A tisket, a tasket

I was thinking of using a birdcage to hold the gifts and cards that ppl bring to the reception so I urged fiance to find one while we were at a rummage sale in NJ back in May (I was busy pillaging the jewelry section in hopes of finding something for the wedding, to no avail). Not knowing what kind of birdcage to get, he radioed me that there were only huge ones, mostly ugly. I later learned that he was looking at real, functional birdcages, like the rectangular ones used in pet stores, not anywhere near decorative. Thank goodness he didn't get one of those. Instead, he bought this cute wicker basket for $3. Today I finally decided to cut a slot into the top and finish it off with a few sprigs of the leftover silk hydrangeas and a leaf or two.
All that remains is to secure it shut at the closures by either using plastic ties or some kind of wire.

Note, if you ever want to do this, I recommend using some sort of serrated blade to cut through the wicker. At first I used a box cutter, jig saw, and then some all-purpose serrated knife that my brother once bought on a whim. I thought that the weave of the basket would be compromised once I removed a few of the slats but it seems like they glued it at each intersection so it's still stable.

Paper progress

I am babysitting the printer as our 250 RSVP envelopes go through. I have to refill the bypass tray every 25. It is surprisingly unboring (evidenced by the fact that I am blogging while fiance is unable to entertain me!). The hardest part is stuffing the envelopes back into the boxes that they came in (we need to sorta flatten them out b/c running through the printer curls them up a bit). I've already messed up one envelope by stuffing it incorrectly. Oh well, that one will go to someone I don't like. :P

Today has been a somewhat productive day. I finished cutting all the invites, started to glue them to the pocket folds and experimented with gluing the ribbon and creating the pendant for the front, which will (hopefully) be stamped and embossed. This mumble-jumble may not make sense to many ppl, but you'll soon see. I have to tout my achievements somehow. And now, all the RSVP envelopes are printed!

DOH!

It is freakishly dark outside -- what a perfect environment to explain the recent goings-on. Unfortunately, at the last wedding that I attended, a whole bunch of ppl got really sick (not me, fiance, or my BM though). Supposedly the ppl were visiting the porcelain goddess for days, for things coming out both ends. At first, everyone thought it was food poisoning but that theory stopped making sense when family members of those who got sick (who were not at the wedding) got sick also. So I think it was something viral passed on by some unscrupulous individual (perhaps waitstaff?). Then, fiance's grandmother got sick too. We don't know if it's related or not (a few of his aunts and uncles were inflicted too and they visit her weekly) but her doctor said that something is going around b/c there have been a lot of cases recently. Then FMIL (more on her later) told us that there have been reports in the Chinese newspaper (but how reliable is that?!) of outbreaks throughout the Ctown area, supposedly b/c of a bad distributor of food. Whatever the reason, the Department of Health was contacted and started calling everyone who was at the wedding. I was completely caught off guard b/c they called me on a Sunday and I hadn't given anyone my contact information. I wonder if they've come to any significant conclusion yet b/c I'd really like to know what happened, especially since I ate everything on the menu (and it was good!). Other than this minor incident, the wedding was fabulous!

So, because our banquet is at the same place that this wedding took place at, ppl (mostly FMIL and a few random ppl who are lucky to even be invited b/c if I had my way, they wouldn't be) were trying to convince us to change the location. These insane ppl think that we can just drop everything and find a new place in three months?! Never mind that I printed all the friggin' invitations already!! And I really don't think this was something isolated to the restaurant so any other place that we choose could have the same consequences. Besides, the restaurant is supposed to undergo renovations in August (please fix the bathrooms, I beg!!) and if there is something wrong w/ the restaurant, hopefully the health department will have taken care of it by then. There's nothing we can do and this extra stress I can really do without. But one thing I will do is provide hand-sanitizer in the bathrooms (maybe at each table? maybe as the favor?). Maybe Lysol too. haha(?)

Congratulations J & S!

As I blogged about before, I went to a friend's wedding 2 weeks ago. I was supposedly an usher but I really was useless most of the time b/c the other usher (my BM, I'm so thinking of elevating her to MOH which I had always intended but not sure how that would work w/ no best man) did EVERYTHING. She gave the limo driver exact directions from the church to the restaurant as we hit traffic or construction at every turn, she picked out almost everyone's escort card b/c none of us could read Chinese, she got there way early to prepare for the ceremony, she helped me fix my Slutsky McSlut dress, she guarded the gifts, she reminded everyone to sign in on both the cloth and to write a message on the little origami squares (and she did it in both English and Chinese). So I was just standing next to her like her b*tch :D, without much stress.

Anyway, the bride was gorgeous in a custom designed strapless gown with ruched details on the skirt and this very unique champagne-colored detail with beads going diagonally across the bodice. During the banquet, she changed into a maroon-colored velvety qipao during the table toasting and a gold halter dress during the cake cutting. Each time, her hair decorations were slightly changed to match the new dress.

