Connections

Score one for connections! My friend, despite her own recent engagement, has agreed to tape our wedding. She is a video editor by trade so once she's done shooting, she can make it into a fantabulous DVD like she did for another friend. I won't want quite as much editing but I am
imagining full coverage of the ceremony, maybe some coverage of us taking pictures around the city, and then just a portion of the banquet (like when we're introduced in the beginning, a quick pan of the place full of people, and maybe a few shots of the scrumptious food). I think it'd be really cool to have a "Director's Cut" version of it all but have us talk instead of a 'director' or maybe a 'Pop-Up Video' rendition if there are enough interesting things to pop up. And I would want those bookmarks that DVDs have placemarking the different parts of the day, like processional, officiant's message, vows, recessional, etc. just for ease of viewing the final video.

And I'm excited about meeting a friend of a friend who bakes wedding cakes this Saturday!! I've seen a pic of the cake that she made for one of her friends' wedding and it was pretty nice (not perfect but you know me, I have to pick out at least a flaw or two). I'm willing to give her a chance though, to start up her business and also b/c I think that this is an area we can scrimp a little (though I'm not sure how much she would charge) b/c in my eyes, the cake is not that important (I know, with my sweet tooth, how can I say such a thing?). Well the cake is the last thing you eat and after 10 courses, including a sweet soup at the end, you hardly have enough stomach space for it. (Though I've heard the cake she made was delicious!) So it's been fun looking for designs and thinking of flavors.

Now if we can just find a connection to do the flowers!

We've been leaning more and more towards going to Spain for the honeymoon. I've been reading Rick Steves' site (we also watched one of his specials on PBS about Sevilla and some other coastal region) and he's got some great information. I also talked to my co-worker, who spent a year there for study abroad and it sounds so much fun.

On another note, I'm wondering if we need a day-of coordinator to keep things running. Maybe I can pull a connection in that court too.

The inspiration

So let me just solidify the theme idea: fall. My inspiration is this leaf (can I take any non-fuzzy pics?), one of the many that we gathered last fall up at Bear Mountain and went home and pressed. The red of the leaf is about the shade of the BM dresses, which also, incidentally is a 'lucky' Chinese color, and so, is the main color scheme. I am hoping that the excess fabric from the dresses can be made into bowties for the GMs or at least can help them find something similar in shade. To distinguish fiance from the rest of them, he will also have a vest in that shade? (I can't decide whether or not that would look nice). Maybe boutonnieres can have a leaf in the back as well, kinda like this picture on the right. We happen to have a bunch of acorns too, though a lot of the double ones broke apart.

The 'inspiration leaf' also has patches of yellow and orange, even brown, which I can try to tie in secondarily, through other aspects, like favors, bouquets (I'm leaning towards orange-shaded flowers for the BMs, like orange callas, poppies, dahlias, or maybe even roses), perhaps invites. The leaves, I'm hoping, will make an appearance in mini wreaths at the end of pews (scroll down), and also as the escort cards at the banquet.

And I want to create this flower monogram (yes, I threw that image together in Photoshop using images of the flowers). I think the monogram will be made out of silk gerbera daisies (silk b/c I won't have time to arrange this using real flowers on the day of) and it will hang on the church doors (if they allow us, or somewhere else, if not). I'm thinking this creation will be on a white piece of fabric so that the colors pop out and it can be hung like a banner, with rods inserted into a flap sewn onto the top and bottom to keep it from flapping about. If not a piece of fabric, then maybe put into a big frame?

If I were to have centerpieces (still not sure if that is possible, given the massive amount of table space needed for the food), I'd like to do a pyramid of stacked, upside-down Gala apples, which are yellow with a red blush (or a similar apple with red striations). Apples fit the fall theme too and there's the added benefit of being able to eat them afterwards. Those old Chinese women will love that -- instead of stealing the flower centerpieces, they can eat away!

And I was thinking of using wreaths to mark off the pews instead of flowers and bows. I especially like this one made with the berries as it's not screaming "look, more leaves to get the fall idea across!" like the one below.
But I like the colors of the leaves all together. I'm pretty sure we don't have enough leaves for all this.

There are also a lot of red and orange drinks to use to create a signature drink, if we indeed go that route. Or we could do something with apples or cider.

And lastly, I'm trying to come up with ideas for the design of the cake topper. I think it'd be a nice touch if FMIL made a stained glass one since she makes that stuff all the time. I just need to convince her and come up the design. I guess coming up with a cake and baker would be important too.

Words of wisdom

This weekend an older couple dispensed some helpful wedding advice (they married a few years back). She said that it is important to delegate responsibilities b/c you have enough to worry about on the big day. My aim, as she did, is to not know about every little thing (hence, not worrying) but to just have it fixed. She also advised setting limits on the budget -- first decide how much you'd be willing to spend on each item, then do the research to see if that's possible. Obviously there will have to be adjustments, some lower and some higher than you expected but at least that's where you begin. Very interestingly, she said that there will be one BIG fight when there are about 2 months or so left. I had heard about the normalcy of fights during the planning (we've fulfilled that part already) but I hadn't heard about there being a big one. I guess it makes sense b/c you'd be increasingly stressed as the date approaches and as she said, by that time all the big stuff should already be planned. Of course there was talk of the guest list (they had 50 tables!) and dealing with family and the types of gifts you get (this is the second couple that said some ppl surprisingly give very little but in the end she thinks they broke even all around). It also made me feel a little better that we're not the only ones crazy enough to look for a place to buy while planning. In the end, they settled for the house that they're living in now b/c they really needed a place to live and at the time, the housing boom was just beginning and they were outbid on everything.
I'm getting concerned that we don't really have a theme (perhaps that's the cause of our disorganization?).

