b/c I designed it with his initial before mine, how the church will be decorated, what to put on the RSVP cards (should we ask for music requests? would it be too much to ask for guests to fill out other things?). I think this is partially the fault of getting all these great ideas from websites. Yet I can't pull myself away -- I'm so addicted!!
But these are such minor things. I have yet to:
- fix my dress (I am waiting on a co-worker who said her fellow churchgoer knows of a great seamstress in Jersey City. Each week she's not been able to get me the info. I'm setting myself the deadline of this Monday -- if I don't hear from her, I will decide between Pinpoint and my friend's friend.)
- do BM dresses (a friend is going to China, who knows of a tailor that can do drastic alterations for a low price so I have to get one BM's too large dress pinned and measured out in time for her departure; still haven't figured out what to do about other BM's dress)
- find a DJ
Friday, March 17, 2006
SPAM or reasons to not attend bridal shows
Ugh! I got a second call from those annoying 21st Century Todays Bride people. First of all, can they come up with a less cheesy name for their scam operation? Second, it's just wrong to prey on ppl who are going through a happy time in their lives. Their plot is so corny that I smelled fish when they first called. A seedy-sounding woman calls me, addresses me by the fake name that I used to fill out all the stupid forms at that horrible bridal show, NY Great Bridal Expo, tells me that I've been selected out of all these ppl to win some prize. The woman tries to play up the whole thing but the prizes are kinda corny too: a free trip to blah blah place, $500 to spend at some mail order place, and one other thing that's completely vanished from my mind. The catch is to go claim these prizes, which you can only do in person with your fiance, at a crackpot hotel in Brooklyn. There, they're supposed to show you their cookware and cook stuff for you. No thank you!! I've read how similar scams push you to join their club (or pyramid scheme, or whatever you call it) and ppl actually run into debt b/c their crap is so expensive. And I do mean crap!! I've seen pictures of their stuff and it looks like the stuff that college kids would buy in the supermarket out of desperation for something to cook with. And they won't stop calling me!!! In retrospect, at that horrible bridal show (I can't believe ppl actually paid to go there -- I got free tix somehow), I remember some person asked us to fill out a card with a yellow highlight through it and wouldn't tell us what it's for. I assumed it was a registration for the show b/c the woman was hollering for us to fill it out and I think she said that we had to fill it out. I didn't think it was for a vendor b/c none of the other vendors specifically asked for your info. (They were just optional drop offs to be included in raffles for prizes that I doubt even existed.) And to elaborate on the cheese, the woman offered pens for ppl to fill out the forms but asked for all the cheapass, used, dirty Bic pens back. The Club Wedd event thrown by Target was sooo much better -- they gave out FREE pens (pretty nice ones too), plus all this other stuff and I didn't have to give out ANY of my personal info. The only halfway mediocre thing about the corny bridal expo (and it was very crowded, not just w/ ppl but some pretty crappy vendors too) at the hotel was maybe 2 decent free magazines. Everything else was just wasted trees. And though the show was free for me, I feel like I've been paying ever since. I keep getting junk mail (of the paper and email variety, everyday!) for services that look a little too shady for me (imagine gaudy postcards with the word 'special' all over it and emails from ppl named A-Class). And some things are just really stupid and irrelevant to me -- I'm NOT INTERESTED in locations in Long Island, CT or upstate NY. I found a photographer, thank you very much. I don't need any more dresses. These ppl should do at least a little homework before wasting their time and energy.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
450!
I know, enough about the dress already! So, next topic. The other day, after a 3-month hiatus, we hammered out the guest list with FFIL. We had started back in the summer and back then I was so pissed! I knew that he would want to invite this insufferable woman from church, who is all talk and fake show. And if she's not invited, there would be terrible consequences for that side of the family b/c the church has nothing better to do than to backstab, choose favorites, and gossip. The worst part about inviting this attention-whore is that I've heard that she won't give a gift. Not only is that rude (how could you even think to show up empty-handed to a party?!), but I think that's just class-less. So we would basically be buying her a fancy 10-course dinner, because a young couple can afford to throw thousands of dollars around. Anyway, this time around I was more mellow (I'm sticking ppl like her on the last table, in the corner and I'd give them a different menu if I could) though it drove me bonkers to sit there while FFIL rattled off a Chinese name of some distant 'relative' and then fiance would try to phonetically type it into his spreadsheet. It didn't help that some of these names were already in the spreadsheet so we had to decipher things like 'Koo' which FFIL didn't understand b/c it was said with the wrong tone. To make it extra difficult, fiance doesn't know these ppl b/c they are 'related' in such ways as "we have the same name," "we're from the same village," (not to be confused with "we're from the same province"), and my personal favorite, "she is the daughter of the son-in-law of your grandmother's cousin." In the end, it was decided to purge these mysteriously related folks and have FFIL input them on his own using Chinese Word, since we really don't need to know who these ppl are. (They'll show up with 3 extra uninvited family members, give a $20 gift, and wear white tube socks.) Aside from this hodgepodge of 'relatives' FFIL also wants to invite all his workers, all the members of every committee in church (regardless of whether or not he likes or respects them), and even someone known as Dragonlady b/c she invited them for her daughters' wedding, yet he may not invite someone who is on a current committee if they are not invited for his daughter's wedding in May. At least there was someone whose name sounded like a Chinese curse (the '8th grandma' one), which kept me amused and giggling on the sly. All told, with fiance's huge amount of relatives (both true and who knows what), plus my family (crazies and all), and our friends, the number stands at 450. I think there will be more ppl there that I don't know than ppl that I do know, and I think friends and ppl that I actually want there will be a minority. Hmmm... sounds like it's a party for FFIL, doesn't it? My hope is that for our 10 year anniversary we'll actually do something that we want (and maybe that will mean an extended vacation far far away, the destination wedding that I've always wanted). I'm also hoping that all 450 ppl won't show up, though the idea of sending out all those invites is still daunting. But I'm pretty sure that there will be 2 versions of invites, one strictly in Chinese (probably of the cheap, mass-produced, Raid-smelling kind), and the handcrafted one.
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