The bride, a graphic/web designer by profession, designed really nice ceremony programs with cherry blossoms. She also totally outdid herself by tying ribbons and miniature silk roses onto each bubble container. And the last detail that I enjoyed were the fortune cookie favors. Each customized cookie was dipped in chocolate and decorated with a heart in the corner. The cookies were packaged in mini plastic takeout boxes, tied with a ribbon, and closed with a personalized sticker with their names and wedding date. I'm not usually a fan of fortune cookies, but these were surprisingly good (probably b/c of the chocolate!).

The banquet food was also surprisingly good -- the fish was not overcooked as it usually is, the chicken was cooked perfectly juicy and with very crispy skin, the shark fin soup had good chunky pieces, the vegetarian noodles that I usually find mushy and bland were not, and my favorite course, the cold cut appetizer had a very good and unique tiny octopus. There was also a bottle of Veuve Clicquot champagne on every table, which we didn't touch, but I'm sure was good.

Here's a pic of the happy couple framed by a BM's flowers and someone's shoulder (I'm just too short to get a good view!) with the best man standing by their side.
Congratulations again J & S! (I don't exactly have their permission to post their pic but I will gladly take it down if anyone wants me to.)

Wedding rings

I came across a picture of a Niwaka ring and I had to investigate their site. I like how their rings are different from the ordinary plain bands out there (I still feel like diamonds would be too much bling) but I wonder how the curves would look next to the e-ring. I also wonder if a jeweler can replicate a similar look. These are some that I liked.



Gotta love the Japanese!

Very Vera

This past Saturday I went to the Vera Wang sample sale again. No, I do not enjoy putting myself through this kind of torture, but for a myriad of complicated reasons, I had to go. This time it was not as bad as the one in December, probably b/c there was less hype about it (not mentioned anywhere -- I had to call them to find out) and probably b/c by this time, most weddings have already happened for the year or it's too late to find a dress unless you're getting married towards the very end of the year. For whatever reason, it was great b/c when we got there at 5:40 or so, there were only a few (maybe 20) ppl in front of us. Last time we showed up at 6:30 and the line had already snaked past half the room. This time, 7:00 rolled around and the line barely reached the same point we were waiting at last time at 9:30 (doors open at 8 and they incrementally let groups of 20-30 ppl in so you move along very slowly). We made the time go by faster by creating our version of Scattergories using the paper that they hand out listing the rules. We also brought breakfast to stave off the hunger. If not for the hard floor, it'd be quite enjoyable hanging out with friends and playing games.

We were the second group to be let in and with less ppl rushing around, it was a better shopping experience too. I think a lot of the gowns were in a lot better shape also. I was so tempted to try on more dresses (there were so many pretty ones). My friend, after trying on 3 dresses, decided to buy this gorgeous one with spaghetti straps and delicate flowers and silver embroidery. (She didn't want beads or anything complicated and tried on this one dress on a whim and this was her first gown shopping experience.) It was her size and in pristine condition -- a perfect find! My shopping experience was alright too. I found the last BM's dress and my mother also found a strapless brown dress (the cloth is a bit shimmery).

Despite the full page of rules that they give out (only 3 dresses per party, only 20 minutes in the dressing area, etc.), they are quite accomodating. They provide chairs by the door for "the men" who wait as the women look, they allow you to bring food and drinks in as long as you clean up and empty out the liquids by 9am, you can bring your folding chairs and towels to sit on, and you can have one person wait and the rest of the group join you in the same place on line. And best of all, my mother was 10 minutes late (she works nearby and gets off work at 8:30) and they let her come in and join me (I was already inside by then).

And we were done by 10:30am or so, when stores were just starting to open for the day. It was very surreal b/c it felt like it should be noon already -- I was so tired (still am)!!

Wedding websites

There are definite pros and cons to the free wedding websites out there (if only they could combine to have the good of all of them). After countless hours of trying out a few of them, I think I'm ready to publicize the use of WeddingChannel.com's. The direct link is myNameandfirst3lettersofFiance'sName.weddings.com. What I liked about WeddingChannel's sites is their connection to charitable giving -- every gift bought through their site results in a donation to a charity, in our case, Habitat for Humanity International (they didn't have the American Lung Association available). This is similar to the I Do Foundation's site which we also have an account for but IDF is not very user-friendly (even more so than WC). So I put a little note on our WeddingChannel site about our IDF site b/c they do donate to the Lung Association. Unfortunately, WC must've realized that ppl are using that space to publicize another site so some of the information is cut off. grrr...

I had also tried out the Knot's free websites, which is probably most user-friendly of all but I didn't like the limitations for the registry information (there's no space to put information about the charitable stuff). And WC's sites also provide a friendly URL redirect so that it's easier to remember.