On a related note, we went to the Crate and Barrel Sunday Morning Engagement today. We showed up at the Madison Avenue store at the early hour of 9am. It was so cold and I saw some crazy ppl waiting outside before they opened their doors. When we went in, we were greeted by not very chipper ppl who checked off my name (I don't know why they keep it so exclusive -- if someone wants to start a registry there but didn't RSVP, what's the harm in signing up at that moment?), gave us a map of the store, a pencil, and a list of essential items to add to the registry. They said there was a coat check in the back, refreshments upstairs, and a place to pick up your scanner in the middle. They actually took my ID as a deposit for the scanner (is there a huge run on these things?) and they described how to use it. We definitely know that we need pots and pans but on our way there, we got distracted by the electrics (food processer, etc.). And the defining moment: our very first scan. We pushed and pushed the button on the side but it refused to scan!! So much for this being a 'much easier' to use scanner than other registries (as the woman described). We even tried sliding the paper out of the sleeve to no avail. Finally we just punched in the code. A woman nearby making juices out of this huge, powerful juicer explained that those codes didn't scan but needed to be manually entered (sheesh, why bother putting that tiny bar code below the letters and numbers then? Other stuff [those w/ SKUs] were eventually scanned in.). We tried some pear juice that this woman made (it was pretty good!) but later on fiance said she didn't remove the sticker from the pear before juicing it (yummy!, I write with much sarcasm). By the pots and pans, there was also a pancake station but I didn't try any of it. Upstairs, there were mimosas (not very much champagne, so it was tasty, yet it still made me flush though it finally circulated my blood so that my hands were no longer cold) and muffins (which I didn't try). After checking out furniture, which is hard to do without a place to furnish, we went back downstairs. A somewhat helpful woman saw us checking out their flatware and suggested we pick some china first, then we can bring it over and see whether it matches. So we did that. She walked us through bone china, porcelain and all that jazz. There was also a very sweet lady who stopped us around the ovenwares and told us about their completion program (10% off stuff that's still on the registry for 6 months after our wedding). After we were finally done, we went to the booth and created the registry. This involved typing in a whole bunch of info, inserting the scanner into a slot (which is kinda cool -- I guess the info is transferred [pretty quickly] over through infared), and then printing off our list. Then we returned the scanner, got our gift (still haven't opened it but it's supposed to be a pair of their heart-shaped champagne flutes), took a bunch of those papers that you can include in invites about registry info, and we were on our way.
Overall, I have to say that I was a bit disappointed. There is some cookware that we still need/want which they don't carry but I guess they aren't a mecca for serious cooks (like us, haha!) so their selection is limited. Their china is somewhat limited too, as expected. Surprisingly, they had some cast iron stuff (I think that it is finally catching on and Mark Bittman's praise of it in a recent NY Times article could only have helped) but fiance already has a whole bunch of it thanks to Walmart. I also didn't think that the staff were that knowledgeable. More than one person hesitated when I asked them questions, giving a sort of runaround answer while they read the product description (I guess I should've read it myself before asking). I think they also pointed us towards 'popular' stuff, not necessarily stuff that would perform well. But it was cool that they closed the store to everyone else until noon (they turned quite a few ppl away who just wanted to shop). I expected the staff to also be very friendly but only a few were and I think that's b/c it was so early. And where was the advice? The ad said that there would be some (I imagined that they would sort of guide us along, have ppl talk to us about the essentials like the Target event) but I think there was just (limited) help with the products themselves. Anyway, quite a few couples showed up (it was pretty crowded in some areas towards the end) despite the cold. One of the guys mentioned that 17 couples showed up last week, even during that blizzard! I can't imagine setting up a registry as that important, but to each his own.

Officiant where art thou

I recently checked my account on the Knot and I saw that we are behind on so many things! Top of mind is getting an officiant. Normally this would be a simple task for ppl who belong to a church but not for the retarded folks at our church. It is already a difficult situation to not have a pastor but it's that much harder (and extremely frustrating!) when there are politics involved, preventing pastors that we would like to officiate. The easiest thing may be to get a judge that we have no connection to at all. :( (or to elope!)

We've also got to book a florist (if using), book musicians/DJ, finalize guest list
And upcoming (but not yet overdue): book wedding cake baker

Flowers

OK these images are NOT from my recent web surfing but from the book To Have & to Hold by David Stark and Avi Adler (the book I got from Target's Club Wed). Sorry these images are not very crisp (I don't have a scanner and I kinda like how they came out a little grainy). Like I mentioned previously, I wanted to incorporate my Bible with my flowers. The problem is figuring out what flowers go well with it. I think it has to be a pretty small nosegay b/c it will be too difficult to hold otherwise. Flowers that I'm considering: hydrangea, peony (so pretty, but out of season), zinnia, anemone, calla lilies (not sure if these are feasible b/c you would need a whole bunch to make an impact).

Obviously the one on the left is a boutonniere.

Or just a bunch of callas like this picture (I was watching a rerun of "Friends" recently and had to look up some images). I like this pic also b/c Monica's dress is similar to mine and I'm thinking of copying her w/ her hairstyle -- it is simply pulled back at the top with a fancy barrette (but I think I would curl mine more) and then a floor-length veil. She also lets her hair down completely at the reception.

Web compilation

I found this site and have been addicted to it: www.weddingbee.com. From that, I found a whole bunch of links that have kept me busy all day (urgh--info overload again!!). One of them is a listing of bios on the Knot. It is like crack to go through these bios and learn from everyone's ideas (some aren't that good, so I've been going through what's labelled the "Best Bios"). Some ppl even use these bios as info pages (I guess it's a quick and easy way to put up a webpage) and I've found the "Specialty Bios" page helpful. Two ppl have created odes to Martha and I found these (gotta remember to buy WATERPROOF calligraphy pens):

So upcoming posts will have a trove of ideas that I've found and like (and those posts will be updated with more stuff as I find them, like an idea attic, if you will).

And I found this quote that I like: “We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh.” --Agnes Repplier

I have no idea who Kepplier is so I have to check to see if she really said this. There is also all those quotes from Rilke that I came across while reading his Letters to a Young Poet and ever since college I've been trying to find the poem that I thought was very romantic back in 17th century poetry (it was either Donne or Jonson, or was it someone else?).

Anyway, we finally went to the photographer and dropped off the grand. Finally, another thing can be crossed off the list!

Paper

To save on postage and to be a little different, I've always liked the idea of postcards for RSVPs. Taken off that Weddingbee site, I found this example. I especially like the wording: "__ of # will be attending." In the same vein, I think I've also seen something like "Two seats have been reserved for you." And then the usual lines of will/not attend.

I know that we are using the pocketfold invites but I've been struggling with how to close them. I like this idea of the ribbon going across and under the seal on one end and then ending inside the pocket (you also hide the gluing of the ends).

And I like this fall color scheme (from Inventations):

I think it's very similar to the red with cream-colored cardstock that I had imagined and it just may be close enough to do the switch to get both the fall theme and the Chinese red across.

I like this idea for placecards but we probably won't use them b/c we've got those leaves we gathered (which still need to be waxed or polished).

This is an interesting idea for table numbers. Though I've also got the idea from Martha with the radio wire (at right). I think the red wire makes it almost look Asian-ish, very much like those closures on the Chinese dress. Maybe I'll use one idea for the menu and the other for the numbers. I am hoping to get someone to do the calligraphy for the numbers in Chinese and then on another side will be the English.

Veil

I've been obsessed with the veil lately, mainly b/c I want to make mine and I don't know if I can get it right (it is ridiculous that they cost about $100 when you can make it for much less).

I found a great site that walks through the DIY process: www.wegotgame.net/jen/veils.html.

I definitely want a double-layer, raw-edge (unfinished end b/c I like that wispy look) veil but I can't decide if I want a fingertip one or a floor-length one.

TO DO:
- find a place that sells those plain combs
- buy the tulle (I should ask around where's the best place to get it -- Fashion District? online?)
- figure out whether I can pull off diamond white tulle or bridal illusion with my light ivory gown
- decide on fingertip or floor-length

Related to veils is hair, and the only style that I've found online that I like is this (but I think not as curly at the crown): [I got this from some Knottie's site]

The only other hairstyle that I like is what I saw on Queer Eye: a very simple twist up (in the hair trial they tied her hair into a ponytail and swept it up) without a lot of hairspray or other product. At the reception, the bride took off her veil and let her hair down (though she looked kinda messy) for a second hairstyle. That gave me the idea of having multiple hairstyles throughout the day to match the multiple dresses that I will be wearing. I can also (easily, I hope!) change makeup accordingly by making it more dramatic at night. I think Sonia Kashuk's advice was to "glam it up" with false eyelashes (gotta learn how to do that if I want to do my own makeup) and more makeup (by going lighter during the day and using a heavier hand at night?).

Shoes

The shoe dilemma: finding nice shoes that would go with the wedding dress and the evening gown (asking for it to match the red Chinese dress too would be asking too much) and hopefully would go with other things so that I wouldn't wear it just once. I had been surfing on the shoe sites (zappos.com, myglassslipper.com -- they have an 'Under $100' section that I had read about, shoebuy.com) for silver shoes, staying away from the bridal shoes b/c I find most of them ugly and not very comfy-looking (not to mention they don't fit the criteria of being able to be worn more than once). I was also pretty sure that I'd want a wedge heel (more comfy) and a T-strap (slims wide feet like mine). I ordered 2 shoes from Zappos mainly b/c they received pretty good reviews but when I tried them on I realized that I have very difficult feet to work with (they were uncomfortable and one pair didn't fit at all). The shoes were also extremely poorly made. I can't believe that they cost over $50 b/c if they were in one of those ghetto stores that sell cheap clothes, I'd guess that they were $20 at most. One of them had a tacky clear plastic strap with beads glued on it and the other one had dried beads of glue oozing out of the undersole. Thank goodness Zappos has that free shipping free returns thing (maybe that's why the shoes were so expensive). I am impressed by how nicely wrapped up everything was (everything was tightly wrapped in tissue paper and taped) though.

Then I went to Macy's this past Sunday (b/c it was tax-free week and to check out BM dresses). I saw a pair of silver T-strap sandals that looked kinda nice (even on my feet), with big jewels down the T-strap. While they were on sale for $60, I wasn't sure if I should get them since they didn't look too comfortable with the 3 (2.5?) inch heel and narrow front, which squeezed my toes together (the only thing keeping my feet from sliding down was the bone above my pinky toe so you can imagine the pain that would result from the rubbing as I walk). They weren't that uncomfortable for the minute or so that I had them on though. I left empty-handed. Throughout the week, I pondered whether or not I should go back and get them. I even went to the Nine West by work but they only had it in the bronze color. So I went back today determined to try on the shoes again and try to break them in and return them if they weren't comfy. This time, after wearing heels all day at work, the transition to the sandals wasn't as weird so it didn't feel unstable. But after walking a little and standing in them, I felt the balls of my feet hurt. Plus the back of the shoe was loose and looked weird no matter how tight I closed it. After much thought I decided to let these shoes go (even though they were the closest thing that I liked so far). I thought that I'd have to resign myself to wearing flats or sneakers on my wedding day (I still may do the sneaker thing at the banquet) and cursed my f'ugly feet for always giving me so much pain (3/4 of all shoes that I like I end up not buying or wearing b/c they are unbearably uncomfortable). Then I walked around a little and I saw a silver, pointy-toed shoe on the clearance rack. When I scanned it, it said $38 or so. After trying them on (they were pretty comfy compared to the boots I was wearing and the shoe that I had just tried on), I decided to buy them. The saleswoman was pretty nice (NOT the norm at Macy's shoe department, in my opinion) and noticed that the price was wrong b/c they should be 75% off. And instead of being $38, they were just $20! Woo hoo!!
I wonder, am I supposed to wear hosiery with these shoes? They still need breaking-in, I'm sure. But at least I can go get my dress fitted for the right length now.

Speaking of which, a friend recently asked her friend who used to be in the wedding gown business whether or not he'd be interested in helping me fix mine. He said yes! I don't mind going to Pinpoint and getting it all fixed up for about $450 (I even made an appointment for this Saturday) but if he can beat it and do a good job, I'd be even happier!

This Friday I'm hoping to go to a tailor in Chinatown to see whether or not she can downsize the evening gown from a size 20 to a 4 for a good price (I've heard anecdotally that she charged only $7 to hem a four-layered dress). And Saturday we're supposed to meet with the photographer to work out last minute contract details and give him a deposit to secure him for the day. We've already turned down two photographers that we met with so this one better work out! Finally, progress!

Year of the Dog

I recently read an article in the New York Times about this solar year being a lucky one for weddings. Unlike last year (the Year of the Rooster, which was supposedly really bad for weddings, or big life changes, as I had heard elsewhere also), this Year of the Dog is good. It is especially good b/c this year happens to have two 'lichun,' or beginning of spring. Supposedly this double-spring phenomenon happens every five years and ppl plan nuptials around then (did fiance plan it that way? -- yeah right). I don't really believe this stuff but it is good to know that we're doing something right and that not everything I'm planning has to be an ordeal or has to have ten things wrong with it (or shall I say 450 things wrong w/ it?).

Some other stuff that I have to get done:
- invites
- decide what to do about hair & makeup (I want to check out some dept. store makeup counters)
- get other 2 dresses
- get/make veil (I'm now in the phase of wanting a floor-length one, though I don't know how to sit w/ that on)
1-2 months before (from the Knot Guide)
- try out veil w/ hairstyle
- shape eyebrows
- makeup trial run
- test out at-home masks or pro facial
2 weeks before
- final haircut/trim
- drink lots of water & exercise
- full hair trial
- eat right (eat fruits & veggies; cut out salt & fat -- hope I won't be PMS-ing)
1 week before
- get massage (if can afford it)
- bikini wax and final eyebrow shaping
- final facial (but not day before!)
- final trim for fiance
- avoid salty snacks and alcohol
1 day before
- drink lots of water
- deep-condition hair
- pro manicure & pedicure
- take long, relaxing bath (I'll skip this)

Here's the full article that I mentioned above b/c I know NY Times will archive it and then make you pay to get access (but I put it in tiny print so you can scroll through it if you're not interested and it doesn't make it seem like this post is that long):
Entering the Year of the Wedding

By JENNIFER TUNG
Published: January 29, 2006

WOMEN wishing to marry might try to hurry the process along, slyly dropping hints about rings or blatantly pressuring boyfriends to pop the question. But not Jennifer Chung.

Ms. Chung, who is Chinese-American, held off her wedding plans until just the right moment so she could get married in the Year of the Dog, which begins today, the first day of Chinese New Year.

Her reasoning was based on luck, not logistics. Ms. Chung, 29, an account supervisor at Gigante Vaz Partners, an advertising agency in New York, considers the Year of the Dog to be an auspicious one for weddings. Last year, the Year of the Rooster, was thought to be particularly unlucky for marriages.

The reason many Chinese (and half-Chinese) couples are choosing Dog wedding dates over Rooster ones traces back to the solar calendar. The Year of the Rooster, which began on Feb. 9, 2005, and ended yesterday, did not contain a lichun, or beginning of spring. (Lichun usually falls on Feb. 4, the halfway point between the winter and summer solstices.) A year without a lichun is called a "widow year" or "blind year," explained Theodora Lau, the author of "The Handbook of Chinese Horoscopes" (HarperCollins, 2005). "The thinking is that if you get married in a blind year, you didn't look at what you were doing, and you could get divorced next year."