DIY flowers

I think it's a sign -- in the past two days I've unintentionally come across 2 separate sources of information about DIY wedding flowers. On the HGTV website, there is a video on making boutonnieres, corsages, hand-tied bouquets, and a round bouquet (using a foam holder). The boutonnieres look very manageable and I will definitely try to DIY those. The hand-tied bouqet of callas also looks very elegant and manageable and the Pick a Petal site gives me even more hope. I should probably practice beforehand though.

According to HGTV, you can make the arrangements a day, to day and a half in advance. You just have to keep the flowers in a cool place (no need to refrigerate) so this is definitely do-able. I just wonder whether I should get the flowers from the Flower District or order them online....

Project-managing the wedding

I attended a project management seminar today at work and instead of thinking about how it would apply to my job, I thought of ways to apply it for my wedding. :) I learned to set realistic daily/weekly goals so that you don't feel overwhelmed (if you don't accomplish a task it will stay in your subconscious, stressing you out; so it's best to set goals you can reach). In order to start anew without the lingering undone tasks is to do a 'data dump' where you make a gigantic master to-do list and then break that down. One practical way that the speaker gave to carry this out is to write out every task you can think of on Post-Its. Then you arrange them on a board or wall; the beauty of the Post-Its is that it can be rearranged multiple times so that you can really figure out what needs to be done first, whether things can be done simulataneously, which tasks rely on others to be done first, etc. Then when you accomplish something, you can put it on a separate board to tout your achievements (which should motivate you). I also learned about prioritizing goals ("A" being must be done, "B" should be done, "C" nice to be done). So, I used up a whole pad of Post-Its to put down all the stuff that needs to be done, highlighting them according to priority, and stuck them in some semblance of organization on my wall. Of course, after I snapped the picture, more tasks popped into my head so the wall is even more crowded now. (And this picture doesn't include the bottom part of the list, which was cut off b/c it just didn't fit.)

Another important point I learned is that perfection can actually be detrimental -- it causes you to hold up processes trying to fix minutiae or fear starting things b/c it's so daunting. The huge point that hit me was "It's better done than perfect" b/c perfection is impossible. It was discussed how you can achieve excellence but not perfection but it's a difficult thing to digest b/c we're brought up to try to be perfect (especially Asian children). So, in regards to wedding planning -- don't try to be perfect, especially with all those details, it's just gotta get done!

Unfortunately, I think one of the ways I waste time from the project at hand is blogging... but perhaps I will use it as a reward for when I accomplish tasks?

The old toilet flusher

I'm going to a friend's wedding this Saturday and I'm going to be an usher! This is probably the biggest role I've ever played in a wedding before (never been a BM nor a flower girl, though I've always wanted to do both). Over the years, I've mainly been a guest, which I have to say, is quite enjoyable. A few times I helped out setting up/serving at the casual reception after the ceremony and even such a minor role was stressful. But besides being able to help out a friend and to being close to the 'frontlines', I'm pretty psyched to do this. I'm so excited and happy for this friend and to see her get married. I think our relationships/lives have taken somewhat parallel paths: she started dating her fiance about a year before I started dating mine, our fiances have the same first name, all four of us used to work in the same area (my friend and I worked in the same building while our fiances work about ten blocks away, within a block of each other), our birthdays are within days of each other, we got engaged in the same year, and now we're getting married in the same year. The other day when I thought about her upcoming wedding, I got really nervous -- for her (it's just a few days away!) and for myself (it's getting really close and in just a few months I'll be feeling the same butterflies, but for me -- gulp!). And as those emails from the WeddingChannel and the Knot keep pointing out, I only have a few months left! And yet so much to do!! More things to do:

In the immediate future (next 2 weeks):

• Finish map/directions & print them out
• Make veil
• Finalize cake design/flavors
• Assemble invites

Farther down the line:

• Makeup
• Decide on flowers
• Decide on decorations
  
• Decide on honeymoon
• Make/decide on favors
• Scout photo locations
• List must-take photos
• Compile songs to be played at ceremony and throughout banquet
• Make menu holder/table numbers?
• Get shoes for qi pao
• Get alcohol
  

The making of a veil, part I

This past Friday, I trekked through torrential downpours and drizzly mists, splashing through the streams and puddles of the Fashion District in search of some tulle and veil supplies. I got so wet, even with my umbrella shielding me from above. I'm not sure if it was wise to wear my platform flip flops that day b/c the lack of traction on the bottom led to some pretty scary slips (interesting how some of NYC's sidewalks are a lot more slick than others) but I think if I had been wearing sneakers, my shoes, socks, and feet would've been soaked, leading to many hours of discomfort after the first drenching (as opposed to the constant wet and dry cycle, which is a pretty gross feeling too).

I decided to take the train to 34th Street-Herald Square and walk up and across to end somewhere around 40th and 8th. My first stop was Toho Sohji, a Japanese place that sells all kinds of stuff to make jewelry, from beads to charms to feathers. I was looking for a 3" metal hair comb b/c I've heard those hold in your hair better than the plastic ones. Toho had various sizes and they also had the plain metal bands that are used to make tiaras, inspiring me to create one, if I can find the perfect design. I foolishly decided not to buy the haircomb, thinking that I'd comparison shop. When the rain let up a little, I walked up the block to M&J Trimming. They have nice lace, flowers, and ribbon all neatly displayed (as I blogged about before) but no 3" hair combs. The person helping me even told me to try Toho, but I had one other place to try so I didn't go back.

The next closest stop was B&J Fabrics, which is located in an office building, on the second floor. It's a huge, brightly lit space with lots of ppl milling about. I stopped at the front to put my umbrella in a bag and asked whether or not they had natural sparkle tulle. The guy had no idea what I meant by "natural" and I explained that I wanted something that wasn't white, not ivory, but something in between. He said it'd be best if I had a sample but all I could offer was the sample I pictured in my brain (note: not helpful to anyone). He did point me to the general area of the tulle, where I found large swatches of fancy embroidered selections (in various colors) hanging on rods, like the clearance section in the back of Old Navy. Then I saw a bin of bolts of tulle, ranging from whites to bright colors like yellow, pink, and teal. I picked up a small roll of dirty-looking tulle wrapped in brown paper (not really dirty, but that's what off-white looks like compared to bright white -- the color of my dress). I had no idea how much this was and when I walked towards the middle, a person at one of the wide tables told me the price and cut me 4 yards of the stuff. He wrote out the 'bill', rolled up the tulle and put it into a clear plastic bag. All this happened so fast, I felt quite idiotic that: 1) I forgot to look up how much material to buy for a floor-length veil and ended up asking the guy, who I think, misled me by saying 4 yards was good (I think I need less), 2) I forgot to ask whether this really was sparkle tulle or regular tulle (I have no idea what the difference is but I was told to get the sparkle variety by an acquaintance who has experience in such matters), and 3) I forgot that I had one other fabric place to check out before making a decision. And I could've sworn that the guy quoted me $1.95 a yard but when I went up front to pay, it turned out to be $2.95 a yard. Oh well. At least I was able to pay with cc and there was no tax.

My final stop was to be Daytona Trimmings, 251 W. 39th St., between 7th and 8th. Despite the good reviews that I've read of this place, I was a bit disappointed. Not only did they not have any hair combs but they were less than helpful (2 workers stood around chatting while I tried to ask them a question). The store is a bit dingy-looking too but the reviews of it are good enough that I would go back if I ever needed some trim. And if I hadn't found the tulle at B&J, I would've gone to Rosen and Chadick on 40th St., by 7th.

Today I unwrapped my tulle and hung it up in my closet so that gravity could take care of some of the wrinkles (hopefully). When the tulle is laid out and fluffed, it looks so nice and dreamy. :) Anyway, I just have to get the hair comb from Toho and then I can begin construction. Hopefully these sites will be helpful:

• http://www.wegotgame.net/jen/veils.html


• http://www.theknot.com/co_profileview.htm?profilename=veil_bio


• http://www.michaels.com/art/online/static?page=ihts_veil
  

And some general veil info (can someone please do a Knot Bio on tiaras/headpieces?!):

• TheVeilBio
  
• Another Veil Bio
  

I also came across these sites for craft resources in NYC (fabrics, yarn, etc.) which will be useful once I'm done w/ this wedding stuff and can do other crafts:

• http://disdressed.blogspot.com/2006/05/new-york-crafters-resources.html
• http://sewing.patternreview.com/cgi-bin/article.pl?id=110805

And just a mini-aside/update from all this veil talk.... After a crazy commute to Brooklyn after the already crazy and wet day (a lot of trains had issues b/c of the heavy and sudden downpours so the buses were packed and I ended up walking in the rain from Wall Street to Ctown, where fiance had parked his car), we checked out an apartment. Not sure if we like it enough to put in a bid but it is definitely coming down to the wire and we need a place to live!

Colors revisited

ColorBlender.com calculated the above blend of colors when I inputted a close approximation of the red that I'd like to use. I like the orange (and I did use the light gray for something) but I wish that I could see complementary colors (opposite colors on the color wheel) too. For example, I think complementary colors would help me get an idea of what color flowers would look nice on the cake. There will definitely be red on the cake (in a wide band on the bottom and maybe in a double happiness symbol on the top tier) but I want some flowers scattered throughout and I can't decide what color they should be. Narrowing down the color would also help in choosing the type of flower (baker needs to know relatively soon in order to order the right molds, if necessary). I want an elegant look (not playful) but not many flowers fall into the categories above.