Many couples, both tradition-minded and modern, took notice, postponing wedding plans last year. (According to articles in the Asian press, would-be brides and bridegrooms in China shunned the Rooster in large numbers, often leaving wedding-related businesses there with empty reception halls.)

The Year of the Dog, which will end Feb. 17, 2007, will span two lichun, Ms. Lau said. "It's very lucky to see spring in the beginning of the year and in the end. A lot of people would love to get married in a double-spring year."

In late 2004 Ms. Chung's mother first mentioned the significance of the calendar to her daughter. "It stuck in my mind," Ms. Chung recalled. She then relayed the concern to her boyfriend, Jay Wilkins, who had already asked Ms. Chung's parents for her hand in marriage. Fortunately he was on board for a Year of the Dog wedding. They'll walk the aisle in March.

Ms. Lau said this phenomenon, which occurs every five years, has long drawn couples to the altar. "Ancient matchmakers would tell parents who were paying for the weddings, 'This is a lucky, prosperous year.' " she said. "It was a way to draw in business."

It still is. Albert Chu, manager of the Golden Bridge Restaurant in Chinatown in New York, says "the two springtimes" ought to create a surge in wedding banquets. "We've had a lot of calls asking to reserve the party room," he said.

Johnson Lau, owner of Highlight Studio Wedding Center, a Chinatown wedding planner, said his business has recovered from the 20 percent dip in bookings he experienced last year. "We've already booked 50 for this coming year," he said.

For other Chinese-American fiancées, marrying in the Year of the Dog is not as clear a choice as it might seem. Peggy Pei-Yi Hwan, 32, a research analyst at Standard & Poor's in New York, is also planning a Year of the Dog wedding. Upon reflection, a Rooster date would have been cause for some concern. "My family is superstitious, and I've inherited that to an extent," she said. "Part of me is relieved that I'm not getting married in a year that is considered bad luck."

She and her fiancé, Geordie Hebard, settled on a March wedding, but once a date was determined, the couple was unexpectedly whipsawed by another cultural and religious issue: Lent.

"We had a hard time finding someone who would marry us," said Ms. Hwan, who was raised as a Protestant. "It's considered a sacred time, so a lot of conservative Episcopalian ministers won't perform the service." The couple has secured a willing officiant for their March 4 ceremony, luckily.

The Budget

I've been reading "The Knot Complete Guide to Weddings in the Real World" and it's been very helpful. [I also finally finished reading through a whole stack of (very heavy) magazines that a friend lent me.] I like that, since The Knot is based in Manhattan, they include New York-centric stuff like the idea that the average price of a wedding in metro areas cost twice as much as the national average. Very helpful so far has been the guidelines on how much to spend for each of the many aspects of a wedding so this weekend we discussed the budget (were we supposed to discuss this earlier?). Here is their breakdown (with my modifications):

• Banquet (50%): cake, Pig Day stuff, cake cards, drinks
  
• Photography & Videography (12%): photo, video, albums (though we could probably postpone the cost of the album until later b/c it takes that long to create)
  
• Attire (10%): wedding dress & alterations, shoes, Chinese dress, evening gown, veil, accessories, groom's attire, hair and makeup
  
• Ceremony (3%): officiant, location fee, programs
  
• Stationery (3%): invites, postage, thank yous
  
• Music (8%): ceremony music (organist/quartet?) and reception music (band/DJ?)
  
• Flowers (8%): bride's bouquet, bridesmaids' bouquets, boutonnieres, ceremony decorations
  
• Gifts (3%): favors, gifts for BMs (aside from their dresses) and GMs
  
• Rings (3%)
• Transportation (2%): rides to ceremony and banquet, parking
  
• + 5% extra for miscellaneous stuff: marriage license, unforeseen costs, etc.
  

It is going to be a crazy amount of money! I'm not sure if we're saving enough money. :( On the brighter side, we met with 2 more photographers this weekend and I think we're close to making a decision. I also re-met with one during the week that we met last weekend to see some proofs. The guy that I like was very friendly (seemed very honest) and has been doing this for 16 years. He started out at one of those Chinese "Mc-Wedding" places and the stories he told back the feeling that I got when we visited Eternal Wedding out in Flushing. He said that ppl would ask for specific photographers so when he went out to shoot a wedding, they'd tell him "Today your name is 'Robert'" or some photographers would call last minute and say that they're sick and can't make it so they're sending their backup and then they'd go shoot another wedding. Similarly, when we went to Eternal Wedding, I asked about a photographer (Tony) that someone recommended. I thought it was a long shot to ask b/c the person who recommended him said that he only does the studio portraits yet this woman trying to sell us stuff said of course we could have Tony. And she hesitated, ever so slightly in the affirmative, when I asked her if all these pictures that she was showing me was by Tony. Anyway, this photographer that I do like was also used by two other ppl that I know and his price is not bad. He also showed us a sample of a very nice album (the Queensberry) which we saw at a previous photographer. The other photographer that we met with seemed a little green and I'm not crazy about her album choices (they seemed like the ones that you can get through Ofoto). But she did seem very eager and nice.

It's Chinese New Year!

Photographer's Progress

This past weekend we met with two photographers. Some may wonder, why, weren't you pretty much set on that front? Yes, two months ago we were. Even a week ago, we were. But we procrastinated and the pair that we had in mind booked another wedding for that day (they weren't exactly kind about it either, so if you want a photojournalistic style, do NOT go to Leikness-Dougherty, unless you want to be in the middle of negotiations, even setting up another meeting, only to find out in an email that they booked the spot already). I didn't exactly push for fiance to get the ball rolling with them b/c I wasn't enthralled with their portfolio and in the back of my mind I always thought that I'd be satisfied with one of those Chinese packages if things didn't work out. But in any case, losing them threw us in a frenzy to find a new photographer at this late stage. This also worried us about the co-op that we've been looking at/dragging out the process on (but that's another story for another entry). So I spent an entire day combing through the list of WPJA photographers in NYC, emailing the ones that had an OK price range and glancing through their websites to make sure that I am OK with their style and work. A lot of them had very plain or hard to navigate sites which made it a little difficult, or they didn't post much helpful info (like pricing) so I just sent a flurry of emails. A bunch of photographers responded back with pricing structures (it's such a chore to compare such different packages) and one even sent a couple of links. Surprisingly, a few could not point me to additional work online that they've done but asked us to meet with them. A few had already booked for our date but referred me to other ppl (all those referrals were dead ends b/c they were also booked). After a day of emailing, I set up appointments for 2 photographers for last Saturday and hopefully 2-3 additional ones for this coming week.

So this past Saturday was crazy hectic. After taking BM out for a birthday brunch in the Theater District, we went down to 14th St. on the East Side (the subway ride was really fast but fiance was unimpressed and we took buses for the rest of our trip -- he dislikes the subway for some reason) and then went back to the West Side, up to 28th St. We got to the first photographer a little early so we went to a nearby McDonald's to use their bathroom and work out some budget issues. By the time we got the bathroom open, it was nearly time to go so budget issues still hover over us. Anyway, this photographer lives in a pretty nice condo (or maybe co-op) and it really makes me wonder how much money these ppl make. It seems like a tough way to make a living (working these long days on the weekend and then developing prints, albums, etc.) but like the previous photographers, her apartment was pretty spacious (and you can't beat the location -- prime Manhattan real estate). And I can't believe how much trust they have -- letting strangers into their house. So this woman seemed very friendly but she only showed us a few albums with a couple images in each, which really didn't stand out to me. It surprised me b/c she said she's been published in a lot of magazines and major newspapers like the NY Times. But I guess her style is more documentary-esque and the images seemed kinda static. She gave us a copy of the contract, including prices. She seemed pretty reasonable but I'd like to see more of her work. Hopefully I can meet her to see some proofs sometime soon (she didn't have any at the time, which also surprised me).

Then off to see the other one in Chelsea. We passed through the Meatpacking District, which I've never really walked through b/c it used to be so sketchy but it is now like SoHo of yesteryear. This other photographer's studio was in a more shady section though. We were kinda early but had nowhere to hang out but inside his studio so he set us up with some albums to look through as he finished up taking some headshots for an actress. He told us that this is a busy time for him b/c it's the pilot season and many actors want new headshots. While we waited, the makeup artist that he usually works with greeted me (she claimed that she didn't want to freak me out in case I heard some noises in the back but I think she also wanted to hype up the photographer and possibly drum up some business for herself but she only does last minute stuff). Anyway, the albums he showed us were not bad but I thought the stuff he showed me online was a LOT better. You could tell his specialty is headshots b/c the stuff he had of the brides up close was fantastic. The rest of his work is pretty good too. I think his prices are a bit high but he was helpful in suggesting places downtown to take nice pictures, like by the bridges, the courthouses (the steps or with the columns), the greenery in Battery Park, or on the Staten Island ferry! I really like that idea b/c as he says, it's completely open and you get a full view of the City. I think you can also get some interesting breezy shots. He also suggested walking from the ceremony location to the reception site (if we keep both in Ctown), which I had always envisioned b/c you can get interesting pictures and you're sort of on parade. :) Looking through his albums, I also got the idea of wearing red slippers during the reception, probably with my Chinese dress. The couple in the book also took a cab instead of a limo, which I've been trying to convince fiance about too b/c I think it shows New York flavor and you don't have to rent out a limo (which I find kinda tacky). You could tell the photographer's quite artistic and so, maybe a little bit cocky (unlike the other photographer, he said he probably wouldn't do a location scout b/c he's probably familiar w/ the area already). It also didn't seem to register with him that one of the places may have a lot of big windows so lighting may be an issue.

The first photographer also gave us ideas on where to take nice pictures. She suggested the Maritime Museum at the Seaport where there is a balcony that overlooks the Brooklyn Bridge. Hopefully we'll be able to come to a decision about photographers within the next week or so. Because of all this, I'm finding that I have no time to do stuff that I really want to do, like the Winter Festival at Central Park (I always miss that every year) and Fortunoff's Wedding Survival Party (kinda like a contest with various games where you can win stuff and like the Target thing, to get you to start a registry with them).

Other decisions that need to be made soon:
- honeymoon
- ceremony location (so I can get the darned invites printed out!! This also affects who will officiate, which is another thing that I have to gripe about some other time!!)
- shoes so that I can get the dress properly fitted to length
- registry
- BMs' dresses
- music
- flowers

Information overload

This weekend has been quite eventful. It started out on Friday with the 'Big To Do' event sponsored by Target's Club Wedd at Cipriani, which is a close walk from work for me. They had decorated the place as if it were a fancy wedding, complete with a greeter in a top hat outside. Inside huge flower displays greeted us, along with the signature light blue banners advertising the event. A bunch of ppl gave us a program, a small spiral notepad and a pen to take notes. So we walked around and viewed their displays. There were table settings, kitchen stuff, bedding, patio furniture, vacuums and other stuff you'd want to add to your registry. They set up laptops and other stations where you could set up your registry right then and there. As we walked around admiring stuff there were ppl who'd stop us and encourage us to start a registry (which was somewhat annoying). There was also a section that showcased cakes and another for flowers. A person from The Knot started off the events with some general wedding tips. As the evening went on, experts in the field of interior design, vintage style, hairdressing (Umberto), design (Issac Mizrahi), outdoor design, flowers (David Stark, I think), makeup (Sonia Kashuk) shared their ideas. Most of these ppl also happen to be associated with Target and so, they pushed their products. I think the most helpful stations were the flower guy, the vintage dude, and the hairdresser. The flower guy showed us the right way to hold the bouquet: with two hands, down low, don't want to cover your waist or your chest, and slightly tipped forward to cover your hands (unless you have a cascade bouquet or one of those long ones -- you want to hold those at a slight angle to the side). He said that you want to showcase your waist (by bending your elbows slightly so that your arms sort of frame your waist) so you shouldn't get a huge thing, especially if you're petite. He said you would hold the flowers with two hands and your father's arm would loop through your arm. I think that I would want both my parents to walk me down the aisle so his suggestion was to have them each hold your elbow. He also gave other tips like incorporating your stories into your flowers, like a guy who always gave the girl a single white rose every Friday while he was courting her and on their wedding day she walked down the aisle with a single white rose and gave it to him. He also said for those ppl who think they're not really the flower-holding type, then you could go real simple with 3 flowers or something. In the end, his new book was part of the goody bag. Looking through the book, I saw a nifty idea of holding a Bible with your flowers (one way is tucked inside the Bible, like a bookmark). I think I will steal this idea, especially since the first 'non-gift' fiance gave me was a little (maybe not so little) blue Bible (also covers the 'something blue' element). I think this look only works with a couple of flowers so I've got some thinking to do. I'm also trying to remember the first flowers that fiance gave me (we were walking past one of those flower stands and he tricked me by asking 'What kind of flowers do you think my mother would like?' and after he bought them, he gave them to me and I was kinda mad b/c we weren't really on a date). Anyway, the vintage dude was helpful b/c he said you can get stuff sewn into dresses by good tailors so that you don't necessarily need a special bra or other special undergarments. This is especially important b/c a camera flash will expose stuff underneath the white. He also said to skip the tiara (I guess b/c it's not a 'cool' vintage look) and then the hair guy afterwards said to definitely have a tiara, and a big one, haha. The hair guy was helpful also in saying it's better to have a 'soft' look, not with all that hairspray and stuff. That way you can also let down your hair for the reception and you've got another great look. This was a pretty interesting event to be at. They also passed yummy h'odeuvres (sp?) like a lobster paste in a phyllo dough shell, smoked salmon on brioche, asparagus wrapped in proscuitto, and two cakes. One was okay but the other was to die for: chocolate cake with strawberry mouse in between and whipped cream frosting with bits of toffee on top and caramelized sugar so that there were hints of creme brulee. The goody bag was also pretty cool: a light blue canvas bag stuffed with the flower book, a shampoo set from Umberto (and sold at Target), a Target silicone pad, a set of blue Post-Its, and a lip gloss compact from Sonia Kashuk, which is cool b/c on one side there is a slot to hold your ID and credit card.