But ColorBlender.com has definitely been helpful (it confirms some of my color choices) and I owe its discovery to the China Bridal message boards. The boards are my new obsession! I've never been a fan of the other boards but CB is actually helpful, especially with all those crazy/stupid Chinese traditions. And a lot of the ppl are going through the same stuff so I've found a lot of answers.

Wedding rings, first look

To continue recapping my weekend.... On Saturday we checked out some wedding bands. As usual, fiance had no opinions about what we should get but had plenty of wisecracks about how having a tattoo would be easier or if he went and got a hexnut from Home Depot it'd make no difference to him. I'm sure the jeweler, whose profession was being mocked, was not amused. Neither was I b/c I have no idea what I want either. I can't decide whether to get one with a row of little diamonds or to just get a plain band. Some ppl tell me when you have kids you don't want to wear your e-ring b/c it gets in the way but you'd still like some diamonds so a wedding band with little diamonds would be ideal. However, I'm not crazy about the gap between the e-ring and the band when they're worn together. The jeweler did say that she could make one with a notch in it so that it fits together but of course you can't wear that alone b/c it'd look weird. And I am a kinda plain girl, so I don't mind the plain band but diamonds are pretty....

Two that I saw that I liked: a plain band with two lines etched into it near the top and bottom edges, and a thin band with a row of very little diamonds on the front (not all around). We were in a bit of a rush so I didn't get to follow up with more questions or browsing so we'll have to pay another visit, hopefully when I have a better idea. I'd have to say, though, that when I put on the bands with the e-ring, even though they may not have matched and probably were not the right size, I felt like they fit and things felt complete. Weird, corny and probably silly, but so be it.

I was also thinking of getting a set of pearls to go with the white dress for a classic look but not sure if she carries them.

Minister meeting

Busy weekend. Met with officiant, baker, and DJ. Also (finally!) picked up my evening gown from the tailor. (Un)fortunately, most of these meetings were not what I expected. I thought that the meeting with the minister would be boring but she was actually very nice and accomodating, open to lots of ideas. This being a Christian ceremony, she explained how she really wants us (and our guests) to understand how this is a celebration of our love for God. We will have two premarital counseling sessions (one fairly close to the day of to hammer out the ceremony details and one at least a week before the second meeting to really get to know her, her thoughts on marriage and for her to get to know us). She said that it's important to get to know her b/c we'll be sharing some "intimate" info, I think she said. But what struck me was that I was reminded that this will actually be a very intimate act between us and God. As a very private person, I always found the idea of being "on display" for a day daunting and uncomfortable but to see it as very intimate really changes my perspective. And throughout this planning process, I really lost sight of the role that God plays. It is after all God that brought us together and I believe with God as our center that he will hold us together. And now I feel better about everything b/c even though a million things may go wrong on that day, none of it will matter.

OTHER WAYS THAT REV. C ROCKS

• Rev. C was also very understanding about how some of our relatives may not necessarily understand English so she suggested incorporating bits of Chinese here and there (like perhaps saying a line in Chinese during the vows part or during the ring exchange) but not to necessarily translate the entire service (though we could since it will only be about 20 minutes long). She also reassured me about the importance of including my non-Christian family (she's done a lot of work with couples with different faith backgrounds; she even asked if I wanted to incorporate some Buddhist stuff since that is what my parents sort of raised me with, to which I promptly said no since I am not Buddhist in any way). And I really appreciated how she went through a sample order that we can follow (doctoring parts here and there to personalize it, of course), including how we'll sign the marriage license thing with the witnesses and everything during the rehearsal the night before (but she won't sign it until it's official the following day) so that there won't be this weird spot during the ceremony where we stop to fill out paperwork and stuff. She also read us parts of prayers that were really beautiful, so beautiful that I want to share it but I know that I'll butcher it by paraphrasing so I won't even try.
• Rev. C also pointed out that when picking out the readings, we should consider the tried and true stuff like 1 Cor. 13 (the one with the love is patient, love is kind, etc.) without being concerned that our guests may find this repetitive b/c it is actually very different when you're hearing it at your own wedding. She also said it was OK to have non-Biblical readings but that there must be at least one New Testament passage.
  
• Rev. C's daughter is also engaged so aside from all her experience doing weddings, it is good to hear her perspective about being on the other side (though I'm pretty sure she's officiating at her daughter's wedding).
• Rev. C stressed the importance of counseling during marriage. She said that studies have shown that premarital counseling often doesn't do much -- the key is to get counseling if you need it when problems arise b/c ppl often wait until it's too late. I think she said she'd give us something to recognize the signs. She is a former social worker so she's had experience counseling ppl for many, many years. Maybe that's why it was so easy/comforting to talk to her.
  

One thing I forgot to bring up was her fee. I'm sure it's reasonable but just for info's sake. Wow I didn't think I'd go into all this detail about just one of the meetings but I guess I'm so excited/relieved/happy about it all. And I'm really too tired to go into the mediocre (and worse) meetings right now.