On Saturday I went to Pinpoint Tailoring on the Upper East Side (it was raining, of course) where the woman was extremely helpful and encouraging. She showed how the bustle would be like (it would actually cover the rip), how the ripped strap would be pulled up, how she would sew in cups so that I wouldn't have to buy a special bra. She also assured me that the rip on the side would be covered up with beading that she'd remove from the train. All this for $425 she said. She was very friendly too. Since I was in the area, I also went to Madame Paulette, which seems to be a chain. The seamstresses that came out didn't seem to be that assuring (they pondered a bit and brought out someone else) but they came to the conclusion of using this lace that she had. It was the same color as the dress and she cut out two flowers out of it to match. It looked decent and she said they'd add some extra beading to make it fit in. In the end, she assured me that it wouldn't be a problem but it'd cost $650. I said that I'd have to think about it and she said it's fine but bring it back about 3 months before I need it. So I am feeling better about this darned dress....

That evening, we finally got one item completely done! Tai Pan Bakery is having a sale on their 'bing' ('cake', or 'cookie') cards. These cards are tucked into the invitations of the bride's side -- not sure why. We got 150 cards in total. It was freaky to have to withdraw that kind of money from the ATM, count it, then walk over and buy it. The woman selling it to us was very serious and set up everything for us step by step. She handled FFIL's questions without much conversation but with automated answers (ignoring his humor). After she counted out all the cards, she put everything on the counter for us to count. She was like a well-oiled machine, plopping down things very calculatedly, including a f'ugly digital watch as a gift for purchasing so many.

Despite completing this task, I'm starting to feel the pressure now. We still have a LOT to do and our available weekends are slowly being eaten up. With all the tips and ideas I garnered from the tailors and other experts this weekend, I've also been looking through a huge stack of magazines that a friend who recently got married gave me. So much to absorb and think about (so many great ideas to sift through!) I'm feeling quite overwhelmed. Some of the stuff we've started on but reading this new stuff is making me wonder if I should've done things differently. And I'm still wondering if we have an overarching theme or something that can help us narrow things down. And I think we need to start delegating tasks to ppl to prepare them to help us, but still have to come up with that list of tasks! Can I get an 'aiya!'?

Some questions answered

Thanks to my friend, who sent me some quotes from Rosemary Gong's Good Luck Life: The Essential Guide to Chinese American Celebrations and Culture, I see some reason to the madness.

The future bride's mother and father could receive money in red envelopes for "shoes" and "pants" respectively, because in Cantonese the word "shoes" is similar sounding to "harmony", and "pants" sounds like "fortune." The groom could also give unmarried older brothers or sisters of the bride "pants" or "skirt" money in red envelopes for marrying over their birth order.

Not to be forgotten, the groom receives gifts too: a pair of pants, a pair of shoes, a belt and a new wallet containing ninety-nine dollars, and the family's wedding gift of Chinese jewelry. The future bride will often send her fiancé a watch as part of the jewelry collection.

This confirms that it is NOT a suit but just a pair of pants (though I wonder if there are regional ancestral differences and what are Gong's sources). These explanations are interesting and the other parts sound good enough (I've never knew all this stuff) that I ordered a copy for myself and I can't wait to find out more. Sidenote: I got fiance a watch already. :)

And the significance of the number 9 (I always thought that the groom had to bribe the female guards that protect the bride on the wedding day with an amount with the number 9 in it because it made the number look bigger, like when things are $9.99 and you think it's not quite $10...):

Nine - connotes long life because of its similarity to the word for enduring. The Temple of Heaven in Beijing incorporates many nines in its design: The upper terrace of the altar is ninety feet tall: the platform of the temple has nine concentric circles of marble slabs. Even the marble balusters are in multiples of nine.
Doubling the digits, such as 5-5, 7-7, and 9-9, is considered good luck. Pairing the items doubles the fortune.

Sweeeet!

I've only briefly thought about cakes (it's probably too early anyway) but I remember when I saw this episode of Gilmore Girls, that I loved this cake that Sookie made for her wedding. It's so beautiful with the edible sugar flowers (this was the first time that I saw such realistic edible flowers). Unfortunately, sugar flowers are very expensive since they are handmade and I probably won't want a yellow cake so this is probably going to be filed in the 'nice, but not for me' category.
However, Sookie has made other cakes on the show. The one on the right, she made this past season for an upcoming wedding at the Inn. Though I don't care so much for the design (too square and modern), what the cake is made of sounds delish. She calls it her "dark chocolate s'mores wedding cake."

This cake at the left, was made for Lorelai and Max. Unfortunately, that didn't work out and Sookie had to scrap the whole cake (I don't remember if it showed her destroying it). This also may not be a good omen for our cake. But I noticed that this cake is very similar to the first pic (maybe they used the same form and just painted it?), even down to the tiger lilies.

Here's a cake (not made by Sookie) at the Gilmore vow renewal (see in the background; click picture for enlargement). I like this cake's simple design but what I really like is the cake topper -- an elegant silver monogram. I like how the big "G" is in the center, flanked by a smaller "E" (for Emily) and "R" (for Richard).
I am pretty sure that there were other cakes on the show but I have to find the pics.

So to share a little story about the cake hunt so far (not that we've really been looking). After a dinner one night in the Village, we strolled towards Veniero's for dessert. On our way there, the cakes in the corner shop down the street, Something Sweet, caught our eye. I had always wondered about this little bakery, especially since they are so close to Veniero's, how the competition must be difficult. In the window, we saw pretty little cakes (fake ones of course) and a sheet of paper advertising the prices for wedding cakes. We decided to go in. Fiance asked some questions about the cakes and the proprietor came out to discuss it with us. She was very nice and friendly, asking us about our wedding, when it is, how many people, etc. With so many people (this was back when the number was 300) she recommended that that we get a small tiered cake for show and then have sheet cakes made for the rest of the people (besides, she doesn't have the capacity to make a tiered cake big enough for that many people -- everything is made in that tiny little shop). She also told us about Chinese couples that she has dealt with, how you can have three layers or five layers, but not four (sounds like "death" in Cantonese). Since we're having a fall wedding, she said that she could make something with cranberry (her eyes lit up as she said this). Recently, she made a cranberry cake for someone. All of a sudden, she took out a tart and pushed it across the counter for us. She told us to take it. We couldn't and she said she knows how hard it is for young couples, so we should take it. We said that we wanted to buy something and even said that we don't really like tarts so that she wouldn't force it on us. So she offered something else. We tried to refuse so we said we'd buy something else. Somehow we got to talking again (she recommended French restaurants to try, some similar bakeries to check out). She also told us how she can make any filling, except cannoli because it's Italian and that's what Veniero's does. So drawing the conversation to a close, fiance said we'd buy some other stuff and get something for my mother. She seemed to agree -- we got a mango mousse, tiramisu mousse, and a chocolate cranberry tart. At one point she had also shoved a brownie bite across the counter, sticking it into a white paper bag for us and insisted we take it. We were about to pay as she was wrapping things up. Then a guy came in and was very dismayed to learn that we got the last mango mousse. When he walked out, she refused to take our money. The guy walked back in after consulting with his wife and ordered something else. The woman said "We don't take tips" so as to not give the other guy any ideas that she was giving stuff out for free. After more insisting (and after the guy paid and left) we resigned to taking this boxful of stuff. We felt so bad and left with a business card (but no price sheet b/c I think her prices are flexible). Good thing is also that she can make the cake with two weeks' notice (though we would probably tell her earlier to work out the details). Afterwards, since it was fairly early, we stopped by the Verrazano Bridge and enjoyed these pastries. We didn't have spoons for the mousse so at first we were licking it bit by bit. Then we decided to break the chocolate tart and use that to scoop up the mango goodness and that made it so much better! The cranberry really complements the chocolate well and mixed with the mango, it really made all the flavors that much more pronounced. So yummy!!!