Cakes

Despite my funk, I do look forward to the decisions about the cake and these pictures make me happy.

I love the different textures of each layer (above) and the monogram on the second tier. Instead of the monogram, though, I think I'd like it to be a double happiness character in red. And instead of a flower topper, I can't decide whether or not to do a red gumpaste ribbon, with it draped down the sides, like below.


Similar look but with a real ribbon:


These flowers also add a gorgeous texture (but are they considered white flowers and hence, bad?)


A different combination of a ribbon and flower texture look.


A different ribbon look to incorporate some color (not crazy about the daisies though).


Other textures/background flowers I like:

In a funk

I can't wait to start my "new life" with my Dear (I know, such a cliche) but really, I cannot wait. Mostly I cannot wait for this process to be over. No more surfing the web incessantly to find unique ideas that I can incorporate, then to actually weed out the fluff that I will never use (b/c of cost, time, or laziness), and to finally do/make what I decide on. (I hate making decisions and all this planning has really made that obvious!!) No more growing out the hair, trying to get my skin in shape, taking care of the nails and getting used to having them long, etc. -- in other words, I want to go back to my sloppy, low-maintenance self. No more looking for vendors (this has begun already b/c I am so tired of looking for the right person to do makeup, flowers, or DJ). And I can unsubscribe from all those wedding-related emails that provide mostly useless information but tease me with good content once in a while. No more arguing about what's 'best' (b/c no matter what I do, there is discussion, suggestions, etc. all of which do not help me) and then trying to defend my decisions (it's hard enough to come to a decision and then to have to change it to accomodate who the wedding is really for, b/c it's really NOT about the couple). What's worse is that I am having doubts about all the decisions that I've made already, like the restaurant, photographer, and dresses. Sigh....

Still left to do:
- hair and makeup
- find accessories (jewelry, veil)
- get shoes for red dress
- get comfortable insoles for other shoes
- flowers
- cake design and flavors
- printing & assembling invites
- favors
- meet with officiant
- settle with DJ/MC (iPod?!)

Chinese information

In working on the Chinese part of the invitation wording, someone passed this along to me. I think it's the standard traditional wording (do Chinese ppl ever dare to break tradition?).

She also sent other wedding-related links from what appears to be Hong Kong sites.

• Wedding.esdlife.com is like a Chinese version of The Knot. It has an English site but it's not as loaded with info as their Chinese counterpart so if you know someone who can translate for you (or if you can read Chinese), it's worth a look. Also, you have to keep in mind that the price estimates are off b/c it's not an American site but I thought that general stuff, like the info about the traditions was helpful.
• i-Wedding Club is all Chinese, but I was able to glean some info thanks to the rudimentary Chinese classes in college.

There is also my old standby, Good Luck Life, by Rosemary Gong. The book's site has some useful/interesting tidbits but I'd definitely recommend reading the full book -- it not only helps to explain wedding traditions but also other Chinese holidays and special occasions (like what to do for a baby's one-month celebration).

And I just learned of China Bridal from Weddingbee, which I'll have to investigate tomorrow.

Secret engagements

And just like that, I got invited to another wedding. Normally this wouldn't be worth noting except that we found out about this potential wedding/engagement just a few weeks ago and the wedding is in July. Talk about a short engagement! And the couple has only been dating for less than a year. I don't see what the rush is about and I don't know why it has to be before my wedding when we got engaged way before they did. Unless she is preg-o?? And b/c they are related (or future ILs for me), I don't appreciate the secrecy of their engagement either (we found out about it through the grapevine. If their union is to be a joyous occasion, why the clandestineness?

On a related note of idiocy, the invite is addressed to just me b/c fiance is still considered a child by Chinese standards b/c he's unmarried so he's (implicitly) included on his parents' invite. While that saves on the invites being sent out (the Western way is to send a separate invite to anyone over the age of 18), I think it really shows how constricting Chinese families, or their views on relationships, can be.

But going back to how ppl like to keep their engagements secret, there was big drama a few weeks ago related to my cousin who's getting married a month after me (again, ppl raining in on MY parade! :D Haha, I say that only with half-truth b/c there will always be ppl to remind me which anniversary we're on.). The first hullabaloo was related to how his wedding is so close to mine -- there is some Chinese belief about not attending another wedding within a month of yours b/c it's bad luck or something. I have yet to understand this outlandish thought (any insight into this would be appreciated) but thank God the misunderstanding was cleared up and his wedding is a few days more than a month after mine. The second drama is why keep it a secret? For once, my mother said I did something right by consulting elders for choosing the right date (even though I really didn't want to, but fiance thought we should be 'obedient' in that way). My entire family knows about my wedding b/c my parents did eventually call to announce the good news to everyone whereas we found out about this cousin's wedding when an aunt dragged it out of his mother when she noticed that they were making weird plans at a restaurant. But I really wonder if not spreading the news is a common Chinese thing b/c I think my parents kept quiet about it for a few weeks at first whereas I told my close friends almost immediately. And when word got back to my mother through one of my friends' parent, she was surprised (maybe even a little upset) about my friend and her parent knowing. What's the logic behind that?

'Professional' facials

I finally got my Spa Week treatment today at Euphoria Spa. My appointment was postponed for weeks b/c they had a flood back in April when there was a lot of rain. On the continuum of facials, this one falls about the middle. The best (and most expensive) facial I've ever had was at Bliss Spa in SoHo. You start off with a full spread of snacks: brownies, cookies, cheese and crackers, lemon and cucumber water, red and white wine, grapes, strawberries, and other fruits. The bathroom and locker room is stocked with all sorts of health and beauty aids (kinda like those bathroom baskets that ppl create for weddings), including their own lotions and soaps. You get a customized facial, complete with a wonderful massage of the neck, shoulders, decollete, and arms, down to the fingers. It was soooo relaxing and blissful. The massage bed was also warmed and so comfortable that I almost fell asleep. Afterwards, my skin was so smooth and clean and I didn't have a pimple for the next few months. But alas, I can't afford Bliss (the tip I left there was equivalent to how much I paid for the facial today). On the other end of the facial spectrum is the facial at a Chinatown shop. Often they will try to sell you packages (if you pay for 10 treatments, each one will turn out to be about $30 for the low-end). On top of that, I've had experiences where the ppl will denigrate you thinking that this is a way for you to add on more expensive treatments. Sometimes the treatments will be OK, sometimes bad, and I often look like a wreck afterwards and I'll still break out. Also, needless to say, there are no freebies (drinks are not usually offered either). However, they don't make you strip (something I never understood the need for when you're just getting a facial) and you can keep all your stuff with you in the room instead of locking it away in a locker.

Today's facial was slightly better than the Ctown ones but way below the Bliss one. There was no first-class service (just water or tea at the end, and served in a plastic goblet) but everyone was very nice and no hard selling. Because this was a Spa Week special, the treatment was just 45 minutes long (it is usually 60 minutes and costs about $300). It started out with an antibacterial cleansing and then a bunch of other stuff she swiped all over my skin. Then came the painful (but necessary) part -- the extractions. She was a lot more gentle than other places I've been to but I think she just uses her fingers and not that tool with the metal loop and needle on either end. She also said that the gunk was coming out pretty easy and she didn't do many extractions. I don't know if that's b/c of the time limit or if I really have fewer clogged pores nowadays. I'm not sure whether there was any microdermabrasion but something was tingly at one point.

Then the best part -- called a microablation. She said this method used to be used (still continues to be used? don't remember) in hospitals to hydrate an area. In fact, she had to hook up a bag connected to a tube, much like what you see in hospitals. What it is a saline solution sprayed on your skin, "conducting a plasma field to the dermis." This supposedly reduces acne, tightens and brightens skin, and does a bunch of other stuff. It was a really weird sensation b/c there's quite a bit of water coming at you through this wand thingy and every once in a while you feel a zap (a bit like static electricity). There was enough water that she had to wrap a thick towel around my head and every so often mop up the water off my face. This was kinda refreshing but it ended all too soon. Then she gave me a quick massage (not a very good one), slapped on some moisturizer and lip balm and that was it. I was not crazy about the lip balm (I hate it when it's applied sloppily b/c it gets all over the place and it feels so greasy) but afterwards she was good enough to show me all the stuff she did for me (extractions here and there, pimples in random places). She also pointed out that I touched my face as I was coming out (I'm not very conscious of that, hence all the pimples) which I really need to stop. Another thing I learned was that all my water drinking pays off -- she could tell from my skin that I am a "water drinker."

Perhaps I would've raved about this place if I got a full treatment (instead of the special, which felt incomplete) but the overall experience was not bad. I like that the owner is just starting out (she opened the place a few years ago) and I think she does all the treatments herself so it is very personal service. That can also be a drawback though, b/c she talked quite a bit. I'm not a fan of talking during facials (how can you even talk as your face is being smushed back and forth?) but I guess it can get really boring for the facialist. Anyway, the spa was recommended by my dermatalogist (the owner is a patient of his, I think) and when she learned that, she was so happy. Consequently I think she treated me a little better than she would have otherwise (or maybe I just imagined it). But I think I have to see how my skin holds up and whether I break out in the coming days to really decide whether I'd go back or not.