Pants, suits, belt and other gifts

The ridiculousness continues.... A few months ago I was told that fiance and I need to buy my brother a suit. Why, you ask? Because I happen to be the younger sibling and I'm getting married before he is. Other people told me that it's actually a pair of pants and that the younger sibling is supposed to walk underneath them so as not to jinx the older, unmarried sibling (yes, another silly way that luck plays into this). Some said that this only applies to male siblings (which makes sense, because as the old saying goes, it's easier to marry off daughters than sons). I have yet to confirm which of these is correct. Pants would not be so bad but an entire suit! I was incensed (still am, I think) that I was being punished for being more attractive (hahaha, had to throw that one in there) and getting married first. Besides, shouldn't the older sibling always take care of the younger one?

Then a few days ago, my mother tells me that she needs to buy fiance a pair of pants, a belt, and a wallet. This odd assortment of stuff all have a reason behind them but she could only remember that the wallet signifies for him to be prosperous (not sure if that entails saving money but I think that's what she said). So as it stands, this request needs to be fulfilled with just the reason of "because that's what other ppl are doing." (Don't adults teach kids that peer pressure is bad?) Like the other odd request, she heard about this from someone else who heard about it from someone else (yes, if she was a recluse and didn't hear any of these stupid old wives' tales, aka a form of twisted gossip, I wouldn't be suffering this much!).

EDIT: see Some questions answered for some updated info

Christmas

So Christmas has come and gone without much fanfare. I did get to thinking though, what's going to happen next year? We'll be our own family and it will be difficult to decide which side of the family to spend it with. As with Thanksgiving, where I hardly saw fiance because I wanted to be with my family, it was difficult to balance. It is a bit lopsided because my family never does anything (and when they do, it's last minute and plans have already been made) and I guess it's partially my fault because I don't take the initiative to do anything. But because Christmas was on a Sunday this year, we didn't go over to the FILs' until Sunday afternoon, after service so it was about 50/50.

The other thing I thought about was something a co-worker once suggested: getting Christmas ornaments that represent us by telling a story, like each ornament having a special meaning. For instance, she says that she picks up an ornament everywhere she travels to and that would've been a good tradition to start with in Japan (though I'm not sure anyplace would be selling Christmas paraphernalia in March). Oh well, we'll start with our honeymoon. :)

Oh, and as an addendum to the previous post, it's great to know there are so many supportive ppl out there. Aside from the ppl offering help in unexpected ways, ppl have also lent/given me books and magazines. So helpful -- I am so grateful!!

How it all began

It occurred to me that I should add the proposal story and I'm sure it'd be good to hear something positive, before the headaches began.
It was the day before my birthday, a Friday evening. He had made sure to plan events for the day before so as not to dwarf the idea of one over the other (though I quickly soon forgot about my birthday). As my usual routine on summer Fridays is to complete some of my work at his place, we rushed to get to a computer. I noticed that there were 2 olive green boxes with a band around them on his desk and he said that it was my birthday present. He presented the long flat one to me and I opened it. I was less than satisfied with the thing (something that I really don't need and I wouldn't use at work because it would project a snooty look). I asked him what the other box was and he said he got something for himself too. I rolled my eyes and proceeded to concentrate on my work while he went to watch the evening news. When I was done with my work, I joined him. I was in a bit of a sour mood because it was difficult for me to do my work with the TV blaring in the background and his computer is a bit slow. Anwyay, I think the news was over by then and we were watching FoodTV. I wondered if we had to get going to make it to the restaurant in time for the reservation he had made (not that the place really needed it). He then said he got me something else. When he came back with the other box, I sorta knew what was coming. EDIT: I forgot he said he got me something else b/c he loves me. So I could not resist but to ask, "So you got me the other thing b/c you don't love me?" Hehehe. He said, no, that was for my birthday. I opened the box and inside the olive box was a red, leather, heart-shaped box with the word "Love" on it. I opened that and inside it was the opened box with the ring. I was speechless. By then the sun was setting so it was hard to see everything. I could tell that it was at least not the yellow gold (which I hate). He then asked me to be "Mrs. Dear" and I said "Of course." When I put it on, I felt my finger throb because I never wear jewelry and I think because it is a tad bit tight (which I think is good because I'd be so afraid that it would slip off unnoticed). Or maybe it was my heart beating with glee! :) So he told me we should go tell his parents. When we did, I didn't say anything (not like he did either) I just showed them my finger. We weren't sure which hand to put it on and his mother was no help. At first she said left, then she said right, then she said to look at other recently engaged people (she says that she wears it on both hands, alternating when she wants). I think I ended up leaving it on my right hand for a while until Sunday. We then went to dinner (it was pretty late by then since it was far and we had to look for a long while for parking). Throughout the past week he had asked me where I'd like to go to celebrate my birthday and I had read a delicious review about a Moroccan (I think it was Moroccan) place in Astoria with the best squid in the City and delectable grilled fish and various tagines. Because of our unfamiliarity with the area (and his incorrect belief that that neighborhood is not safe), he had to plan the proposal to be before the restaurant lest we get mugged or something.

After the dinner, on the way to my house, we had to figure out how to tell my parents. He insisted on asking them for permission even though it was already too late because I had said yes and I rarely listen to them anyway. :P But in any case, we had to wait for my father to come home around midnight and that week my mother was home on vacation (otherwise she'd be at work already). So we waited in his car by the bridge where he proceeded to call his cousins (he had gotten advice from them on diamonds and such; one of them had showed him a cubic zirconia because I had said I wanted a fake one since it's a lot of money to waste on a stupid piece of jewelry that you wear for a short time -- I still sort of believe in this). Lastly, he called his brother and left a message saying that he had a new sister. :D His brother then called him back and congratulated him. By then it was late enough and we went to my house. My mother was about to sleep but I went upstairs and told her that she should go downstairs because he was downstairs. She was reluctant because she had taken her dentures out but I convinced her to put them back in. Throughout this time, I didn't want her to see the ring on my finger and kinda avoided her. So after a brief small talk session, he asked her for permission to marry me. It completely took her by surprise and she didn't know what to say except, "I don't know" (like mother, like daughter). He was then like, "OKaaaayyyy...." After a very awkward silence, I think he asked her again in a different form and she said "Dunno, if she wants to.... Up to her...." And I said yeah, I already said yes and showed her the ring. She said it was very nice. (At one point throughout this I am told that she began to tear up but I didn't notice.) Then my father came home and broke all the awkwardness (thank God!). This time he asked my father for permission and my father said of course. They also briefly discussed my birthday dinner the next night (which was set up maybe 2 days before) where the 2 sets of parents met for the first night. So ended all the awkwardness for that night.