All this talk of facials reminds me of my recent visit to Amy's Salon on Pell Street in Ctown. I was in bad need of a trim and my friend thought they did a good job on her. The only downfall is that they really try to sell you a lot of stuff (like highlights or perms when you go in just for a haircut). The owner said that she can be a one-stop shop on my wedding day -- she does hair as well as makeup. I'm not sure about the makeup part but she seemed very confident about doing hair. I really liked my haircut (she pointed out what was wrong w/ it and I could see what she was talking about, not just some fiction she made up) and she explained how she designs hairstyles based on your features and it's like art for her, where she fashions it for you all in her mind w/o having to look at any pictures or anything. And unlike all the other things she kept trying to sell me, she said it wouldn't be necessary to do a hair trial with her b/c she'll do it well the day of and I can save my money. But I digress. The relevance to facials is that she also does facials. And despite my bashing of Ctown facials above, I am a bit tempted to try hers out. She said that there's some serum that would use that would totally change my skin type so that it's less oily and less prone to break out. Back in college, someone told me she used to have terrible acne on her forehead and she went for a few facials somewhere in Ctown and now her skin is perfect -- I wonder if this is the place she went to. But aside from all the wonderful promises of the treatments, I am wont to believe Amy b/c I got the feeling that she was telling the truth (even though she was trying to sell stuff, she didn't try to sell me stuff I didn't need). I also find truth in her statement about cheaper places that don't customize the facial to you -- they just do a simple exfolation or something -- and that's why it's so cheap (which has been my experience). The package (a lot more expensive than other Ctown places) would include hand treatments as well (she may have said eye, it got lost in the translation for me). So ends this rambling facial post (I am exhausted from running around trying to find the spa today -- it's in a location that I'm not very familiar with and Google Maps completely misled me -- so this may not be completely coherent).

Choose your battle: the invitation

After months of contemplation, design, and tweaks here and there, I still can NOT say that the invitations are done or even close to being done. We're not even at the assembly stage! Nope, we're hung up on the invitation wording! Those who know me know that I like to be unique -- I hate cliches, blending in with everyone, following stereotypes, etc. And since words are my thing, I really wanted our invitations to be worded differently. Instead of the traditional "Mr. & Mrs. ____ request the honor of your presence" I made a simple change of "J___ & R___ together with their parents, Mr. & Mrs. ____" because it was different and I thought that we were primarily hosting (i.e. paying for) the event (which I also later learned is what the Knot suggested for situations where everyone pitches in, which isn't exactly the case for us but close enough). However, the outlaws thought differently and told me that's not how it is done traditionally with Chinese ppl (ironic, since these words are NOT in Chinese) but that no matter what, the parents' names should come before the children's, even if the kids are hosting it. Fiance later told me that that is their way of saying it is borderline insulting and that b/c that's what everyone does, they think it can't be any other way (nothing like other ppl's judgements to shame you into behaving like lemmings). So I tried the various permutations: "Mr. & Mrs. ____ together with their children J___ & R____ request the honor of your presence at their marriage" (sounds like the parents are getting married) or "Mr. & Mrs. ____ together with their children request the honor of your presence at the marriage of J___ & R___" (close, but not quite clear that we are, in fact, the "children" being referenced). I can think of no compromise here (any thoughts before Friday, the day we go to print, would be helpful!!) -- there is just no way to add "together with their children" after our parents' names w/o it sounding weird. So as of now, we are stuck with the traditional wording with the parents' names first, with no mention of us also inviting ppl to our wedding.

And that's not the whole story -- the battle began earlier with the RSVP. First of all, I'm not getting the postcard RSVPs that I've always wanted and always thought to be the next coolest trend. They found it tacky and insulting b/c ppl would think we're too cheap to pay the full postage, that ppl would not want others to read what's on the postcard (b/c there are such deep secrets enclosed within postcards), etc. Besides that, they had issue with the wording "__ of # will be attending." I purposely chose this wording b/c I know that there are ppl out there who think that receiving an invitation means that they can bring their entire extended family and of course, give a meager $20 gift. The outlaws and my parents think that this will never happen (I know it happens b/c ppl who recently got married told me and I know of ppl who do this). And the old standby, they thought this wording was insulting b/c it limits ppl (hello?! that is the whole point!!); my mother went so far as to say you want to celebrate so the more ppl who come, the better (yeah and their seats will magically fit inside the restaurant and be magically paid for). Have you noticed how everything they have objection with is b/c it is "insulting"? Ppl have to stop playing the victim, stop being so concerned about "saving face" (if there was any to lose in this instance), stop finding reasons to be insulted -- they just need to stop. And the objections to the RSVP didn't stop there. The details are now blurry, but I remember instances of FFIL picking out little things he misinterpreted as being grammatically correct. Just in case you ever wanted to try, there's just no way to explain the rules of English grammar and to reconcile that with Chinese "etiquette"/logic.

All this(!), to say, I'm not getting the words I wanted and as a co-worker said, this battle is not worth it. She thinks this is petty and that invitations are such a minor part of the wedding and ppl just look at it twice (unless you're me, I peruse and peruse, picking out flaws to amuse myself with) before they rip it up and throw it away. Gee, thanks. That kinda makes me feel better.