On Sunday, we told a select few ppl at church (one of his friends he just showed my hand to -- I think he recognized how effective it was to use this method). At first we didn't say anything but I think a few ppl saw the new shiny thing on my finger. One person noticed it and didn't say anything to me but whispered to the person next to him. They talked amongst themselves then walked out the room with a bunch of other ppl following them. That's when we told a girl who gave a big reaction, letting the whole room know. At first she didn't get the mouthing of the words and it was kinda comical so we eventually did the hand show. Surprisingly, everyone came over and started asking questions, congratulating us. It's just interesting how word gets around b/c later that afternoon, someone who wasn't there sent us an e-card congratulating us. I was also surprised to get two cards in the mail in the upcoming weeks.

After telling friends throughout the weekend, I wanted to tell my boss first on Monday. Of course he didn't come in and a co-worker in the next cube who often asked about potential wedding plans was on vacation that week. Another co-worker was also out that week. So I didn't say anything (it's not natural for me to share personal things at work), waiting for someone to see it and to break the ice. That didn't happen until Wednesday, I think, when a bunch of us were sitting in a meeting waiting for a new vendor to set up their stuff. My boss had just come back to the office and I didn't want to disturb him since he was catching up with a lot of stuff that morning. Then a person in another department said to me (quite loudly) "Dude, did you get engaged?!" I said yes and after all the gushing (even from the vendors, which was very odd), everyone started to know. After the meeting, my boss came over and asked for specifics and by then that side of the office heard and walked over to hear the story ("it was all very romantic, it happened while watching TV..."). Then later that week, my neighboring co-worker called her friend in the office to make sure things were OK at work and found out about it so she prompted me to go over to her desk and talk to her. She couldn't believe that she missed it. :) Weeks after, my boss still brought it up. Because another co-worker also recently got engaged (back in April), my boss even told this to strangers that we were on conference calls with. One instance, to pass some time while more ppl signed on, he said, Well some good news -- K & R are engaged! And we both had to instantly jump in and say "Not to each other!!" :D

A few ppl emailed me about how it happened and that was pretty much the conversation piece that ppl would bring up with me as small talk for the next few weeks so I got pretty tired of telling the story. I should've put this up sooner! Now that question is replaced with wedding-related questions like "Have you set a date?" (like the ex-co-worker who is also engaged said, Do people really expect you to have picked a date a few days after the engagement, as if the question the guy really asked was 'Will you marry me on April xxx?' instead of the usual 'Will you marry me?') or "Did you find a dress yet?" A few ppl asked how long we've been dating (6 years) and the reaction would either be "Finally!" (for those who've known us for that long) or "Wow, that's a long time!" (as in that's great that you've known each other for so long). Also interesting that when we were at a friend's wedding everyone asked "Taking notes?" It's good to know that so many ppl care to ask. :)

Another weird dream

It started with me hearing a male voice outside my room answering two girls who asked "Where did she get the dress?" And the male answered "Vera Wang." Then the two girls come in and ask me if I need alterations done. I think this was asked in Chinese and I had to think for a minute how 'alterations' is said in Chinese. I played dumb and asked "For what?" But somehow I ended up modeling the dress for them, showing the problems. After I was done describing how I envisioned fixing the first one, one of the girls said it will be expensive. Then I showed the other problems and I asked them how much everything would be. They seemed eager for me to commit to letting them fix it but I wanted to see their other work. In the end I put my regular clothes back on and told them I'd consider it (though they still hadn't given me a price quote). For some reason I was all sweaty at the end of all this (is that TMI?! not that any of this is real). I hung the dress up and thought, oh what a perfect time to take more pictures for the blog. But that never happened, so I don't have anything to post. :)

450!

I know, enough about the dress already! So, next topic. The other day, after a 3-month hiatus, we hammered out the guest list with FFIL. We had started back in the summer and back then I was so pissed! I knew that he would want to invite this insufferable woman from church, who is all talk and fake show. And if she's not invited, there would be terrible consequences for that side of the family b/c the church has nothing better to do than to backstab, choose favorites, and gossip. The worst part about inviting this attention-whore is that I've heard that she won't give a gift. Not only is that rude (how could you even think to show up empty-handed to a party?!), but I think that's just class-less. So we would basically be buying her a fancy 10-course dinner, because a young couple can afford to throw thousands of dollars around. Anyway, this time around I was more mellow (I'm sticking ppl like her on the last table, in the corner and I'd give them a different menu if I could) though it drove me bonkers to sit there while FFIL rattled off a Chinese name of some distant 'relative' and then fiance would try to phonetically type it into his spreadsheet. It didn't help that some of these names were already in the spreadsheet so we had to decipher things like 'Koo' which FFIL didn't understand b/c it was said with the wrong tone. To make it extra difficult, fiance doesn't know these ppl b/c they are 'related' in such ways as "we have the same name," "we're from the same village," (not to be confused with "we're from the same province"), and my personal favorite, "she is the daughter of the son-in-law of your grandmother's cousin." In the end, it was decided to purge these mysteriously related folks and have FFIL input them on his own using Chinese Word, since we really don't need to know who these ppl are. (They'll show up with 3 extra uninvited family members, give a $20 gift, and wear white tube socks.) Aside from this hodgepodge of 'relatives' FFIL also wants to invite all his workers, all the members of every committee in church (regardless of whether or not he likes or respects them), and even someone known as Dragonlady b/c she invited them for her daughters' wedding, yet he may not invite someone who is on a current committee if they are not invited for his daughter's wedding in May. At least there was someone whose name sounded like a Chinese curse (the '8th grandma' one), which kept me amused and giggling on the sly. All told, with fiance's huge amount of relatives (both true and who knows what), plus my family (crazies and all), and our friends, the number stands at 450. I think there will be more ppl there that I don't know than ppl that I do know, and I think friends and ppl that I actually want there will be a minority. Hmmm... sounds like it's a party for FFIL, doesn't it? My hope is that for our 10 year anniversary we'll actually do something that we want (and maybe that will mean an extended vacation far far away, the destination wedding that I've always wanted). I'm also hoping that all 450 ppl won't show up, though the idea of sending out all those invites is still daunting. But I'm pretty sure that there will be 2 versions of invites, one strictly in Chinese (probably of the cheap, mass-produced, Raid-smelling kind), and the handcrafted one.